[*Beth*]

Moose - movers! That is great

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Thank you to everyone who is sending healing vibes to California, Oregon, Washington, etc. We appreciate it immensely and need all we can get. Where I am, in NorCal, we're supposed to get gusty winds tomorrow. That could blow some of the smoke out to the Pacific. Unfortunately, winds also fan fires.

Personally, I'm feeling kind of down today. It's one of those days when everywhere I look there seems to be a locked door. I'm sure the weeks of smoke are getting to me, never seeing a sun or a moon, just filthy, stinking air. And all the devastation, of course. There's surely a collective unconscious of despair out here right now.

And covid. Some days I feel able to handle it all, wait it out. Today...March seems like many years ago. Another year-plus of this feels un-doable. All the little perks that make life sparkle, even putting together an outfit to go to my therapy appointment, just the silly little bits of life. I'm realizing that I no longer can find the motivation to go anywhere. I mean, I'm still in recovery from the achilles surgery, true. But...oh, just feeling down and wish it was bedtime already.

HUGS all 'round

Between the fires and covid you and your fellow west coasters have it deal with, I would think it almost like living in a figurative war zone. I feel so bad about the "collective unconscious of despair" you wrote about.

I wish there was more that the rest of the country could do to help calm the fires. If there is, I hope it soon gets fully offered.

Hugs

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My mom hired movers for me! This shouldn't take too long I hope!

Also, I got my difficult paperwork done and it's ready to be mailed tomorrow. Yay! Its gonna be really early and that's what my worker said she wanted. I just hope Ive got everything done!

Still haven't signed my lease. I will feel better when I do!

My new place is very small compared to the place I've had for the last 4 years. But Im planning to live more simply. I just won't have the space to keep everything I've got. But I do want to get a couch. Maybe from Ikea if I have enough money left after paying rent and deposit.

I had lunch with Karen today again. I had a salad which was my whole calories for the day and THEN I ordered a piece of cheesecake! My food app got mad and said "tsk tsk" and graphed out my weight gain from today's meal and told me I'd be back where I started soon! The cheesecake filled in the deficit of calories that I had yesterday so I say I'm even.

My friend Caleb is taking the day off to come see me on the first. I hope he stays late on Friday or maybe even into Saturday! That would be cool!

Prayers and warm thoughts to those living with the fires and smoke.

All the best with your move, Moose! That's great you'll have the help to make it easier.

I, personally, yearn for a simpler life. Maybe not so simple as what Henry David Thoreau sought, but still simpler than what I have. My husband makes that a bit difficult. I never wish to part with him, but if I did, I would definitely "Simplify, simplify. " I see that as one of the keys to my mental wellness.

"Men [women] have become the tools of their tools...Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify." - Henry David Thoreau

[Soupe du jour]

I convinced my husband to chop a day off of the beach resort where we're staying. Instead, we'll spend the last night at a hotel not far from the Spanish border. That allows us to more easily explore areas far from the beach resort (Pyrenees mountain area) and makes our next day morning drive to Barcelona airport much shorter. I'll also be glad to enjoy a hotel breakfast instead of what we've been having lately.

Hubby wants to visit a particular house for sale in France. I see that as totally impractical because it wastes time (we're not moving to France for at least a year). Then of course the realtor only wishes to show a house they hope we'll buy, which wouldn't be that one. Hubby is so frigging stubborn sometimes. And if I tell him to go see it himself, I am of course the bad one. Also, I looked at that house online and it wouldn't be one that interests me. It's a converted barn.

Looking at apartments in Czech Republic? That is practical.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Between the fires and covid you and your fellow west coasters have it deal with, I would think it almost like living in a figurative war zone. I feel so bad about the "collective unconscious of despair" you wrote about.

I wish there was more that the rest of the country could do to help calm the fires. If there is, I hope it soon gets fully offered.

Hugs

Thank you so much, Soupe

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by swimmingly

Just a quick note to let you know that while I'm not a religious or Spiritual person, I think about my West Coast friends all the time. I worry about you and your families and send positive thoughts your way. More than I'm holding any back for myself at this point.

give some your way, too.

