[Coolbreeze74]

My pdoc thinks I'm mixed. I don't feel quite as emotional as I normally do mixed. I'm not tired until I'm just exhausted. I'm getting like 2 hours of sleep for a couple days then I crash. I haven't been mixed in a long time. I'm not sure if I'm going through perimenopause. I'm 46, so it could be that. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. Then I go to feeling ok after I finally sleep.

What are your mixed states like?

[*Beth*]

Mixed states are the most common way BD manifests for me, although mania is usually a little higher than depression is.

If I'm not on meds mixed states are torture. Pretty much just what the name sounds like...feeling amped up, agitated, irritable, ecstatic, creative, racing thoughts, racing body, self-righteous, self aggrandizing / physically exhausted, somewhat paranoid, discouraged, guilty, thoughts of suicide.

That more or less explains it.

Keep in mind that major life changes, such as menopause, often cause BD symptoms to exacerbate.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Mixed states are the most common way BD manifests for me, although mania is usually a little higher than depression is.

If I'm not on meds mixed states are torture. Pretty much just what the name sounds like...feeling amped up, agitated, irritable, ecstatic, creative, racing thoughts, racing body, self-righteous, self aggrandizing / physically exhausted, somewhat paranoid, discouraged, guilty, thoughts of suicide.

That more or less explains it.

Keep in mind that major life changes, such as menopause, often cause BD symptoms to exacerbate.

Thanks Beth, I'm feeling some of that. But not as intense as it is normally. But I'm on meds for my panic attacks and that might be why. I think gabapentin, zyprexa and invega is tamping it down. My pdoc said to increase the zyprexa. I think I'm just gonna go through it the best I can. I cant gain anymore weight...

[bpcyclist]

Mine are sneaky and confusing and likely more common than I am able to recognize. I find the typically dysphoric, causing confusion and depersonalization, physical pain in the abdomen and chest, horrific anxiety bordering on panic, screaming thoughts, paranoia, terror, SI, more confusion.

[quietlylost]

For me it was a mix of things. There were times when I was really active and productive, like working 60-70 hours per week but then I'd go home and crash and sleep and not care for myself. I'd be really restless and impulsive but also anxious. I'd feel good and social, but then cry easily too when someone talked to me. I had enough energy to function at times but also enough energy to be planning on suicidal thoughts. I was in such a mixed up state that my therapist sent me to the be evaluated and I was hospitalized. I've had other episodes like that in the past, but I try to maintain stability now with medications, therapy, and proactive self care.

[Living in LaLa Land]

Confusing as hell. But, I think I'd take them over the bad manic episodes.

[~Christina]

For me ????Hell on earth.

A member years ago said something that hit me like a brick.

On the floor sobbing while scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush and trying to find reasons to stay

[swimmingly]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Mine are sneaky and confusing and likely more common than I am able to recognize. I find the typically dysphoric, causing confusion and depersonalization, physical pain in the abdomen and chest, horrific anxiety bordering on panic, screaming thoughts, paranoia, terror, SI, more confusion.

Mine are this. Very foggy thoughts that are racing but I have trouble grasping. Strong feelings of self-hate. SI

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

For me ????Hell on earth.

A member years ago said something that hit me like a brick.

On the floor sobbing while scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush and trying to find reasons to stay

Now? Confused.

If you are trying to find a reason to stay, please stay. You are very bright. Super knowlegable about our illness, very helpful and generous to others even when you are in misery and Steve is trying to die. We sometimes do not agree, but I greatly value your insights and big wisdom and, whether you like it or not, I love you.

So no but yeah, stay. Please. We badly need you here.

[Soupe du jour]

I can relate to much of what others wrote above. Luckily I haven't had a mixed bipolar state for quite a while, but my very worst episodes included them.

Similar to what one poster wrote, mine usual leaned more in the manic direction. With that, I had all of the high energy and most of the manic symptoms down the line, but also usually frustration and desperation. Often I would feel severely overwhelmed by the experience, which caused the latter two mentioned. It was only during mixed states that I would potentially be prone to injuring myself in some way. I do not cut, like some do, but at the worst I will hit myself violently, slap or punch walls, throw things, scream/rant, become so rageful/rammy that I inadvertently fall, get bruises, twist my ankle, or the like. Psychosis can be common for me in mixed states. I have a tendency to talk to myself or rant out loud in public, or even pick fights. One time I was in such a mood state that I attempted to run down a steep hill. That didn't work out so well. Lesser mixed states are similar, just not as extreme.

When my mixed states have leaned more in the depression direction, that often when I have more suicidal ideations. I have the energy and lack of inhibition, but the deep hopelessness and desperation.

