[Mountaindewed]

I woke up this morning feeling a lot of pain and nausea. But once I went to the bathroom the pain just instantly went away and I felt major relief. It was like a light switch. I know that was one of my issues for awhile. Today I feel ok since my physical stuff is under control. I am not tired like I was yesterday. I think I had a slight bug. I am not motivated to do anything though.

I went as far back as I could on my history on this site. It looks like my main 3 problems since May have been 1. My physical health and all the infections and stuff I’ve been getting. 2. My therapist. And it also seems like I got pretty severe post op depression as well.

I wish I could look back further then 200 pages.

[Soupe du jour]

Hi Moose72. If you need to talk to people with alcoholic loved ones/friend, I'd think Al-Anon would be a better choice than AA. Here's a meeting locator: Al-Anon Meeting Search | Al-Anon Family Groups Of course sometimes AA can be helpful in understanding the perspectives/struggles of those with the addiction issues. I hope your car cooperates better. Are you looking for a new tdoc?

Whatever2013, I'm glad to read that your benzo tapering is going so well.

[Soupe du jour]

Today was another busy day with home preparations. The hardest thing was trying to assemble an antique bookcase of my husband's. Truly it was a 3-man job, but somehow hubby and I alone managed, but at some points I was afraid the sucker would fall. And maybe even fall on me. After the fact, Hubby said he had the same fear. In any case, it's done.

We really needed to go to the grocery store, but didn't have it in us. We'll go tomorrow. I did do some special task that was enjoyable, though. I baked a strawberry cake. I'm getting used to my new oven. I think I may have over baked it a bit, plus it's a learning experience trying to utilize Czech flours. They are different than American all-purpose.. If it's a little dry, I'll just eat it with yogurt. In any case, the house smells good and the cake looks good. Baking is therapeutic for me.

@Innerzone: I'm so sorry to read that you're in such pain. You've been so supportive of me and seem so loving i hate to see you suffer. I sure can sympathize with hating yourself tho. It's a terrible feeling. I sincerely hope things improve for you soon!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Have been up early, crying. My BDD got triggered last night (beyond the every minute of every day level) and it just keeps echoing in my mind. I don't need to be verbally reminded of the thing that causes me more pain than everything else combined. But insecurity is a real turn off, so I can't even talk about it. I "shouldn't" feel this way. Yeah, right. I feel so alone. And utterly hopeless because there's nothing I can do about it.

BDD is the WORST. And all the more because it's so misunderstood. And dismissed. I hate it and I hate myself.

Sending hugs and supportive vibes.

[*Beth*]

Hugs and love all around. What a brave bunch we are!

Thanks guys. I appreciate you so much. I pulled it together (it was so very NOT together before that) before heading to work. No choice. Just really hoping no triggering material comes in, or through my workspace today (which sometimes happens). Not sure how that would go. I do carry a half Xanax to combat if a bad situation comes along.

Hugs all around.

[Mountaindewed]

I honestly feel a bit manic. I bought $60 of books on Amazon the other day. A dozen donuts which were $15. All charged. I’ve been getting bursts of euphoria every night for about 30 minutes. But I know it’s not all mania.

[pirilin]

Hello!!!.
My last visit was 11/20/2020.
I may maybe doing something right.
Or I'm an ingrate. Or both.
Luv'ya all!!!
Cheers.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Hi Moose72. If you need to talk to people with alcoholic loved ones/friend, I'd think Al-Anon would be a better choice than AA. Here's a meeting locator: Al-Anon Meeting Search | Al-Anon Family Groups Of course sometimes AA can be helpful in understanding the perspectives/struggles of those with the addiction issues. I hope your car cooperates better. Are you looking for a new tdoc?

No I'm not looking for a new Tdoc. As for Al-anon, there is an Adult Children Of Alcoholics here on the forums. Its not very busy but it does get me thinking. As for my car, I just hate it. I feel like it runs but could die at any moment. Something else could break on it.

[Moose72]

I took a shower today. Definitely needed one. Let my hair air dry but with some leave-in cream in it. Not that it matters much- I don't see people very much. But at least I'm clean to get into my fresh sheets in bed.