I had a delivery today (and that's always exciting, I love the post)

it was a new jane austin mug which I won a couple weeks ago.

never read her books, so don't really know why I entered. suppose I just needed a new mug (I actually don't have many).

this one's pretty plain, it's white with the word jane austin on it. but hey I won something, I'm not complaining (I never win anything!)

not really doing much else today (hah, surprise!)

I am looking forward to my dinner though. not the food, looking forward to drinking out of my new mug

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I had a delivery today (and that's always exciting, I love the post)

it was a new jane austin mug which I won a couple weeks ago.

never read her books, so don't really know why I entered. suppose I just needed a new mug (I actually don't have many).

this one's pretty plain, it's white with the word jane austin on it. but hey I won something, I'm not complaining (I never win anything!)

not really doing much else today (hah, surprise!)

I am looking forward to my dinner though. not the food, looking forward to drinking out of my new mug

It's always nice to win something. Enjoy your mug!

I confess that I have never fully read any of Jane Austin's books, but have seen a few movies based on some. Pride and Prejudice is my absolute favorite, especially the BBC television version. I really like such stories and am deep down a romantic. I also think that story's main character, Elizabeth Bennett, is a wonderful woman. I don't know if you like romances. Or do you? I only ask based on a response I once read of yours.

[Daonnachd]

A change is in the air. There's still some smoke but the sky is blue.

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

A change is in the air. There's still some smoke but the sky is blue.

WOOT!!!!! So glad for you! I hope it continues to clear, (though we both know how that can go). Take a nice big breath for me

What? The sky is BLUE? I forgot!

[Soupe du jour]

We had a nice day in the old and beautiful city of Montpellier, France. We spent the whole time there. Tomorrow we go to Nîmes, France. My husband had a study exchange there when he was 15 years old. It's the sister city of Prague, Czech Republic (section 1 - where he went to school). Such revisitatiobs are always nice.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by swimmingly

Just a quick note to let you know that while I'm not a religious or Spiritual person, I think about my West Coast friends all the time. I worry about you and your families and send positive thoughts your way. More than I'm holding any back for myself at this point.

With deepest gratitude, thank you

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

A change is in the air. There's still some smoke but the sky is blue.

Yes...I'm around 50 miles east of you and while it's plenty hazy, there's less of the real filth, and no ash falling. A slight, but definite breeze...good enough to dissipate the smoke, but not so strong as to fuel fires.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Moose - movers! That is great

Yes! I am so excited to move. I just texted my aunt about the posters and tea towels that are framed and hanging up at my apartment. She said if she took the tea towels she would take them out of the frames! I still have fears about this apartment complex messing me up somehow. As of yet, I still haven't signed the lease- they said it would be closer to the move-in date. I'm trying not to bug them, but every day I get closer to the move-OUT date at my "old" place and I can't help worry that I will have all my stuff out and nowhere to put it come the first! But yes, I have movers. *Crossing fingers*!

[Moose72]

I'm sitting here not doing anything toward moving. I'd better get my *** up and do it! N3 was supposed to come over today to finish with his stuff, but he has English homework- lots of reading, I think. He said he'd come over on Wednesday. How can I argue with that? I hope he is taking school work seriously because he is paying for it. Seems that he is. He's going full-time plus working part-time. I found a few more things for N2 and a couple bags for N1. I have cans of soup that I don't want and want to give it to somebody who needs it, but I can only think of my church, but they probably aren't open. My aunt is going to bring some smaller boxes for moving. I can take some stuff out of another box. The stuff fits physically, but the box is REALLY heavy and I don't know if the tape on the bottom will keep the stuff from falling out. I think I will go through the cupboard in the kitchen that has soup and tea and flour and sugar in it.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

My mood improved from this morning. I made it to the grocery and have been doing chores off and all afternoon to work on this pig sty of a house. I don't know why I always let it get so bad. It's such a struggle. I've been breaking it down into smaller chunks so I don't feel so overwhelmed. I just need to keep at it, I guess.

