Bipolar Check-In #49

we are safe in our house following the frightening storm Laura.
It hit 1 1/2 hours west of us hardest lake charles.
just lots of twigs from our big oak tree in the front yard and lots of pine needles from our neighbors house. Luckily her pine trees did not fall.
There is a dead one she should cut down but refuses to.
sigh
during storms we always worry about those trees.
a trellis fell down but it needed to come down anyway.
could have been so much worse.
feeling very fortunate.
bizi

Just saw pictures and videos of the damage from Laura! Wow glad your safe.

So happy you are safe and had no damage. I just watched the nightly news and the pictures.. Holy hell

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist Well, Spravato, ketamine nasal spray, costs $5600 the first month. Nice. My compounding pharmacist, who used to make all my super groovy, custom derm goops fir my patients, will make it for me for $48 a.month. Ha!! Screw Johnson & Johnson and their $350k a year, Jaguar-driving, 26 year-old, model-babe drug reps! Socialism now!! Okay, Got a little carried away there, sorry...

That is fantastic

Thnx--done.

I was sad, so I put on a cute kitten video on youtube. I giggled and now I feel better.

This is why I love DBT. The silliest little things can sometimes pick me up. Everyone with bipolar disorder should be required to learn DBT, in my opinion.

My dr made me go to the ER I called her with nausea and stabbing pain in my back near my right shoulder blade. They did an ultrasound and my gallbladder is fine! The ER doc was shocked. She said there could still be a problem but I had to go to an outpatient GI dr to get more tests done. I’m glad I dint have to have surgery yet and miss the first week of work. It may still come to that but at least it will likely be in the surgical center and not the hospital.

My mom called RS when I was in the ER (I was there for 8 freaking hours!). My grandpa had another “episode” and was transported to the hospital. She wasn’t exactly sure what my grandma meant by “episode”. All I know is he’s getting worse quickly. He’s at the point in his dementia where dehydration is setting in due to trouble swallowing liquids. He has a DNR. I don’t know how much longer he has. It will be very sad when he passes. But I’m trying to prepare myself for it.

Friend I see often got mad at me today over Facebook messenger. I was asking questions about her panic attacks. She said there's no reason for them. I said something about how my anxiety is and she comes back with "I'm not you!!"! So much for trying to understand. She wont go see a pdoc or T about this either. Or take DBT.

I applied for an apartment today. Im sure I'll be rejected so whatever.

Oh! They came and fixed my tub today because the housing commission is doing an inspection (or so they think). Had this not happened, Im sure they wouldn't have fixed my tub drain.

I'm mad at myself for eating so poorly today. I just go round and round with this issue. I know it's up to me tho. The only person it matters to is me. The only one that can change it is me. And the quickest way is by accepting and liking and loving myself and my body. Then change becomes paradoxically both less important AND easier. I also need to trust myself and my intuition and my inner wisdom and goodness. According to mindfulness.

I took a shower today, got rid of that poisonous bean stew and washed, dried and put away the big kettle pot. So that whole debacle is O-V-E-R.

I managed a short meditation. I bought myself a belated birthday present, some clothes to replace ones i have fatted out of. Sigh! I sure hope i can still struggle into my parka this Winter. I don't want to have to replace that. It's $$$

Mood is down. It was a dull grey day. I took my dog out but otherwise i was inside at home all day. I love my dog. When i'm on ZOOM she gets up on my lap and is the star! People say hello to HER more than they do to ME! It's so funny seeing myself on ZOOM. I had no idea how animated i am. I smile and laugh and toss my head and roll my eyes and fidget. I've always thought of myself as rather deadpan but just the opposite. I'm the most expressive one there! Has anyone else been surprised by their ZOOM appearance?

Hugs to all who struggle!

My computer is down for awhile all i have is coloring.

Glad tub is fixed. You were kind to help your friend. Some people are weird.

Well, made real french fries today, so...

Sleep not an attainable goal. Albert threw himself a party. Turned on some news. Mistake. Turned that off.

That said. I do believe that in the event of a Trump victory-election theft, my country will face a revolution. A civil war. Not remotely exaggerating. I do believe urban America will rise up in revolt. Armed. I guess it lasted sorta kinda almost 300 years. That's pretty good, right? I mean, it worked until a really gifted sociopath came along...

Not really a political person whatsoever. But I believe my nation may be facing its end. And that is a powerful example of the damage people incapable of empathy can achieve, when they really want it.

no sleep here either

showered which completely made my mood worse (the pain and the uglyness)

I am looking forward to mcdonalds though later. about the only thing worth being alive for today

oh: I think I've finally figured out why I am not getting my forum subscriptions. in the last 24 hours, I removed 2, then re-added them, and I got them today.

so if I keep going on like that, it should be fixed

hope so: sort of the highlight of my day, seeing what you've all been posting lol

I didn’t take any melatonin last night and this morning I threw the bottle out. The second I threw it out I just felt really good. I guess my therapists emails just made me feel bad and instead of feeling sorry for myself I just decided to do something to better my situation.

