[*Beth*]

Good day. I had a pedicure, so now my toes are polished with a pretty, deep rose color Then I went shopping with the gift card my son gave to me, which was a really lovely treat. Plus, the weather is stunning. Absolutely perfect spring.

Now I'd like to crawl in bed and read and sleep, but I'll wait a couple of hours. I'm still having some paranoia issues. I sure hope my therapist is back in on Monday.

[Mountaindewed]

I completely unplugged for the day. Up until now. Once I got home from the thrift store and started reading my moods got better. Every once in awhile I’d read something that reminded me of my old therapist. I feel kinda sick that I’ll never ever get to see her again. I really do move on fast so I’m sure this is just a temporary feeling. I remember in 2006 when I first went to the hospital I was so scared and so sick I kept begging my mom to call my guidance counselor and my resource teacher from my Jr. High. It was spring break so there wasn’t anything she could do. But by Monday (I got admitted on a Saturday) I was really enjoying the hospital staff and I had completely forgotten about the teacher and counselor from my school. I never ended up going back to the school and I saw the 2 of them a couple times at meetings. But they disappeared fast from my mind once I got used to the hospital and then PHP.

I just have to get through this weekend and see what’s in store for me on Monday. I’m dealing with PMS but I don’t feel like guzzling anything. My books are super distracting. They also helped me fixed my sleep schedule.

I’m also a bit nervous because the housing market is really rough right now. People are buying but not selling. I’m worried we’re going to get stuck with a crappy house in a weird neighborhood. My mom says it will work out but she is worried too and when’s she’s stressed about something, it’s pretty bad.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Many years ago I used to shop at thrift stores and resale clothing boutiques. When I was a size 6 I found clothes, anything larger than that I found jack and I've stopped shopping at them. I also get really frustrated with thrifts.

When I was a size 6 they didn’t have much in that size. They say you’ll have more luck when your not a common size but I never experienced that. Also the clothes at the thrift store were always different sizes then like at Kohl’s. Kohl’s I could easily wear a size 6. But at the thrift store size 8s were too small.

The pants I got today were 32/30 Hollister jeans. And I couldn’t even get one leg into them. While my 34’s that I ordered online from Hollister awhile ago are almost falling off.

I only have luck with shirts and hoodies. But only sometimes. I saw a cool shirt and a nice hoodie but they were the wrong size. That happens all the time where I see something I want but it’s not the correct size and it is just disappointing.

I saw a Supreme baseball hat today I really wanted. But it was $55. I get that it would be expensive but it was not in good condition. I was expecting it to be $20. I’m not a fan of flaunting your wealth though. It can be very dangerous. I could easily be robbed for the hat.

[Moose72]

Not much going on here. Went to the pharmacy today. Talked with Caleb for a bit. Talked with my mom and sister for a bit too. Made a dentist check up appointment. The place i had to drive far away to is now in my town! Not that this place needs another dentist- there are a bunch already but I hope this branch takes my insurance or it won't matter. Its been over a year since I have been for a check up.
I'm watching The Muppet Show again before I go do my nightly reading.

[Soupe du jour]

I started the day awfully irritable and agitated, but have since calmed. So far we've done only piddly things, but that's OK.

I did finally hear from my new therapist with a date for our next session. I'm glad. I was getting frustrated with her thinking I would need to find another person.

[wildflowerchild25]

Well it’s signed and done. WE CLOSED ON OUR HOUSE!!!! I can’t believe it! I worried about it straight up until the papers were all signed. The last thing I worried about was that I had made the cashier’s check out to the wrong entity as I had made it out to the title agency, not the title company as a whole. But they didn’t even mention it. So we have a house!

It was nice to go over yesterday and just be able to walk around and see everything on our own timescale. We were able to see all the minor repairs that we had to do from the off. One thing we need to do is get a new knob/lock for our future bedroom door. All the locks in our house are those old skeleton key mortise locks. Makes it more difficult to replace. I watched a YouTube video about changing them into newer mortise locks and I definitely can’t do it myself, not sure if RS can though I know he will try. If not we’ll just have to hire a locksmith.

