Didn’t go so well.

I saw my psychiatrist through telehealth today. All my concerns kind of went out the window. I tried to address some but not all because of fear, so I don’t really blame him for the issue there. However with my mentality and mood I may not even get the medicines I need let alone what he prescribed.

First in for most, I really hate that they’re harping on this PTSD thing. That crap was 20 some years ago, i’ve done all the thinking I want on the subject and I’m doing better. That isn’t to say that I am “cured” or that it doesn’t affect me now, it’s just it’s not as pressing as it was. What is a pressing issue is the fact that I can’t even get out of bed to eat. All I do is sleep and when I’m awake I want to be alone. Can we focus on that? I can already hear the comments of “maybe that’s why you are experiencing those things...” . I had enough wrong with me before and mismanaged medication that I know that my problems are beyond PTSD only. I guess I’m the only one I feel who has that whole picture since it’s a new psychiatrist and a new therapist. For the sake of argument, we can say that PTSD is causing the symptoms, but they’re familiar symptoms that I’ve had well before I had memories. No more severe no less severe.

I tried calling the office to set everything up for the next appointment and make sure that my meds get called in because he asked for my pharmacy number and I didn’t have it on hand. I’m not even sure she understood I was looking for an appointment but she did book me for something, and when I expressed to her what the doctor said about medicine she said she’d leave a message… But didn’t take the phone number and hung up. I’m too tired and stressed and annoyed to care. I’m not calling back today. I may not call back at all. I believe in medicine and I think that it’s helpful but I’m just not in a place where I have the energy to fight to get what I need.

He insists that I take an SSRI with everything else. I’ve never responded well to SSRIs in the past, but that was mono therapy. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and say maybe with the rest in conjunction it may do something for me. He thinks that we’re working with all of the neurotransmitters in the brain except serotonin so let’s try that essentially. He put me on Zoloft, which was the first medicine I ever took and it is associated with weight gain for me but I guess it’s just something I’m gonna have to work through. If it helps me then it helps me.

He decided to take me off Seroquel as an every day medicine and just use it for sleep (or there is a chance he changed his mind into keeping me on it in conjunction with this other medicine) and put me on something I’ve never even heard of (and I’ve done a lot of research into a psychiatric medications). The connection wasn’t the greatest but I do know it started with a P and ended with a Zine. A little guesswork and I think what he was saying is promazine(Sparine) more possible Thorazine. I may never know because my pharmacy will never get my medicines called in.🙄haha don’t quote me on this one— I could be wayyy off base.

It’s just disheartening that I’ve tried so much and nothing helps at least in long-term. I put my work in therapy, I try my hardest In life and I just feel like him up short every time. So that’s where I am.

I’m looking for support in this post. Please do not dog me about medicine adherence, being open with tour doctor, taking care of yourself etc. Absolutely none of that is helpful right now for the way that I feel. I just want to know someone understands that I’m tired and the frustration.

Just to be clear — I take lamictal, Wellbutrin, and seroquel before he’d made changes.

UPDATE: The medication is Prazosin. It’s used to treat PTSD... 😞. Oh well, let’s see how it goes.

I am so sorry, Marcus. How disheartening for you. My first longtime pdoc, rest her sweet soul, was a Freudian who was way too cautious treating my depression. More into talk therapy than meds, really. Best of intentions.

But I needed a med genius. When I transitioned to the new one and he put me on Provigil, she told me she wasn't surprised I felt better, since I was "on speed."

A good fit w the pdoc is essential. Maybe u nd a new one.

Hugs and prayers.

Sorry you didn't get what you needed out of the appointment. There's time to call back whenever you're ready.

I've been brushed aside and not heard before and it is disheartening. I spoke up each time anyway and was still dismissed on occasion. Sometimes it just requires a new doc. Sometimes it requires more effort on our end. You'll find what works in time. Many here have been through the ringer and eventually made their way into a trusting and helpful pdoc partnership. Don't lose hope ok?

I agree with you on the PTSD. Strategically speaking, it may very well be the root cause but that is irrelevant if you are drowning at the moment. Hopefully these med changes will help you enough to come up for air and figure out where you want to go from here. Try to take a break from it all tonight and just let it be. No need to over think it. Hugs.

Thanks for your support. I’m just glad others understand how tiring it is to have to “try out” countless meds and bear side effects and fear the serious ones and if they do work, pray it’ll last but in my case doesn’t seem to happen.