I've been watching The Muppet Show from the beginning on Disney+. Disney has this new thing where they basically apologize for whatever they're about to show not being politically correct, saying that "It's wrong now and it was wrong then" by putting up a notification before that particular episode plays. They aren't censoring the content, just putting up a warning/apology. I have seen nothing out of order in my eyes except that in one episode they referred to a native american as an "Indian" which didn't really phase me.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I took a shower today. Definitely needed one. Let my hair air dry but with some leave-in cream in it. Not that it matters much- I don't see people very much. But at least I'm clean to get into my fresh sheets in bed.

I've been watching The Muppet Show from the beginning on Disney+. Disney has this new thing where they basically apologize for whatever they're about to show not being politically correct, saying that "It's wrong now and it was wrong then" by putting up a notification before that particular episode plays. They aren't censoring the content, just putting up a warning/apology. I have seen nothing out of order in my eyes except that in one episode they referred to a native american as an "Indian" which didn't really phase me.

The clinic I go to is called Northern Indian Health; it's affiliated with a reservation nearby. (I'm not Native, but most people who go there are.) Many of the people I've met there refer to themselves as "Indians", which disputes the *politically correct* term "Native American." I wonder if both have become acceptable.

[*Beth*]

The chores just didn't stop today! And neither did my sleepiness. I took 12.5 Seroquel and 10mgs. melatonin before bedtime last night, following my pdoc's instructions. I dunno, though...I think that 10mg might be too much. I do sleep well, but there's such hangover. Think I'll try the standard 5mg tonight.

It was another quiet day. I quit playing Scrabble competitively (with other people, for rating points) because i was losing so much and it was making me angry. I went back to playing the dumbest bots, where i am pretty much assured of a win. It's juvenile i know, but at least there's not all that poisonous rage and it still passes the time and i exercise my mind and i enjoy the occasional clever play i make.

It's not much of a life, but i try and count my blessings: i'm safe, i have my cozy private home, i'm not in any physical pain, my time is my own, etc. I guess it will have to be enough.

[Soupe du jour]

It's extremely foggy outside today, but will be clear in Prague, where we're going this afternoon. We're meeting up with my husband's friend there (one from New Jersey we stayed with a while back - garlic house). Normally I'd be happy to go, but honestly, I just wanted to go to the grocery store. The drive is 2 hours each way. Being away from home means having to wear the mask the whole entire time, except in the car. Since we haven't seen the friend for a bit, and he traveled internationally, we'll need to wear them even around him. If he didn't have our mail, I'd suggest we skip the visit. Sometimes he comes to the city we live in, but not this time.

Covid 19 cases are not easing up in Czech Republic. They now issued an order that no cloth masks will be permitted for a while. You can either wear a medical grade mask (like N95) or if you wear the thinner light blue types, you have to wear two of them at the same time (double up). Hubby ordered more masks. They're a little slow with the vaccinations here.

My strawberry cake is good, but needed something creamy with it. Yogurt.

[Sunflower123]

The SAD depression that I usually have in November has apparently decided to hit now. It’s debilitating and incredibly painful. As I’ve mentioned, I take care of my mom and brother. I told them the other night that I was too sick to get the mail, papers and trash can and that one of them would need to retrieve them. They are capable of that. Those things sat there until I was able to get them two days later.

They both have cognitive decline as do I when I’m in a deep depression and it’s been hard for me to steer the ship lately. Very hard. I don’t expect to be coddled but I feel alone and unsupported. It’s not their fault. I’m scared for us all right now. Really scared. My sister is missing in action as usual. I hope to come out of this depression soon. I don’t know what the future holds.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

The SAD depression that I usually have in November has apparently decided to hit now. It’s debilitating and incredibly painful. As I’ve mentioned, I take care of my mom and brother. I told them the other night that I was too sick to get the mail, papers and trash can and that one of them would need to retrieve them. They are capable of that. Those things sat there until I was able to get them two days later.

They both have cognitive decline as do I when I’m in a deep depression and it’s been hard for me to steer the ship lately. Very hard. I don’t expect to be coddled but I feel alone and unsupported. It’s not their fault. I’m scared for us all right now. Really scared. My sister is missing in action as usual. I hope to come out of this depression soon. I don’t know what the future holds.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Jennifer Hoping the lengthening days pull you out of it soon!

