Bipolar Check-In #49

Well my Rage is very slowly easing. The Cogentin and Inderal are both doing its job.. as a life long insomnia person 14+hours of sleeping daily should be amazing but No its the drugged sleep and when awake I am in a Seroquel Stupor....

Im very grateful as always to my T and Pdoc for pouncing on this right away and when I said I want to be on the floor drooling I am doing so.

At some point I injured my back , Its just plain awful. I have a Tens unit that I am going to use numerous times a night, I have no idea why I haven't thought of it before now.. Seroquel stupor it is.

Steve is still doing okay !!!! We got the results of his sleep study today .. No sleep apnea ! which is a shock to us and our doctor.. finally some great news. Long time coming for sure. I'm so glad after Christmas trip in Florida he wasnt safe to drive. Well he is now.. I am simple not safe to drive while on Seroquel.

Hope everyone is having a good afternoon

Feeling irritable for many days and can't seem to shake it. Unusual for me, feels like I'm wearing a hair shirt. I'm only half kidding when I say I've probably been poisoned by the toxins in all the wildfire smoke I've been breathing. On top of all the enormous issues going on in this nation, I'm pretty sure my county is going to be the very last one in the entire country to reopen.

Speaking of hair, I sure could do with a hair cut and a relaxing hour in the salon. Of course, they're all closed and I don't know of anyone really doing the "outside" option. Especially not in 100 degree heat and breathing acrid smoke.

Big news!: I applied for an apartment yesterday and I was approved today! I thought for sure that my credit was too poor but I guess not. Ive been paying my rent and utilities on time for the last 3 yeats so that should count for something. Just waiting to sign the lease (online). Gotta write an email too. So much anxiety until its for sure. They called this morning to say "Congratulations! You've been approved!" I move in a month.

That's great Moose!

Prayers.

Super good news, I’ll cross my toes until it’s for sure!

I'm good I guess. I'm arguing with Miguel about not taking school seriously. Wanted to sh. I don't get it.wtf. the argument wasn't even resolved. He just got up and walked away.

Well he is an adult.. He can suck at school. Its his choice. Unless you are paying for his college.. he can be saddled with school loans...

Children often need to learn the hard way. You tried to talk to him.. Ignore it and let it slap him in the face,

Had my first appointment with my new therapist today. She doesn't believe in labels. It was 2.5 hours long as we went through intake. Some things have me a bit nervous, but I plan to be firm about those things.

She (and my P-doc) believe that I have C-PTSD. I didn't at first, but by the end of today's appointment, I'm pretty convinced that its true. What I found interesting is that a lot of the symptoms overlap with those of bipolar. Here's where the therapist and I disagree.

After just a few hours she thinks there's a very good chance that I don't actually have bipolar disorder and that all of the doctors have been wrong and its C-PTSD masking as Bipolar or at the very least Major Depression with C-PTSD. I gave her permission to speak to my p-doc but also sent my p-doc a voicemail saying that I want a full record of any conversation between the two of them given to me and that any diagnosis discussions will include me. For crying out loud.

I also was crystal clear with the therapist that I will be open to an agreed upon treatment plan, but that I will not discuss any medication changes with her. I have a psychiatrist for that.

Next week I have an hour appointment to design my treatment plan. I'm curious because this therapist believes in several different approaches including sleep, diet, exercise, homeopathic and mindfulness. She's not a huge fan of medicine, but I've made it clear that I need it to function and keep my job.

I'm trying to self-advocate while also approach treatment with an open mind and heart.

Also, I'm in mixed mania again (though she doesn't like labels, so I don't know what the holy hell to call it)

@swimmingly what does the "C" in C-PTSD stand for? Oh- "Complex".

I felt tired all day today. I didn't feel up to going to get my meds so i had them delivered and it went smoothly for once so i'm grateful for that.

The fatigue has me worried tho because i have an extra responsibility re my dog coming up on Monday. I have an area of the balcony set up for her to go potty and i keep it clean. But our balconies are being repaired and will be closed for two months. I'll have to take her out for potty all day. First thing in the morning will be a tremendous challenge as i feel stupefied by fatigue in the morning. I sure don't want to have to spring out of bed and immediately get dressed and traipse thru the building to take her outside. It takes me several tries over a few hours to get up. I'm really dreading it.

