[MuddyBoots]

It's a tad chilly today. We're in a wind chill advisory. At the coldest point in my state it's -51F. Actual temp here is 3F (wind chill -14F), which I fixed my car door so I can actually get my blood work done today which is awesome because I want to get it over with so I can get more blood work done at a different place next week. I may call the crisis line today. This week I've been bad, but today I'm gonna start doing better.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Does anybody know a free site to public information? I’m trying to find out when and maybe how my ex husband died but every frick’n site wants a credit card and in small print admits to charging you monthly. I thought death was public record? It really disturbed me that he may have died alone. Anyway I’m going to the library tomorrow to see if they can help.

You can try just googling his name. Or name and location where he died (town, city, etc.) See what kind of information pops up.


Also, if you join one of those sites you can cancel your subscription almost immediately.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So I'm quiet. My case was closed so I may not have insurance next month which means no shot, no medical team (Not that I have one now), nothing. I've been trying to learn how to draw but I suck. I don't think I'm depressed. Honestly I have no idea anymore. H is so much better at then me. It's almost been a year since I isolated. I'm trying to create a color theory class but honestly it's not worth the supplies. I'm not comfortable with teaching but when am I comfortable with anything. It not happening until at least Aug. if at all again. I may teach H color theory and assist him in teaching an art class again. I'm trying to at least do 4 hrs a day on art.

Suck or not, that all sounds terrific!

[Soupe du jour]

I'm dead tired, but we must go to the grocery store since we have workers coming tomorrow, and in the case of ours, we must feed them. We definitely need groceries again! I also want at least a couple more kitchen things to get started. I can't express how badly I want a cutting board! May sound strange, but I am super frustrated not having one.

Bigger news: I saw my Czech therapist for the first time today. She was nice. Her English was fine. Not super fluent, but the relationship could work. I was so nervous. I had to take a taxi there because Hubby had to be home for deliveries and the internet/TV set up. When I got there (way too early on a cold rainy day) I didn't know the procedure. There was no receptionist, so I didn't know what to do. I called Hubby and put him on speaker phone so he could ask a woman a question in Czech. Bizarre scenario, for sure! Anyway, her next available appointment is in three weeks. She also scheduled me for one two weeks after that. I am glad for the time in between. Everything is so overwhelming now. She also emailed me a recommendation for a psychiatrist. She told me to tell the psychiatrist that she referred me, otherwise I might have been on a long wait list. She said she "thinks she [the psychiatrist] speaks English". I said that my husband may accompany me, so fluency may not be necessary. More necessary for a therapist.

Oh Nammu, I am so sorry. That's hard being left with so much wondering. I hope you can get the answers you need.

Soupe, you are doing great. It's a BIG transition. Wishing you continued successes in navigating it.

I'm still very upset about the shelf situation. I should find out today, good vibes much appreciated. I've lost numerous hours of sleep on this. I've cried some. It seems like the more I've indicated how much I wanted it, the more determined to give it to someone else she's been. I'm finding it all very hurtful and I don't understand why this dynamic is happening. We've always gotten along like gangbusters. Where is this coming from??!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm dead tired, but we must go to the grocery store since we have workers coming tomorrow, and in the case of ours, we must feed them. We definitely need groceries again! I also want at least a couple more kitchen things to get started. I can't express how badly I want a cutting board! May sound strange, but I am super frustrated not having one.

Bigger news: I saw my Czech therapist for the first time today. She was nice. Her English was fine. Not super fluent, but the relationship could work. I was so nervous. I had to take a taxi there because Hubby had to be home for deliveries and the internet/TV set up. When I got there (way too early on a cold rainy day) I didn't know the procedure. There was no receptionist, so I didn't know what to do. I called Hubby and put him on speaker phone so he could ask a woman a question in Czech. Bizarre scenario, for sure! Anyway, her next available appointment is in three weeks. She also scheduled me for one two weeks after that. I am glad for the time in between. Everything is so overwhelming now. She also emailed me a recommendation for a psychiatrist. She told me to tell the psychiatrist that she referred me, otherwise I might have been on a long wait list. She said she "thinks she [the psychiatrist] speaks English". I said that my husband may accompany me, so fluency may not be necessary. More necessary for a therapist.

How exciting! It sounds like a good match, and what an interesting twist to your therapeutic relationship...bicultural.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

...good vibes much appreciated.

