[Moose72]

I spent about an hour tonight writing a poem I was inspired to write from song lyrics by Anne Boleyn. She may have written the song too- not sure. I made a separate thread on here for it if you want to read it. Its got a trigger icon and warning in the title. I hadn't written a poem in years- maybe decades! I used to write them as a teenager.

I got my Valium for my benzo taper. Guess there's no turning back now. I've been on the stuff for 25 years. There's probably no good time to withdraw. It's way overdue. I hope it goes well. My doctor emailed me a table of seventeen steps. It'll take from four to eight months. I'll start on Sunday when i fill my dosette for the week. Maybe it won't be so bad?

@Miguel'smom: Gentle hugs. Can you listen to the radio? I find it's good company. A local station.

@yellow_fleurs: Grats on the job! Way to go!

[Victoria'smom]

Made it through, there was crying, paranoia, anxiety, shaking, music drawing, laying in bed, staring at the door, nausea looking behind me everything. BUT no SH, meds, or throwing up. So I was successful.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Made it through, there was crying, paranoia, anxiety, shaking, music drawing, laying in bed, staring at the door, nausea looking behind me everything. BUT no SH, meds, or throwing up. So I was successful.

I loved reading this. It must feel powerful to take charge, you did it !!!!!

[Moose72]

I have a migraine and its just getting worse. I took meds for it but it doesn't seem to be helping.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I had a very rough start at work today. At 8:15 I felt like if I didn’t self harm I would explode, but since I work in a behavior school there are no sharp objects, not even safety pins. Who would have thought it would protect vulnerable staff as well? Anyway I actually was inspired by a student. He was removed from his home again yesterday but he came online to school anyway. He said he was having a bad day (obviously) but he would get all his schoolwork done. He didn’t want his bad mood to ruin his work. He just wanted us to know so if he was quiet we wouldn’t blame him for not participating. I figured if he could do it I could, you know? We might not be fighting exactly the same fight but we’re all in this together, you know? So I picked my head up and although it was tough I made it through the day. I even got my work done during the prep period, even though it was insanely hard coming up with sentence examples for connotation. I only got four days worth done but there’s a nor’easter coming through on Sunday night so we may not have school on Monday anyway. Perfect!

Since I could not bring myself to go grocery shopping last weekend or at any point this week we have no choice but to go tomorrow. Because of the snow possibility it will be even more insane than it usually is on a Saturday morning. I’m picking the least difficult grocery store, the discount one. It doesn’t have everything but it has what we need and the cashiers are very fast so even with long lines it doesnt take nearly as long as the two big box stores. Plus, it’s cheap!

So hopefully I’ll buck up tomorrow. I may or may not have a panic attack tonight. No point worrying about it now though.

What an inspiring story. I'm glad both you and your student got through the day in as good of a way possible.

My sister told me about the nor'easter coming. She lives a bit north of Trenton. I hope everyone in your area stays safe and warm.

[Soupe du jour]

The two workers we hired for home improvements and painting arrived mid-morning from Prague area. Because we're two hours away, they are staying with us (they brought their own sleeping mat/linens). It is odd not to be able to communicate with them, other than basic greetings or pigeon Czech. Hubby must. I will be heating up meals and making coffee. The meals are take out Czech cuisine because I still don't have enough pantry and fridge items to cook, properly. We've been eating Czech food every meal for over a week now. I like it, but totally crave my own cooking, which I know I've written many times. Czech food is true comfort food, like goulash, pork schnitzel, ham and salami, and anything with a sauce to serve with dumplings. Most all Czechs eat rolls with butter or cheese and cold cuts every single day. Virtually no vegetables, which is quite against my way. They generally drink beer. Lots! And some hard liquors, too.

We had to choose paint colors for a few rooms. I totally agreed with the light tan for a couple spaces, but not the color for the living room. We initially agreed on a light spring-like green color. When the worker showed us one green option, it looked too "candy-like" or almost neon. I rejected that, then suddenly Hubby shows him this dark gray (with barely a green hue) back of his cell phone and declares that the color of choice. I was shocked and spoke up, but that's what we ended up with. I demanded that it be lightened, but it will indeed feel a bit more like a "man's house" than anything I'd choose. Oh well! Maybe it will surprise me and/or grow on me. The rest of the house will be white. I guess for more color, I'll have to get that through rugs, knick knacks, and art items. I did already buy myself a little purple and yellow flower in a small pot for my kitchen.