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing well today. Last night I was super nauseated and my upper left side hurt. But Tylenol took care of both of them. Today I’m watching the TV show I recorded from last night and reading Reddit. The realtor is coming in about half an hour. The house is spotless. I think we are almost ready to list it. I am excited about moving now that therapy is taken care of. My old therapist was my only reason for wanting to stay here. I will be especially happy if we can get a split level house. I’ve been wanting a split level since I was a little kid when I was jealous of my friends house. It’s kinda a dream house I’d guess you say.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

The SAD depression that I usually have in November has apparently decided to hit now. It’s debilitating and incredibly painful. As I’ve mentioned, I take care of my mom and brother. I told them the other night that I was too sick to get the mail, papers and trash can and that one of them would need to retrieve them. They are capable of that. Those things sat there until I was able to get them two days later.

They both have cognitive decline as do I when I’m in a deep depression and it’s been hard for me to steer the ship lately. Very hard. I don’t expect to be coddled but I feel alone and unsupported. It’s not their fault. I’m scared for us all right now. Really scared. My sister is missing in action as usual. I hope to come out of this depression soon. I don’t know what the future holds.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

I'm so sorry, Jennifer. The feeling of rowing the boat alone can be very discouraging.

[Soupe du jour]

@Jennifer 1967, I hope your depression eases soon. Sorry to learn that your mother and brother didn't step up to help you out, during this tough time. Can you have a mini meeting with them to discuss some minor chores you need their help with? Maybe put some notes on their bedroom doors with the "To Do". I am sure they love you and to ask for help "for your sake" should hopefully make them realize how a little help goes a long way.

[Soupe du jour]

@Mountaindewed, that's great you have a dream house. Moving is stressful, but still exciting. It sure can be a fresh start. A new environment can truly change one's perspective on life. If you find a place with an added comfort, you will definitely deserve it.

I'm so sorry Jennifer. Taking care of your mom and brother on top of your bipolar must be so hard. And not getting any help is awful. How long do your depressions usually last?

[Blue_Bird]

Hi guys, it’s been quite awhile since I’ve checked in on this thread. I mostly hang out in the Schizophrenia forum (I have schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type) but I still like to check in here every now and then.

Since I last checked in I ended up in the ER because of some mania and psychosis and my doctor upped on of my antipsychotics. Eventually I ended up depressed and I’m kind of still working my way out of that. My mood is getting better but I’m still working on getting out of the rut of the bad sleeping habits and trying to get more active.

This is random but I bought a blender. My very first one. To make smoothies and stuff. And I love it. I’ve never had one before and it’s awesome, anyway, I’m really enjoying that. I was scared to use it at first but my sister helped me and now I’m confident using it on my own. I always get a little intimidated by new kitchen appliances.

I got my first Covid vaccination shot yesterday. So that is a good thing. I get my next one on March 12th. I haven’t had any side effects from it other than my arm being sore from where the needle went in.

Didn’t sleep last night, so I’m hoping to get some sleep tonight. It’s gonna be a long rest of the day. But I got a lot done. Kind of. For me I guess. I mean I did more than I usually do. I made my smoothie, cleaned the blender, other dishes, then took the trash out. Checked the mail. Cut up some vegetables and sautéed them for later meal then washed those dishes. And spent some time coloring which was relaxing.

Anyway, I hope everyone here is doing well

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

@Jennifer 1967, I hope your depression eases soon. Sorry to learn that your mother and brother didn't step up to help you out, during this tough time. Can you have a mini meeting with them to discuss some minor chores you need their help with? Maybe put some notes on their bedroom doors with the "To Do". I am sure they love you and to ask for help "for your sake" should hopefully make them realize how a little help goes a long way.

That’s a great suggestion and I will do that today. Thank you.

[Soupe du jour]

We actually had a nice day away from home today. The drive to Praha was foggy, but when we got there it was beautifully sunny. Then almost home again, the fog was thicker than ever. Here's a nice photo of the city from a nice park in Prague's Vinohrady (vineyards) section.