Sending them right now**~**~**~~***

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BethRags

You can try just googling his name. Or name and location where he died (town, city, etc.) See what kind of information pops up.


Also, if you join one of those sites you can cancel your subscription almost immediately.

When I googled all I could find was an article about him rescuing cats. Apparently he would taking them into a free clinic and get them neutered and train them to walk on leashes then find owners for them. That sounds like the man I used to know. His brother found out when he passed and that he was in hospice with pancreatic cancer. I hope he wasn’t in pain.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Oh Nammu, I am so sorry. That's hard being left with so much wondering. I hope you can get the answers you need.

Soupe, you are doing great. It's a BIG transition. Wishing you continued successes in navigating it.

I'm still very upset about the shelf situation. I should find out today, good vibes much appreciated. I've lost numerous hours of sleep on this. I've cried some. It seems like the more I've indicated how much I wanted it, the more determined to give it to someone else she's been. I'm finding it all very hurtful and I don't understand why this dynamic is happening. We've always gotten along like gangbusters. Where is this coming from??!

Thanks for the thoughts.

Sending good vibes.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m just reading and helping my mom out. I am super anxious but I’ve only taken one .5 Xanax today. I drank a ton of water since that’s the other thing I do when I’m anxious. Chug water. I used all my weighted blankets last night. 37 pounds total. I’m sure my therapist would consider that a risky behavior. It is a lot of weight for my size and I could suffocate but I feel like I’m being careful.

Last night I heard 3 very loud screams coming from somewhere outside. It was about 2:30 in the morning. It was weird and creepy But no ambulance or police cars showed up on my block. I also got a call on my home phone this morning and the caller ID just said Area 273. Maybe moving is best although I am having the hardest time with it since we got the carpets in.

I’m not even thinking about emailing my therapist. I haven’t had the urge in a long time. I can move on very easily. Plus I’m pretty sure she’d just tell me to go to the hospital and I honestly would probably agree with her that I need to be IP right now.

I’m just reading book after book to keep my mind off things. I’ve read 4 decent size ones in 6 days.

It burns like hell to use the bathroom and my lower left side hurts real bad and there’s also some blood.

Yet I tell myself it’s just my anxiety getting worse.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m just reading and helping my mom out. I am super anxious but I’ve only taken one .5 Xanax today. I drank a ton of water since that’s the other thing I do when I’m anxious. Chug water. I used all my weighted blankets last night. 37 pounds total. I’m sure my therapist would consider that a risky behavior. It is a lot of weight for my size and I could suffocate but I feel like I’m being careful.

Last night I heard 3 very loud screams coming from somewhere outside. It was about 2:30 in the morning. It was weird and creepy But no ambulance or police cars showed up on my block. I also got a call on my home phone this morning and the caller ID just said Area 273. Maybe moving is best although I am having the hardest time with it since we got the carpets in.

I’m not even thinking about emailing my therapist. I haven’t had the urge in a long time. I can move on very easily. Plus I’m pretty sure she’d just tell me to go to the hospital and I honestly would probably agree with her that I need to be IP right now.

I’m just reading book after book to keep my mind off things. I’ve read 4 decent size ones in 6 days.

It burns like hell to use the bathroom and my lower left side hurts real bad and there’s also some blood.

Yet I tell myself it’s just my anxiety getting worse.

Didn't you just have a UTI? If you're not feeling better after treatment it wouldn't be a bad idea to follow up with your doctor. Do you feel unsafe with yourself? Is that why you are thinking IP? or is the anxiety still really intense? Take care!

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Didn't you just have a UTI? If you're not feeling better after treatment it wouldn't be a bad idea to follow up with your doctor. Do you feel unsafe with yourself? Is that why you are thinking IP? or is the anxiety still really intense? Take care!

Yes I did just have a UTI. I’m trying to figure out where my last at home UTI test is so I can see what’s going on. It feels worse than before. I feel unsafe with myself a lot at night. That’s why I’ve been using the 37 pounds of weighted blankets. To try to help me cope with my anxiety. But basically this really intense anxiety is just really starting to get to me.

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi all! I am happy to say I got that job I wanted. I just need to fill out the new hire paperwork and all of that stuff. I am nervous what with my brain hardly working if I can do it, but if I have to put in extra hours to catch up I will do that. Now I can start looking for my own place. I know some people think it odd that I wouldn't just live with my boyfriend, but we've been doing distance for four years and I don't want to jump right into that. Plus, we are teleworking both full time and there's not a lot of room to do that in his apartment. In addition, my moods need to get more stable before I try to live with him so I don't end up ruining our relationship lol.

