[Wander]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Hi @Wander! Welcome back! Nice to hear from you. It was good for me to hear you describe your lifestyle because mine is similar and i often feel self-conscious about it. I've never been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia but i feel very fragile when depressed. I do usually enjoy a trip to the mall tho. We're in semi-lockdown again, so it's not an option at the moment.

Way to go on tapering off benzos! It's something i'm always meaning to get to. I'm just on 1mg of Clonazepam tho. What dose of Diazepam did you start at? Glad that you like your new psychiatrist and that you're getting a reprieve from the mood swings and PTSD symptoms.

I look forward to seeing you around!

Thanks! I started at 5 mg diazepam eleven years ago and by ten years ago was on 30 mg. It got higher each year. I tried to reduce my dose many times but kept getting very unwell with bipolar and PTSD so I needed high doses to calm me down. Before I started tapering in February I was on up to 160 mg of diazepam (8 mg Clonazepam) a day. I realised it was getting way out of control and started tapering. I never took more than prescribed. I wasn’t abusing them. I wish my pdoc’s had never prescribed benzos or never increased the dose so much.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Had my phone sessions with Richard my T today.

The company is now requiring video session. My internet at home will not support that as I basically have dial up speed. I cant just drive to get a full signal on my phone, I do not have enough data on my phone as I have a data limit, We just cant add it to our budget.

Richard is sad that The company is doing this, But it really boils down to money.. Phone sessions can not be charged a full session charge where as Tele health is still ok " right now" And we know everything revolves around money..

The office has a comuter set up for Zoom, But that is going to put me in an office that at least 2 workers will be there, and who knows how who was there before me....

So annoyed about all of this came home and took 2mg of Xanax and considering another..

/end rant

Ugh, I'm so sorry, Christina. The clinic I go to started out with an option for either phone or internet sessions (T and pdoc). Two months in it was either internet or nothing. Same reason - phone sessions didn't pull in enough revenue. I am able to do telehealth (it works most of the time ), but I wonder what happened to the people who couldn't? I guess they just got dropped. It's horrible.

What will you do?

[Moose72]

I bought chicken wings at the grocery store today. Wanted to make hot wings. So when I got home, I set them out for 20 minutes to warm. Turned on the oven to preheat and waited. I cut the wings in half into the drumstick and "wing" portions and baked them. Then after 45 minutes they were done so I dunked them in buffalo sauce and put them back in the oven on broil. The smoke alarm started going off so I got on the step ladder and blew on the sensor which stopped the alarm from going off. BUT, it would just go off again and again. Then I took the chicken out of the oven and it had burned! Alarm still going off. I opened the balcony door and took the chicken outside. I got out both fans and blew one in by the door and the other blowing out in the window. I ate the chicken and when I came back in the heat had turned on because it got so cold in here. It was about 50 degrees out. I put a coat on and sat outside and ate the chicken wings. Meanwhile, the apartment had cooled down so the heat turned on. I cleaned up the dishes and the air was clean enough that the alarm didn't go off again. How am I supposed to cook if when I turn the oven on the smoke detector goes off? Its not that there is anything burning in there (except the chicken wings!- they were cooked perfectly except the burned part).

I tried to get N1 to come over here and get her mail that I have for her but she never showed up. Didn't call or anything. No call no show. Meh. Now I'm freshly showered and in pajamas. Gotta do laundry tomorrow. Friday, I need to pay the rent. I just paid the rent! But that was for October and when I pay November's I'll be caught up. I also need to pay my credit card on the 4th. I used it to pay my gas and electric bill so I won't have to pay it for another month. I still have to pay my internet bill. That's more expensive than my gas/electric now that I'm in a smaller place! I hope I can use the money I'm saving well.

My doctor did my disability form! I just have to phone the insurance company to make sure they got it (fax). So this whole dreadful episode is virtually over. One good thing that came out of it is that i reviewed my finances and learned a lot and developed a better savings strategy. I like crunching numbers!

@Blue_Bird: Glad to hear you sounding so positive! Your Halloween celebration sounds like it was fun. I guess that's the advantage of living in supportive housing. Tho we have a Christmas party and Summer BBQ here at my condo building. Happy to hear you are looking forward to the holidays. I like Christmas jazz music.

