[yellow_fleurs]

Hi everyone. I am doing okay, but was feeling pretty depressed yesterday and today. I am feeling better after taking the Wellbutrin although my focus is pretty bad and I am stressed about how I will meet a project deadline at work.

I talked to my doctor today about the issues I was having. I was more worried about how I went from feeling good to depressed and feeling sick and zoned out like overnight, but he was more focused on the anxiety increase (which occured while I was feeling better and I wasn't that bothered by). They want to add a very small dose of Zoloft to make sure they are treating my anxiety and OCD too. After the Lexapro reaction I had said I'd never take another SSRI so this has me a bit worried, but it's a small dose so I'll try it out.

I ordered pad thai for dinner tonight. I wanted a treat and I lost power last night and don't really trust some of the food in my fridge. I made the ravioli, took a bite and then thought better of it.

Anyways that's all I've got for now. Take care all!

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Devastating family news. Beyond devastating. Shattered.

Oh no I am so sorry to hear this. We're here if you need any support.

Edit to add: Just saw your follow-up post. Oh my gosh that is terrible, I am really sorry.

[Jester's Rags]

I’ve Been away awhile. It’s been a rough ride. I’ve been manic since early December. My family has been hurt by my behavior and I feel guilty as he!l. I’m on my 3rd different antipsychotic in that period of time. Latuda. I’ve been on it for a month and I have high hopes for it.

[Polibeth]

It turns out my therapist called my pdoc because she was concerned I was manic (I'm not!). Pdoc wants to do another ECT even though I'm not due for one for another month. I declined and I see pdoc next week. What a mess!

@bpcyclist: So sorry to hear you are having a hard time in your family. Get lots of rest and be good to yourself. Snuggle Albert! Hush says arf!

@Coolbreeze74: So glad to hear you are enjoying your son, his smiles and laughter. It's must be hard to care for another human, especially one who has challenges. I know i have my moments with my dog and she's just a pet!

[Moose72]

Just watching TV. Grazed all day. I want to get into bed, but its only 9 p.m. Then again, I woke up at 1 p.m. today after going to bed at 10 p.m. and that is just unacceptable! The antenna on my TV doesn't seem to be working very well. It keeps going "robot-y" and pixelated. Did laundry today here- takes an a couple hours to get it washed and dried and folded and put away. Tomorrow is rent day- I hope! Depends if I get a deposit, which I think I will since the first is on Sunday.

@Jester's Rags Good luck with Latuda! I hope its the magic you need. Mania for a year? OUCH!

I know there's a separate thread here about this, but have any of you seen the show "Undone"? Its really interesting! It's about a girl who keeps moving through space and time and seeing her dead father who is helping her learn about her travels. She sees a pdoc who prescribes an antipsychotic which she doesn't take for a while then starts taking it. I binged this show! There is a second season in the works but it won't be out till next year or the year after because of covid. It looks like an animated show, but I think its live action with animation drawn over it. The way she thinks is the way I've felt before- confused about reality in general. It's on Amazon Prime. Check it out if you can. I think it's worth it.

[Soupe du jour]

Jester'sRags, I hope the Latuda continues to show promise for you. Glad to see you check in today!

@bpcyclist, sending big hugs your way. You must take care of yourself right now. One can't usually reform or change others. They must do such work on their own. You are a good example to others and a kind loving man. I hope your daughter recognizes that over time, as she develops and experiences more life. Perhaps such positive examples will help improve her behavior, accordingly. If not, then there must eventually come acceptance, though I hope any grief is alleviated without such a need.

[Soupe du jour]

Hubby and I got back from most of the day appointments in Philadelphia at about 4:30 or 5 pm. He went straight to bed, without wanting dinner, because of his eye injection. Of course I understand that. The injections are doozies, but I have spent most of the last five hours doing more preparations for the stager and photographer coming tomorrow. To heck with my ankle!

The so-called "deep cleaning" cleaning service was far from "deep cleaning". I have been working my butt of doing the "deeper stuff". And there's still lots to do! I haven't touched Hubby's bathroom or office. That's a no-no, but though the cleaners tried to clean there, they are still cluttered...and need another cleaning. I wish I could grab a box and just swipe most of his clutter into it in one swoop. He's going to be difficult.

