[Soupe du jour]

And when I ask the question, I'm curious when any changes happened (and why). Also, if your social life (relationships) changed over the course of your life.

I quite expect that some (or many) people here have experienced issues with social interactions, because of bipolar disorder. One member brought this topic up, in passing, a day or two ago. When I read it, I could relate, greatly. I heard that member loud and clear. It's quite likely that many in our lives, just don't. Or can't understand. I can say that that is frustrating, and sad. And isolating.

I can share more later in the thread, but thought I'd let someone else start. I understand that for some (or many) social issues are a sore spot. Talking about them can make one feel a bit vulnerable or other negative feelings. But we who have had such issues are absolutely not alone. I hope that can be a hand outreached. Hands grasped.

[Victoria'smom]

I always think people are talking about me/ going to hurt me/ talk about my family. So it's Really really hard to break through that. So I truly trust 1 person outside my husband and my son. Everyone else I can fake it. I also am really quiet. So I really on my husband's personality to make friends. I only talk to people around my husband. I don't even answer the phone or the door when he's not around. I don't mind but he does.

[MuddyBoots]

I don't think it's affected my social life as much as substance abuse or ADHD. I mean, when I'm depressed I isolate and I scare healthy people away when manic. Substance abuse has given me a weird definition of "friend," and ADHD makes good conversations impossible.

[busymomof5]

I am affected in a couple of ways. During periods of depression, I don’t answer the phone or engage people. I also don’t share my diagnosis with anyone because I feel uncomfortable. I haven’t even told my mom. For me, this causes me not to reach out for support even though friends and family reach out to me. I feel less emotional intimacy.

[MickeyCheeky]

i don't have bipolar and truth be told i have never socialized much. i have always been a bit of a reclusive especially in later years and i am not sure if that is because of my struggles or simply part of my Self. People here have taught me there isn't any difference between these two things. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Soupe du jour, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Fuzzybear]

I'm definitely less social when I'm depressed. I do not always answer the door when Papa bear is not around. I have not found many irl to be understanding (Papa bear partly understands me hiding from people as he is not very sociable/talkative in large groups but does not have Bipolar disorder or depression)

[VerMOZZica]

I don`t have much of a social life. I`m a pretty shy person. I usually only socialize with members of my family. Before the pandemic we would go to the movies together and out to lunch or dinner. I really don`t have any friends outside of my family and usually don`t feel comfortable around people I don`t know.

[Bipolarchic14]

I can go months in this kind of sub hypo state where I can be extremely euphoric energetic, humorous etc. During this time I socialize but I don’t necessarily feel connected to those people. Then if my mood drops or it goes into a state of like agitation anger etc. being around people can be pure torture. So then I lose the “friendships” I developed during that semi elevated state. Never married or have been in a long relationship. Having to fake being happy at work is tough enough without having to do so at home too. I have a dog ...so there’s that. Go me.

[*Beth*]

I had a small social life prior to covid, now I really don't have any social life at all. I mean, going to the grocery store is a Big Deal because I see other people. Seriously.

Anyway, how does BD affect my social life? I'm not much of a socializer. I'm pretty much a loner. I'd much rather watch people than talk to them (although during covid, not talking to people has gone a bit far).

Honestly, I'm not sure that BD has negatively affected my social life as much as childhood trauma has.

Of course, I'm speaking from a place of being at least fairly stable on meds. If I was not on meds...I would likely be much more social and less inhibited, because I would probably be in a hypomanic state most of the time. I know when I was in my teens and 20's, before meds, I was extremely social.

Hmm...so that says something right there, doesn't it? I was very social before meds, barely social when on them. That's how BD has affected me socially.

[Mountaindewed]

I don’t have a social life but it’s by choice. I am also autistic so there’s not a need for friendships for me personally. I am friendly to people and people are friendly back. But that’s the extent. Since Covid got bad in March I’ve barely seen anyone except the 6 people in my bubble and doctors and other healthcare workers.

[Nammu]

What social life? When I’m stable I’ve gotten friends but then mania either scares them or drives them up a wall. Then when I’m depressed I don’t interact with people or animals at all. My cat gets very upset if I go to bed during the day cause he remembers me spending a year there. As I’ve gotten older I just keep people at a distance, it’s easier than losing them. I had one friend eons ago that took my swings in stride. When I was manic she told me direct to my face that I was irritating her and she needed a break. So I’d go off and be manic somewhere else. When I was depressed she’d call and leave positive little messages but didn’t expect me to respond. We were friends for years but we both moved around and at one point lost touch. I suppose I could try google but I don’t.

