Bipolar Check-in Thread #50

Moose72 · Sep 15, 2020, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Hey y'all. Sorry for the radio silence. I've had a rough go of it lately. My last post, I was in a psych ward after...

(triggered because of explanation, not necessarily graphic nature, but could still be triggering)

Possible trigger:

...a suicide attempt that put me in the medical hospital back on the 15th of August. I had to spend 3 days in ICU and 3 in a regular room. I had some serious neurological complications, like standing and walking issues, that got better after a few days, but I'm also still having some tremors in my hands even now. I also had a couple moments of acting out of character for myself that resulted in my being restrained, which really frightened me, when I woke up and started becoming aware again. And I was confused when they told me why... because I knew it was two things *I* would never do... and I'm having some aphasia now, too. I'm having issues recalling words for things that I want to say. I can remember words told to me that I'm asked to remember just fine, but when I'm speaking, I'll randomly come across a word that I can't recall for the life of me. It was "wonton soup" the other day and "practical" today.

That last post was on the 21st.

I started running a fever shortly after that and having some medical symptoms... on the 23rd, the psych facility sent me to the ER to get checked out after a fever of 102 and not being able to register a blood pressure. I ended up having a really serious kidney infection that had gone septic. I had to spend 3 days in ICU and another 7 in a regular room for IV antibiotics.

Then I was sent to a different psych hospital, because the one I had been at was full at that point, and spent 7 days there. So, all in all, I spent 25 days in the hospital. With two brief ambulance ride and one cab trip in there. Didnt get to go home at all during that time.

glad you're back and seem to be doing swell. That must've been really hard for you- all of it.

childofchaos831 · Sep 15, 2020, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Good Lord, you guys, what an incredibly trying time. Hugs and support and love to you all!!!!!!

Thanks bp! Yea, definitely trying... we had been feeling better at the first psych facility and were getting close to going home. Probably going to be Tuesday. Then Sunday we got sent to the ER... we started getting depressed and sui while we were in the medical hospital for the sepsis... started crying everyday, multiple times a day. Hiding it from the nurses and not telling the psych. We were telling him we were sui, just not how bad. We didn't want to have a sitter again. That was one of the more annoying things from the first hospital. We had a sitter the whole time.

childofchaos831 · Sep 15, 2020, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

glad you're back and seem to be doing swell. That must've been really hard for you- all of it.

Thanks moose! It was pretty hard. We started crying in the third hospital because we just wanted to go home... and we still had one hospital to go, and knew it. We are still getting used to society and people again. Mostly just talking to people in therapy and doctors and a couple friends/family members. Our circle is very limited right now, by choice. We are slowly introducing more people back in.

We may disappear again, if it becomes to much talking to people. But we are going to try.

Soupe du jour · Sep 16, 2020, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I'm curious. What is the thinking behind moving to France first (for a rather short time IIRC) and then to Czech Republic? You don't need to answer if you don't want, I'm just curious. Glad you're trip is going pretty well.

HI Innerzone. It's actually the opposite. Our plan is to live in Czech Republic first (at least a year), then retire in France.

An advantage to eventually living in France is that both of our French language skills are good, not just one (Hubby speaks Czech, but I do not). Also, hubby was interested in a better climate, which he thinks/thought France has. Czech Republic is quite overcast during more months.

It's hard to explain, but my husband has some reservations about life in Czech Republic. The problem is that his memories are mostly from communist Czechoslovakia and not the now more democratic Czech Republic. He has criticized Czech culture, but really he doesn't fully know how/if certain things have changed. When he came to the US in the 1980s, America seemed an almost utopia. Sadly, it's not a utopia. It has issues like other places, though perhaps not the same ones. Ditto for France.

What he's experienced is the notion that "The grass is greener on the other side." Truth is, you don't fully know that until you live on the other side for a while. And what is green to one isn't necessarily to another.

bpcyclist · Sep 16, 2020, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Thanks bp! Yea, definitely trying... we had been feeling better at the first psych facility and were getting close to going home. Probably going to be Tuesday. Then Sunday we got sent to the ER... we started getting depressed and sui while we were in the medical hospital for the sepsis... started crying everyday, multiple times a day. Hiding it from the nurses and not telling the psych. We were telling him we were sui, just not how bad. We didn't want to have a sitter again. That was one of the more annoying things from the first hospital. We had a sitter the whole time.