Speaking of that I called my pdoc and spoke with the admin assistant who spoke with him about stopping the Wellbutrin to see if it makes me irritable. He instead wants me to go with starting the SR version and then see how I do. So I am going with that. I am not depressed but I am definitely still to irritable today. I'll give it some time and see.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Yes I did just have a UTI. I’m trying to figure out where my last at home UTI test is so I can see what’s going on. It feels worse than before. I feel unsafe with myself a lot at night. That’s why I’ve been using the 37 pounds of weighted blankets. To try to help me cope with my anxiety. But basically this really intense anxiety is just really starting to get to me.

Got it, I hope you get that figured out. Sorry you are dealing with so much anxiety, that must be really difficult. Please do reach out for help if you need it. It seems like you haven't been feeling safe with yourself too much lately

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hi all! I am happy to say I got that job I wanted. I just need to fill out the new hire paperwork and all of that stuff. I am nervous what with my brain hardly working if I can do it, but if I have to put in extra hours to catch up I will do that. Now I can start looking for my own place. I know some people think it odd that I wouldn't just live with my boyfriend, but we've been doing distance for four years and I don't want to jump right into that. Plus, we are teleworking both full time and there's not a lot of room to do that in his apartment. In addition, my moods need to get more stable before I try to live with him so I don't end up ruining our relationship lol.

Speaking of that I called my pdoc and spoke with the admin assistant who spoke with him about stopping the Wellbutrin to see if it makes me irritable. He instead wants me to go with starting the SR version and then see how I do. So I am going with that. I am not depressed but I am definitely still to irritable today. I'll give it some time and see.

~*~Congratulations!~*~

[*Beth*]

I had a very successful morning, with regard to using mindfulness to get perspective and calm rageful feelings I was having about a medical (not psych) situation.

I'm feeling defensive and annoyed about some other stuff, but I'll get over it.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hi all! I am happy to say I got that job I wanted. I just need to fill out the new hire paperwork and all of that stuff. I am nervous what with my brain hardly working if I can do it, but if I have to put in extra hours to catch up I will do that. Now I can start looking for my own place. I know some people think it odd that I wouldn't just live with my boyfriend, but we've been doing distance for four years and I don't want to jump right into that. Plus, we are teleworking both full time and there's not a lot of room to do that in his apartment. In addition, my moods need to get more stable before I try to live with him so I don't end up ruining our relationship lol.

Speaking of that I called my pdoc and spoke with the admin assistant who spoke with him about stopping the Wellbutrin to see if it makes me irritable. He instead wants me to go with starting the SR version and then see how I do. So I am going with that. I am not depressed but I am definitely still to irritable today. I'll give it some time and see.

Congratulations on getting the job, yellow_fleurs! Great news!

It sounds like you are thinking things through quite rationally.

[wildflowerchild25]

I had a very rough start at work today. At 8:15 I felt like if I didn’t self harm I would explode, but since I work in a behavior school there are no sharp objects, not even safety pins. Who would have thought it would protect vulnerable staff as well? Anyway I actually was inspired by a student. He was removed from his home again yesterday but he came online to school anyway. He said he was having a bad day (obviously) but he would get all his schoolwork done. He didn’t want his bad mood to ruin his work. He just wanted us to know so if he was quiet we wouldn’t blame him for not participating. I figured if he could do it I could, you know? We might not be fighting exactly the same fight but we’re all in this together, you know? So I picked my head up and although it was tough I made it through the day. I even got my work done during the prep period, even though it was insanely hard coming up with sentence examples for connotation. I only got four days worth done but there’s a nor’easter coming through on Sunday night so we may not have school on Monday anyway. Perfect!

Since I could not bring myself to go grocery shopping last weekend or at any point this week we have no choice but to go tomorrow. Because of the snow possibility it will be even more insane than it usually is on a Saturday morning. I’m picking the least difficult grocery store, the discount one. It doesn’t have everything but it has what we need and the cashiers are very fast so even with long lines it doesnt take nearly as long as the two big box stores. Plus, it’s cheap!

