Bipolar check-in #48

Hi wildflowerchild. We just got our electricity back about 10:20 pm, much sooner than expected. Thank goodness! Maybe we haven't yet lost many things in our fridge.

Do you have your electricity yet? If so, about what time? I need to check on my family living elsewhere that was also affected. They said there were tornadoes in Cape May area.

Our neighbor had a big tree fall, too. Right across their driveway and their neighbor's. I don't think any cars were affected. Trees down all over the place. It's so odd. I heard the storm, but it didn't sound as bad as it turned out to be. When I went out and saw the results, I was like... "What the heck happened here?!?!" Life on the east coast! At least it wasn't another Sandy!

I sleep through such hullabaloos all of the time, at night. At least it was during the day. My poor husband has to work tomorrow after all, I guess.

I have a video appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. Might be a phone call only.

That sucks! At least you have a generator. We're not allowed to by our homeowners association. I did hear some running nearby, though.

Luckily we're back up and running. I think sooner than many after this storm.

Really enjoying music tonight. Just listening to a local radio station. Nice to have some pleasure. The day was grim tho i did go in a ZOOM mental health drop-in and saw an old friend. It sure is humbling seeing myself on ZOOM. I'm just not very attractive. Better that i know tho so i can dismiss any futile thoughts of romance. Oh well, i told a joke and i was the only one who did. My old friend laughed.

Everyday, one day closer to Fall hypomania!

Hugs to all who need them!

What a beautifully intense piece! It looks like a wonderful project. I wish I could paint, but I suck at it.

Woke up at 3am. Probably going to head into work early since I'm already up. We've been short staffed, so I've had extra work on my plate. I did get a small bonus for some of the overtime I've been working. I'm still enjoying being mostly stable. I am just trying to keep the stress of work from pushing me hypomanic. My pdoc gave me trazodone and klonopin to use to try to help me get to sleep. So far it seems to be helping. I had been having a lot of nights were I was either anxious or very restless, and it was taking me hours to fall asleep.

Got approval from my boss to buy 2 light therapy lamps for my 2 desks in the office. The lighting is crap where I sit. I find light and dark affect me a lot. Trying to get them ahead of change in weather. My pdoc had recommended it awhile back.

Again feeling really mellow today. Really tired though. Woke up at 7am which is unlike me and was dosing until 9am. Now had breakfast and chilling out

Nope no power. Trying to sleep last night was miserable in the heat, and it wasn’t even THAT hot! Power company is supposed to come out and observe the situation at 12pm. If the website is to be believed they don’t estimate a restoration until AUGUST 10. I doubt it’ll be that long though. I think they’ll change it once they actually see the damage.

However, it is entirely possible that we won’t have power overnight again. If that’s the case I’m going to suggest to RS that we spend the night in a motel. It’s supposed to be much hotter today.

I’m also going to call up my grandma and see if she has any extra freezer space. I really don’t want to lose all the meat. It’s expensive.

currently feeling quite angry.

J ust got an email containing the outcome of my most recent complaint to my team

wow. the way they handle complaints is like.... sooooo bad. I may as well have just got off the phone to my door.

That's horrible, wildflowerchild! I do agree with you, though, that August 10 is likely a worst case scenario estimate. You'll surely have power well before then. When my husband called for the estimate they said today at 12 noon, but as I wrote, it was far sooner. Lights go on and it's like "Yay!!!!"

Our house was getting hot yesterday, too. I asked my husband if he thinks that was worse than when we lost power in the dead of a some nasty cold winter. It's hard to know. What is your view on this?

I'm afraid that you will surely lose some food. I think our freezers were OK, but the yogurt and milk will likely spoil quicker than usual. I did give my husband some yogurt this morning, and I tasted the milk and it was OK. I have a blender in the fridge full of banana yogurt mixture I made in order to make frozen yogurt. It smells off. I'm going to dump it all.

My sister and brother also have power again, They live near New Hope, PA, if you know where that is.

Yes, bird dancer, it’s definitely too late for all the dairy I have. I’m going to chuck it. The fridge is still somewhat cold but I don’t trust it.

As for hot vs cold, I’m not sure. I absolutely hate the cold and am very intolerant to it, but at least if it’s cold you can bundle up in sweats, coats, blankets, etc. you can only take so many clothes off to relieve the heat lol.

I'm so afraid that fall and winter will bring a resurgence of the covid madness and that I will lose access to my therapist again. I haven't even recovered from last time yet, I'm not stable at all. I'm afraid if it happens again I will spin out of control like last time and be all alone in hell again. I don't know how I'm going to survive that. I'm going crazy just thinking about it.

If I am honest, yes, fall and winter will most likely cause a huge spike in coronavirus numbers. It's only natural. However, I think it is important to remember that we, ourselves, have some control over the situation. We can wear masks, practice social distancing, sanitize properly, etc.. We can also actively take steps to ensure we are in the best financial and social positions we can be, should the situation completely spiral out of control. At the same time, we cannot make every person respect others' health because there will always be people who don't care no matter what people say to them or no matter what happens to them. Because of this, we should not focus on what others are doing (or not doing) -- as trends have showed many people don't follow guidelines or even mask mandates -- and instead focus on what we humanly can do to best protect ourselves on different levels.