Many of our closets and cabinets still need partial unloading and reorganization. That's not necessary for tomorrow, but must be done before actual potential buyers come. They do look in them. Plus, my husband's basement and garage (yes, "his" because it's mostly all his stuff, look like hell. Though we need to store moving boxes there, they should still look organized and not a disaster area. The floors there are also filthy. They need at least superficial cleaning.

I can't do anymore tonight! It will make me sick!

There's still so much to do before the stagers' arrival tomorrow at 9:30 am. I imagine myself doing most of it, in addition to putting a quick breakfast one.

Thanks for letting me vent!

[*Beth*]

Thanks, Moose72...I just started watching Undone.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Hubby and I got back from most of the day appointments in Philadelphia at about 4:30 or 5 pm. He went straight to bed, without wanting dinner, because of his eye injection. Of course I understand that. The injections are doozies, but I have spent most of the last five hours doing more preparations for the stager and photographer coming tomorrow. To heck with my ankle!

The so-called "deep cleaning" cleaning service was far from "deep cleaning". I have been working my butt of doing the "deeper stuff". And there's still lots to do! I haven't touched Hubby's bathroom or office. That's a no-no, but though the cleaners tried to clean there, they are still cluttered...and need another cleaning. I wish I could grab a box and just swipe most of his clutter into it in one swoop. He's going to be difficult.

Many of our closets and cabinets still need partial unloading and reorganization. That's not necessary for tomorrow, but must be done before actual potential buyers come. They do look in them. Plus, my husband's basement and garage (yes, "his" because it's mostly all his stuff, look like hell. Though we need to store moving boxes there, they should still look organized and not a disaster area. The floors there are also filthy. They need at least superficial cleaning.

I can't do anymore tonight! It will make me sick!

There's still so much to do before the stagers' arrival tomorrow at 9:30 am. I imagine myself doing most of it, in addition to putting a quick breakfast one.

Thanks for letting me vent!

You have really worked so very hard Soupe. It is really amazing how you keep going and find the strength to do so even while a mood blip occurred.

H sounds like he is a bit of an emotional hoarder. The items seem to have some sort of value to them that wouldn't be there for others. I've been through that before with a relative right before a big move. The thought of being faced with throwing out so many things he saw value in was very painful for him. However, there came a point where it simply became inevitable and he mentally made peace with it. Once he got there, the process became much easier. My hope is your H will reach that place soon and let go a little. He will feel much better when he does and I know it will be awesome for you.

Is he still working? I know there was discussion of a possible severance event. I just don't think I ever heard how it worked out.

I hope you're able to do what's needed today without being in too much pain. Sending support your way!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Just watching TV. Grazed all day. I want to get into bed, but its only 9 p.m. Then again, I woke up at 1 p.m. today after going to bed at 10 p.m. and that is just unacceptable! The antenna on my TV doesn't seem to be working very well. It keeps going "robot-y" and pixelated. Did laundry today here- takes an a couple hours to get it washed and dried and folded and put away. Tomorrow is rent day- I hope! Depends if I get a deposit, which I think I will since the first is on Sunday.

@Jester's Rags Good luck with Latuda! I hope its the magic you need. Mania for a year? OUCH!

I know there's a separate thread here about this, but have any of you seen the show "Undone"? Its really interesting! It's about a girl who keeps moving through space and time and seeing her dead father who is helping her learn about her travels. She sees a pdoc who prescribes an antipsychotic which she doesn't take for a while then starts taking it. I binged this show! There is a second season in the works but it won't be out till next year or the year after because of covid. It looks like an animated show, but I think its live action with animation drawn over it. The way she thinks is the way I've felt before- confused about reality in general. It's on Amazon Prime. Check it out if you can. I think it's worth it.

My brain has also ridden on that train. I think I'll steer clear of this one as it could spark some processing of thoughts that are wise for me to avoid. I really love this kind of show though... Dang my wonky brain

[MuddyBoots]

ITS SNOWING!!!!!!
I love winter!
On the other hand, my eye is swollen shut because of a cyst on my eyelid. I shall put a snowball on it.
Ooh, I’m gonna put some maple syrup in the snow too!

