Bipolar check-in #48

Also wishing happy birthday to members scatterbrained and swimmingly!

Right now we have no electricity. I mean 2020 and the electricity goes out because of a normal rain storm?!?! Limited work from home if this continues.

Went out for a walk in the rain last night with no umbrellas. It was kind of fun, but we were wet, indeed. I sang "Singing In the Rain" along the way. My voice seemed to sound good. Perhaps only because of my rosy feeling. The rain has cooled the temps, which is nice.

Yesterday was the first day of my new fitness and weight loss journey. I did great. I already have all of my meals and snacks pre planned for today.

I’m still in pain. I didn’t sleep much last night. About 2.5 hours. I’ve just had a pack of pop tarts since Tuesday night. But I think I can make it to my doctors appointment tomorrow morning. I ordered a 2 story haunted house cat tree yesterday from Target. I hope it wasn’t one of those fever dream like buys that I’ll regret. I hope my cats like it.

Yeah... you're right. I just have been feeling so damn good these past couple weeks and I don't want to let it go, but it's going whether I'm on meds or not just a matter of how it's going to leave.

Got a new job delivering food. They're doing a background check right now! This is going to be so much better than screaming at people to put their phones away all day!

Hang in there, MD.

Yeah. Increased the lithium. Just have to be careful. Stay in. Not fire off crazy emails. Not do something to attract police attention. I live downtown and as everyone knows, we have tons of pissed off federal cops here who are not even from here. Arresting people for no cause and tear gassing the mayor's face. Gotta go to pharmacy today, but, I can do it. I still have insight.

Thanks for the support. Main thing for me is to stay connected to you guys and pdoc and stay home.

Hugs

I’ve given myself something else to focus on. It’s a nice change from the constant crap I’ve been dealing with. It’s a distraction and a healthy one at that. In the end, I call this a win.

I wish I could quit my job. I know this may sound petty, but my boss and a few people are just being downright mean to me today. They're annoyed that I messed up on a few things, and I get it... I messed up... but then I tried to apologize and they shutdown the conversation. So they don't even want an apology. It wasn't like I screwed up big things either. Just tiny details that I messed up on and then... this, the apology. I wasn't arguing with them at all, but they just got pissed and wouldn't let me apologize.

I had already thought of quitting my job earlier, but was flip flopping on the idea... but this kind of solidifies my decision that I want to leave. I don't get why they're doing this to me, but whatever. I'm not even going to attempt to understand their behavior toward me because it's just not worth my time and not worth the stress. I'll just update my resume and start applying for more jobs in the meantime. It's just difficult to find new jobs in this economy.

Sending support your way. You're incredibly strong. Keep your intent right and it will guide you.

Ive taken in it the past and it worked well , I did have to take Cogentin with it, After a couple months my Pdoc said to go to every other day as half life plays into how meds work and then we did every 3 days and it worked well, But as I said I did need Cogentin to take it.

How are you doing ?

I'm so sorry this happened..

I think covid has people just acting like rude jerks, Working from home seems to let people be ridiclous.. like Facebook online warriors ..

My daughter who works from home is on vacation this week but she HAD to get online for a stupid staff meeting today and it was all Nonsense and the owner being a Bytch.. Shes a Scientologist and truly believes that sunlight , and vitamins will cure covid no problem, Thankfully her right hand VP has pushed her to allow work from home ... Its all just stupid

I hope tomorrow is a much better day

I think she is ordering 10mg po bid.
so far I have not heard from the pharmacy about any orders called in.
and I just now called the pharm to see if they were called in today and
they were not. the office is closed on fridays. She had said something about
calling in 10mg of haldol. maybe she meant at the other pharmacy, it

was called in. rats I don't know when I will find out about my dose.
right now I just have 5mg that I take at night. I will have to wait

until monday to find out what happened to my haldol RX.
I could call the other pharm tomorrow to see if they have the order.
so that is what I will do.

bizi

I am so sorry, blue. Hugs and love, whatever u decide.

I used to take 15mg of Haldol

Well I have decided to go back on my psych meds.. I honestly do not think they will help, but I am ready to shatter.

I will call my pdocs Nurse Jane and tell her I just forgot my lamictal for a week with Steve being so sick and have to start over.. I can not just hop back on 300xr mg a day.

As for Latuda I have the 80's they are not a med that can be cut, So I will just take it, I seriously doubt it will be a problem. The Doxepin is 50mg, I use to take 100mg a night in hopes that it will help me sleep so no problem there.

I honestly hope I will just be a zombie for a few weeks but I seriously doubt that will happen as meds in general never cause me sedation anyway.

I am going to take Ambien 10mg nightly along with some Xanax and maybe some Doxy too.... Ambien offering me sleep wont last long anyway so the hell with it I just dont care if it poops out quickly.

Stick a fork in me I am done

Thank you so much for being here for me, fern. Don't know--well, just thanks.

I am so proud to know you. You are granite. I hope you rest tonight. Hugs and love!!!

