[Nammu]

A summer day in the 80’s for the first day of fall. Someone aughta tell Mother Earth it’s fall! I don’t mind at all. 6 months of winter coming so I’ll take summer weather. Just passing the evening with an earful of Jazz and a cozy book.

I had fun playing with my dog tonight. I guess she is my companion. Sort of. Building staff were by to do the annual fire detector test. It went smoothly and the Super said, "Have a great day!" That felt nice. There was no noise from the construction, blessedly quiet. I ate better than yesterday. So all-in-all a better day.

@Jennifer 1967: That's great news! So happy for you!

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Just passing the evening with an earful of Jazz and a cozy book.

Aaaaah, I think I'll put on Jean-Pierre Rampal's piano, flute and bass. Thank you.

[wildflowerchild25]

Hoo boy. My SIL is fired up! I found out by accident that my late husband’s aunt on his father’s side invited “all” her grand nieces and nephews to a Halloween party at her house. Funny enough, my son was excluded. When my SIL asked if he could come, she got all shady and said that ok, he could come, but she didn’t want me in the house “because of covid” so he would have to come with my SIL. I laughed and told my SIL to tell her to **** right off. None of them have spoken to me since my husband died so why the hell would I send my son to a house full of strangers, especially when he’s clearly not wanted? Yeah right.

She then asked her cousins why they surreptitiously unfriended her on FB and they all FREAKED OUT, calling her names and cursing at her. Which I fully believe. They are all evil, manipulative narcissists, every last one of them. None of them ever made an effort to get to know me OR my son, even when my husband was alive. They treated my husband like dirt, and by extension me and my son. The matriarch was the worst of them all. She was a petty evil witch who got pleasure in turning people against each other and playing the victim. She turned everyone against me by spreading a rumor that I had demanded my husband’s funeral be “invite only”. Who has ever heard of a funeral being invite only? What I said was it was FAMILY only because I didn’t want any of his addict friends there. They are all nasty people. I’m glad they don’t want me in their lives. I certainly don’t want them in mine or my son’s. I’m hesitant to even allow my FIL in his life for the way he has treated me in the past. I only bring my son there once or twice a year, and ONLY because he keeps his ****ing mouth shut around me now.

I told her just to cut them off completely. Block them on all social media and block their numbers from her phone. They are sure to drag her through the mud publicly. We’re all better off without them.

I felt slightly better today. I think I’ll be fine by Thursday.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that my mom will be cut off as well. Not completely; I’m just cutting her off from any help with anything at all until she makes an effort to help herself. The only reason I’ll remind her to pay cable is so my son can still have internet when he goes to her house for remote school. Other than that she will have to lie in her bed that she made. She’s always had someone to take care of her, whether it was me or my grandmother. Well when my grandmother died she’s in for a rude awakening. I’ll care for her if she becomes disabled in some way but I’m done being her therapist and giving her suggestions for a better life.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Hoo boy. My SIL is fired up! I found out by accident that my late husband’s aunt on his father’s side invited “all” her grand nieces and nephews to a Halloween party at her house. Funny enough, my son was excluded. When my SIL asked if he could come, she got all shady and said that ok, he could come, but she didn’t want me in the house “because of covid” so he would have to come with my SIL. I laughed and told my SIL to tell her to **** right off. None of them have spoken to me since my husband died so why the hell would I send my son to a house full of strangers, especially when he’s clearly not wanted? Yeah right.

She then asked her cousins why they surreptitiously unfriended her on FB and they all FREAKED OUT, calling her names and cursing at her. Which I fully believe. They are all evil, manipulative narcissists, every last one of them. None of them ever made an effort to get to know me OR my son, even when my husband was alive. They treated my husband like dirt, and by extension me and my son. The matriarch was the worst of them all. She was a petty evil witch who got pleasure in turning people against each other and playing the victim. She turned everyone against me by spreading a rumor that I had demanded my husband’s funeral be “invite only”. Who has ever heard of a funeral being invite only? What I said was it was FAMILY only because I didn’t want any of his addict friends there. They are all nasty people. I’m glad they don’t want me in their lives. I certainly don’t want them in mine or my son’s. I’m hesitant to even allow my FIL in his life for the way he has treated me in the past. I only bring my son there once or twice a year, and ONLY because he keeps his ****ing mouth shut around me now.