So hopefully I’ll buck up tomorrow. I may or may not have a panic attack tonight. No point worrying about it now though.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I had a very rough start at work today. At 8:15 I felt like if I didn’t self harm I would explode, but since I work in a behavior school there are no sharp objects, not even safety pins. Who would have thought it would protect vulnerable staff as well? Anyway I actually was inspired by a student. He was removed from his home again yesterday but he came online to school anyway. He said he was having a bad day (obviously) but he would get all his schoolwork done. He didn’t want his bad mood to ruin his work. He just wanted us to know so if he was quiet we wouldn’t blame him for not participating. I figured if he could do it I could, you know? We might not be fighting exactly the same fight but we’re all in this together, you know? So I picked my head up and although it was tough I made it through the day. I even got my work done during the prep period, even though it was insanely hard coming up with sentence examples for connotation. I only got four days worth done but there’s a nor’easter coming through on Sunday night so we may not have school on Monday anyway. Perfect!

Since I could not bring myself to go grocery shopping last weekend or at any point this week we have no choice but to go tomorrow. Because of the snow possibility it will be even more insane than it usually is on a Saturday morning. I’m picking the least difficult grocery store, the discount one. It doesn’t have everything but it has what we need and the cashiers are very fast so even with long lines it doesnt take nearly as long as the two big box stores. Plus, it’s cheap!

So hopefully I’ll buck up tomorrow. I may or may not have a panic attack tonight. No point worrying about it now though.

Thank you for sharing about the student. He is an inspiration.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I had a very rough start at work today. At 8:15 I felt like if I didn’t self harm I would explode, but since I work in a behavior school there are no sharp objects, not even safety pins. Who would have thought it would protect vulnerable staff as well? Anyway I actually was inspired by a student. He was removed from his home again yesterday but he came online to school anyway. He said he was having a bad day (obviously) but he would get all his schoolwork done. He didn’t want his bad mood to ruin his work. He just wanted us to know so if he was quiet we wouldn’t blame him for not participating. I figured if he could do it I could, you know? We might not be fighting exactly the same fight but we’re all in this together, you know? So I picked my head up and although it was tough I made it through the day. I even got my work done during the prep period, even though it was insanely hard coming up with sentence examples for connotation. I only got four days worth done but there’s a nor’easter coming through on Sunday night so we may not have school on Monday anyway. Perfect!

Since I could not bring myself to go grocery shopping last weekend or at any point this week we have no choice but to go tomorrow. Because of the snow possibility it will be even more insane than it usually is on a Saturday morning. I’m picking the least difficult grocery store, the discount one. It doesn’t have everything but it has what we need and the cashiers are very fast so even with long lines it doesnt take nearly as long as the two big box stores. Plus, it’s cheap!

So hopefully I’ll buck up tomorrow. I may or may not have a panic attack tonight. No point worrying about it now though.

Thanks for sharing, especially about the student and your work

[Fuzzybear]

Congratulations

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hi all! I am happy to say I got that job I wanted. I just need to fill out the new hire paperwork and all of that stuff. I am nervous what with my brain hardly working if I can do it, but if I have to put in extra hours to catch up I will do that. Now I can start looking for my own place. I know some people think it odd that I wouldn't just live with my boyfriend, but we've been doing distance for four years and I don't want to jump right into that. Plus, we are teleworking both full time and there's not a lot of room to do that in his apartment. In addition, my moods need to get more stable before I try to live with him so I don't end up ruining our relationship lol.

Speaking of that I called my pdoc and spoke with the admin assistant who spoke with him about stopping the Wellbutrin to see if it makes me irritable. He instead wants me to go with starting the SR version and then see how I do. So I am going with that. I am not depressed but I am definitely still to irritable today. I'll give it some time and see.

[Victoria'smom]

No one's home and I'm not doing well. I'm trying to keep my hand busy but It's not working I hope they're home soon. It's to early to go to bed. IDK what to do. they have to leave again tomorrow. WTF is wrong with me.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

No one's home and I'm not doing well. I'm trying to keep my hand busy but It's not working I hope they're home soon. It's to early to go to bed. IDK what to do. they have to leave again tomorrow. WTF is wrong with me.

Gentle hugs and respect Hope you stay safe

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

No one's home and I'm not doing well. I'm trying to keep my hand busy but It's not working I hope they're home soon. It's to early to go to bed. IDK what to do. they have to leave again tomorrow. WTF is wrong with me.

A very serious, very gentle

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

No one's home and I'm not doing well. I'm trying to keep my hand busy but It's not working I hope they're home soon. It's to early to go to bed. IDK what to do. they have to leave again tomorrow. WTF is wrong with me.

I hope this passes for you soon! BIG HUGS!