I assume there was a med change hopefully?

childofchaos831 · Sep 16, 2020, 05:24 AM

Yea, they stopped 4 and lowered 1, oddly

bpcyclist · Sep 16, 2020, 05:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Yea, they stopped 4 and lowered 1, oddly

Please tell us rt away if you guys or any of you is suicidal. It is not a solution. I tried twice. Don't ever do it. God loves you all!!! And so de we!!

bpcyclist · Sep 16, 2020, 05:33 AM

The stinpot woke me at 0309 to party, then, headed straight for his perch. Stinker!!!

Sep 16, 2020, 08:33 AM

Been "Home" for a few days. At least I have a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and the luxuries I'm accustomed to. Right now things are quiet and peaceful but it won't always be this way. I guess I'll just enjoy it while it lasts. I need to find a new job and figure out life again. I'm too damn tired to keep this charade of a life up much longer.

Sep 16, 2020, 10:27 AM

Our air quality has been downgraded from "hazardous" to "very unhealthy". Hopefully it'll keep heading in that direction. Still, the library cancelled my hold pick up because they're closed due to the smoke. I have to reschedule. Was really looking forward to it. Hopefully I can get in soon. Well, yanno, not "in", but up to the front door.

Oh. And I came home last night (my "Friday") to find I hadn't closed the freezer door all the way. Nearly everything thawed. Unfortunately, I had just filled it. Fortunately, I don't have much space (one shelf of a small refrigerator's freezer), so it's not tons of food. (And fortunately, my roommate only had a bag of veggies in there.)

Mood-wise, I don't know. Just going through the motions. Very blah.

*Beth* · Sep 16, 2020, 11:58 AM

Only a light haze today. After all those weeks, there is finally some sun! The weather is gorgeous. If we could just get a drenching rain...but that won't happen now.

I'm feeling much better with the Lamictal and Trilafon increase. I hope to start on my weaving project today.

Mountaindewed · Sep 16, 2020, 12:37 PM

I slept a lot last night. It took about 2 hours for me to get out of bed. I woke up still feeling nauseated. I didn’t bother taking a shower. I did good with my therapy session. I had my weighted blanket again so I was focused. I told her I was better emotionally then I was yesterday. She was a lot better then she was last week. She said she doesn’t want to see me the week of my surgery unless it’s a few hours before the surgery because she wants me to be recovering and hopefully be sleeping. Yet she said it was ok to go to a concert the night before the surgery. So yeah I don’t totally get her all the time. But I feel decent mood wise today. Still pretty off physically. I’m still just taking it day by day.

Moose72 · Sep 16, 2020, 01:09 PM

N3 is here to deal with the rest of his stuff- he's dragging his feet of course! I guess I need to get in there with him and spur him on. All I really want to do is take a nap. A big nap!

Soupe du jour · 02:06 PM

I don't wish to comment much on today. The good thing is that we are currently comfortable in a simple hotel room in aircon, after much-needed shower. The bed is far more comfortable than the one in the last place. It was so uncomfortable at the last place that Hubby slept in a bunk bed with me on a convertible sofa bed. Tonight we finally sleep together again.

Tomorrow afternoon we will be in Czech Republic. I'm glad!

We have likely ruled out where we've been in France as a future place to settle. Maybe a different part of France? Or maybe just stay in Czech Republic. We'll see. I can say that Czech Republic will be much less expensive overall.

Some of our time in Czech Republic will be spent in a house my husband spent all of his summers in as a child and young man. In a forest of Bohemia. We'll see his sister for just 1 1/2 days, then she leaves the whole house just for us when she goes to Greece on vacation. I am looking forward to that period of quiet and solitude with Hubby. She is leaving us with a fridge of food, including "buřty" a sausage not unlike German knock wurst. We plan to reenact our wedding night when we put the buřty on sticks and roasted them over a pit fire on the property. I can smell them and taste them right now. She also made apple strudel, Bishop's bread, and bought a tray of special open-faced sandwiches. This represents home.