My mind is humming with decoration ideas and how to maximize space, especially in the small kitchen. I’ve got good ideas for everything, but I’m stumped on what color area rug I should get for the living room. The walls are a very pale yellow, our furniture is dark brown, and the floor is medium warm hued hardwood. Obviously a tan/medium brown would be a good bet but it would be nice to add a pop of color. The complement of yellow is purple, but blues go better with browns so I just do not know! I was hoping to have my SIL’s help but they are so busy trying to sell their house that I’m not sure they’ll ever have time to pop by. I think I’ll wait until we are all moved in to find a rug.

I’m going house shopping later today since RS agreed weeks ago to help a friend move his (non functional) truck up to the northern part of the state. Very involved, they have to push it up onto a trailer and then unload it the same way once the get where they’re going. Probably take at least four hours all said and done.

I will be able to put up a shelf for all my present and future Knick knacks. Frank, my bottle cap ostrich, will now have a home! The big antique store in the mountains we go to has so much stuff I always wanted to buy that I never did because I had nowhere to display it.

I can’t wait for all this godforsaken snow to melt so I can see what’s planted In the front garden. If there’s no daffodils currently, there definitely will be once I’m done with it!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Well it’s signed and done. WE CLOSED ON OUR HOUSE!!!! I can’t believe it! I worried about it straight up until the papers were all signed. The last thing I worried about was that I had made the cashier’s check out to the wrong entity as I had made it out to the title agency, not the title company as a whole. But they didn’t even mention it. So we have a house!

It was nice to go over yesterday and just be able to walk around and see everything on our own timescale. We were able to see all the minor repairs that we had to do from the off. One thing we need to do is get a new knob/lock for our future bedroom door. All the locks in our house are those old skeleton key mortise locks. Makes it more difficult to replace. I watched a YouTube video about changing them into newer mortise locks and I definitely can’t do it myself, not sure if RS can though I know he will try. If not we’ll just have to hire a locksmith.

My mind is humming with decoration ideas and how to maximize space, especially in the small kitchen. I’ve got good ideas for everything, but I’m stumped on what color area rug I should get for the living room. The walls are a very pale yellow, our furniture is dark brown, and the floor is medium warm hued hardwood. Obviously a tan/medium brown would be a good bet but it would be nice to add a pop of color. The complement of yellow is purple, but blues go better with browns so I just do not know! I was hoping to have my SIL’s help but they are so busy trying to sell their house that I’m not sure they’ll ever have time to pop by. I think I’ll wait until we are all moved in to find a rug.

I’m going house shopping later today since RS agreed weeks ago to help a friend move his (non functional) truck up to the northern part of the state. Very involved, they have to push it up onto a trailer and then unload it the same way once the get where they’re going. Probably take at least four hours all said and done.

I will be able to put up a shelf for all my present and future Knick knacks. Frank, my bottle cap ostrich, will now have a home! The big antique store in the mountains we go to has so much stuff I always wanted to buy that I never did because I had nowhere to display it.

I can’t wait for all this godforsaken snow to melt so I can see what’s planted In the front garden. If there’s no daffodils currently, there definitely will be once I’m done with it!

Huge congratulations, wildflowerchild! How exciting!

I guarantee you'll have plenty of work with the new home, but it is also a unique fresh start. That's a good thing! Also, I imagine the real estate values will appreciate nicely in the future. Owning a nice home is such a good investment.

[Mountaindewed]

After last night I feel ok this morning. I’m kind of tired. I drank an iced coffee, 2 diet cream soda Dr. Peppers and a cup of black tea. But my anxiety is ok. I just feel bad about last night and I’ve been helping around the house and stuff instead of cooped up reading. I’m trying to deal with my thoughts instead of bottle them up and ignore them through distraction. I think my mom feels bad too because she’s offered to get carry out tonight which we haven’t done in a long time and she said it’s her treat. I called her out in some texts and I said she missed a lot of stuff when I was a kid. With my brother too. But these feelings and thoughts I had just built up for so long and I don’t think I ever properly discussed them with my therapist. So with everything I am currently dealing with, I just blew up. I’ve never thrown anything since I was a kid. Plus the extra Geodon and the 2 mil of Xanax after weren’t good either.

But I did apologize and I’m trying my best today.

