[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

I'm on Medicaid. You cant get a second opinion. I know you guys are trying to help. But believe me I've thought about all these things before...

Good news is it looks like no panic attack tonight.

That's great!

[Moose72]

I went to bed early- 9:30?- and now I can't sleep. It's 4 a.m.

[scatterbrained04]

Been extremely stressed out due to stuff at work this week. Really having a negative impact on my mood. Been irritable and a little depressed. Wanted to SH yesterday but did not. Potentially facing having a completely unmanageable workload in the coming weeks. No idea how I'm going to do it. Honestly the thought has crossed my mind to seek employment elsewhere. The thought of leaving kind of makes me sad because I've been with this practice 13 years, and I like the doctors a lot. I don't know what I'm going to do. Trying to search within myself to find the strength and positivity and pull through this difficult situation.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

I'm on Medicaid. You cant get a second opinion. I know you guys are trying to help. But believe me I've thought about all these things before...

Good news is it looks like no panic attack tonight.

If you've considered other options and there are none then what's left is acceptance.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Been extremely stressed out due to stuff at work this week. Really having a negative impact on my mood. Been irritable and a little depressed. Wanted to SH yesterday but did not. Potentially facing having a completely unmanageable workload in the coming weeks. No idea how I'm going to do it. Honestly the thought has crossed my mind to seek employment elsewhere. The thought of leaving kind of makes me sad because I've been with this practice 13 years, and I like the doctors a lot. I don't know what I'm going to do. Trying to search within myself to find the strength and positivity and pull through this difficult situation.

Med adjustment?

Hugs. Prayers.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by BethRags

If you've considered other options and there are none then what's left is acceptance.

Very true, I have to accept it and remember they do go away. A friend of mine said, maybe they will figure out something, but until then I have to remain strong. I just have to...

[MuddyBoots]

Today is day four no drugs or alcohol which is when I f'ked up last time. Today will be particularly hard because my friend is being an asshole and not calling or texting. He'll answer if I call, but after four minutes he'll say he has to go. Makes me feel like he's got more important business than helping me live. Everyone does, really... but hey, blue hair am I right?

[Moose72]

I went out on a limb and applied for a credit card at my credit union. I didn't get a decision though because I don't know how much rent I'm going to be paying for another week and a half or so. He sent in the application, but it may come back that they need more information and/or I'm denied. All I want is a credit card with a $300 limit that I can charge my gas and items like toilet paper and laundry soap and then pay it off at the end of the month. I need to build my credit. They are calling sometime today.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Today is day four no drugs or alcohol which is when I f'ked up last time. Today will be particularly hard because my friend is being an asshole and not calling or texting. He'll answer if I call, but after four minutes he'll say he has to go. Makes me feel like he's got more important business than helping me live. Everyone does, really... but hey, blue hair am I right?

I'm sorry if I missed something, but what role is your friend in that he has to help you?

[*Beth*]

The first really chilly morning of Fall! Wheee! Cloudy, no chance of rain, unfortunately. But the cool sure feels great.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm sorry if I missed something, but what role is your friend in that he has to help you?

Idk, just thought friends should be, ya know, friends. If he doesn't want to talk to me he should just say so instead of saying "I'll always be here for you" and not following up on that. I expect people to screw me over, but I don't expect that from the closest person in my life--a person who blatantly said "call me when you're having a rough time and about to do something stupid."
You're right though, he has no obligation to help me, but he should at least not hurt me.

[Blue_Bird]

A couple of my meds were increased the other day when I saw my psych NP. So I'm adjusting to those changes now.

I have a recertification interview here at my apartment complex next Wednesday. I'm nervous. I hope it goes well.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

A couple of my meds were increased the other day when I saw my psych NP. So I'm adjusting to those changes now.

I have a recertification interview here at my apartment complex next Wednesday. I'm nervous. I hope it goes well.

What's a recertification interview? Is that like resigning the lease?

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Today is day four no drugs or alcohol which is when I f'ked up last time. Today will be particularly hard because my friend is being an asshole and not calling or texting. He'll answer if I call, but after four minutes he'll say he has to go. Makes me feel like he's got more important business than helping me live. Everyone does, really... but hey, blue hair am I right?

Super happy for you. Super proud of you. Be strong!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Moose72

What's a recertification interview? Is that like resigning the lease?

I really don't know what it is, I live in supportive housing

[Mountaindewed]

They can’t take the drains out until Monday because they are draining just a bit too much and the office isn’t open tomorrow. I am in sooo much pain. I’m not even trying to be a tough guy with the pain meds anymore. My sleep has been so messed up these past 2 nights and I am just miserable.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Idk, just thought friends should be, ya know, friends. If he doesn't want to talk to me he should just say so instead of saying "I'll always be here for you" and not following up on that. I expect people to screw me over, but I don't expect that from the closest person in my life--a person who blatantly said "call me when you're having a rough time and about to do something stupid."
You're right though, he has no obligation to help me, but he should at least not hurt me.

