Bipolar check-in #48

MA, that dinner sounds delicious! I'm happy for you

Thanx for reaching out, Beth. Really appreciate it. Yeah, no S risk at all, thanks. Přomised God and pdoc would never try again and keeping to that.
Not that He apparently cares anymore about me. Oh well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist Thanx for reaching out, Beth. Really appreciate it. Yeah, no S risk at all, thanks. Přomised God and pdoc would never try again and keeping to that. Not that He apparently cares anymore about me. Oh well.

I'm so glad that you are feeling safe.


My next concern is this...since you're having a manic episode right now, is there anything you can do to stabilize yourself?

Also, please speak out if there's something you need from me/us. Please take care of yourself. You give so much to this forum.

I'm feeling that I was just raked over the coals by some people. We're all on this forum to learn how to be our better selves (hopefully that's a goal), so I'm doing my best not to personalize what I feel is an attack.


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Okay, I am proud of myself because I walked away from a confrontation and set a healthy boundary by taking care of myself. Again - others' anger is not about me, but I have the right, and the ability, to protect myself from being triggered.

today I feel a bit sick.

nothing serious. honestly: I think it's because my hair is going in my mouth (lol, I know, I need to actually get off my backside and do something) again though: another day of very little motivation

nothing but eat dinner later. that's the day

I was really anxious last night and still am. I just worry that something bad is going to happen and I don't know what it will be. Needless to say, I had a hard time sleeping.

I don't have any klonopin with me because I am not at my apartment. Now I am just freaking out with anxiety. I can't wait to get back to my place so I can pop a klonopin.

Thanks again. Yeah. We turned up my lithium and may add Depakote today. Said we would see how I go
I feel better tight now after sleeping. Thanks again so much for supporting me. Really grateful to you.

Deep breathing might help, blue. Did u try it yet?

blue

I agree that deep breathing might help. I often have horrible anxiety and it sometimes helps. I hope you feel better soon!

Unfortunately, deep breathing doesn't work. I just sense something is not right. I feel like I might be getting stalked by a supernatural presence. I can physically sense an energy.

Every time I ask my therapist for advice on anxiety, she just calls my pdoc and then he keeps adding meds or increasing doses, rather than teaching me coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle Unfortunately, deep breathing doesn't work. I just sense something is not right. I feel like I might be getting stalked by a supernatural presence. I can physically sense an energy. Every time I ask my therapist for advice on anxiety, she just calls my pdoc and then he keeps adding meds or increasing doses, rather than teaching me coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety.

I'm sorry that you're having that feeling of something being not right, blue. I think I know just how that feels...miserable.

Would you be able to ask your therapist for some skills that might help you cope with anxiety? I believe that medication plays an extremely important role in lessening anxiety. That said, coping skills can be so helpful - especially when meds have anxious thoughts calmed down somewhat.

A walk or the bike?

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist Thanks again. Yeah. We turned up my lithium and may add Depakote today. Said we would see how I go I feel better tight now after sleeping. Thanks again so much for supporting me. Really grateful to you.

I'm so glad that you have meds on hand and I hope they offer you much-needed relief. Please keep an update going today, if you're okay with doing so.


And you're welcome

Feeling much less hopeless after 26 miles on the bike at dawn. Couple pics. Thanks so much again to Beth for her kindness and sensitivity when I was really hurting. Just love you guys so.

Wildflowers on Springwater Corridor trail and a couple of our 20-something bridges here.

I'm happy to hear this update. You've had some rough revelations. I hope the daylight brings you a bit of peace and rest today for your weary mind.

Beautiful photos! I'm glad you got to enjoy a peaceful part of the morning. I see you are from Portland. I've been to both Portland, Oregon and Portland, Maine. Beautiful cities! Or if a different Portland, the environment you photographed is also beautiful!

I’m feeling fine now. I’ve been resting all weekend and I think I’m going to go do my weekly outings tomorrow. Once a week I go out to a store or 2. Just to do whatever I feel like I’m able to do. My therapist says it’s ok to go out more often with social distancing and masks etc, but I am just very hesitant. Although I have been told I am taking things to the extreme only going out to stores once a week and I am just avoiding and developing agoraphobia.

bpc, I'm so happy that you enjoyed your ride! Yay!

What a treat to see the photos you took. It's been many years since I've been to Portland. Those wildflowers are so pretty, and the sunset...I love sunsets because they're calming and exciting all in one.

thanks for the replies. I am going to try to do some of those things, like talking to my therapist.

Unfortunately, my day just got worse...

It's my grandma's birthday celebration (her birthday was Tuesday). My mom and I wanted to give my grandma a slice of cake to take home along with other leftovers, so I said I would help. Then my sister immediately said, "SHUT UP. NO, I AM DOING IT. IT'S MY JOB," and she became aggressive/hostile even though I did nothing other than offer to help pack up leftovers. She started shooing me away with her hands, too.

To make a long story short, she said I was being "disrespectful" because it's obviously "her job" to do it "and it always has been." What the hell??? (She was texting on her phone and clearly "busy" with Instagram, etc..) Then she took the leftovers and shoved them into one tiny container, after I very gently told her to separate the food into different containers. So what did she do? Italian sausage, peppers, onions, strawberries, blueberries, and gravy, all mixed up into a pile of slop. I said that, if anything, is disrespectful. Then she was like, "Who gives a f***? She will eat it." I said to stop swearing in front of grandma and that that's not the point. Then I got triggered and I asked my sister if she herself would eat it that way. Then she told me to shut up, but i pressed her: "answer my question." She wouldn't answer and then told me to "f*** off" in front of our grandma. (She squishes her food all the time and thinks it's perfectly okay. )

Is it really that hard to be respectful to people and to the food they eat? I mean, the chicken was literally on top of the blueberries and mashed up because the container was small and she squished it shut. Why???

My sister is an incredibly selfish, horrible, disrespectful person. Ughhhh... She is such a b**** toward me. She is such an entitled brat, but my therapist said (in the past) that you typically want to handle the b**chy behavior at a younger age because it's harder to correct when the person is older and used to getting their way and getting everything they want. I think that is very true because my sister has only gotten worse.

“disrespectful” hmmmm I’m sorry she said that to you blue. Your intentions were pure.

Is she like 14 or something. Ridiculous, petulant, childish conduct. Not you. Her. Cruel to gramma. Sorry.

I agree.. ....

What a hateful thing your sister did, and how upsetting. I'm so sorry, blue

Blue, I think it is great you stood up to her. Where is the rest of the family when this happens? It sounds like they stand by and watch this abuse going down. That makes it ok in your sister's eyes. They aren't doing her or you or themselves any favors by allowing this sort of behavior. Our families can be our greatest mirrors and teachers and a huge opportunity is wasted every time they stand by...

My Grandma would have called her to the floor. My mom would have kicked her out. My Dad would have done one of those intimidating Dad yells.... Where are those forces in her life? Crap like this only goes down if it is allowed.

I’m sorry about your sister’s behavior blue. It’s unnecessarily cruel.

I’m hoping work goes by quickly tonight. I got nothing done in my days off and being back here on my “Monday” is hard. I gotta push through though. I need money.

MarcusAurelius