[almondbutter]

doing ok today. it's pouring snow where i live, but only sticking to tree and housetops so far.

yesterday was a nothing day for me. i managed to get my most basic chores done, send out some late halloween cards i made, and that was pretty much it. i slept or daydreamed in bed most of the day and then through the night, and got up at 3 am. i just felt really low energy and emptyish- like i had no will or desire to do anything. even eating was hard. i think the highlight of my day was finishing off some blueberries i'd frozen, lol.

i'm pretty determined today will be better. i have things i want and need to do to get ready for tomorrow, and a small homework assignment i need to do. i don't mind if i feel i need to go to bed early again, just not SO early and for so long. i know i can't get back on track completely overnight. i had been feeling a little better for a few days, but it melted away temporarily. it's ok. at least i'm beginning to get glimpses of how things "used to be" when i wasn't feeling this way, and start to copy the actions around them to try to get back closer to a state i'm happier w.

take care everyone.

I've run out of dr pepper again. (it goes really quick!)

I can't get anymore at the moment though, need to wait for my money to come through (some time next week). for now, I have ribena and tropical drink (though tonight is friday, so I'll be having a mcdonalds coke)

had a shower today and it's made me feel absolutely dreadful as pain goen

I wish I still had a tub, but this gal can't fit in a bath tub anymore.... fact

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by fern46

You have really worked so very hard Soupe. It is really amazing how you keep going and find the strength to do so even while a mood blip occurred.

H sounds like he is a bit of an emotional hoarder. The items seem to have some sort of value to them that wouldn't be there for others. I've been through that before with a relative right before a big move. The thought of being faced with throwing out so many things he saw value in was very painful for him. However, there came a point where it simply became inevitable and he mentally made peace with it. Once he got there, the process became much easier. My hope is your H will reach that place soon and let go a little. He will feel much better when he does and I know it will be awesome for you.

Is he still working? I know there was discussion of a possible severance event. I just don't think I ever heard how it worked out.

I hope you're able to do what's needed today without being in too much pain. Sending support your way!

Thanks, Fern! I'm currently taking it easy after hours of prep work, not only last night, but this morning. My poor husband is quite unwell. I think that's even beyond his post eye injection discomfort (a bubble of sorts has also formed on his eyeball). I believe he's depressed and in some form of mourning.

Hubby is sleeping in our unfinished basement in the dark, where he used to have his dark room. I wanted to check on him, plus was curious where in the heck he was sitting. We have no chairs left there. What I found was that he set up an inflatable mattress we've used for guests, in the past. Oh my! When he finally comes up, the house will look a LOT different. Without his stuff. Yes, he is definitely emotionally attached to his belongings!

I'm hoping the same thing will happen to my husband as you described with your relative. I will say that he has let go of a lot already, so I give him kudos.

I won't need to do much more until the stagers leave. Perhaps put away a couple boxes of stuff they may have taken out of rooms. Also, pre-photography vacuuming upstairs, and a sweep of the downstairs. After that, another break. However, before the house starts being seen by potential buyers, the "hidden places" need some organizing, clearing, as well. That includes our laundry room, my pantry, and a couple closets. Then, as I mentioned, better organization and sweeping of the garage and basement. I'll be sure to have the inflatable mattress deflated so no one thinks we keep a slave down there

What I'm worried about for myself is more how I'll do when we get to Czech Republic after the sale and relocation. Ugh! Extreme numbers of boxes to deal with, and furniture. Plus, suddenly major difficulty with a language and not knowing the area well. Gone will also be some of the little pleasures and ease I had in the US. For example, knowing people around town, including some who always (pre-covid) gave me hugs and kisses. I will get to know new people though, but I know people realize the difficulty in middle-age. Lots of other things, too. Some road rules are different, etc.

[*Beth*]

Feeling down. In a few days it will be 2 years since my daughter has communicated with me. In 2018 I had the worst manic episode I've ever had. I ended up IP. My daughter decided that having a mom with BD didn't fit into her professional life. She and I had been extremely close, but when she cut me off she used a hatchet. Chop. Zero contact.

Last night my husband (her dad) spoke with her; he avoids conflict at any cost so will never confront her about her estrangement with me. That really hurts; I feel that I cannot truly trust him.

So it goes.

I'm trying not to think about her, but it's hard not to, especially as we enter the holiday season. Especially this holiday season, already being stressful and dreary.