@Innerzone

My husband and I met with the real estate stager yesterday afternoon. She was amazing! Mindbogglingly so! She gave us dozens and dozens of tips on how to better showcase our house (what needs replacing and with what things/colors, what could stay but be presented in a better way to be photographed and appeal). We felt happy that she showed respect for what we have, despite suggestions for improvement. This consultation was included as part of what the realtor offers us, but we can also choose to hire the stager (and her staff) to come on the day of the photography to do further "magic". Of course the extra service will be for a fee. We don't yet know what that fee is. If we don't want to pay it, we at least have notes on her suggestions from yesterday. What a learning experience!

I have been pushing myself physically, and to a lesser degree mentally, for several days now. I am exhausted! I do want to do a few things today, but will try to give myself some bit of a break. The stress and pressure are building. There is indeed some serious stuff in my life happening. Serious! There's no room for having a bipolar episode. I gotta keep that waaaaaaay in check.

That prospect is very scary, and I agree there is likelihood that some of what you say could happen. I'm a little less concerned about urban American militias, though. More about the non-urban American "militias". What I saw on the news yesterday showed that some police in the country even support that lawlessness. Funny that the more lawless groups accuse the other side of lawlessness.

My husband and I will be soon elsewhere no matter what happens. However, more and more countries in the world are going in the direction we saw in our country these past almost 4 years. Also, if the "strongest" country in the world continues to turn autocratic, the more democratic countries of the world will be less protected. If the big leader in our country continues to be buddies with Vladimir Putin, then what is stopping Putin from fully taking over Ukraine, and even moving further west? Czech Republic, currently a democratic nation, was once a communist country because they were taken over by the Russians by force (and stupid agreements made at the end of WW2). As Ukraine is more and more in jeopardy, so could other sovereign nations. Countries with many socialist-like systems in place (incl. Norway, Finland, and other allies of the US) are not the problem here. Dictatorships are. Socialism and communism are also not the same thing. Communism basically became another name for dictatorship. Even Putin is no longer a communist. He's just a dictator who continues to be up to no good, threatening those who oppose him (sometimes with death), curbing free speech, being greedy for more and more power, and enriching himself and his cronies. When you look at his face, you clearly see that psychopathy. I see it in the leader of my own country, too. Their actions are clear...that is if you learn the realities vs. accepting their propaganda.

It seems to me that a revolution, of sorts, in our country is inevitable. It's a real shame it has come to this. It's a real shame that people like me have to leave because the country is inhospitable in various ways. I love my homeland, though. I have a connection to where I was born and live, and always will. I will continue to vote for the rest of my life, in hopes that my country will be BETTER than ever. Hopefully that vote won't be manipulated or somehow excluded. It is what we have right now. Anyone who doesn't like the current leaders and directions we're taking, but doesn't vote, is part of the problem. Sorry, but people have to vote. No one can think 49 vs. 41 % is enough. It has to be well over 50%, if you know what I mean.

Vortex, God gave me a large empathy tank for some odd reason. Had it as a wee lad. That said, I feel so helpless and I hurt in my heart and soul as I read these posts of yours. Have you seen a fibro guru in your region before? Had a serious, legit pain specialist consult? Are you willing or able to travel for the chance of better care?

There are sometimes treatment concepts and options available from elite level providers you may not find everywhere. Just wish so we could get you some relief.

Hugs and love.

You are doing great, Soupe. Just be sure you sleep.

Putin and Trump are basically the same person, just one has a low IQ. Reading a book on Putin by a Pulitzer winner. New. He worships money. Power, sure. But really, it is all about the money for him.

I have some good news! I've been taking my baclofen for my back pain and since I've been taking it I haven't had a panic attack! I can take up to 2 a day. I looked it up and yep baclofen can help with anxiety. Which I'm amazed, bc it's one of the weaker muscle relaxers. I don't feel so much on edge either. It's such a HUGE relief! I found a way to not have a panic attack! And I'm sleeping better too.

This really solves a lot of my problems. Just wanted to tell you the good news....

Hope everyone is having a good day!

My stomach kind of hurts right now I’m not sure if it’s stress related or not. I’ve had 940 calories so far. 640 of that was in food. I don’t feel like eating anything else. I’ve been in bed a lot of the day. It’s tough to know whats anxiety and what’s not. Therapist certainly isn’t helping. I’ve just been racking my brain all day trying to figure out what I did wrong. But hey guess what I haven’t taken any melatonin don’t feel the need to and I still feel like **** I tried watching my favorite TV show which always works and I mean always and I turned it off. Yeah when that happens something is seriously ****ing wrong. Covid isn’t bugging me either even with the news that you can get infected twice.

This sounds like basically a miracle. Yay!

You could be feeling some melatonin stoppage rebound syndromy thing. Expect it. Hugs.

Thanks!