@Moose72: Sorry to hear of the issues with the fire alarm going off. Do you think cleaning your oven would help?

@Wander: Yes, it's unfortunate that the psychiatrists are so eager for us to be on benzos. Makes one wonder if they're in bed with the pharmaceutical companies. Ack!

Hugs to all who suffer!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I bought chicken wings at the grocery store today. Wanted to make hot wings. So when I got home, I set them out for 20 minutes to warm. Turned on the oven to preheat and waited. I cut the wings in half into the drumstick and "wing" portions and baked them. Then after 45 minutes they were done so I dunked them in buffalo sauce and put them back in the oven on broil. The smoke alarm started going off so I got on the step ladder and blew on the sensor which stopped the alarm from going off. BUT, it would just go off again and again. Then I took the chicken out of the oven and it had burned! Alarm still going off. I opened the balcony door and took the chicken outside. I got out both fans and blew one in by the door and the other blowing out in the window. I ate the chicken and when I came back in the heat had turned on because it got so cold in here. It was about 50 degrees out. I put a coat on and sat outside and ate the chicken wings. Meanwhile, the apartment had cooled down so the heat turned on. I cleaned up the dishes and the air was clean enough that the alarm didn't go off again. How am I supposed to cook if when I turn the oven on the smoke detector goes off? Its not that there is anything burning in there (except the chicken wings!- they were cooked perfectly except the burned part).

I tried to get N1 to come over here and get her mail that I have for her but she never showed up. Didn't call or anything. No call no show. Meh. Now I'm freshly showered and in pajamas. Gotta do laundry tomorrow. Friday, I need to pay the rent. I just paid the rent! But that was for October and when I pay November's I'll be caught up. I also need to pay my credit card on the 4th. I used it to pay my gas and electric bill so I won't have to pay it for another month. I still have to pay my internet bill. That's more expensive than my gas/electric now that I'm in a smaller place! I hope I can use the money I'm saving well.

How close to your oven is your smoke detector? In my house, it is so close that almost every time I broil it goes off. The builders must think all people do is boil water. Also, whatever2013 has a good point about oven cleanliness, but you are new in the apartment, so I am assuming that is not the issue, though even one spillage or a few crumbs on the oven floor can cause smoke.

The wingers sound good. I think they can even handle a little bit of burning and still be tasty.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

My doctor did my disability form! I just have to phone the insurance company to make sure they got it (fax). So this whole dreadful episode is virtually over. One good thing that came out of it is that i reviewed my finances and learned a lot and developed a better savings strategy. I like crunching numbers!

Hugs to all who suffer!

Glad to read that your psychiatrist finally got to your form. Waiting sucks!

I hope your savings strategy is very successful. I wish my husband would come up with one.

[Coolbreeze74]

Woke up out of a deep sleep. Now cant seem to settle back down. My son is doing well. I'm doing ok. Just watching TV and movies. Things are mellow for me finally. So good to see my son smile and laugh.

Hope everyone is well. Hugs to those struggling!

[MuddyBoots]

There’s so much I want to do today! I want to go out, but I have to wait for laundry to get done first. I want to go for a run too, and write a new song I’ve got IDEAS. My soul is inspiration.
I really need to move though. I talked to my neighbor on a walk yesterday and he wanted to know why we don’t hang out anymore (he was a drug buddy). I just saw blood all over my arm, but now its normal?

[Daonnachd]

I'm going to pick up meds today and while in town I'm going to sell a bunch of books to the used book store.

As to my mental state: I feel good.

[Soupe du jour]

Drenched in Philadelphia! It's real fun walking through puddles with a medical boot on my foot.

Tomorrow is another rainy day. I'm worried about flooding. Our staging and photography are tomorrow. Won't have the benefit of natural light.

Yesterday I had my psychiatrist appointment. He asked about my foot/ankle. I mentioned how swollen and bruised it had been. In response, he asked to see my foot. What?!?!? I said I had the medical boot on, and with laughter I turned my laptop towards my elevated leg, and added "Do you really want me to take it off, including my sock?" Luckily he said no.

