[Miss Laura]

Just had my depot injection I'm feeling great. I think I might be a little happy but all is goood

[Scooter9]

I passed an exam I had to take for work.

Studying for it and writing the exam were super stressful. I had to take the exam at work so I had to go in and find out where to go etc.

I'm glad it's over. I got Starbucks to treat myself!

The next hurdle is learning about the live system but there's no exam for that, just on the job training.

[*Beth*]

I had a rough time last night. 2 days ago I began to wonder if my sister-friend, C. was real or if I created her and she is a hallucination. I know full well that she was a very real human being, and that our friendship lasted 53 years until she died. But the stupid thought persisted. I thought, What if she was a hallucination and my brain created her and her family?

Well, that nagging thought turned into a full-on paranoia last night. I began to suspect that C. was haunting me and wanted me to come with her to where she is...I could feel how tormented she was when she died (she had been a very closeted alcoholic; other than that a wonderful daughter, mom and grandma). I felt that she was reading my thoughts, mocking me (she never would have done that!), and so on. It was awful. I felt horribly guilty for having such thoughts about her.

I was afraid to sleep so I took a tiny bit of extra AP and sleep meds. I did end up sleeping pretty well, as well as I ever do, anyway. I wish my therapist was here this week. I was using some self-protection techniques I practice in therapy, which did halp a little bit.

I'm still feeling paranoid. It's ridiculous. I'm getting a pedicure tomorrow and using a gift card to a nice store (my son gave it to me), so I'm trying to focus on those treats. Also reading a novel, which is a distraction. I'd call my pdoc, but I know she'd tell me to temporarily raise my AP, which I've already done.

I have to have my car battery jumped because, although I have a good battery, my husband has twice left the parking lights on all night when he used my car. Ugh. I really wish this paranoia would subside.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m not having the best day today. I was really frustrated this morning and now I’m in pain as a result. And I can’t tell anyone because it was a weird thing I did. I saw my gastro doctor this afternoon. I thought the appointment was tomorrow. My mom thought he was great but I felt like he an attitude and was conceited. He basically said my severe constipation and nausea is as a result of the extreme stress I’m under regarding my move and dealing with the pandemic. He also said my medications can play a big role in it. He explained things well but I really just wanted to get out of there. He prescribed me some kind of nausea med and told me to up my mirolax and told me to come back in 8 weeks.

I am missing my therapist terribly today. I thought I was doing so well until last night. I hope the feeling goes away once I meet with the new one on Monday. And I really really hope she isn’t like this gastro doctor or my gynecologist. My mom said I need to give her a chance since I built a relationship with my last 2 therapists one for over 3 years and the last one for almost 2 years each.

But I do not want to go out anywhere for awhile except to get coffee. I’m dealing with my PMS (probably why I’m so sensitive emotionally right now) and it’s been really difficult so far and my fake period is still 10 days away.

My pulse was 117 at the doctors. No one seemed concerned though. I’ve been getting a really bad racing heart for awhile. I wonder if it’s the increase in Geodon.

[*Beth*]

Battery wouldn't hold a charge so my car got towed to the mechanic. I really hope it's fixable. The car is a 2002 SUV, almost old enough to buy a beer, but I love it.

Night has come again and I'm feeling fairly paranoid. Again. I did email my therapist just to let her know what's going on and to unload my thoughts.

[Moose72]

Did laundry and took out the trash today. Go me, right? I thought I'd stuffed the washer too full but it was fine. Dried just fine too. Now I'm in bed, having showered and put the clean sheets back on the bed.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Did laundry and took out the trash today. Go me, right? I thought I'd stuffed the washer too full but it was fine. Dried just fine too. Now I'm in bed, having showered and put the clean sheets back on the bed.

I love, love, love fresh sheets.

[Victoria'smom]

Why do I have to take these ****in pills! I haven't even got them yet and don't want to. They don't help. I just want to say **** it curl into a ball in the corner and sleep until I'm done with this mood. H is depressed.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Why do I have to take these ****in pills! I haven't even got them yet and don't want to. They don't help. I just want to say **** it curl into a ball in the corner and sleep until I'm done with this mood. H is depressed.

Maybe don't think of it in terms of long-term meds? Set a goal to take them every day until you see your pdoc again and go from there. You did really well using a ticker to keep track of meds a few years ago and I'm pretty sure you felt better during that time. You made it a long time with that and I think you should try to make the same thing happen again. It sounds like your pdoc and therapist and going to work together to help treat you and that you'll be actually seeing your therapist a good amount of time. This could be a really positive situation if you take the ADs and do what you need to do in therapy.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I love, love, love fresh sheets.

Me too! Especially accompanied by a clean body!

The delivery from the pharmacy went smoothly again. I have some 5mg Valium pills this time so i don't have to take so many 2mg for my taper. Quiet day. Super windy so my dog and i didn't get to enjoy the outdoors much. We have a wet messy weekend coming but mild temps. Tired of COVID but i remind myself that vax have been found and are in distribution and it's just a matter of time. It's finite. I don't expect to get mine til late Summer tho so i'll have to put up with these dull days for a fair bit longer. Sigh!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

The car is a 2002 SUV, almost old enough to buy a beer, but I love it.