I told her just to cut them off completely. Block them on all social media and block their numbers from her phone. They are sure to drag her through the mud publicly. We’re all better off without them.

I felt slightly better today. I think I’ll be fine by Thursday.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that my mom will be cut off as well. Not completely; I’m just cutting her off from any help with anything at all until she makes an effort to help herself. The only reason I’ll remind her to pay cable is so my son can still have internet when he goes to her house for remote school. Other than that she will have to lie in her bed that she made. She’s always had someone to take care of her, whether it was me or my grandmother. Well when my grandmother died she’s in for a rude awakening. I’ll care for her if she becomes disabled in some way but I’m done being her therapist and giving her suggestions for a better life.

Hugs. Breathe. Meditate. Pray. Love.

[downersgoup]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Having a total, cataclysmic spiritual meltdown. Just epiphanized upon myself that my parents comPLETELEY HOSED ME!! As a little child. I just cannot believe they did this. I love them so very much and they have done so much for me. Other than only the single most crucial thing in the galaxy!!! How on earth could I possibly have gotten to this age before I realized I was raised 1000 percent to be an atheist. Arghhhhh!!!! I am so mad!!!!!!!

I understand anger around religion. My parents raised me catholic, and while I truly do believe that any expression of any religion can be good, they really missed the mark. I'm gay, and they sent me to conversion therapy, blah blah blah, it just sucked. I went through a long period of hating religion and all that it stood for, but funny thing, once I got diagnosed and started taking care of myself my interest in spirituality came back. Not for catholicism exactly, but for some kind of a connection with something greater than myself. Are you angry because you feel like they made a decision for you without consulting you?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

The situation that was causing so much anxiety has resolved itself after two months in the best possible way. I feel like an anchor has been removed from my chest. Very, very grateful.

I slept 10 hours last night. Very grateful for that also.

I really appreciate the support. Thank you.

***Wonderful!***
I'm so glad for you

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by downersgoup

I understand anger around religion. My parents raised me catholic, and while I truly do believe that any expression of any religion can be good, they really missed the mark. I'm gay, and they sent me to conversion therapy, blah blah blah, it just sucked. I went through a long period of hating religion and all that it stood for, but funny thing, once I got diagnosed and started taking care of myself my interest in spirituality came back. Not for catholicism exactly, but for some kind of a connection with something greater than myself. Are you angry because you feel like they made a decision for you without consulting you?

I am soooooo grateful to you for reaching out to me. And so pained and sorry for your difficult journey. Hugs and love.

That said, yes!!!!! Zackly!!! Their making my spirituality construct decision---humanism, letters, earth-centric--for me without ever even for one kglaptisecond consulting with my little, frightened, three year-old self was inadequate parenting conduct. As it turned out, being made aware of the notion that there could be a God who loves me out there would have really comforted me from birth to age 8ish when I miraculously stumbled on my grandad's bible somehow and started stumbling through it alone in my room.

[*Beth*]

I picked up my new glasses today and I like them, can see extremely well, and hoping the "prism lens" cuts down on the med side-effect of blurry vision when my eyes are fatigued.

That said, my husband was being a fu*k in general. I've had to be dependent on him since my surgery. I am able to do more and more every week, but I still cannot drive. He's been extremely helpful overall; we simply can't be together every day, day after day. After so many days it's as though 2 best friends turn into fire and oil.