[Fuzzybear]

I was thinking of googling a couple of very old friends but I have not. I doubt if I'd find them anyway (I think at least one of them has probably got married since I last spoke to her).. It's been a long time since I spoke to them (and they were not understanding of my depression or mood issues - this was why I let them go)

[xRavenx]

Having Bipolar Disorder in combination with being introverted with a history of social (and generalized) anxiety has definitely affected me. During high periods, I have done and said things impulsively that have caused me to have a lot of regret afterwards. Then, I question whether my friend has judged me or if they will remain my friend. Periods of drinking have exacerbated this as well. There was one friend that did not mind witnessing me making certain decisions while manic that would make people feel uncomfortable, but she died. It was very hard to take since she was my best friend who never judged me.

I feel I am more prone to hurt my family when I am irritable and in a dysphoric manic state and have done things that I cannot take back, although they've forgiven me. There are people who have stopped being my friend along the way for when I've been depressed and stopped wanting to go out or interact much. I've also felt odd, withdrawn, and out of place in groups where I feel like it's hard to engage in a group discussion. Now, I only have a couple of close friends, but I'm thankful for that. However, I fear losing them since that has happened throughout the years.

[Soupe du jour]

Thanks to all who have shared in this thread! I'm sorry that I'm giving written acknowledgement this late, but I have been reading everyone's responses and relate to much of what has been written. It seems clear that various aspects of the illness (and resulting co-existing "complications") affect social relationships. I also know that personality tendencies (introversion to extroversion) are factors. On the latter topic, I can easily seem like the "star of the show" when manic, though under normal circumstances, have an inward focus. I like to be around people, to a degree, but not always. I don't depend on many people for inward satisfaction, but do depend on at least a couple. I'm happy to have one or two close people in my life, rather than dozens of superficial "friendships".

When I was a little girl to mid teens, I was one of the popular "leader" types. When my bipolar disorder really reared its head, and I had a major disappointment in my young life, that changed. I developed trust issues with people, particularly females. I trusted my close family members, though, including my sister and mom. When I've made female friends, throughout the years, I believe there has always been a figurative glass wall between me and them. Again, that hasn't existed so much with men. My husband has often commented about my "glass wall" tendency. And yet, when I try hard to break it, I sometimes overshare, too soon, and that scares potential friends away.

Definitely my bipolar moods have affected relationships. As others wrote, depressions turn some people off because you "fall off the map" or seem...I don't know...like a party pooper. My mania? Ouch! You can't image how often I've been called "over the top", "aggressive", and even "scary".

A couple of days ago, I met with my new therapist in my new country of residence. She really pressed me on things I wanted to work on. One of the last things I mentioned was my desire to improve my relationships with women, and make some real female friendships work. Whenever I've mentioned this, and I have several times to various female therapists, I always fear that immediate scares them. I always tell them that my male psychiatrist insists that I have a female therapist. I also tell all of them that though I've mentioned it to many before them, the work on this never seems to get done. I wonder...Am I avoiding it? Or are they?

I'm a very dedicated loving wife. I would do anything for my husband, and he feels the same towards me. Despite many boyfriends before him, I only loved one other man. He broke up with me, I think because of my bipolar disorder. It was a shock that his love was not unconditional.

[wolftrap]

In high school my bp kicked in and my social life changed forever. Suddenly I could not reads social cues, interpersonal or in a group. Before, I had a good amount of friends. Afterwards, I still had those friends, but I was no longer in with the in crowd, so to speak. My ability to understand and function within groups changed dramatically. Before, I was fairly adept at being in a group, after, I was clueless as to what was going on around me and lived in a kind of cocoon of social ineptitude, but accepted by my old friends.

In college I began experiencing violent mood swings. My ability to read people and groups deteriorated. However, when I was manic I was brilliant, social, etc. Then the depression and anxiety would hit and I'd disappoint people who thought that I was someone else and I couldn't live up to their expectations. This happened with friendships, romantic relationships, and group relationships.

When I began my career after college, I was experiencing euphoria more and more. People would think that I was talented and smart. However, this would not last long. I always thought that I was right and would veer off course and pursue my own agenda. I was superman, invincible and I'd show people the true path. Inevitably, my bosses would realize that I was not doing what I originally said I would, and I'd get demoted or fired. I was also completely tone-deaf to politics, so I stepped on a lot of toes and that cost me promotions, money, and developing sound business friendships.