I am rt there with you, mon amie. Really struggle w this.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel kinda goofy today. I don’t know why. I went to a few stores. I had my regular bi weekly shot. Then I went to the doctors for my physical for surgery. I passed that. They took blood and I got my flu shot. I haven’t had this many needles in me in one day since my psych hospital days. But the flu shot makes me really nauseated the next day. My regular shot can go either way. I have an email into my therapist asking if we can reschedule tomorrow. I’m already feeling a bit sickish from everything and I know how frustrated I was with her when she didn’t cancel last week because she was sick. But she did send a message before I went to the doctor saying we can meet in person twice this year and she has actual dates and times. I haven’t seen her in person since March 16th.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I convinced my husband to chop a day off of the beach resort where we're staying. Instead, we'll spend the last night at a hotel not far from the Spanish border. That allows us to more easily explore areas far from the beach resort (Pyrenees mountain area) and makes our next day morning drive to Barcelona airport much shorter. I'll also be glad to enjoy a hotel breakfast instead of what we've been having lately.

Hubby wants to visit a particular house for sale in France. I see that as totally impractical because it wastes time (we're not moving to France for at least a year). Then of course the realtor only wishes to show a house they hope we'll buy, which wouldn't be that one. Hubby is so frigging stubborn sometimes. And if I tell him to go see it himself, I am of course the bad one. Also, I looked at that house online and it wouldn't be one that interests me. It's a converted barn.

Looking at apartments in Czech Republic? That is practical.

Oh, man, Soupe. I could soooo live in Nice or Neuilly...

[bpcyclist]

3 MASKS!!#! YES!!!

90 minutes on the bike. Still in the 500s air quality index. Had to exercise. I am not going live long being a sturgeon (expectancy 59 one-half yrs) and bipolar (deduct twenty years from avg expectancy). Not willing to lose first euthymia in 26 months. Sue me. Am 56 now.

My kitten is6 mos old and the size of a cheetah. Crazy.

My heartful thanks for all the prayers and wishes for we in the Pacific Time Zone. Cooler next week. Maybe the monsoons will come early.

Hugs and adoration for my posse.

[wildflowerchild25]

Exhausting day. 7000 steps following my student around. I seriously felt so bad for him. He sat in the classroom screaming at everyone and then he just buried his head in his hands and sighed “I’m never ever happy. I’m angry and sad all the Time”. My heart broke. It’s so, so heart wrenching to hear that from an eleven year old. And yet, his mother still wants him to remain unmedicated for “as long as possible”. I want to hug him and tell him I understand, but of course I can’t. Not only will it violate corona rules, but it will probably just make him more upset. I make sure to stay well out if his personal space when he’s upset. In between episodes of anger and minor aggression, though, he’s a really sweet kid. He’s very knowledgeable. I love talking to him. I hope he can settle in soon. I know his behavior is about control - he can’t control what’s going on in his head so he controls the way he behaves toward people and pushes the limits. I have hope for him though. He is not dead eyed. There is sparkle in there.

No word on my grandfather. Still the same, I suppose. My brother contacted me of his own free will and invited me to come have a small bbq with his family at his house. I am very glad! I haven’t seen him in person since the very end of December.

My mom is just...I just can’t with her. I offered to help her donate her books, but no, she “has to go through them”. And she’s still buying ****! No point In cleaning out if she’s just going to build her hoard again. She seems to be on the verge of a mental breakdown, but honestly I can’t remember a time when she wasn’t! It’s always something, and she refuses to get any help. I just have to step back. She’s an adult. She can make her own choices. I do worry what’s going to happen when my grandmother dies eventually. She’s supposed to be the executor of the will - she can’t even do basic adult things like pay bills on time! I wish I could convince my grandma to make me the executor. I’ll team up with my SIL and we will get **** done.

Oh well. No major issues, I guess, so I’ll just trundle along!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Exhausting day. 7000 steps following my student around. I seriously felt so bad for him. He sat in the classroom screaming at everyone and then he just buried his head in his hands and sighed “I’m never ever happy. I’m angry and sad all the Time”. My heart broke. It’s so, so heart wrenching to hear that from an eleven year old. And yet, his mother still wants him to remain unmedicated for “as long as possible”. I want to hug him and tell him I understand, but of course I can’t. Not only will it violate corona rules, but it will probably just make him more upset. I make sure to stay well out if his personal space when he’s upset. In between episodes of anger and minor aggression, though, he’s a really sweet kid. He’s very knowledgeable. I love talking to him. I hope he can settle in soon. I know his behavior is about control - he can’t control what’s going on in his head so he controls the way he behaves toward people and pushes the limits. I have hope for him though. He is not dead eyed. There is sparkle in there.