To be quite honest; I’m afraid to take these drugs. I know he’s the psychiatrist and he knows what he is doing but I’m just afraid. First and foremost, I think I gave him the wrong impression about sleep and nightmares when he asked. The Prazosin is for PTSD related nightmares. Side effects are quite scary considering it’s a blood pressure pill. My nightmares and lack of sleep aren’t PTSD related, they’re life related. My bad dreams and nightmares come from my current situation, and failed endeavors. I may be splitting hairs here, but I honestly feel like it’s unnecessary. Nightmares aren’t every night and are kind of sporadic.

Zoloft was a disappointment for me, and it’s hard to shake that feeling. I just feel like I’ll suffer the side effects of weight gain and ED again and for what? That isn’t a fair assessment, with these other meds maybe it’ll help: but it’s hard for me to see it any other way.

Zoloft, celexa, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, Gabapentin, Buspar, Klonopin, Cymbalta, Abilify, Effexor, Paxil, Seroquel — just to name a few trial/errors I’ve been through in 6 years. They’re mostly antidepressants but that’s where my real negative symptoms lie. That’s when we changed course med wise and tried some other types of psychiatric drugs.

Lamictal and Wellbutrin SR I’ve been on for awhile and seemed to do well with the abilify; which he switched to seroquel, which now is out of the equation. I know everyone is just trying to help me get better, but doesn’t it seem like to anyone else maybe this just isn’t worth the effort? I don’t want to “try” more med combinations. I don’t want to talk in therapy, I know I’m depressed but I think I have a point here — I want a break from all that. If sleeping and being left alone are what I feel right now; maybe it’s my body’s way or saying it’s just what I need. Depression aside, fighting it isn’t doing me much good.

I guess I’m being self-defeating, giving up before I even start. I know others have a clearer head than I do right now; and they are trying to help. But I feel I don’t have much of a say in it: I feel stuck. I hate being this way but I don’t have the energy to change.

I’m not suicidal or anything, just very low I guess. Does any of this resonate with anyone? I feel like I’m out in left field all alone.

Yeah, i just want to sleep and be left alone too. My doctor has offered trials of other meds but like you, i'm tired of trying meds. Hang in there.

To MarcusAurelius and whatever2013
I too just want to left alone and spend my days sleeping. I still feel the need to be connected to others though, otherwise I wouldn't have come here looking for people that feel the same as I do.
I too do not like being this way. I want to change but I lack any motivation to get up and get going, because every day is the same no matter what I do. There is no enthusiasm in my life what so ever and I don't know how to fix it.
If any of you find a way to improve your situation let me know, I'll listen to any advice anyone has on the subject.

I have spent a sizable percentage of my 56 years in the state described. So sorry, guys. Just trying 2 crawl out of latest depression. Totally relate. Last time I checked, I had been on 52 psych meds. So sad.

@Startingagain: Hi! We haven't met. Welcome to the forum! I'm Jane! Glad to know you!

I'll share what works for me and if it helps, great and if not, just disregard.

I enjoy going out to a local mall and having a meal and doing a crosswords puzzle. It gives me a change of scenery. It's low-stress because i've been going to this mall for twenty years and it's super easy to get to on public transit. It gives me a break from this apartment and my dog. I enjoy people-watching and it gives some of the benefits of socializing without actually having to talk to anyone. It makes me appreciate my home more. I don't really like to spend the entire day here. I feel like something's happened in my day.

Maybe find some similar low-stress activity that works for you?

Marcus-
So sorry you’re going through this. I just got out of a similar episode. It is SO DANG HARD.
I’ll try to write more soon...

I can only tell you that it CAN get better. When I joined PC I was in the middle of a horrible mixed episode and I cycled between that and severe depression for months. I had always cycled all over and 40plus meds and 70some combinations of meds had not helped. Eventually I reached the end of the line for me and went on clozapine and I got better. Now I can realize I'm mildly mixed on Sunday and have a med adjustment and be better by the following Saturday. My life isn't perfect but I'm not mixed and I'm not depressed even though I am grieving for my cat.

I'm not saying you need clozapine, just that was what helped me. But I do want you to know that it is never hopeless. If I got better anyone can. Really.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve never been diagnosed with PTSD but know if you are experiencing it ON TOP of severe depression, you must be going through hell. I hope there is a way for you to feel better soon.