The above made me laugh! Fun way to think about it. Now my cars are much younger, but it was less than six months ago that I sold my 1997. Mine was old enough to have made it through some of graduate school!

Your reactions regarding your late friend are totally understandable. Grief is a very complex experience. I know.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

He basically said my severe constipation and nausea is as a result of the extreme stress I’m under regarding my move and dealing with the pandemic. He also said my medications can play a big role in it. He explained things well but I really just wanted to get out of there. He prescribed me some kind of nausea med and told me to up my mirolax and told me to come back in 8 weeks.

I am missing my therapist terribly today. I thought I was doing so well until last night. I hope the feeling goes away once I meet with the new one on Monday. And I really really hope she isn’t like this gastro doctor or my gynecologist. My mom said I need to give her a chance since I built a relationship with my last 2 therapists one for over 3 years and the last one for almost 2 years each.

My pulse was 117 at the doctors. No one seemed concerned though. I’ve been getting a really bad racing heart for awhile. I wonder if it’s the increase in Geodon.

I can certainly say that extreme stress affects my digestive system and heart. It's amazing how many things stress affects. It's such a doozy! Lately my "routine" has been affected, plus I am always prone to acid reflux. Always have been during stress periods. I should buy stock in Alka Seltzer. I used to take Nexium sometimes, but had to stop because it caused a rash on my face.

I take a beta blocker for tachycardia. My heart rate has been perfect (or almost) because of it. But I, too, had a period when it raced constantly. This past year my blood pressure was also skyrocketing. One time I was a bit hypomanic and it was well over 200/100 something. The urgent care noted it but didn't sound concerned, but when I got home and googled it it said it was almost crisis level blood pressure. Since then I've taken blood pressure meds and it seems stable at 120/80. You'll get past this.

Good luck with your new therapist. I know that you are struggling with the idea of the change. I don't miss my recent one much, but my new one seems to be iffy. She cancelled my upcoming appointment last time I saw her saying she had an online class then. She said she'd contact me with a new date, but I have yet to hear from her. I suspect I may not. Ever. She's either careless or didn't have the courage to just tell me I should look elsewhere. If the latter, that annoys me. I like people to be forthright.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm much happier sleeping downstairs. It was my second night on the futon. I think Hubby is taking a little offense, but I don't care.

I really am a bit sick of Hubby. That's not that I don't love him, but for years he went to the office M-F and I had time alone. Since March 2020, he's been home pretty much 24/7. Also, I am a little angry that he is casual about not finding a particular item after the move. I gave that item to him as a HUGE gift years back. I've brought it up four times, and he blows it off and even gets angry at me for mentioning it. That hurts! Also, I can't find my favorite coffee mug. This is piddly compared to the gift I mentioned, but adds salt to the wound. I had been using it since the move, but it disappeared into the secret world of lost things.

My husband's country ID shows an address in Prague, not the city we are living in. I have ZERO idea why he doesn't just apply for a new one with the updated address. Instead, he keeps the old one and puts absolutely everything under my name. That includes the garbage pickup, the insurance coverage for our things, and lots of other important stuff. He makes all of the calls to set these things up. I don't. They are necessary, but I feel uncomfortable "owning" something, so to speak, that I didn't sign up for as the "primary".

[Sunflower123]

I had my appointments. My NP increased one of my meds. She kept interrupting me, not listening and was snooty. I’m used to her being snooty but the other really pissed me off. The next day (yesterday) I had my therapist and she seemed to think my rage was a function of my depression and to be conservative with my reactions right now because I may say something I regret. Makes sense to me. I will work on it.

My daughter is coming for the weekend this morning. Looking forward to that.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I can certainly say that extreme stress affects my digestive system and heart. It's amazing how many things stress affects. It's such a doozy! Lately my "routine" has been affected, plus I am always prone to acid reflux. Always have been during stress periods. I should buy stock in Alka Seltzer. I used to take Nexium sometimes, but had to stop because it caused a rash on my face.

I take a beta blocker for tachycardia. My heart rate has been perfect (or almost) because of it. But I, too, had a period when it raced constantly. This past year my blood pressure was also skyrocketing. One time I was a bit hypomanic and it was well over 200/100 something. The urgent care noted it but didn't sound concerned, but when I got home and googled it it said it was almost crisis level blood pressure. Since then I've taken blood pressure meds and it seems stable at 120/80. You'll get past this.

Good luck with your new therapist. I know that you are struggling with the idea of the change. I don't miss my recent one much, but my new one seems to be iffy. She cancelled my upcoming appointment last time I saw her saying she had an online class then. She said she'd contact me with a new date, but I have yet to hear from her. I suspect I may not. Ever. She's either careless or didn't have the courage to just tell me I should look elsewhere. If the latter, that annoys me. I like people to be forthright.