Now I have a couple of good friends whom I see once in a while (not recently, of course). I am close to my parents and grown children. Even without covid, I hardly ever socialize. Only once a month or so. Anxiety kicks in after spending an hour or so with anyone and I have to leave the situation, so I try to minimize these things. To be honest, I spend so much energy remaining stable that I don't have a lot for anyone else.

[Soupe du jour]

@wolftrap, you brought up such a significant word in your post. Expectations. From others, and for many, from oneself. It can hurt when there is such judgement. It's been a challenge for me to be lenient on myself, in terms of them.

I'm quite intriverted, and honestly I don't think about it much.

even before diagnoses I didn't really have friends. part of that was obviously my family forbidding me to play with other children in the first place, and part of it was that when people did see me they only saw the bad- oh she's too fat to be my friend, she's too ugly to be my friend, I bet she couldn't hold a conversation even if she tried, etc etc etc.

I think nowadays I have so many issues affecting me from day to day, it's hard to really say what affects my chance of making friends more. people are put off by the fact I have bipolar disorder, but they are just as put off by the fact I was abused or I SI, or I have backpain, what ever. I can't blame bipolar for my difficulty in making friends, because the truth is their's a number of factors at work here.

I think what also didn't help is that I was

Possible trigger:

suicidal by the age of 9

doesn't go down too well in social circles

[wolftrap]

@Soupe du jour - I agree, the ability to live up to the expectations that others have, and the inability to do it, can be devastating. Then comes self recrimination. These episodes of disappointing people, and my inability to live up to perceived ability, haunt me.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

...
My mania? Ouch! You can't image how often I've been called "over the top", "aggressive", and even "scary".

...

Wow, do those words sound familiar to me! Add "too intense"

[gottagetup]

Hello, yes BP has effected my social life. Some days I am the life of the party and some days I break out in hives because of anxiety or depression. I often feel and want isolation, even from my wife. Medication has helped a-lot and forcing myself to interact with people works sometimes. Good luck to you my friend, and remember your worth it.

[Soupe du jour]

@gottagetup, thanks so much for sharing on this topic. And thanks for the positive words/encouragement at the end of your post!

When I have been in super isolation mode, I too, have been known to even avoid my spouse. Sometimes even my husband can seem too demanding during my low periods, even though he doesn't mean to be.

[Aviza]

Well i think it has something to do with my inability to stay married. Very dramatic relationships. Never was medicated while married.

Everyone loves my hypo mania side. Grandious thoughts, I'm going to be a famous singer songwriter. Those thoughts are starting to diminish just as I'm making progress towards the goal. Am medicated now.

I used to be depressed a lot, not so much anymore. I'm in a state of normal. Not too high not too low. I have a lot of therapy, a few friends, and mostly hang out with family mom and brother. See my daughter occassionally too.

I'm trying to date, not going well. Dating is hard and it sucks. I'm much more pickier than i used to be. I used to just marry who i was dating and divorce them when they crossed a line or just for whatever reason. Now i decide do i want to marry this person? So far no.

But i have hope one day a marriage for me will work out. But i am living a good life alone. No more guys who will drag me down.

[lightly toasted]

Great thread. I can't add anything new - pretty much everything I experience has been covered.

I make friend easily while hypomanic, people seem to like how I am at that time, and this makes me sad because it's not the real me.

I find people exhausting when I'm depressed, so while I've had some very lovely friends in my adult life, I just can't do the maintenence. Apart from my husband, I am no longer anyone's emergency contact because I just need to switch my phone off - A lot!

I am a devoted wife, my behaviour each day shows him that he's loved - but he too can be draining. I'm either feeling neglected because he doesn't respond to my repeated attempts at conversation, or I'm desperate for him to just go to bed! I don't ever say that to him, but I think it. Because I feel if I don't get some time alone soon I'm going to completely lose it.

I think my introverted personality plays a role. I'm not great in groups, I find them overwhelming. I know from experience that getting out an joining things is the best way to meet people and make friends.I feel just like, gawd, I just too old and too grumpy to do the group thing ever again.

I've attended zoom meetings where I just listen. And I enjoy podcasts and anything where people are having a dialogue and sharing on a deeper, more emotional level. This suprisingly goes a long way to meeting me social needs.

But in all honesty, I wish I could socialize like normal people. But threads like this make me feel less alone. Comparing myself to normal people is a guaranteed what to self-loathing and sadness. This sort of discussion goes a long way to encourage self-acceptance for me, so thank you everyone for your contributions.