Bipolar Check-In #49

I have been working non-stop today cleaning the house in preparation for the real estate stager. I took a shower and am beat. She comes in about an hour. To avoid making more mess in the kitchen, I just bought some sandwiches for both lunch and dinner. I know I won't want to cook afterwards. I picked up several winter coats I sent to the dry cleaners. The price was astronomical, but at least they're clean. They are probably among the only ones we'll take with us.

Gotta confess that the stress of this all is starting to have effects on me. Fatigue, extra clumsiness, skin issues, but oddly not yet any mood problems. Not yet. I'm afraid that as my trip draws near the blank may start hitting the fan. I must slow down a bit and breathe. The most imminent stressor is ensuring that we get covid-19 results in fewer than 72 hours of when we fly out. This is not so very easy. You'd think that with other world travelers in this country that there would be some test results (even if for more money) that could be expedited. Also, we've had certain flights changed as many as three times. And different legs of the trip. The itinerary is constantly changing.

A real positive about all of the above is that my husband has finally started compromising on some things, and listening to suggestions. Little stuff and big stuff.

Happy birthday, Breeze!! I hope it gets better.

Maybe try Buspar, Seroquel, or gabapentin?

Hugs.

Thanks! I'm on buspirone 60 mgs total. And 3600 mgs of gabapentin. 5 mgs zyprexa so you would think that it would help. But I still have 4-6 hour long panic attacks.

Feel like I got nothing to say or contribute. But I gotta say I’m grateful for today. I wasn’t looking forward to driving mum to her wound appointment in another town. Not anxiety or dreading it just not looking forward to it cause I don’t like driving plus the freeway there is down to one lane. Then there’s a detoured road in that town that suddenly runs out and your no where near the road you you detoured from.

But it was a good day. I was behind a semi but he was going 60 which was the posted speed limit for the construction so that was fine. Then when I started the detour there was a smart van in front of me so I was able to follow him to the hospital and didn’t get lost! We arrived about 15 minutes early and there was a parking spot right in front so mum didn’t have to walk far. There was no one ahead of us so they took mum in right away and we were out quickly. We got an A plus on the wound care and they didn’t need to do more.

On the way home it was smooth sailing and supper was easy and filling. Thankfully the AC works and the infrastructure is intact cause it was very hot and humid out. Thank the goddess too for a trustworthy Air conditioned car. All in all a better day than I hoped for.

I’m struggling a bit with lows. Had a dream I was in and old run down high security hospital and my depression was so profound I melted into the ground. It was so real and the darkness so deep. It’s still hard to shake days later.

Hey ~

Well my cogentin is kicking in, Thankfully.

My Rage is dropped about 25% ( about freaking time) I am still not okay, but at least I feel I'm headed in the right direction.

Still No idea why I got such rage, Normally I can handle it internally.. I am sooooooooo damn exhaused , But I am sleeping , Drugged sleep but I'll take it for now.

Hope everyone is having a good day

I’m kind of at a loss. I feel like my therapist hates me and I feel like she basically admitted that I have a ****** personality. I don’t know what to do.

@bpcyclist

Clozapine made me sleepy for the first few weeks. I'd take a nap after every morning dose and then sleep as soon as I took my night dose. I've gotten used to it, however. It still makes me a little drowsy but it's not to the point where I can't keep my eyes open.

When is next appt.?

Well, Spravato, ketamine nasal spray, costs $5600 the first month. Nice. My compounding pharmacist, who used to make all my super groovy, custom derm goops fir my patients, will make it for me for $48 a.month. Ha!! Screw Johnson & Johnson and their $350k a year, Jaguar-driving, 26 year-old, model-babe drug reps! Socialism now!!

Okay, Got a little carried away there, sorry...