Monday we'll be making numerous calls relating to my residency. Lots more to do!

[Mountaindewed]

My anxiety and moods are as usual all over the place. I feel sad and more empathy then I normally do. Which I think is because I’m supposed to get my period in a week. Tomorrow I start splitting my injections in half and taking it every week. I hope that’s the answer to fixing these mood swings and anxiety.

I was thinking of going IP last night. My mom was wondering it too. But it’s not that easy to just go in. An ultrasound cost me $80. I can’t imagine what a 7 day stay in a hospital would cost. I’ve had to start putting medical bills on credit cards. Which is really bad.

But my birthday is on Thursday. I don’t really care but we will probably get something for dinner. I don’t get birthday presents from anyone but my mom sometimes gets me a gift card somewhere.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

The two workers we hired for home improvements and painting arrived mid-morning from Prague area. Because we're two hours away, they will stay with us (they brought their own sleeping mat/linens. It is odd not to be able to communicate with them, other than basic greetings or pigeon Czech. Hubby must. I will be heating up meals and making coffee. The meals are take out Czech cuisine because I still don't have enough pantry and fridge items to cook, properly. We've been eating Czech food for every meal for over a week now. I like Czech food, but totally crave my own cooking, which I know I've written numerous times. Czech food is true simple comfort food, like goulash, pork schnitzel, ham and salami, and anything with a sauce to serve with dumplings. Most all Czechs eat rolls with butter or cheese and cold cuts every single day. Virtually no vegetables, which is quite against my way. They drink beer. Lots of it! And some hard liquors, too.

We had to choose paint colors for a few rooms. I totally agreed with the light tan for a couple spaces, but not so much with the color for the living room. We initially agreed on a light spring-like green color. When the worker showed us one green option, it looked too "candy-like" or almost neon. I rejected that, then suddenly Hubby shows him this dark gray (with barely a subtle green hue) back of his cell phone and declares that the color of choice. I was shocked and spoke up, but that's what we ended up with. I have demanded that it be lightened, but it will indeed feel a bit more like a "man's house" than anything I'd choose. Oh well! Maybe it will surprise me and/or grow on me. The rest of the house will be white. I guess for more color, I'll have to get that through rugs, knick knacks, and art items. I did already buy myself a little purple and yellow flower in a small pot for my kitchen.

Monday we'll be making numerous calls relating to my residency. Lots more to do!

I love using greys in home decor. There's so much to work with when greys are involved. I don't think grey is masculine; it seems like a gender-neutral color to me.

[Nammu]

My daughter loves grey too. Except for the kids rooms her house is all greys. She uses accessories to get pops of color.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My anxiety and moods are as usual all over the place. I feel sad and more empathy then I normally do. Which I think is because I’m supposed to get my period in a week. Tomorrow I start splitting my injections in half and taking it every week. I hope that’s the answer to fixing these mood swings and anxiety.

I was thinking of going IP last night. My mom was wondering it too. But it’s not that easy to just go in. An ultrasound cost me $80. I can’t imagine what a 7 day stay in a hospital would cost. I’ve had to start putting medical bills on credit cards. Which is really bad.

But my birthday is on Thursday. I don’t really care but we will probably get something for dinner. I don’t get birthday presents from anyone but my mom sometimes gets me a gift card somewhere.

We'll look forward to sending you lots of birthday wishes, Mountaindewed! Hopefully you won't need the hospital, though I will say that I did once have a birthday during a psych hospitalization. Though I can't say for all hospitals, I can say they gave me quite a celebration. Many patients gave me little art pieces from art therapy. One wonderful man gave me a Mickey Mouse watch. Why/how he had that, I don't know, but it was sweet.

It should not be the case that we avoid help because of money. I will be voting every election day (even from Europe) for US politicians that support improvement in healthcare coverage. Preferably Medicare for All. It's the right thing. It's something like what most of Europe and much of the world offer their citizens.

[Soupe du jour]

BethRags and Nammu, I hope I like the gray.