He started with his damned anti-vax CRAP tonight...such BS...he was certainly not involved when our kids were vaccinated (just as they should have been); it's that he loves a controversy. And I don't. My system starts to fall apart when he raises his voice and gets all emotional. All the years of roller-coaster riding has taken it's toll. I'm working so effing hard in therapy, and on all these meds, to keep myself stable.

It doesn't take but a scratch to my surface for me to come unglued. And he either doesn't notice, or doesn't give a shite. It's an awful, awful feeling to be literally shaking all over, and to fear going off the deep - either manic or depressed - I just wanted him to leave, go home. Leave me alone with my cats and leave me in peace.

Thank the universe a baseball game came on and distracted his azz for an hour, then he left to go home. Bliss. Heaven. I wish I had a kombucha to drink with my meds to mellow me out, stop my shaking, and just let me be.

I wish I didn't have to see him tomorrow, but he has to bring me groceries. Gotta read some stuff from therapy, do some relaxation, breathe, and take an overdose (KIDDING).

[Crazy Hitch]

I have felt so wired and jumpy today. If gyms were open I'd run on the treadmill for an hour. but reality is I probably can't walk around my own block right now i'm so unfit lol

[Gabyunbound]

Before I even took my meds last night, at about 8pm, I started to feel very very sleepy. Ended up soon falling deeply asleep on the couch. A friend came over last weekend with some sort of upper respiratory infection virus (doesn't sound like COVID, but now I'm wondering). We never wear masks with each other. I barely go out, and where a mask when I do, and same with her. She said she gets sick like this about twice a year. She's a heavy smoker and that may be why. Nonetheless, I'm feeling very stupid right now. I hope I'm not fighting something, and if I am, I hope my body wins.

In other news, we've been having PERFECT, clear, beautiful fall days over here. It's been a great pleasure. I can't wait for the leaves to change. There are already subtle indications.

My sister said if I have one more outburst, she's kicking me out. I feel so rejected and uncared for. Very low right now. I have nowhere to go. First my boyfriend and now this. I'll be on my best behavior. I see my new therapist next week so at least there's that. I hope she's nice

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Aaaaah, I think I'll put on Jean-Pierre Rampal's piano, flute and bass. Thank you.

Jean-Pierre Rampal plays the flute right?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Before I even took my meds last night, at about 8pm, I started to feel very very sleepy. Ended up soon falling deeply asleep on the couch. A friend came over last weekend with some sort of upper respiratory infection virus (doesn't sound like COVID, but now I'm wondering). We never wear masks with each other. I barely go out, and where a mask when I do, and same with her. She said she gets sick like this about twice a year. She's a heavy smoker and that may be why. Nonetheless, I'm feeling very stupid right now. I hope I'm not fighting something, and if I am, I hope my body wins.

In other news, we've been having PERFECT, clear, beautiful fall days over here. It's been a great pleasure. I can't wait for the leaves to change. There are already subtle indications.

The trees are beginning to change color here, too.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Jean-Pierre Rampal plays the flute right?

Yes, and I encourage everyone to look it up on Spotify or youtube to listen to it. It is pretty good for lifting my spirits when in a funk.

[Blue_Bird]

Good morning! Woke up early for the first time in a long time. Went to the pharmacy to pick up one of my meds and bought some chamomile lavender tea, dark chocolate, and dark roast coffee. The coffee is for when my sister visits. This whole time I thought I wasn't allowed to have visitors in my apartment complex due to covid but I was totally wrong, got that cleared up with the supportive housing care manager the other day. So I can finally have my sister over. We'll have danish butter cookies and coffee while we talk. It will be nice to show her the pictures I got hung up and the fall decor in my apartment. It's not much but it's starting to look more like a home.

My anxiety has gotten much better. I still have panic attacks every now and then but I don't feel that constant dread feeling in my chest anymore.

I'm trying to get into a better sleep routine (getting up early) cause I have a bad habit of sleeping half the day and ignoring my alarms. I just feel better when I get up early for some reason. I used to be a morning person but that changed with meds.