After telling my husband the story above, he wondered if maybe pdoc has a foot fedish.

depressed

I have accomplished nothing in the whole day (blah blah blah) and I'm not even going to eat well tonight- I'm having a plate of turkey breaded dinosaurs

which is exactly a healthy meal a 24 year old woman puts on her menu

not childlike at all

well, I guess I enjoy them, so their is that

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing not too well today. But I did see my therapist in person. So that’s good. I felt like the session went well. We talked about the Pdoc appointment on Tuesday. Also in person. I said that went well. She asked me if he had talked to me about the melatonin or not. And I said “well actually... he told me that you emailed him.” And she said something like “oh yeah how did that make you feel?” And I said something like “well I wasn’t going to bring it up unless you did because I usually just keep stuff like that to myself, but it kinda annoyed me.” And she said “yeah I figured it did” then we talked about how it was a safety issue.” And I said “Now I don’t know what to tell you and what not to tell you.” But she could tell I was pretty pissed. I said I was not a typically angry person but how I was angry this morning and at my mom which I’m not usually and she thinks it’s because I was annoyed at her instead of my mom and my mom is a safe person. I honestly think the remeron is ****ing with my moods today. But at least I got a decent session in. I said my chest felt like it was in Vietnam and T paused for a split second and said “I bet.” My mom laughed and said she probably had no idea what the eff I was saying but therapists are trained not to judge. I just feel like a moody mess today.

[bpcyclist]

Devastating family news. Beyond devastating. Shattered.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Devastating family news. Beyond devastating. Shattered.

You know we're here for you if you want to/need to "talk."

[*Beth*]

BPC: Actually, I am asking that you please share with us what has happened that has affected you so profoundly. I would like to provide the best support possible.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

How close to your oven is your smoke detector? In my house, it is so close that almost every time I broil it goes off. The builders must think all people do is boil water. Also, whatever2013 has a good point about oven cleanliness, but you are new in the apartment, so I am assuming that is not the issue, though even one spillage or a few crumbs on the oven floor can cause smoke.

The wingers sound good. I think they can even handle a little bit of burning and still be tasty.

@Soupe du jour The oven is maybe 10 feet from the detector. Maybe less. My oven is really clean. It's like it's new- both inside and out. I don't even see smoke when the detector goes off. I think maybe it's the broiler but then again maybe its just the oven itself. I know that my chicken wings burnt, but that's when I put them in with the broiler on and they burned. This is when I was trying to get the alarm to quit going off- I left them under the broiler too long and they burned. The alarm was going off before I turned the broiler on. I just don't think the oven is dirty. It LOOKS clean, but the broiler could smoke I guess. I might buy an oven thermometer because I think it runs hotter than what it's set to. Yes, the wings were still good a little burned. They were cooked just right except for the burned part but that made them crispy. (You're supposed to use baking powder to get them to crisp up.)

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

BPC: Actually, I am asking that you please share with us what has happened that has affected you so profoundly. I would like to provide the best support possible.

Thanks, Beth. Exhausted. Tons of work has gone into the following information. 15 years. Records. Court stuff. Tons. On and on. Too tired to do it all here now. Later.

Bottom line? Both my former partner and precious daughter are both, full-on, totally legit sociopaths. Super, super dangerous. Beyond dangerous. Massive amount of money missing. Daughter stated actually she does not really love me. At all. It is true. Totally. Her brain is not capable of connecting with another entity via what we commonly experience as love. Her brain, mom's brain, are both utterly, completely broken. No ability for empathy. Zero. All scam, all the time. Completely criminal thinking. Nonstop.

Mom definitely not the violent type, just totally criminal. Mastermind. Genius. Super elite. Daughter? I suspect is smarter still. I do get a sense, a powerful one, that she may very well also have the violence gene. Dangerous
Super duper dangerous. Scary.

More later. Too tired.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Devastating family news. Beyond devastating. Shattered.

I’m so sorry about your former partner and daughter. Thinking of you. We’re here for you.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

@Soupe du jour The oven is maybe 10 feet from the detector. Maybe less. My oven is really clean. It's like it's new- both inside and out. I don't even see smoke when the detector goes off. I think maybe it's the broiler but then again maybe its just the oven itself. I know that my chicken wings burnt, but that's when I put them in with the broiler on and they burned. This is when I was trying to get the alarm to quit going off- I left them under the broiler too long and they burned. The alarm was going off before I turned the broiler on. I just don't think the oven is dirty. It LOOKS clean, but the broiler could smoke I guess. I might buy an oven thermometer because I think it runs hotter than what it's set to. Yes, the wings were still good a little burned. They were cooked just right except for the burned part but that made them crispy. (You're supposed to use baking powder to get them to crisp up.)

