Bipolar Check-In #49

We actually had to evacuate for ten days and the air is still too smoky to exercise outside. And we're only at the beginning of fire season.

With the hypomania I felt euphoric and expansive, but the other stressors of life kept things from truly being fun. There was the fire to begin with. (I thought when we left to evacuate that we would lose the house.) And I nearly lost my sis in the middle of all that, but it's not a story to tell here.

My username is a toughie. So if you need to recall it, just think: "humanity" in Gaelic.

Thanks for checking in, D. I have been worried about you. Hugs

Slonca!!

I had a partial shower today.

stopped though when the pain got too much

which was pretty early on

sad really that I am even losing the ability to shower

still did what I can (things that didn't cause too much pain like my hair)

don't feel too great if I'm honest

where have I heard that before... hmm

Oh no! I hope your house is/ was OK! Those fires are terrible, we were in the same boat, evac for the last 2 weeks. It sucks

Not feeling too great to be honest. Fighting with my partner over moods that are due to stress and BP. So tired of it all. Our house survived the fires amazingly so now the huge process of re-habitation. Trying to be grateful but so much has happened with the quarantine and work and the fires threatening and destroying everything I have loved these last 2 weeks.
Not a great time to already be struggling with mental health.

Daonnachd, I wanted to say welcome back, yesterday, but didn't get to it. It's nice to see you here again!

Hi guys.

Just saw my pdoc.

The 10 mg of Zyprexa which was supposed to knock me out hasn't been doing that, or at least not as well as it should. First night took some 5 hours to get me to sleep and last night about 2.5-3 hours, and that's taking it with my nightly 1mg klonopin.

So my pdoc wanted to add a low dose of Seroquel so that I can get back on a good sleep schedule. I just couldn't say yes. I took it years ago and hated it. But of course back then I was taking 100's of mg and my pdoc said less than 50, just for sleep. I still said no. I'm supposed to email her on Monday to see how I'm doing and I'll see her sometime next week again.

Yesterday I was pretty flat. Not good. Not bad. It's not a nice place to be, but certainly better than before. But by around 5:30 I started to get antsy. Rocking back and forth helped, it's amazing how comforting that can be. Light bothered me, but far more the days before.

I asked my pdoc if I've been in a mixed episode and she said 'very much so.' Triggered mostly by lack of sleep (when I was taking care of my mom for 8 days and got very little sleep every night) and all the stress. As she knows, lack of sleep is a huge trigger for me. Though I also agree that all of that combined with the stress of many kinds helped.

The problem is that this kind of stress related to my mother's illnesses, taking care of her, her moving up here to my brother's where theyre building a cottage for her and the fact that I don't get along with my brother who has a terrible anger management problem and several cluster B attributes. All of this I have to learn to deal with so this doesn't happen again. though maybe it's inevitable that it will happen again.

When I next see my T, next week, I'll talk to her about managing these stressors and putting boundaries so this doesn't happen.

I told work yesterday I couldn't work today because I was ill. But that was because I was afraid my symptoms would lead me to mess up hugely like I did earlier in the week. I don't have those symptoms now though, but I feel so flat and tired, I feel like an idiot, so, for that reason as well, I shouldn't be working. I'm an interpreter, a medical interpreter, so I have to think extremely fast to do my work.

thanks for all the support I've gotten and I'll keep you guys up to date. Posting has really helped me.

Hugs, coffinator.

Low-dose Seroquel is like a different drug at low doses. Might be worth reconsidering. Gonna go pray for you right now

Got some sleep. Yay. Gonna go run in a bit. Sposed to be hot again today. September always the hottest and prettiest days here.

No sleep again! I think I might be mixed. I feel so overwhelmed. Idk, idk...I talked to my pdoc and he thinks I'm mixed. I'm not tired until I just become exhausted. Like 2 hours of sleep for a couple of days then I finally sleep. Feeling really hopeless. I'm not sure.

Hope everyone has a good day...

I feel ok today. My sleep was kinda off last night and I weirdly slept until 9:15 this morning. I got out of bed at 9:30. I had to take a shower since I didn’t take one yesterday. Overall I feel ok and my anxiety is fine. The weather just has me feeling a bit wonky. It’s very cool outside for the first time in days. I think I’m slightly manic. I just have this very slight euphoric feeling. But I’m also still tired at the same time. My moods get wonky when the weather changes.