The weather is a lot cooler. I'm loving it.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a lovely day and happy fall!

[Soupe du jour]

Blue_Bird, I am glad that you have a visit from your sister to look forward to. We do need human contact, even with covid.

It's nice to read about tree leaves changing color. I look forward to seeing that in my part of the US before I move. I don't believe the autumn leaves in Czech Republic are nearly as beautiful.

My husband and his nephew are out for a walk. I am enjoying some alone time. Actually, I quickly made a tomato salad and carrot sticks. My nephew has insisted on doing all of the food prep/cooking since we've been here. That is kind of him, but all of the meals are just meat and starchy carbs and high in salt. It's like "Caveman Specials" and not overly tasty. I realize that sounds harsh, but I really yearn for veggies. Plus, the lack of them is affecting my "regularity", to put it nicely. My sister-in-law left few vegetable options and the fruit are mostly gone and mostly consumed by my husband.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Blue_Bird, I am glad that you have a visit from your sister to look forward to. We do need human contact, even with covid.

It's nice to read about tree leaves changing color. I look forward to seeing that in my part of the US before I move. I don't believe the autumn leaves in Czech Republic are nearly as beautiful.

My husband and his nephew are out for a walk. I am enjoying some alone time. Actually, I quickly made a tomato salad and carrot sticks. My nephew has insisted on doing all of the food prep/cooking since we've been here. That is kind of him, but all of the meals are just meat and starchy carbs and high in salt. It's like "Caveman Specials" and not overly tasty. I realize that sounds harsh, but I really yearn for veggies. Plus, the lack of them is affecting my "regularity", to put it nicely. My sister-in-law left few vegetable options and the fruit are mostly gone and mostly consumed by my husband.

Why don't you politely offer to cook dinner, Soupe?

[bpcyclist]

Had my first RCIA meeting last night at church. That's the program we do to be confirmed Catholic at Easter. Super duper excited. It was awesome. Very sweet humans. I am sure we will learn a lot and maybe I could make a new friend. That would be good for me.

Pretty sure I got a little hypo couple of days ago. I am not capable of identifying my own flip to hypo anymore. Thanks to everyone for helping me. I rely on it.
Hugs and love to all!!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Had my first RCIA meeting last night at church. That's the program we do to be confirmed Catholic at Easter. Super duper excited. It was awesome. Very sweet humans. I am sure we will learn a lot and maybe I could make a new friend. That would be good for me.

Pretty sure I got a little hypo couple of days ago. I am not capable of identifying my own flip to hypo anymore. Thanks to everyone for helping me. I rely on it.
Hugs and love to all!!

I really enjoyed my experience with RCIA, I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by pineperson

My sister said if I have one more outburst, she's kicking me out. I feel so rejected and uncared for. Very low right now. I have nowhere to go. First my boyfriend and now this. I'll be on my best behavior. I see my new therapist next week so at least there's that. I hope she's nice

Regardless of what you were told about not needing medication, from what you're telling us about your outbursts, it sounds to me like a mood stabilizer would help you. Anyway, it's great that you'll be seeing your new therapist soon.

[*Beth*]

Starting on Friday the temperatures are going up to the 100's for several days. The heat is discouraging.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Nammu

A summer day in the 80’s for the first day of fall. Someone aughta tell Mother Earth it’s fall! I don’t mind at all. 6 months of winter coming so I’ll take summer weather. Just passing the evening with an earful of Jazz and a cozy book.

Sounds like a lovely way to spend an evening.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Yes, and I encourage everyone to look it up on Spotify or youtube to listen to it. It is pretty good for lifting my spirits when in a funk.

Thanks for sharing this.

[Living in LaLa Land]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Starting on Friday the temperatures are going up to the 100's for several days. The heat is discouraging.

I'm really tired of the 100 degree days. I want actual Fall weather. I'm a Philly native transplant to L.A. and Fall's my favorite season. It's disheartening not to have an actual Fall.