[BeyondtheRainbow]

Sorry Swimmingly.

Well, air quality is back to hazardous. Such fun.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by swimmingly

Lost my job today. I have 7 days left in an office. November 20th is the start of my unemployment. 16 weeks.

An opportunity to find something better...

[Moose72]

Sorry you lost your job, swimmingly, but glad you're getting unemployment.

[Moose72]

I'm home in the dark now. I picked up N3 today and we went and picked up his school "books". They are just unbound stacks of paper! We had to buy a binder or two to hold all the paper. But it looks all organized and ready for him to really get into his classes now. Calculus was his biggest "book"! He seemed to know what it all meant but I certainly didn't. I've never been good at math, although I took a placement exam once where the lady who told me my score said I was very highly intelligent in math. Go figure. I flunked math two of the three years that I took it in high school.

We then went to my place and sorted and pitched and packed things . My mom came over and so did her husband. He came over to try to fix my dryer which made a horrible crashing noise last night about this time and then squealed. Then I tried to turn it back on and it just hummed. So mom's husband and N3 worked on it for I don't know how long. My mom and I were emptying drawers in the kitchen and packing stuff. The dryer wouldn't run without making noise and they tried everything and then decided that the motor itself was the problem and they took it outside to be thrown away. Good thing is, someone wants to buy just the washer so we have a winner in that sense. I will have to do laundry at my mom's for the time being until I am settled into my new place.

I was tired around 4 p.m. today but I pressed on packing and sorting. I can now go to bed, though. At least watch tv for a while. Poor N3- he has so much stuff.. I wish he would've donated or thrown out more than he did because he'll just have to move again one day- whenever that will be.

[*Beth*]

I feel like screaming! I just typed out a long post to everyone who has posted on this thread today, hit some damned key, closed the screen and lost the post.

Vision too blurry to retype, so I'll just say that I send loving vibes to each of you and all around

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I feel like screaming! I just typed out a long post to everyone who has posted on this thread today, hit some damned key, closed the screen and lost the post.

Vision too blurry to retype, so I'll just say that I send loving vibes to each of you and all around

I hate when that happens! Sorry it happened to you. Trying to recreate your masterpiece never works out- it's just not the same. Thanks for the love!

[Victoria'smom]

Therapy threw me off today. Even though I think I'm better then I was I'm still pretty bad apparently crying spells are a bad sign. Enough she wants me to call the nurse. I don't know how I feel about calling outside my appointment. The scheduling department screwed up I'm suppose to be weekly appointment. She wasn't frustrated with me but she does want me to see a dr and get blood work done.
Trigger ED stuff

Possible trigger:

To keep up with the protein shakes, snacks, and trying to eat a full meal or two a day. She said the same thing everyone else does. "how could my parents not know?" since my mom was a nurse. So I explained how I use to hide it. I always hate that question because it's not their fault they didn't catch me. Hell my Dr's didn't catch me when I weighed in. I once had a teacher ask (after she saw a medical paper) "how I did that, because I couldn't weigh close to that soaking wet!" This time my husband knows and I'm not hiding it. I sooo sooo want to but I'm not

I also had a nightmare that my husband was going to night clubs, dancing with other girls and not inviting me and on my birthday no less. So that took about two hours before I could start my day.

[scatterbrained04]

Got to bed a little later last night, so I'm a bit tired. Something for work came up I had to do last minute even though I was in bed. I ended up starting to catch a second wind. Took trazodone and clonazepam and was finally able to sleep.

Hired a new employee. Really hope she works out. I fill in so much that I can't get a lot of my work done. It's really stressing me out. I never get the satisfaction of being caught up and doing a good job because I'm always scrapping to get 5 days of work done in 3 days. My self-esteem takes a bit of hit from that.

Having trouble concentrating this morning. Really hope it improves once I get to work.

[bpcyclist]

Albert let me sleep til 6. Fell asleep w my bible on my chest at ten. So lucky.

Air quality a bit better. Gonna ride again. Two masks.

Hugs to all my peeps.

my fridge is broken

trying to get someone out to fix it.

for most days this week, it's been making really weird noises

then yesterday it broke down

so hoping for the best... that someone can come and fix it (cheaply, too.). I don't have much money.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel much better physically today. I’m not exactly sure what happened last night. One minute not even sure what time it was. I was eating a chicken pot pie. Next thing I knew it was midnight. I didn’t have a blanket on or anything. I just seemed to have randomly fallen asleep. But I felt totally fine physically. It was weird. I stayed up until 4. Drank a couple sodas and listened to music. I got back to sleep and woke up at 5:45. I’m not sure if I took my Geodon in the time frame I was up. I know I had it in my pocket. But when I went to take it it was gone. And it wasn’t anywhere I could see. So I thought maybe I had taken it. Maybe while walking upstairs with my soda. By 10:30 this morning I was kinda off mentally and it really felt like I hadn’t taken it. so I just took another one. So I may have unintentionally overdosed on Geodon today. But I feel alright now so maybe I really didn’t take it and I just lost it. My memory really does suck though. But at least I feel better now and I know I felt crappy because of the flu shot. This was the first time the flu shot made me feel like that. It kinda makes me a bit nervous though. I mean if the flu shot causes that type of reaction I hope my surgery doesn’t do a number on me too.