No word on my grandfather. Still the same, I suppose. My brother contacted me of his own free will and invited me to come have a small bbq with his family at his house. I am very glad! I haven’t seen him in person since the very end of December.

My mom is just...I just can’t with her. I offered to help her donate her books, but no, she “has to go through them”. And she’s still buying ****! No point In cleaning out if she’s just going to build her hoard again. She seems to be on the verge of a mental breakdown, but honestly I can’t remember a time when she wasn’t! It’s always something, and she refuses to get any help. I just have to step back. She’s an adult. She can make her own choices. I do worry what’s going to happen when my grandmother dies eventually. She’s supposed to be the executor of the will - she can’t even do basic adult things like pay bills on time! I wish I could convince my grandma to make me the executor. I’ll team up with my SIL and we will get **** done.

Oh well. No major issues, I guess, so I’ll just trundle along!

I am going to restrain myself. As a child with bp or sz or sza or whatever I have, I suffered for decades. Blind in one eye. Constant cycling. Probbly szrs. Huge cognitive issues on and off. Terrified. Confused. I understand concerns about meds and deeply empathize with that position. I do. But too make a little child suffer unmedicated? Well, i cry twice a year, needed or not. And I am crying.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

3 MASKS!!#! YES!!!

90 minutes on the bike. Still in the 500s air quality index. Had to exercise. I am not going live long being a sturgeon (expectancy 59 one-half yrs) and bipolar (deduct twenty years from avg expectancy). Not willing to lose first euthymia in 26 months. Sue me. Am 56 now.

My kitten is6 mos old and the size of a cheetah. Crazy.

My heartful thanks for all the prayers and wishes for we in the Pacific Time Zone. Cooler next week. Maybe the monsoons will come early.

Hugs and adoration for my posse.

I read that as "size of a Cheeto" - did a double take!

Has Oregon been in drought mode? We had yet another winter of drastically scarce rain. Hoping and praying for some rain to round out this bizarre year.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

........

Big wfc. To borrow a phrase from Fuzzybear...GRRRRRRRR

To me, that child's mother is an abuser. Sickening to force her son to suffer like he does.


My mother was a hoarder, too. For my entire life I heard those words: I have to go through them. My entire life, besides her severe and untreated mental illness I had to deal with her obsession with her boxes of stuff she "had to go through."

Well, when she died she left towers of boxes of crap she never "went through." And my sisters and I threw it all out or donated it. Sad.

[Daonnachd]

...
I know I just got ECT but I feel like I'm trending slowly downwards.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Big wfc. To borrow a phrase from FuzzyBear...GRRRRRRRR

To me, that child's mother is an abuser. Sickening to force her son to suffer like he does.


My mother was a hoarder, too. For my entire life I heard those words: I have to go through them. My entire life, besides her severe and untreated mental illness I had to deal with her obsession with her boxes of stuff she "had to go through."

Well, when she died she left towers of boxes of crap she never "went through." And my sisters and I threw it all out or donated it. Sad.

I mean, the mother says it’s because he’s been medicated since he was five and she wants to see who he truly is and get a thorough evaluation, which I understand. But still. I know from experience that the right medication can change your life. It’s unnecessary to suffer for so long. I hope the eval comes soon and he can be started on something, anything to start to take his pain away.

When my mother dies everything goes straight in the trash. There is absolutely nothing there that is of any sentimental value to my brother and I. Our childhood was miserable. I don’t want to be reminded of it in any way, and I’m sure my brother feels the same. A few years ago I went through all the physical photos (don’t know where those have ended up) and salvaged all the ones of my father and my brother. I put them in a collage frame as a gift for him. I know it means a lot to him. My nana had boxes upon boxes of photos that my cousin is currently digitizing and then he will pass them out to the appropriate family members. I will pass all the ones of our father onto my brother, and probably just stick the rest in a box somewhere for My son when he’s older. I don’t want to look at them at all. They hold no joy.