I was in the car at the hardware store waiting for my mom and some dude try’s to open the side door. I’m like “wtf?” But not alarmed. Then he tried the passenger door and then looked and saw me and was really embarrassed and said “sorry” my mom had come out by that time and set the car alarm off at him to scare him away. I figured he had just mixed up the cars. He then came around his car and rolled down his window and apologized and said the cars looked the same. Which they didn’t really but they were the same color.

My mom was more freaked out then I was who just brushed it off.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

The walls are a very pale yellow, our furniture is dark brown, and the floor is medium warm hued hardwood. Obviously a tan/medium brown would be a good bet but it would be nice to add a pop of color. The complement of yellow is purple, but blues go better with browns so I just do not know!

Congratulations! Hurrah!!

You know, my parents were interior designers and I did pick up some tips from them while growing up. If you use a tan/medium brown rug it will look bland. Blue could look okay, it really depends upon the shade of blue. But purple - I think - would look smashing! Assertive and bold.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

...I was in the car at the hardware store waiting for my mom and some dude try’s to open the side door. I’m like “wtf?” But not alarmed. Then he tried the passenger door and then looked and saw me and was really embarrassed and said “sorry” my mom had come out by that time and set the car alarm off at him to scare him away. I figured he had just mixed up the cars. He then came around his car and rolled down his window and apologized and said the cars looked the same. Which they didn’t really but they were the same color.

...

OMG, I did that once and I actually opened the door and got into the driver's seat (No one was in the car and I don't know why they'd left it unlocked!) before I realised I had the wrong car. I jumped out and was mortified, I was so embarrassed.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

OMG, I did that once and I actually opened the door and got into the driver's seat (No one was in the car and I don't know why they'd left it unlocked!) before I realised I had the wrong car. I jumped out and was mortified, I was so embarrassed.

Yeah I did it too. To my coworkers mom. I wasn’t paying attention after a bad day and I got halfway in and then I saw the lady in there and she looked really scared. I quickly apologized and then realized my moms was right in front of her. The cars were the same size and color.

My coworker never said anything to me. She hadn’t gotten out of the store yet so she didn’t see me do it. But I never heard anything of it.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Congratulations! Hurrah!!

You know, my parents were interior designers and I did pick up some tips from them while growing up. If you use a tan/medium brown rug it will look bland. Blue could look okay, it really depends upon the shade of blue. But purple - I think - would look smashing! Assertive and bold.

Thank you for the tips! Yes I think tan/brown would just be too blah. I’m going to have to wait until we fully move in and take a picture with everything all situated to bring with me when I go rug shopping. Since purple is my favorite color, I do think I would prefer that!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

OMG, I did that once and I actually opened the door and got into the driver's seat (No one was in the car and I don't know why they'd left it unlocked!) before I realised I had the wrong car. I jumped out and was mortified, I was so embarrassed.

Was it the same type of car as yours? Same color?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Was it the same type of car as yours? Same color?

It was my mom's car that I was driving that day. A white Buick and, yes it looked just the same. Once I was sitting behind the wheel I noticed little stuffed animals in the back and I thought, "That's odd...why would Mom have those in here?" OHHHH, NOOOO

That was when I realized I had the wrong car

[*Beth*]

An absolutely beautiful pre-spring day! Beside that I have a new neighbor and she's really irritating me. The apartment complex I live in is small, mostly very quiet Mexican farmworkers and a few other friendly, quiet people. A few cute kids. There was a young college guy living next door to me and he was as quiet as a mouse. I don't know if he acquired a girlfriend, a room-mate, or what's happening. Actually, he seems not to be there. Instead, there's a noisy girl staying or living there that sounds like she's about 16 - or just very immature. She blasts garbage, annoying, tinny music between 11a.m. and 10 p.m. She gets on her phone and screams and shrieks like an idiot all day and evening. Worst of all, she screech-sings to the awful music (she cannot hold a tune).

After a week and I'm at my wit's end. My bedroom and bathroom have been invaded by the chickie's rude habits. This morning I almost put my old CD player in my bedroom window (speaker facing out) and played a German death metal CD (music I don't mind, for a short time). I would turn it up just loud enough to drown out her crap. Doing so is a strong possibility if she doesn't quiet down today.