[MuddyBoots]

Things are chaotic (old member, new account here). I feel like a failure because of substance abuse issues. It's a horrible cycle of using->worse symptoms->more using to self medicate->etc. I just spent two weeks in a program where we were supposed to learn how to cope without drugs. All I learned is that I have a lot of past trauma and abandonment issues that I need to work on (and possibly ADHD? That was brought up as a possibility). I don't think they brought up coping skills once, but I guess I haven't been paying attention too well. I have a new extra-dimensional hallucination I call Leo following me. I drew him.
I guess I'm just learning too much right now. I'm thinking of moving out of the country. I live pretty close to the Canadian border, but I want to move farther away than just across the border.

[Fuzzybear]

If I was to wish for one thing... it would be for me to be a ''better listener'' (I think being ''good'' at listening is already one of my good qualities, most of the time)

I had a very weird conversation with someone recently. I did not have fun with it. I want to try to build more fun into my life. Tomorrow is a day I have not been looking forward to for some time... a fang appointment (grrrr sigh)

I have to remember someone's advice. Tonight. Grrrr

I was reminded by someone else (a friend) last night of a song...



(hugs to all)

[Moose72]

The new apartment complex called! They wanted to know if I could move in early because my apartment is ready. I said no because the section 8 people are still working on my recertification and so I wouldn't know how much rent I'd have to pay not to mention that they (section 8) need to inspect the new apartment before I can move in. Plus, I think the recertification paperwork hasn't even gotten to them until today maybe. So yeah- it's a nice idea to move in early, but besides all of the above, I just don't have everything packed! I wish I had the money to just pay the extra two weeks, etc. but I don't. See above. I still have to pay the security deposit, too.

[Living in LaLa Land]

Got some bloodwork done to see if the insomnia is either the bipolar talking or something physical. I'm not sure. I haven't had a physical in two years, so anything's possible. I think I'm in mixed states. I mean, I don't feel as though I'm manic at all.

So why is my sleeping pattern off?

Anyway, I feel accomplished. The bloodwork and the mammogram I got on Tuesday makes me feel as though I'm taking my physical health seriously. I'm supposed to have an appointment with my new therapist on Monday. Haven't heard a thing, though. So, I'm concerned as I need to create a working cocktail for my meds.

Fingers crossed.

[Coolbreeze74]

I'm sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I've been reading tho and hugs all around!

I've just been overwhelmed. My son isnt doing well and I just don't know how to help him. His psychiatrist is worthless. The agency that we go to they just do the least amount of work that they can. He can't change pdoc's bc he already did. My pdoc is the same. Least amount of work that he can.

The good news is that I think it's going to work out with my new therapist. They have a huge turnover where I go to therapy. We don't have many options where we can go bc of our insurance. Its Medicaid. But I told him about the many trauma I've been through and he does think that living with all that pain could be contributing to my panic attacks. He gave me 4 ways to do therapy. Emdr sounds too difficult right now with the stress I'm under with the panic attacks and my son. So I think I'm going to tell him let's work on mindfulness. Maybe later we can do emdr. But he was very understanding and I don't think he will be leaving the agency. Hes been there awhile now. So I'm hopeful I may have found a good therapist that wont be leaving the agency!

We bought a new e cigarette and it did the same thing the other ones did. They weren't counterfeit after all. The shop owner where we bought the new one just upselled us. So we're out $40. I'm also so tired of worrying about money every month. Its draining. My son really needs to apply for ssi. But hes really psychotic right now so until he gets better idk what to do.

Hope everyone is having a good day. hugs to those struggling.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

......

Lousy pdocs are the worst. I'm sorry that neither you nor your son have good ones.

Great news on the therapist, though! I agree with you that mindfulness is probably a good choice right now. I've done a lot of EMDR and a lot of mindfulness. I know that EMDR has become popular, but I was never *that* impressed with it. One problem that I have with it is that moving my eyes back and forth makes me sleepy. I'm constantly fighting sleepiness from meds already. Don't need more things that cause sleepiness.

Mindfulness gives me the feeling of being connected to my spiritual self and I can practice mindfulness anywhere at any time.

It seems to me that applying for SSI while your son is having a psychotic episode is a good idea. It's easy to start the ball rolling. From what I know about SSI it sounds like your son would certainly be eligible for it.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Lousy pdocs are the worst. I'm sorry that neither you nor your son have good ones.