I went thru this last year (the repair was botched, that's why i'm facing it this year again). I was manic for most of it so it didn't bother me except towards the end when i'd crashed. I was hoping to be hypomanic by now to give me some juice. But i wasn't even up to watching TV today so i fear it will be a nightmare.

I tried to get her to go potty inside on a tinkle tray last year but she wouldn't. So that's not an option. My one close neighbor has to see to her own puppy and i don't trust anyone else with my dog.

It's going to be an ordeal.

yesterday I had mcdonalds.

it was tasty, and the first night this week where I actually had a full stomach (I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing)

I spent the evening doing nothing, the night in pain, and today pretty much..... in pain

right now I am just sat in the dark (with the acception of the forum screen) wondering why I even deserve a whole weekend to myself- it's not like I am doing anything with it

I feel decent today. I haven’t eaten since 11 yesterday morning. I don’t feel the need to. I’ve had a can of Mountain Dew and a cold brew coffee though. 530 calories total. No idea why I’m not hungry. No desire to though. But my moods are ok and much better then they were yesterday. I got a good amount of sleep last night. I went to the grocery store this morning and got an Amazon gift card with some cash I got for some selling some used books and I was able to get a couple things I wanted. I hope my good mood continues. I really want to go back to work but I know it’s not the best thing right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags Feeling irritable for many days and can't seem to shake it. Unusual for me, feels like I'm wearing a hair shirt. I'm only half kidding when I say I've probably been poisoned by the toxins in all the wildfire smoke I've been breathing. On top of all the enormous issues going on in this nation, I'm pretty sure my county is going to be the very last one in the entire country to reopen. Speaking of hair, I sure could do with a hair cut and a relaxing hour in the salon. Of course, they're all closed and I don't know of anyone really doing the "outside" option. Especially not in 100 degree heat and breathing acrid smoke.

I guess the universe heard me! An hour after I posted this hair salons gave the nod to re-open. I know that most people think of hair as a superficial thing, but I believe it's a part of our body that needs to be cared for. When it's neglected for 6 months I feel stressed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 Big news!: I applied for an apartment yesterday and I was approved today! I thought for sure that my credit was too poor but I guess not. Ive been paying my rent and utilities on time for the last 3 yeats so that should count for something. Just waiting to sign the lease (online). Gotta write an email too. So much anxiety until its for sure. They called this morning to say "Congratulations! You've been approved!" I move in a month.

YAAAAYY!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013 I felt tired all day today. I didn't feel up to going to get my meds so i had them delivered and it went smoothly for once so i'm grateful for that. The fatigue has me worried tho because i have an extra responsibility re my dog coming up on Monday. I have an area of the balcony set up for her to go potty and i keep it clean. But our balconies are being repaired and will be closed for two months. I'll have to take her out for potty all day. First thing in the morning will be a tremendous challenge as i feel stupefied by fatigue in the morning. I sure don't want to have to spring out of bed and immediately get dressed and traipse thru the building to take her outside. It takes me several tries over a few hours to get up. I'm really dreading it. I went thru this last year (the repair was botched, that's why i'm facing it this year again). I was manic for most of it so it didn't bother me except towards the end when i'd crashed. I was hoping to be hypomanic by now to give me some juice. But i wasn't even up to watching TV today so i fear it will be a nightmare. I tried to get her to go potty inside on a tinkle tray last year but she wouldn't. So that's not an option. My one close neighbor has to see to her own puppy and i don't trust anyone else with my dog. It's going to be an ordeal.

Ugh. I so dislike that kind of stress. I totally hear you on the "stupified by fatigue."

Another check-in:

I've been on Zyprexa, which was added because of hell depression, for a few days now, and I'm beginning to feel better. I don't know if it would have happened naturally without the Zyprexa, but either way, here I am. My pdoc also upped my Zoloft to 150mg from 100. I think both Zyprexa and the increase in Zoloft, are supposed to be temporary.

But a big problem remains. The night before last, I woke up, I don't know how and then I heard someone whistling loudly in my apartment. My pdoc knows about that because I just talked to her again yesterday (I talked to her twice this last week and I see her again on Friday). And then last night I saw shadows and very loud noises and it was terrifying.