It is very easy to slide into a downward spiral worrying about the virus, especially when we focus on how it *could* physically, emotionally, financially, and socially impact us. There are a lot of "what ifs" we can ask ourselves. I am not dismissing your concerns at all, but all I am trying to say is that we should focus on ourselves and what we can do in *this moment*. So live in the moment, not the future. We can plan for the future by assessing the current trends, but we do not know what the future will hold, so we can go deep into the rabbit hole if we're always worrying about possible scenarios.

If you have ever heard of Dr Mike (he is a doctor with a large YouTube channel), his phrase is "be alert, not anxious." I think that has helped me.

Thanks, yeah I think it's important to do all we ourselves can do to prepare. I think I'm pretty well prepared financially, socially, etc., so that doesn't really worry me.

What worries me is that I might not be able to see my therapist anymore for another long time. I know from last time that teletherapy does nothing for me. I really can't cope without seeing her at least once a week, especially when I'm this unstable. If I suddenly lose access to therapy again for who knows how long, there's no way I'm not going to spiral out of control again. I don't want to live that nightmare again, especially when I'm not even over last time yet.

The only hope I have is that as a country we're better prepared this time and the countermeasures won't have to be as drastic... I think it's inhumane to deny mental health patients access to proper help like that, I really do. I can't tell you how angry and sad I am about it. They basically just left me to rot for months.

Feeling optimistic. Will join a new group which will lead to a new pdoc.

My pain was bad enough last night to wake me up. I tried lying to myself and saying I woke up because I was thirsty. But I couldn't drink any water. Today I’ve realized that I’ve lost 4 pounds in a week without trying. I’m just trying to ignore everything. I have my doctors appointment on Friday. I’ve been feeling off and on under the weather. I’m just trying not to let this stress me out.

@FluffyDinosaur
please just try to take it easy on yourself. Distractions can help with over whelming things.I don't watch the news, read escapism books or look thru magazines, jig saw puzzle any thing that you can think of to make it thru the day. remember one day at a time....
bizi

Hugs, MD!!!!

Sleeping my life away. Mood not terrible at the moment. Like Soupe suggested, maybe it won't last super long. I've done this so many times.

Power! It was t supposed to come back on until tomorrow. They’re not even done taking the tree off the lines. Power company guy seems confused as to why the wires are still down but the power is back on. I don’t care! Sweet, sweet AC!

Quote:

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur ... I think it's inhumane to deny mental health patients access to proper help like that, I really do. I can't tell you how angry and sad I am about it. They basically just left me to rot for months.

I agree. I, too, think it's inhumane. Since March, I've had to do telehealth with both my pdoc and therapist. I'm doing the telehealth, but it is certainly far from ideal. The message to me is (as usual) mental health isn't really a serious problem.

I can think of some ways that therapy in person could be done while keeping both therapist and client safe, but it would take an investment of time and money.

Ugggghhhh. So I've been inside of my apartment since achilles surgery on 5/28, except for 2 times when I had doctor's appointments. I've been doing well with being inside all of the time, but just lately I've been feeling a bit down. I need to be outside some and see something besides the inside of my apartment.

Our beautiful library is 1 1/2 blocks from my home. They're doing curbside pick-up and a book I'd ordered came in. I decided I would take the plunge, try a short walk. Put on my walking boot and off I went with my library card, 2 books to return, my key, and my mask.

It's a gorgeous summer day and the walk over was lovely. It felt incredible to walk without pain! I reached the curbside pick-up spot and- I'd forgotten my phone I felt like screaming!

Turned around and walked back home and, by that time my leg was feeling sore. So, no book, but at least I did have a really encouraging little walk.

Hopefully my husband will be able to pick up the book for me before the library closes.

I'm still exercising but i don't feel any different.

I got a Fitbit to help me track my activity and sleep. It's pretty good. I set some activity goals and try to stick to them. I'm hoping all this activity will help with the depression I'm experiencing.

I increase my Wellbutrin in a few days but I don't think it'll help with the depression. I was on the higher dose before and was still depressed, but it did help to reduce the body pains.

Here I am. I straightened the kitchen and livingroom today. I went to the store. (But I forgot to get milk!) So I feel I was productive today.

Every year, we have to have an anual inspection of the apartment. Its usually in August but I hadn't gotten any notice which I thought was weird. So they called today to say that they are doing the inspection over the phone this year! How can you do that? BUT, she asked if I had any problems and I told her about the shower not draining properly and she said they'd have someone come to make sure it had been fixed??? How can they not come because of the virus but come to check on the drain?

It takes ages to get this place spic and span for the inspection, so I've started straightening and cleaning. The original inspection date was supposed to be next week! But they always give about a month's notice before they come. Today was the first I'd heard of it this year. So tomorrow, I must continue cleaning. N3 has two rooms full of junk PLUS his bathroom to clean and I told him he has to do it very soon. Partly because I'm afraid they'll still look around when they come to check on the drain, but also just to get it picked up in general. Its just STUFF! I could just throw it all in garbage bags but N3 really needs to sort through it.

I slept in today. Meh. I was so proud of myself yesterday for getting up at 10!

I made liver and onions tonight. I cooked it well- fried it in flour and raw egg. It was pretty good. I heard it has lots of vitamins and other nutrients. I don't think its my new favorite thing but it was ok .

Did your husband get the book for you? Glad you got out but sorry your leg was protesting and you didnt get your book.

you are wise beyond your years.

I've watched Dr. Mike's videos. He's pretty cool. Also I like Mama Doctor Jones. She's an OB/GyN and is very funny yet straight to the point when it comes to medical facts. She also seems to know who Dr. Mike is.