Smoke detectors can be set off just from the change of temperature. Before I ripped mine off the ceiling it used to go off whenever I took a shower and the apartment got warmer. Ridiculous. I realize they can save lives, but they sure can be a pain.

[Moose72]

I don't know how much I owe tomorrow for the rent. I know what the RENT is, but there's another charge for utilities and the total is for the total rent owed not just my portion. So I'm going to have to call tomorrow and figure this out. I wish it weren't this complicated! My total is NOT what I need to pay. Why??? Ugh.

It's getting dark now. It's only 5:45. In a few days, it will be even darker at this time! Does this mean the sun will come up an hour earlier now?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thanks, Beth. Exhausted. Tons of work has gone into the following information. 15 years. Records. Court stuff. Tons. On and on. Too tired to do it all here now. Later.

Bottom line? Both my former partner and precious daughter are both, full-on, totally legit sociopaths. Super, super dangerous. Beyond dangerous. Massive amount of money missing. Daughter stated actually she does not really love me. At all. It is true. Totally. Her brain is not capable of connecting with another entity via what we commonly experience as love. Her brain, mom's brain, are both utterly, completely broken. No ability for empathy. Zero. All scam, all the time. Completely criminal thinking. Nonstop.

Mom definitely not the violent type, just totally criminal. Mastermind. Genius. Super elite. Daughter? I suspect is smarter still. I do get a sense, a powerful one, that she may very well also have the violence gene. Dangerous
Super duper dangerous. Scary.

More later. Too tired.

That sounds so sad, cyclist. It sounds like your ex can be poisonous. Whatever-whatever for her ...but it's a damned shame for you to see a pernicious pattern evolving in your daughter.

Let me/us know if there's anything we can do to support you. In the meantime, take care of yourself.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Smoke detectors can be set off just from the change of temperature. Before I ripped mine off the ceiling it used to go off whenever I took a shower and the apartment got warmer. Ridiculous. I realize they can save lives, but they sure can be a pain.

My detector is right outside the bathroom door! I leave the door cracked and turn the fan on in the bathroom while I shower so that mold doesn't grow. So far so good.

[Mountaindewed]

I could not take the physical pain anymore so I took a narco 10 minutes ago. If it dulls my massive anxiety as well that I’ve had all day, so be it. This pain is the worst and I don’t know if having this much pain almost a month later is normal. At times I want to get a second opinion since my own doctor isn’t saying anything.

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thanks, Beth. Exhausted. Tons of work has gone into the following information. 15 years. Records. Court stuff. Tons. On and on. Too tired to do it all here now. Later.

Bottom line? Both my former partner and precious daughter are both, full-on, totally legit sociopaths. Super, super dangerous. Beyond dangerous. Massive amount of money missing. Daughter stated actually she does not really love me. At all. It is true. Totally. Her brain is not capable of connecting with another entity via what we commonly experience as love. Her brain, mom's brain, are both utterly, completely broken. No ability for empathy. Zero. All scam, all the time. Completely criminal thinking. Nonstop.

Mom definitely not the violent type, just totally criminal. Mastermind. Genius. Super elite. Daughter? I suspect is smarter still. I do get a sense, a powerful one, that she may very well also have the violence gene. Dangerous
Super duper dangerous. Scary.

More later. Too tired.

Oh, BPC, I am so very, very sorry.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m so sorry BPC! That sounds awful. I have only come across one suspected sociopath in my life, a former student. He broke his mother’s nose, and when asked if he felt bad about it, he just said “I will if you want me to”. He had completely dead eyes. Cold. He never got angry, he would just coldly and maliciously say or do something simply to hurt others. Scary stuff. I’m so sorry your daughter is like this too.

In my own news, the pediatrician appointment went well. He asked me specifically what I was looking for by being there, and I was honest and told him I really just want some names of family counselors that can help us figure out what’s going on so we can get along better. If it came down to it, I would go through with a full evaluation based on the recommendation of the counselor. The first place I called is where my psychiatrist works, because I know how they run and I also know they take my insurance. So we will see!