Hang in there, Breeze. Mixed states are so tough for me. What about a med tweak?

Hugs!!

I just ate mcdonalds.

it was tasty

Mountaindewed, I'm glad to read that you are a bit better today.

Coffeee, it is a relief that your house is spared. I'm sorry you were affected by the fire. If it is any consolation, I thought I'd post a photo I found a long while back. I used it to represent new growth after severe times, mood-wise, but it has a good literal meaning, as well. See attached. So very often after devastating fires, the soil left afterwards is particularly fertile.

Coolbreeze, I know how distressing mixed episodes can be. I'm sorry you've been stricken with one. Hopefully it will ease soon.

Gabyundbound, based on what you wrote, if I was in your shoes, I'd reconsider that small dose of Seroquel. Mixed episodes used to be a major issues for me, as was hypomania and full blown mania. I do take a large dose of Seroquel XR, but when I have breakthrough hypomania/mania or mixed features, I take regular Seroquel in low dose (in addition) and it almost always does the trick. If you do decide to give low dose Seroquel a try, maybe consider taking it early evening instead of later at night. If lack of sleep is your main issue, the goal is to sleep. Seroquel works really great for that for many people.

So our handyman came and took all of our drawer and cabinet faces/doors (kitchen and bathrooms) to paint white while we're away. Also, we had a second window repairman come. His company is obviously much more professional and their quote was lower and offered a heck of a lot more than the previous one. We went for it. So that's in the works, too. Our realtor is coming with a photographer in our absence to photograph our deck while the flowers are still blooming. The house photographs will be at a later time, after we've had the many many interior stuff fixed/painted/etc. We have oodles left to do, but at least nothing to think about, in regards to our house, for at least a few weeks.

It's looking like my husband and I will likely officially leave our house right before or after Christmas, as long as our house sells quickly.

im going to the psych ward tomorrow

Hope they fix things for you. Take good care of yourself.

Went back to work on tuesday. I so enjoy being back! I don’t like getting up at 7am, but I do enjoy the activity and social interaction. My team is great. We only have 3 students doing in person learning for now. The other four are remote. My one to one hasn’t started yet. He was supposed to have gotten out of a long term (one monthish) hospitalization on Thursday so we are not sure when he might arrive. He may have to do an after care program like php or they may consider our school good enough for php, since we are a therapeutic school. We’ll see.

This weekend we are going to my cousin’s birthday party. I tried so hard to come up with an excuse not to go but I couldn’t. I do not like any of these people. My two cousins suck, their partners suck, my uncle sucks, my aunt is meh. My mom is refusing to go because of how my uncle treats my grandma, my brother has nothing to do with any of us anymore. So it’ll be me, RS, my son, a bunch of people I don’t like, and maybe some strangers. Sounds like a grand time. Can’t even guarantee there will be food aside from a grocery store cake that may or may not be big enough for everyone (based on prior experiences). So we’re gonna go but only for an absolute maximum of two hours.

Sunday I’m getting a coverup tattoo. I was going to get some new ear piercings too but I want to wait until after all testing is done for my stomach issues in case I have to take metal jewelry out for any of them. Wouldn’t want to spend money on new piercings just for them to close up because I had to remove them!

I tried to dye my hair back to brown but the blue won’t go!!! I finally researched and found out I need to use a warm red to cancel out the green tones in the blue. So I guess I’ll be a redhead!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daonnachd We actually had to evacuate for ten days and the air is still too smoky to exercise outside. And we're only at the beginning of fire season.

Ugh, I am so sorry you had to evacuate. I'm in a town that was 20 miles from the nearest fire. It's heartbreaking, though...losing all the nature we're losing and, as you say, only the beginning of fire season.

Just home from a photoshoot with my friend and her family. She was taking pix and so was I. I haven't seen them yet. I took a LOT of pix and they are all similar because I use a setting that advances the shutter quickly in succession. That way I get nuances. The problem is then I have to sort through all the nuances to see which pic I like best! I took 100+ pix today. So now I just got home from that and after that I went to the grocery store and I need to go wipe the food down and put it away. Back later!

Yeah, I've got a new current of anxiety running under everything else going on.