The pain is immense.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m pretty irritated today. It seems like I’m getting pissed at every little thing. I do wonder if it’s the remeron. The anger didn’t start until I started it on Tuesday night. I guess I’m doing ok overall.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Ugh, I'm so sorry, Christina. The clinic I go to started out with an option for either phone or internet sessions (T and pdoc). Two months in it was either internet or nothing. Same reason - phone sessions didn't pull in enough revenue. I am able to do telehealth (it works most of the time ), but I wonder what happened to the people who couldn't? I guess they just got dropped. It's horrible.

What will you do?

This is a rural town, There are loads of people still using flip phones and no data, many do not have internet at home.. My T isnt happy at all about this.. But his hands are tied.

But yes Money drives any and all things.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Feeling down. In a few days it will be 2 years since my daughter has communicated with me. In 2018 I had the worst manic episode I've ever had. I ended up IP. My daughter decided that having a mom with BD didn't fit into her professional life. She and I had been extremely close, but when she cut me off she used a hatchet. Chop. Zero contact.

Last night my husband (her dad) spoke with her; he avoids conflict at any cost so will never confront her about her estrangement with me. That really hurts; I feel that I cannot truly trust him.

So it goes.

I'm trying not to think about her, but it's hard not to, especially as we enter the holiday season. Especially this holiday season, already being stressful and dreary.

The pain is immense.

I am so sorry. I’m thinking of you and sending big hugs.

[*Beth*]

Jennifer 1967

Thank you so much. That means a lot.

[Soupe du jour]

My day ended with a nightmare!

I worked my butt off getting the house ready for real estate staging and photographs. Hubby was totally unable (or willing) to do anything because of his eye. I will say that the stagers did an amazing job! Well worth the money. Our realtor came for paperwork signing, to see everything, establish listing price, and schedule the open house. She pressured me a bit to get the garage and basement in passable appearance before the open house. I say "me" only because Hubby was not even willing to come up from the basement to see her and sign the papers. It was embarrassing! He wasn't THAT bad off! Plus, I know how difficult it will be to achieve the garage/basement cleanup... because of Hubby. Fern knows.

So, doesn't sound that bad? Well, after all left, I went upstairs to take it easy. I decided to look in the spare room at its staging. I happen to look at the ceiling, and was horrified! These two full days of heavy rain, and the several days of partial rain before them, challenged our poorly re-shingled roof too much. The ceiling suddenly, within the day, now has several wet marks. Newly painted ceiling, at that! A little over a week before our newly scheduled open house. The roofing was/is our homeowners association's responsibility, but still. Who knows how long it will take to get the problem fixed. We now need the problem (and rain) to stop. We don't expect fast reimbursement for the obvious need for another painting of the ceiling (after the wet marks dry). The room has new carpeting and some of the stager's belongings in it... staged. Fing A!

Here is the lovely photo of the ceiling, which may possibly get even worse. Luckily no other rooms seem affected. Hopefully not!

I definitely think I deserve to cry about this, but am just too tired to.

The emergency guy is here now. Luckily Hubby is now taking over for me. I am just sitting here feeling horrible.

[*Beth*]

Soupe du jour A nightmare is right! Twice in my life I've had a ceiling cave in due to the weight of water. It is a good, good thing that the emergency guy is present. Yikes. I hope it all turns out well!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Soupe du jour A nightmare is right! Twice in my life I've had a ceiling cave in due to the weight of water. It is a good, good thing that the emergency guy is present. Yikes. I hope it all turns out well!

Thanks, Beth!

I am finally in bed. I just want to sleep for a while.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@bpcyclist: So sorry to hear you are having a hard time in your family. Get lots of rest and be good to yourself. Snuggle Albert! Hush says arf!

@Coolbreeze74: So glad to hear you are enjoying your son, his smiles and laughter. It's must be hard to care for another human, especially one who has challenges. I know i have my moments with my dog and she's just a pet!

Tank you so much, whatever.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Jester'sRags, I hope the Latuda continues to show promise for you. Glad to see you check in today!

@bpcyclist, sending big hugs your way. You must take care of yourself right now. One can't usually reform or change others. They must do such work on their own. You are a good example to others and a kind loving man. I hope your daughter recognizes that over time, as she develops and experiences more life. Perhaps such positive examples will help improve her behavior, accordingly. If not, then there must eventually come acceptance, though I hope any grief is alleviated without such a need.

Thank you, Soupe, always.