Yeah I’ve heard of so many therapists seeing clients once and then cancelling and not rescheduling. I don’t get what the issue is but I’m hoping my new one won’t be like that. With the luck I’m having she probably will.

[Mountaindewed]

Today I am super crabby and kinda being a bit *****y. I need jeans and I don’t want to just order them online. So I said I wouldn’t go out but I did go to a few thrift stores and all I ended up with was one pair of old Hollister jeans that I’m not sure will fit, and a ton of anger and frustration. I always get frustrated at thrift stores and I never find anything. That’s one of the reasons I stopped going and started buying everything new and online. The stores are just so crowded now. I assume it’s because a lot of these people have their vaccines. But at how frustrated I was getting and how hard of a time I was having finding jeans I was better off ordering them online.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I had my appointments. My NP increased one of my meds. She kept interrupting me, not listening and was snooty. I’m used to her being snooty but the other really pissed me off. The next day (yesterday) I had my therapist and she seemed to think my rage was a function of my depression and to be conservative with my reactions right now because I may say something I regret. Makes sense to me. I will work on it.

My daughter is coming for the weekend this morning. Looking forward to that.

Those who work with health care can have their bad days as well.

Good for you to be companied by your daughter!

[Victoria'smom]

Maybe don't think of it in terms of long-term meds? I'm going to try taking it therapy appointment to therapy appointment. I wish I didn't feel any pill I take I need to immediately get rid of.

I took it now I don't have to worry until morning.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by GoGo2

Those who work with health care can have their bad days as well.

Good for you to be companied by your daughter!

I am paying her an exorbitant amount of money. I expect professionalism. Her bad day doesn’t come into it. I treat her with respect and I expect the same.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Why do I have to take these ****in pills! I haven't even got them yet and don't want to. They don't help. I just want to say **** it curl into a ball in the corner and sleep until I'm done with this mood. H is depressed.

Your ticker is a terrific idea, Mm! Please take your meds regularly and find out if they really do help.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

The delivery from the pharmacy went smoothly again. I have some 5mg Valium pills this time so i don't have to take so many 2mg for my taper. Quiet day. Super windy so my dog and i didn't get to enjoy the outdoors much. We have a wet messy weekend coming but mild temps. Tired of COVID but i remind myself that vax have been found and are in distribution and it's just a matter of time. It's finite. I don't expect to get mine til late Summer tho so i'll have to put up with these dull days for a fair bit longer. Sigh!

Isn't it perfectly lovely when everything with the pharmacy goes smoothly? Such a relief!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I can certainly say that extreme stress affects my digestive system and heart. It's amazing how many things stress affects. It's such a doozy! Lately my "routine" has been affected, plus I am always prone to acid reflux. Always have been during stress periods. I should buy stock in Alka Seltzer. I used to take Nexium sometimes, but had to stop because it caused a rash on my face.

I take a beta blocker for tachycardia. My heart rate has been perfect (or almost) because of it. But I, too, had a period when it raced constantly. This past year my blood pressure was also skyrocketing. One time I was a bit hypomanic and it was well over 200/100 something. The urgent care noted it but didn't sound concerned, but when I got home and googled it it said it was almost crisis level blood pressure. Since then I've taken blood pressure meds and it seems stable at 120/80. You'll get past this.

Good luck with your new therapist. I know that you are struggling with the idea of the change. I don't miss my recent one much, but my new one seems to be iffy. She cancelled my upcoming appointment last time I saw her saying she had an online class then. She said she'd contact me with a new date, but I have yet to hear from her. I suspect I may not. Ever. She's either careless or didn't have the courage to just tell me I should look elsewhere. If the latter, that annoys me. I like people to be forthright.

Wow, I'd be annoyed, too. Whether careless or not upfront maybe she's a loser.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Today I am super crabby and kinda being a bit *****y. I need jeans and I don’t want to just order them online. So I said I wouldn’t go out but I did go to a few thrift stores and all I ended up with was one pair of old Hollister jeans that I’m not sure will fit, and a ton of anger and frustration. I always get frustrated at thrift stores and I never find anything. That’s one of the reasons I stopped going and started buying everything new and online. The stores are just so crowded now. I assume it’s because a lot of these people have their vaccines. But at how frustrated I was getting and how hard of a time I was having finding jeans I was better off ordering them online.

Many years ago I used to shop at thrift stores and resale clothing boutiques. When I was a size 6 I found clothes, anything larger than that I found jack and I've stopped shopping at them. I also get really frustrated with thrifts.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I am paying her an exorbitant amount of money. I expect professionalism. Her bad day doesn’t come into it. I treat her with respect and I expect the same.

I entirely agree with you. I worked in a cafe for 15 years and there was never one single shift I worked that I had a "bad night." Professionalism is essential at any job, as far as I'm concerned. If her day is so bad that she can't maintain herself she has the option of taking a "mental health" day.