I wonder if you might have been sending him mixed messages. Alternatively, maybe he didn't mean it when he said he would always be here for you.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

Yes I feel completely powerless. If things don't change idk if I can continue....I already changed a year ago. My last pdoc wanted to take me off my meds. I'm afraid to change bc they might want to take me off meds that are probably keeping me from having panic attacks all the time...

Why on earth would they want to take you off your meds?
How is your anxiety now on meds?
You know yourself best!
wishing you much strength a head in these trying times.
bizi

[bpcyclist]

Guess I just dissociated in front of my pdoc for 8 minutes. Rrutrow. Guess I need therapy or something. Guess I am super sick or something. Oh well. He says he is hopeful, I guess.

[bizi]

yes it is a category 2 right now and bound more towards lake charles than us.
Lake charles was devastated from level 4 hurricane Laura just weeks ago. They can not tolerate another bad blow from delta. We have had some mild weather so far. land fall is tonight. by 7 pm it will be dark.
Thanks for your support. I will be posting regularly today and tomorrow.
bizi

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bizi

yes it is a category 2 right now and bound more towards lake charles than us.
Lake charles was devastated from level 4 hurricane Laura just weeks ago. They can not tolerate another bad blow from delta. We have had some mild weather so far. land fall is tonight. by 7 pm it will be dark.
Thanks for your support. I will be posting regularly today and tomorrow.
bizi

((((( Bizi )))))

[Soupe du jour]

bizi, sending positive thoughts hoping that will keep the storm at bay to the greatest degree possible.

bpcyclist, I hope that you will call your psychiatrist and let him know that you dissociated during your appointment. He must know that you have been doing very poorly lately. It is quite evident to me. Having read your posts for quite a while now, I am most worried about you now than I have been in the past.

Sapien, big hugs to you. I hope your friend will reach out to you. I will say that as a person with bipolar disorder, I have noted, many times, that people can sometimes be at a loss for what to say or do to help. Some people are just not equipped or in the know enough how to help. That does, indeed, hurt, but please don't take any offense if/when that happens. It is not you. So often people here are in crisis and write about suicidal thoughts. I have had them, myself, in the past but still often feel powerless to help. My family was deeply affected by a loss as a result of bipolar depression. You'd think I more than anyone could help others, but I still feel powerless to help. I don't know what is right to say, sometimes. I'm afraid that what I say/write will be wrong. But that doesn't mean I don't care when I don't respond. I really do!

[Soupe du jour]

Every day I am working so extremely hard, both physically and mentally, because of this move preparation. It is a wonder I'm doing so well, but I fear that in some secret way I'm not. I need a break, for sure, but don't know how to take one. The amount of work is so great that taking a break would seem to hurt more than help.

Today my husband's best friend came to help with hauling stuff again. I was helping, too. But at one point I realized that I smelled just AWFUL! Awful! I hadn't taken a shower for 48 hours and while I usually don't smell bad if I'm not doing heavy work, when I sweat a lot the smell comes. I sometimes wonder if the extra smell from heavy sweating is partially medication-related. Or (or an and/or) stress itself exacerbates it.

I was telling my husband's friend that 90% of the stuff is stuff my husband either had before marriage or bought when married. He buys, buys, buys, and is so nostalgic about things that he keeps, keeps, keeps. He's not a hoarder, but the amount of "things" is extreme, even if normally organized in some way. It's overwhelming! If it was just me, I'd live in a style influenced a bit by Henry David Thoreau. Less is more, to me. Less creates less stress. I came into the marriage with a figurative backpack of stuff. Hubby MUST get rid of even more! If ever I was the last one standing in the relationship, the "stuff" would come down on me like an avalanche.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Guess I just dissociated in front of my pdoc for 8 minutes. Rrutrow. Guess I need therapy or something. Guess I am super sick or something. Oh well. He says he is hopeful, I guess.

He saw it in person and then did what about it specifically? Isn't therapy not an option for you? Doesn't he know that?

I am with Soupe. Deeply concerned. I feel like you need some sort of a strategy as I see this getting worse unless there's something you can do to turn it around.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Guess I just dissociated in front of my pdoc for 8 minutes. Rrutrow. Guess I need therapy or something. Guess I am super sick or something. Oh well. He says he is hopeful, I guess.

I'm also concerned. I am ''useless'' at advice so I won't even try to give any. Much love