Originally Posted by BethRags

Congratulations! Hurrah!!

You know, my parents were interior designers and I did pick up some tips from them while growing up. If you use a tan/medium brown rug it will look bland. Blue could look okay, it really depends upon the shade of blue. But purple - I think - would look smashing! Assertive and bold.

I work with color and agree. I think you are right in waiting, just to be able to see the whole situation when everything is arranged.
Congratulations on the house!

[Mountaindewed]

This morning I bumped my head on the wooden storage shelf in the garage. It hurt like hell and the first thing I wanted to do was throw up even though I was feeling fine before. It was weird. I didn’t throw up though. Luckily I had a tetanus shot about 4.5 years ago.

I took a 3PM shower. I’ve been taking afternoon showers because they waste time during these long drawn out days and they also feel much more Empowering then morning ones when I’m half asleep. I turn the water so hot and just stand there.

[Moose72]

I went for a walk today because it was 52 degrees out! I just wore my tshirt and sweatshirt (and stretch pants)= comfy and I walked to Starbucks. I got a coffee and didn't realize that if I order through the app that my drink is paid for with the funds I added to my "card". Duh. I was standing there after they gave me the drink until someone said "Its already paid for". Gosh! I am having senior moments and I'm not even 50 yet!

So I walked back toward home and was ready to cross at the crosswalk when I see N3 and his girlfriend on the other side! So I waited for them to cross. They said they were going to the mexican restaurant that was between us and Starbucks and would I like to come along. So we all went and talked about wisdom teeth and their removal and impaction, etc and just seeing the dentist in general. Then we walked back to my apartment so I could run in and use the bathroom and then I drove them home. Then I watched Onward on Disney+ instead of the Muppet Show. It was a nice Disney/Pixar movie. Now I'm ready for bed- I'm in bed!- and comfy and am going to read my book which I'm fast-approaching the end. Maybe not tonight but one night soon I will be at the end.

I also put some pictures that Facebook showed me that are in my photo section there up on Flickr. I'll see if I can attach one here.

It makes me so angry when i trust someone enough that they can sense i'm in pain and they ask, "Do you have friends or family that can help?" Like, what a stupid question! If i had a loving parent or a loving sibling or a loving best friend HOW COULD IT JUST SLIP MY MIND? It's like they think i've forgotten that i have a nose on my face and that it would be helpful to remind me that i have a nose on my face.

I think what they're really trying to say is, "Hey, i can sense you're in pain and is there someone else to help because i don't want to."

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

After last night I feel ok this morning. I’m kind of tired. I drank an iced coffee, 2 diet cream soda Dr. Peppers and a cup of black tea. But my anxiety is ok. I just feel bad about last night and I’ve been helping around the house and stuff instead of cooped up reading. I’m trying to deal with my thoughts instead of bottle them up and ignore them through distraction. I think my mom feels bad too because she’s offered to get carry out tonight which we haven’t done in a long time and she said it’s her treat. I called her out in some texts and I said she missed a lot of stuff when I was a kid. With my brother too. But these feelings and thoughts I had just built up for so long and I don’t think I ever properly discussed them with my therapist. So with everything I am currently dealing with, I just blew up. I’ve never thrown anything since I was a kid. Plus the extra Geodon and the 2 mil of Xanax after weren’t good either.

But I did apologize and I’m trying my best today.

I was in the car at the hardware store waiting for my mom and some dude try’s to open the side door. I’m like “wtf?” But not alarmed. Then he tried the passenger door and then looked and saw me and was really embarrassed and said “sorry” my mom had come out by that time and set the car alarm off at him to scare him away. I figured he had just mixed up the cars. He then came around his car and rolled down his window and apologized and said the cars looked the same. Which they didn’t really but they were the same color.

My mom was more freaked out then I was who just brushed it off.

It is hard to know the truth about that guy trying the doors, but I lean in the direction that he simply made a mistake. You can't imagine how many times I've done such things. Taking other peoples' shopping carts, going to the wrong car, even walking into someone else's room thinking it was mine. In my case, I was just sort of in dazes and only snapped out of them when the error was realized.