Though I know it is common for some, I don't tend to switch from elated to desperately depressed quickly during a day or week. I tend to experience simultaneous manic and depressive symptoms. Obviously not all from both lists, simultaneously, but some from both. The severity or sheer number of symptoms seems to determine which way I'm leaning (IOWs manic w/mixed features, hypomanic w/mixed features, or depressed w/mixed features). This way of referring to them is from the DSM-5. I rather like it because it applies best to my mixed experiences.

[Coolbreeze74]

Thanks everyone for your experience with them. I took extra zyprexa last night and was able to sleep. Feeling better...

[lightly toasted]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

For me ????Hell on earth.

A member years ago said something that hit me like a brick.

On the floor sobbing while scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush and trying to find reasons to stay

.....This.

[*Beth*]

^^^ Same.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

For me ????Hell on earth.

A member years ago said something that hit me like a brick.

On the floor sobbing while scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush and trying to find reasons to stay

same

[Merlin]

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land

Confusing as hell. But, I think I'd take them over the bad manic episodes.

I find I am the most dangerous to myself when I’m mixed, but I have only been truly manic once and, even then, not psychotic.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Merlin

I find I am the most dangerous to myself when I’m mixed, but I have only been truly manic once and, even then, not psychotic.

Keep it that way.

[fern46]

I learned what Hell was like. I do not ever want to return.

[*Beth*]

My pdoc and my Therapist agree that my baseline is a consistent mild mixed state. I agree with that. Today is the kind of day in which it's amped from "mild" to "moderate" and please, God...let it stop here. I feel like I'm spinning inside, mind full of overtones of music that is moving so fast it's all blurred together (generally, Pink Floyd ambient sounds winding around with Mozart Symphony #34 & 36). And I'm so anxious, worried, frightened, depressed...my seams are unraveling.


Appt's with both p and t tomorrow, good thing...gotta do something, here.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Mixed states are the most common way BD manifests for me, although mania is usually a little higher than depression is.

If I'm not on meds mixed states are torture. Pretty much just what the name sounds like...feeling amped up, agitated, irritable, ecstatic, creative, racing thoughts, racing body, self-righteous, self aggrandizing / physically exhausted, somewhat paranoid, discouraged, guilty, thoughts of suicide.

That more or less explains it.

Keep in mind that major life changes, such as menopause, often cause BD symptoms to exacerbate.

Mine is like this, the agitation is accompanied by a very visceral kind of anxiety, the skin crawling kind, where I scrub myself raw in the shower because I'm either having a tactile hallucination (bugs crawling under my skin) or feeling like I could crawl out of my own skin)

Ugh, just a completely horrid experience, I'd take up or down anyday over both.

[daladico]

I think I’m in a mild mixed phase now. Feeling quite sad for no reason at all... then later in the day angry/irritable/agitated, then later back to sad again and back again. - on repeat for the past several days. I’m a rapid cycler but typically my moods don’t go from one end to the other in the same day.

[Bipolarchic14]

When I’m in a mixed state I can feel euphoric and suicidal within the same day. Sounds are usually louder like to the point where I want to take a bat and smash the TV with it lights are brighter usually the best option is to be in a dark quiet room. I have a tendency to get super angry and super anxious. Sleep can go either way way too much or way too little. Usually it is a sleep deficit. If it is really bad my clothing will start annoying me too Then usually I’m in a dark quiet room naked

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by BethRags

My pdoc and my Therapist agree that my baseline is a consistent mild mixed state. I agree with that. Today is the kind of day in which it's amped from "mild" to "moderate" and please, God...let it stop here. I feel like I'm spinning inside, mind full of overtones of music that is moving so fast it's all blurred together (generally, Pink Floyd ambient sounds winding around with Mozart Symphony #34 & 36). And I'm so anxious, worried, frightened, depressed...my seams are unraveling.


Appt's with both p and t tomorrow, good thing...gotta do something, here.

I'm so sorry you're struggling so badly.

[Trippin2.0]

I failed to mention that I feel manic and suicidal simultaneously, not even in the span of hours but a packaged deal... It's terribly confusing to have all this manic energy yet wanting to off yourself for what seems like no discernable reason.

Since my med tweak I haven't had any serious mixed episodes though, and I'm grateful, the milder ones I get these days are harder to spot tho and Hella confusing.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I failed to mention that I feel manic and suicidal simultaneously, not even in the span of hours but a packaged deal... It's terribly confusing to have all this manic energy yet wanting to off yourself for what seems like no discernable reason.

Since my med tweak I haven't had any serious mixed episodes though, and I'm grateful, the milder ones I get these days are harder to spot tho and Hella confusing.

I will add that my two very serious S attempts were both while manic and psychotic. Believed I was receiving commands from God to demonstrate my faith like Abraham. I followed them to the letter.