The handymen are watching fotbal (soccer) in the dark in one of our rooms. We told them we want to feed them, but they said they weren't hungry. I definitely want to make them feel at home, but I tend to get so tired as the evening comes. Czechs tend to eat later than my family always did. It's 6 pm and I wish I could almost go to bed. How sad! I could say "Leave it to Hubby", but I swear the dude truly knows nothing about even reheating food in the microwave. Plus, I don't want to look like a good for nothing American wife.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

We'll look forward to sending you lots of birthday wishes, Mountaindewed! Hopefully you won't need the hospital, though I will say that I did once have a birthday during a psych hospitalization. Though I can't say for all hospitals, I can say they gave me quite a celebration. Many patients gave me little art pieces from art therapy. One wonderful man gave me a Mickey Mouse watch. Why/how he had that, I don't know, but it was sweet.

It should not be the case that we avoid help because of money. I will be voting every election day (even from Europe) for US politicians that support improvement in healthcare coverage. Preferably Medicare for All. It's the right thing. It's something like what most of Europe and much of the world offer their citizens.

My 14th birthday was in a hospital. It was the pediatric psych unit of a very good medical hospital. So the care I got there was great. They made me a chocolate cake and sang happy birthday and my family was able to come and celebrate.

I’m just trying different things before I decide to go IP. I haven’t gone in almost 6 years because I’ve always found a way to work through things. So I’m hoping the change in meds will help a ton.

Soupe-- re: Gray. I've noticed it used in a lot of furniture ads. Looks sleek and modern.

[MuddyBoots]

Got another cat!!!!!!!!!! Trying out names for him. My other two are hiding from him in my room. No fights though, a good sign.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Got another cat!!!!!!!!!! Trying out names for him. My other two are hiding from him in my room. No fights though, a good sign.

I guess either your new kitty is Top Cat, or the others are trying to reject him? Either way, I'm sure they'll warm up to each other. I bet they're jealous of the new dude.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I guess either your new kitty is Top Cat, or the others are trying to reject him? Either way, I'm sure they'll warm up to each other. I bet they're jealous of the new dude.

They're just freaked out that there's another living thing in the house, they do the same when a new person comes over or someone stops by with their dog. I'm sure they'll warm up to each other too. New kitty is very shy.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

They're just freaked out that there's another living thing in the house, they do the same when a new person comes over or someone stops by with their dog. I'm sure they'll warm up to each other too. New kitty is very shy.

Yeah, if you act normal with the cats they'll accept the new one really soon.

[leomama]

My doctor recently recommended Latuda because it doesn’t interfere with other drugs and I am shocked at the cost. I’m thinking about trying Wellbutrin again despite the side effects.

[*Beth*]

So my friend C. is back in the hospital. When she was in a few days ago, a doctor prescribed blood pressure pills and told her that drinking while on them is dangerous. Well, she drank while on them and her blood pressure skyrocketed. I feel sorry for her daughter, who is trying really hard to help her mother and get her into a support system (see a therapist, for example). I feel this is a turning point. Either C. admits to herself that she's an alcoholic or she keeps doing what she's doing. Today, I have been mentally preparing myself in case I hear that she's died. I feel like she's determined to.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by leomama

My doctor recently recommended Latuda because it doesn’t interfere with other drugs and I am shocked at the cost. I’m thinking about trying Wellbutrin again despite the side effects.

The price of Latuda is ridiculous. There are programs that will help you out, though. I know Latuda helps some people, but it was a waste for me and I haven't heard that many people say they like it. So many people do like Wellbutrin, though. What were your side-effects?

[leomama]

Originally Posted by BethRags

The price of Latuda is ridiculous. There are programs that will help you out, though. I know Latuda helps some people, but it was a waste for me and I haven't heard that many people say they like it. So many people do like Wellbutrin, though. What were your side-effects?

I think it made me throw up.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by leomama

I think it made me throw up.

Yikes. Well, your body might tolerate it better a second time around. I find that with many meds.

[Fuzzybear]

Grrrr. Wash, rinse, repeat

Sometimes I wish I was ''normal''....

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Grrrr. Wash, rinse, repeat

Sometimes I wish I was ''normal''....

Me too, Fuzzy, me too.