Clearly, things are not as they should be. I'm going to give it another couple of days and if this continues will email my pdoc and see if she can fit me in before Friday. I would suspect more Zyprexa, or a change.

My mother and I have become closer, and for the first time I told her about these types of symptoms. She was supportive. And she called them 'My visitors,' and since I'm still sick, she asks whenever we talk on the phone, every day, if I've had any more visitors. It sounds tongue and cheek and it kind of is, but that's her sense of humor, and I'm glad she's being supportive.

Please wish me luck that these noises and shadows go away! they terrify me!

With my bestest pal from age three this weekend. Headed out for a 50-miler. Yay! Hope everyone has a great day!

Hugs!

Checking in. I’m really miffed that my NP halved my dose of Wellbutrin due to sleep issues that were there long before the medicine. She also decreased my Klonopin from 60 to 45 per month because I told her my anxiety was better. I want to maintain a good working relationship but she needs to listen. I see problems ahead when DST arrives.

I haven’t floated much lately because the weather hasn’t been conducive. I’ve promised myself I will get out of the house tomorrow no matter what the weather and run errands and possibly float.

So proud of my daughter. She’s an officer in a nationally known honor society and has a big event coming up where she’s going to speak. I’m praying that the safety measures they have in place will be enough.

Warmest regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

I've done a number of things today, but still feel it's been more relaxing than previous days. Tomorrow I'd like to do absolutely nothing, but probably won't.

My father called me yesterday. We hadn't talked for a long time. When I say "talked", I don't mean meaningful conversation. That's almost impossible with him. I did tell him that my husband and I are preparing our house to sell and plan to move to Europe in the not so distant future. I hadn't shared anything about that with him previously. Only my siblings, my husband's, and a few friends know. My father's reaction was difficult to interpret. I imagine he's upset. Actually, I don't know. He said he'd want to visit me there, but it is unlikely he'll even return to his own home 8 miles from where he is. Definitely no trip to Europe. I played along with it, though. There's no sense in not.

Yesterday I talked to our new realtor with a list of seven questions. She started providing info before I even asked them, talking rapidly. Some info was what I needed, but out of order. I felt like she was throwing multiple balls at me simultaneously. That is a recipe for overwhelming me. I literally "turn off" (freeze) to a degree. I did get info for each question, but now am confused about some details. It feels sucky to have to text her for clarifications. I'm waiting for them. After we first met her (I scheduled her) she only emailed my husband, which sort of annoyed me. With my husband overwhelmed with his job, I have taken on much of the house prep and house sale stuff. I'm trying hard. I'm managing in many ways, but am afraid that a tidal wave will overcome me. Plus, we have the trip to Europe coming up. Hubby is doing most of the preparations for that, and the stuff relating to Czech Republic. Good news is that I'm mostly packed for the trip already, and it's days away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 Checking in. I’m really miffed that my NP halved my dose of Wellbutrin due to sleep issues that were there long before the medicine. She also decreased my Klonopin from 60 to 45 per month because I told her my anxiety was better. I want to maintain a good working relationship but she needs to listen. I see problems ahead when DST arrives. I'm so sorry she cut your Welbutrin and Klonopin doses. I never understand when providers do that...why invite problems? I'm also anxious about DST. I haven’t floated much lately because the weather hasn’t been conducive. I’ve promised myself I will get out of the house tomorrow no matter what the weather and run errands and possibly float. What's floating? So proud of my daughter. She’s an officer in a nationally known honor society and has a big event coming up where she’s going to speak. I’m praying that the safety measures they have in place will be enough. That's so great! When my kids do well it makes me feel like my entire life hasn't been about BD. Warmest regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling. Hugs to you, too

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I did feel somewhat anxious yesterday. I so hope my body doesn't adjust to the muscle relaxer and I get panic attacks again.

My son has calmed down the last couple of days. He is still washing his hands constantly, but hes not talking about being drugged.

I'm tired, I think I'll try and take a nap....

Hope everyone is having a good day!

So, a mixed episode episode. But not bipolar?

Hugs, whatever!!

i have a Bruce Willis hair situation, but I am happy for you.