I look forward to seeing my husband's nephews. I especially know his older nephew, who has spent lots of time with us in the US, in the past.

bpcyclist · Sep 16, 2020, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I don't wish to comment much on today. The good thing is that we are currently comfortable in a simple hotel room in aircon, after much-needed shower. The bed is far more comfortable than the one in the last place. It was so uncomfortable at the last place that Hubby slept in a bunk bed with me on a convertible sofa bed. Tonight we finally sleep together again.

Tomorrow afternoon we will be in Czech Republic. I'm glad!

We have likely ruled out where we've been in France as a future place to settle. Maybe a different part of France? Or maybe just stay in Czech Republic. We'll see. I can say that Czech Republic will be much less expensive overall.

Have fun in Prague, Soupinator!!!

bpcyclist · Sep 16, 2020, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius

Been "Home" for a few days. At least I have a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and the luxuries I'm accustomed to. Right now things are quiet and peaceful but it won't always be this way. I guess I'll just enjoy it while it lasts. I need to find a new job and figure out life again. I'm too damn tired to keep this charade of a life up much longer.

Hugs, M!!!

Living in LaLa Land · Sep 16, 2020, 05:23 PM

Looks like I'm having a long night tonight. I have bloodwork testing tomorrow, which means no supplements (including melatonin and vitamins), medication, and herbal tea. My husband plans to take a nap and stay up with me for a bit.

What can I do to survive the night since I have insomnia anyway? I'm good with sleeping here and there. My concern is a completely sleepless night, which I haven't had in a months.

Tips?

Daonnachd · Sep 16, 2020, 05:29 PM

My boss told me today that I'm being cut to 9 hours per week. So I'm looking for work. Although this brings up my pdoc's suggestion that I go on disability. She mentioned it when I started ECT but I didn't want to. After all the mistakes I've made and memory I've lost, I'm wondering if that's a sensible avenue to go. It's a tough decision because I don't want to admit that my mind is that fried but in reality I've lost a lot to ECT.

Daonnachd · Sep 16, 2020, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land

Looks like I'm having a long night tonight. I have bloodwork testing tomorrow, which means no supplements (including melatonin and vitamins), medication, and herbal tea. My husband plans to take a nap and stay up with me for a bit.

What can I do to survive the night since I have insomnia anyway? I'm good with sleeping here and there. My concern is a completely sleepless night, which I haven't had in a months.

Tips?

I would split my time between reading a book and making art.

Polibeth · Sep 16, 2020, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

My boss told me today that I'm being cut to 9 hours per week. So I'm looking for work. Although this brings up my pdoc's suggestion that I go on disability. She mentioned it when I started ECT but I didn't want to. After all the mistakes I've made and memory I've lost, I'm wondering if that's a sensible avenue to go. It's a tough decision because I don't want to admit that my mind is that fried but in reality I've lost a lot to ECT.

I lost a lot to ECT and had to go on disability. It was the best decision I've made.

bpcyclist · Sep 16, 2020, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land

Looks like I'm having a long night tonight. I have bloodwork testing tomorrow, which means no supplements (including melatonin and vitamins), medication, and herbal tea. My husband plans to take a nap and stay up with me for a bit.

What can I do to survive the night since I have insomnia anyway? I'm good with sleeping here and there. My concern is a completely sleepless night, which I haven't had in a months.

Tips?

I binge-watch good shows usually. Hugs!!

Living in LaLa Land · Sep 16, 2020, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I binge-watch good shows usually. Hugs!!

Looks like I'm checking the cable guide for some good movies.

bpcyclist · Sep 16, 2020, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

My boss told me today that I'm being cut to 9 hours per week. So I'm looking for work. Although this brings up my pdoc's suggestion that I go on disability. She mentioned it when I started ECT but I didn't want to. After all the mistakes I've made and memory I've lost, I'm wondering if that's a sensible avenue to go. It's a tough decision because I don't want to admit that my mind is that fried but in reality I've lost a lot to ECT.

I had to give a surgical career and running a public laser company at 41. No way I could work. No way now. I have found solace in honestly accepting the realities of my brain illness. I am quite ill. But I am alive and battle every day. Life is so worth fighting for. Hugs!!!!