[Soupe du jour]

I feel good that I did some self-care today. The neglect went on too long and far so I could only do 50% in one shot. I'm vowing to do the other 50% by tomorrow. One thing I did was trim my bangs. No hair salons are open where I am. Luckily my grays are not that noticeable.

I had a majorly interrupted sleep last night. All waking up with the numb/tingling feet and hands I've discussed a lot. It's getting to me now because it's getting worse. I was even so upset that I moved from the downstairs futon to the bed upstairs, to join Hubby. I have a phone appointment with my old nephrologist next week, but he can't do much more than give advice. Perhaps I should try going off the suspected med culprit. Or maybe try a new med. However, I'd need a doctor in CZ to prescribe a new option. I just don't want to dread having to sleep or worry that this is something far more serious. Hubby will call a potential GP here tomorrow to replace both my old GP and the nephrologist. I may even need that GP to refer me to a psychiatrist. Either way, I have two psychiatrists I'm thinking of contacting soon.

I'm feeling so nervous that I took an Ativan a minute ago.

[cogladaid]

Manic energy today I feel jazzed and unfocused. I almost didn't take my meds because I got it in my head they were poison and my doctor was trying to steal my thoughts. But I took them.

I'm cramming last minute for an ethics exam I have at 130pm central time so a couple hours from now. It's hard to focus but I should be fine. I've taken exams while super depressed before but never hypo or manic so it should be interesting. Get my bull-shitting skills activated I should be able to make it through if I remember key stuff.

I do talk to my doctor tomorrow so he'll probably adjusted my meds more, but I wish he would do something more drastic because it's hard for me to focus on work and school. I'm struggling to focus on things.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I had a majorly interrupted sleep last night. All waking up with the numb/tingling feet and hands I've discussed a lot. It's getting to me now because it's getting worse. I was even so upset that I moved from the downstairs futon to the bed upstairs, to join Hubby. I have a phone appointment with my old nephrologist next week, but he can't do much more than give advice. Perhaps I should try going off the suspected med culprit. Or maybe try a new med. However, I'd need a doctor in CZ to prescribe a new option. I just don't want to dread having to sleep or worry that this is something far more serious. Hubby will call a potential GP here tomorrow to replace both my old GP and the nephrologist. I may even need that GP to refer me to a psychiatrist. Either way, I have two psychiatrists I'm thinking of contacting soon.

I've been diagnosed with neuropathy, so can relate to the numbness/burning you describe. It's gotten to the point where wearing shoes can be painful if I wear them too long. I have an appointment with a neurologist for testing, but couldn't get in until June. Do you have any ideas regarding the causes or cures for this?

As far as seeking a new shrink goes, prepare yourself. The pdoc I had in Germany said Americans prescribe far more meds than European pdocs do. My dosages were greatly reduced...& I was hospitalized. German hospitals are far more humane & theraputic than hospitals in the States...but that's another story.

I hope you managed to get some rest after being restless last night.

[Mountaindewed]

I woke up in a good mood. Usually I think of something that went on the night before or I have just bad anxiety. Today the only thing I was thinking of when I woke up was eating the other half of my sandwich from last night. So I had that for breakfast. Then I got really lightheaded and tired. So I went back to bed for an hour. But I still felt dizzy. Finally I had a Gatorade and I felt much better. So I assume it was dehydration. I don’t actually remember drinking anything this morning except half a can of diet soda.

But today I’m doing good. It does not feel like I am dealing with PMS and it also does not feel like I got my injection. My moods are ok. I bled really bad from the shot though. Blood was dripping down my arm.

I am not too nervous about therapy tomorrow and I haven’t been dwelling on my old therapist as much as I had been. I’m still bummed but not as depressed as I was on Thursday Friday and yesterday morning. Hopefully I am improving because I don’t have any choice but to get over it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

It makes me so angry when i trust someone enough that they can sense i'm in pain and they ask, "Do you have friends or family that can help?" Like, what a stupid question! If i had a loving parent or a loving sibling or a loving best friend HOW COULD IT JUST SLIP MY MIND? It's like they think i've forgotten that i have a nose on my face and that it would be helpful to remind me that i have a nose on my face.

I think what they're really trying to say is, "Hey, i can sense you're in pain and is there someone else to help because i don't want to."

I entirely agree.