Bipolar Check-In #49

So, a mixed episode episode. But not bipolar?

I have my heaters on for the first time since Spring. Chilly. Brrr. There are single-digit lows in the forecast (Celsius). That's 48 Fahrenheit. Today was rainy and damp too. We get such a variety of weather here in Ontario. It was my last full day of letting my dog go potty on her mat on the balcony. Tomorrow i will have to remove it and take her out for night-time potty at midnight. Not looking forward to it.

What if i don't get any boost in mood this Fall? I might not. I need something to set it off and with COVID happening there's not much going on...

Enjoying my cozy quiet peaceful home. Saturday night all to myself!

Hugs to all who struggle!

Another check-in:

I've been on Zyprexa, which was added because of hell depression, for a few days now, and I'm beginning to feel better. I don't know if it would have happened naturally without the Zyprexa, but either way, here I am. My pdoc also upped my Zoloft to 150mg from 100. I think both Zyprexa and the increase in Zoloft, are supposed to be temporary.

But a big problem remains. The night before last, I woke up, I don't know how and then I heard someone whistling loudly in my apartment. My pdoc knows about that because I just talked to her again yesterday (I talked to her twice this last week and I see her again on Friday). And then last night I saw shadows and very loud noises and it was terrifying.

Clearly, things are not as they should be. I'm going to give it another couple of days and if this continues will email my pdoc and see if she can fit me in before Friday. I would suspect more Zyprexa, or a change.

My mother and I have become closer, and for the first time I told her about these types of symptoms. She was supportive. And she called them 'My visitors,' and since I'm still sick, she asks whenever we talk on the phone, every day, if I've had any more visitors. It sounds tongue and cheek and it kind of is, but that's her sense of humor, and I'm glad she's being supportive.

Please wish me luck that these noises and shadows go away! they terrify me!

Checking in. I’m really miffed that my NP halved my dose of Wellbutrin due to sleep issues that were there long before the medicine. She also decreased my Klonopin from 60 to 45 per month because I told her my anxiety was better. I want to maintain a good working relationship but she needs to listen. I see problems ahead when DST arrives.

I haven’t floated much lately because the weather hasn’t been conducive. I’ve promised myself I will get out of the house tomorrow no matter what the weather and run errands and possibly float.

So proud of my daughter. She’s an officer in a nationally known honor society and has a big event coming up where she’s going to speak. I’m praying that the safety measures they have in place will be enough.

Warmest regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

I've done a number of things today, but still feel it's been more relaxing than previous days. Tomorrow I'd like to do absolutely nothing, but probably won't.

My father called me yesterday. We hadn't talked for a long time. When I say "talked", I don't mean meaningful conversation. That's almost impossible with him. I did tell him that my husband and I are preparing our house to sell and plan to move to Europe in the not so distant future. I hadn't shared anything about that with him previously. Only my siblings, my husband's, and a few friends know. My father's reaction was difficult to interpret. I imagine he's upset. Actually, I don't know. He said he'd want to visit me there, but it is unlikely he'll even return to his own home 8 miles from where he is. Definitely no trip to Europe. I played along with it, though. There's no sense in not.

Yesterday I talked to our new realtor with a list of seven questions. She started providing info before I even asked them, talking rapidly. Some info was what I needed, but out of order. I felt like she was throwing multiple balls at me simultaneously. That is a recipe for overwhelming me. I literally "turn off" (freeze) to a degree. I did get info for each question, but now am confused about some details. It feels sucky to have to text her for clarifications. I'm waiting for them. After we first met her (I scheduled her) she only emailed my husband, which sort of annoyed me. With my husband overwhelmed with his job, I have taken on much of the house prep and house sale stuff. I'm trying hard. I'm managing in many ways, but am afraid that a tidal wave will overcome me. Plus, we have the trip to Europe coming up. Hubby is doing most of the preparations for that, and the stuff relating to Czech Republic. Good news is that I'm mostly packed for the trip already, and it's days away.

I did feel somewhat anxious yesterday. I so hope my body doesn't adjust to the muscle relaxer and I get panic attacks again.

My son has calmed down the last couple of days. He is still washing his hands constantly, but hes not talking about being drugged.

I'm tired, I think I'll try and take a nap....

Hope everyone is having a good day!

I had a nice balanced healthy lunch then I ate this huge piece of cheesecake and upped my fat and doubled my calories! Now I'm at my max calories for the day and I haven't had breakfast or dinner.

I have my heaters on for the first time since Spring. Chilly. Brrr. There are single-digit lows in the forecast (Celsius). That's 48 Fahrenheit. Today was rainy and damp too. We get such a variety of weather here in Ontario. It was my last full day of letting my dog go potty on her mat on the balcony. Tomorrow i will have to remove it and take her out for night-time potty at midnight. Not looking forward to it.

What if i don't get any boost in mood this Fall? I might not. I need something to set it off and with COVID happening there's not much going on...

Enjoying my cozy quiet peaceful home. Saturday night all to myself!

Hugs to all who struggle!

I'm not fine. I'm not depressed, manic or psychotic but my ed has flared up. Eating has become super uncomfortable. I'm still doing it but that's a huge warning sign for me.