Great news on the therapist, though! I agree with you that mindfulness is probably a good choice right now. I've done a lot of EMDR and a lot of mindfulness. I know that EMDR has become popular, but I was never *that* impressed with it. One problem that I have with it is that moving my eyes back and forth makes me sleepy. I'm constantly fighting sleepiness from meds already. Don't need more things that cause sleepiness.

Mindfulness gives me the feeling of being connected to my spiritual self and I can practice mindfulness anywhere at any time.

It seems to me that applying for SSI while your son is having a psychotic episode is a good idea. It's easy to start the ball rolling. From what I know about SSI it sounds like your son would certainly be eligible for it.

Good post. I agree with you about mindfulness

[Daonnachd]

I just started the process of applying for SSDI. My thanks @Polibeth for the encouragement.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Lousy pdocs are the worst. I'm sorry that neither you nor your son have good ones.

Great news on the therapist, though! I agree with you that mindfulness is probably a good choice right now. I've done a lot of EMDR and a lot of mindfulness. I know that EMDR has become popular, but I was never *that* impressed with it. One problem that I have with it is that moving my eyes back and forth makes me sleepy. I'm constantly fighting sleepiness from meds already. Don't need more things that cause sleepiness.

Mindfulness gives me the feeling of being connected to my spiritual self and I can practice mindfulness anywhere at any time.

It seems to me that applying for SSI while your son is having a psychotic episode is a good idea. It's easy to start the ball rolling. From what I know about SSI it sounds like your son would certainly be eligible for it.

Yeah, I think we should get the ball rolling on the disability, but I'm pretty overwhelmed right now. I think mindfulness is a good choice too!

I wish we could get better pdoc's. It truly does suck!

[Mountaindewed]

Well the Geodon was on my nightstand. So I didn’t take it. Since I took it at 10:30 I got super drowsy around 2:30 and I fell asleep until 5. I would have kept sleeping but my mom decided to wake me up. She’s really really been pissing me off lately. I got up to watch TV and to eat something. Now I’m back in bed.

[wildflowerchild25]

I think I better stop talking in specifics about work because I’m probably breaching confidentially and even though I don’t think they could ever find me it’s best that I stop. So in general today was up and down. I logged about 8000 steps! That should tell you enough

My grandfather hasn’t eaten in two weeks but he is drinking a little bit again so that’s good. He even drank a small glass of milk so at least he got a little bit of nutrition. He doesn’t really respond much to my grandma when she chats with him but she thinks he’s taking it in. She told me he asked for a shave today and when she asked the nurse she laughed and said they ask him every day and he always growls NO He’s such a crotchety grouch to them! I think they deserve extra pay for putting up with him! He’s always been that way though. Just gotten worse in his old age. I stopped taking anything he says seriously about ten years ago lol.

One of my favorite author’s new book came out today! I’m too tired to read it today but it’s definitely on the plan for this weekend. Nothing planned for Saturday. I am going to make apple crunch with all the apples we got from apple picking. I will probably also make a small lasagna. It’s going to be a cool fall day so I can finally use the oven again. Sunday we are supposed to go to lunch for my MIL’s birthday but NJ indoor dining is capped at 25% capacity and we have a party of eight. Due to social distancing rules I’m not sure if we will be allowed to all sit together. I’m going to call tomorrow and see. I don’t want to travel 40 minutes to be turned away,

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Things are chaotic (old member, new account here). I feel like a failure because of substance abuse issues. It's a horrible cycle of using->worse symptoms->more using to self medicate->etc. I just spent two weeks in a program where we were supposed to learn how to cope without drugs. All I learned is that I have a lot of past trauma and abandonment issues that I need to work on (and possibly ADHD? That was brought up as a possibility). I don't think they brought up coping skills once, but I guess I haven't been paying attention too well. I have a new extra-dimensional hallucination I call Leo following me. I drew him.
I guess I'm just learning too much right now. I'm thinking of moving out of the country. I live pretty close to the Canadian border, but I want to move farther away than just across the border.

Hugs, Sapien. Been sober 12 yrs. I feel you. What is your drug of choice? Go to 12 step stuff ever? Really helped me. Been to treatment?.

Nothing changes if nothing changes...

You can do this. But you will have to take action. Get to it.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

If I was to wish for one thing... it would be for me to be a ''better listener'' (I think being ''good'' at listening is already one of my good qualities, most of the time)

I had a very weird conversation with someone recently. I did not have fun with it. I want to try to build more fun into my life. Tomorrow is a day I have not been looking forward to for some time... a fang appointment (grrrr sigh)

I have to remember someone's advice. Tonight. Grrrr

I was reminded by someone else (a friend) last night of a song...



(hugs to all)

Awwwwww...