I developed a slight temp yesterday afternoon. Pain was enormous. I went to the ER. Doctor said I really needed to go. Said the meds I had been taking from immediate care were not going to help. I had to have a procedure done that resulted in the worst pain of my life. I had to get novocaine somewhere. And when you get novocaine in that area, your gonna have a bad time. Novocaine still didn’t help. I was freaking out during the procedure. Nurse was halfway holding me down. Doctor kept saying it was almost over. Still managing not to scream though. After it my blood pressure dropped really low. Doctor said it was my body’s reaction to the severe stress the procedure caused me. Now I’m not feeling too much pain. He wanted to prescribe me tramadal for the pain but decided against it and prescribed narcol. I told myself a few years ago I’d never touch pain meds no matter how bad things got because I honestly can’t say I won’t have an issue with them. But I think Tylenol will be ok. Right now I’m doing ok just still a bit shaken by the procedure. I still have my other doctors appointment tomorrow. Hopefully it won’t be too bad.

Hope u can begin to heal now.

Well, other than the day of my baptism and the births of my two precious children, yesterday was probably the most important and earth-shattering day of my life
Very long story. Suffice it to say that I have learned that my brain is much, much sicker than we ever recognized. It is quite literally a miracle.

Hugs and love to all!!

I showered today, so that's me hurting all day

I didn't even do my nails today. i was going too, but I had been through enough pain with the shower

So I bought some groceries for the week to help me eat healthier. If you’re following the diet thread, you already know I’m doing healthier alternatives, not necessarily the best for me. I bought things I know I can enjoy— Cheerios and skim milk is perfectly fine for breakfast. I know lots of people don’t like regular cheerios but I prefer them. I bought some fruits (strawberries and blueberries) and nonfat yogurt, great value beef sticks that are better for you than slim Jim’s believe it or not, some chicken breasts, and lean cuisine and smart one meals just to get me through until I can plan out some meals for myself. And the staples — eggs, stuff to make salads (to introduce me to vegetables lol) and stuff like that.

Coke/Pepsi zero sugar will be a lifesaver — when I crave a soda I don’t have to feel guilty about it. Soda has always been my downfall. Coke Zero sugar has been reformulated and revamped from its previous “coke zero” label. Let me tell you; as a big soda drinker it’s almost like the original with only a hint of that aspartame taste. Pepsi has an aftertaste or aspertame but is still very good. (I bought both to try and see which I liked more). So there is my saving grace.

So, for someone who ate out 6-7 times a week and drank more sodas a day than he would like to admit.... this is a radical change towards better eating habits. It’s not the best and I know there are some empty calorie snacks involved but overall I’m making progress. I’m going in the right direction; it may not be the best, but it’s much better than before. I’m just looking to keep off the weight I lost by eating healthier. It’s not about losing weight or counting calories or fat or carbs— I’m conscious of that, but there’s not hard and fast rule for me there. A conversion from fast food to less , non processed food is enough to make me lose weight no matter what I eat. Haha. I’m happy to find better things with less sugar to keep my beer gut from developing again and limit carbs for the same reason. No reason I can’t have bread or pasta, just not everyday or not a whole lot: Anyway, I don’t mean to go on and on, just when I start something new I get passionate to share it:

So I made a music playlist which I call “let’s process it then”. It’s a list of songs that have personally touched me and I relate to that deal with a lot of my issues. Right now I’m having to work through trauma from 20+ years ago because of repressed memories. Bad timing, brain. But I can’t just avoid it. Litttle by little everyday. Express some emotion, listen to music, write a little ... but move forward.

Not a lot going on here. Enjoying my days off, and I’ll do some light cleaning and finally clear my car of and bring in all my stuff. It’s about time, right? Haha

I’m making life changes. Moved to a city, faced a lot of my fears, making healthier eating habits, loving how I look and it makes me feel good. I’m on track to really be living the life I’ve always wanted for myself— one built on my wants, not proximity and convenience. I have to take the good from all this. It’s a question I ask myself — where am I going? Am I on track to bring me something positive or am I stuck, or worse going backwards.? Right now, I don’t have the ability or run, skip or jump through my life... but I’m walking, slowly, but walking towards the goal That makes me happy.

I have a different virus.
La bruja is not working waiting for a test result.
She doesn't have anything but a stomach virus.
She has been in the house for a week and no test result yet.
And has me doing a lot of work around the house.
I have two allergies: penicillin and work.

Cheers.

I have a little nagging headache today, but otherwise feel fine. Last night there was one wicked rain storm with lots of lightning. It doesn't scare me, but it was quite notable.

Ever since a minor medication adjustment, my mood has improved and I have a bit more energy and motivation. I feel quite positive and amazingly grounded. I also have virtually no anxiety or agitation today. It's almost like "Wow!" I can safely say that I feel about as true baseline as I can even remember. No hypomania signs at all.

I miss my cat. He's been gone a week now. It feels like yesterday and a month ago that I was holding him at the end of his life. He's supposed to be on the back of the couch while I write this and he's...not. His sister is becoming much more attached to me and that's great but she is also a little lost. They were never apart for more than a few hours in their entire lives.

I've actually cried tonight. I've not done much of that since it happened. I usually can't cry much without my therapist guiding me through it and of course this week I cancelled my appointment for the first time in so long I can't remember and then I couldn't get in later.

I'm scared of my therapy appointment because I'm afraid he won't let me just deal with Charlie but will try to tie it to the terminal illness of a family member. I think my therapist thinks I'm in a denial more than I am about that situation and I know that there are connections in this grief and how much worse that grief will be but I am not ready for that yet. For now I just need help saying good-bye to Charlie.

I think I need to play with my Abby cat for a while. She's had a hard evening too and my crying didn't help her.