[wildflowerchild25]

@Nammu

Yes when you live in an area that experiences severe weather on the regular I imagine you would become a bit immune! Where I am in NJ we don’t get blizzards or anything like that but we do get a decent amount of snowfall and any time they’re like “oooooh noooooo it’s going to be 18-24 inches of snow the world is ending” I don’t pay attention. It almost never turns out as bad as they predicted.

However I just read that this storm produced two confirmed tornadoes, one right across the river and the other one was indeed confirmed to have touched down right in my specific area of town. I guess I’ll see if there was any damage when I take my son to camp tomorrow. I count us lucky that we personally did not sustain any damage since it was apparently right near us. I guess that’s what RS saw when he rushed into the basement with us!

[Daonnachd]

I'm glad the storm didn't shred your house. I'm glad you're ok, wildflowerchild.

I'm glad, too, to see the discussion of exercise. I'm simultaneously saddened because since our move my bike is behind a wall of boxes in our garage and I can't get to it to go out for rides. I used to race. Cycling is my heart and soul. Or maybe I'm just addicted to the adrenaline of a kamikaze descent. (I live on a mountaintop.)

About 2 hours ago I spoke with my primary psychdoc. She has suggested yet again that I apply for disability. So I've written my T about it. And I see my ECT doc on Monday. I'll talk with her about it then ... if I don't forget. hahaha :laughing tears emoji:

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I'm glad the storm didn't shred your house. I'm glad you're ok, wildflowerchild.

I'm glad, too, to see the discussion of exercise. I'm simultaneously saddened because since our move my bike is behind a wall of boxes in our garage and I can't get to it to go out for rides. I used to race. Cycling is my heart and soul. Or maybe I'm just addicted to the adrenaline of a kamikaze descent. (I live on a mountaintop.)

About 2 hours ago I spoke with my primary psychdoc. She has suggested yet again that I apply for disability. So I've written my T about it. And I see my ECT doc on Monday. I'll talk with her about it then ... if I don't forget. hahaha :laughing tears emoji:

move some of the boxes out of the way to get your bike out. It sounds like you need to ride!!!!!!!

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by bizi

move some of the boxes out of the way to get your bike out. It sounds like you need to ride!!!!!!!

more easily said than done - but you're right. I should be working at that.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’ve been languishing in bed in the morning. Not exact sleeping, just avoiding getting up. I’m not sure why. I’m not exactly anxious, I’m just finding it difficult to get up and get moving. It’s not fatigue either. I don’t know.

I talked to my dr about the compulsive eating problem I’m having. It’s been going on for at least a month. I’m physically more hungry and of course attracted more to chips and other high calorie salty snacks than fruits and vegetables. I thought maybe it was the seroquel. My dr added in naltrexone fir some reason. It’s mostly for substance use disorders but apparently can be used off label to offset the increased appetite while on antipsychotics. I’ve never heard of that before but whatever. I guess I’ll try it. I’m also going to force myself to portion out salty snack foods instead of mindlessly eating from the bag. I’m trying to find more high protein snacks to eat but it’s difficult because of my picky eating. That’s my own issue haha I must broaden my horizons.

I’m being discharged from program on august 18 and officially “returning to work” then. I put that in quotes because I work in a school so I don’t actually physically return to work until sept 1.

I’m afraid about this new covid variation. We’re probably still going to have to wear masks which I’m fine with. I’m just worried that it will get completely out of control again and my son’s school will close. I’m kind of screwed if that happens. My mom’s working again and so is the other person that was watching him last year. He doesn’t like the one e-learning camp I sent him to and the other is way out of my way on the way to work. I’m not sure I could get there in time. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

I received a phone call from the billing department from my back dr’s office. I was expecting to owe like a few hundred dollars. Turns out I owe $5100!!! I literally started crying on the phone with the person. If it was just that bill I’d be exasperated but that on top of the $4200 hospital bill and the $1500 outpatient bill just made me break down. If I have to pay $200 to each that’s almost half my income. But I just can’t worry about it. I just can’t. RS has said time snd time again that we will be married soon, we won’t have separate money anymore. I mean, as an assurance that he will help me pay for everything. He already pays half the bills but I just…I just feel like some things are my responsibility alone snd I’m losing my financial independence. It’s also knowing that I will never make a significant amount of money in what I do. I get raises but like fifty cents a year. I can’t do anything else like go back to teaching, it’s just too stressful. I just wish I could handle stress like other people can.

Hi wildflowerchild. I hope the naltrexone helps. I did take that medication for a short while, many years back, but for alcohol cravings. I don't recall any negative side effects, but at the time it couldn't even touch my alcohol cravings. But I know it helps many. It seems to be widely used. That must say something about its efficacy.

I'm sorry to read about your huge medical bills. It is tear-inducing. I mean, when you're so sick to need such major medical care, it's like a slap across the face that the prices add to the punishment. I remember the 3 1/2 years that I had 10 hospitalizations, 12 IOPs, and many of my medications at that time were only available as brands. Tens of thousands of dollars flew out of my husband's and my savings and income in deductibles and co-pays, not just co-insurance and premiums. It basically exhausted it. We both know it can bankrupt many people. Or deter them from even getting help (Nearly 1 in 4 Americans are skipping medical care because of the cost and also 66% of Americans fear they won’t be able to pay for health care). It isn't right. So many Americans just accept all of this, or feel powerless to fight it. It's obviously harder to fight when you're ill. A while back, my husband went to a financial advisor who said that for retirement, we should plan on having at least $250,000 (two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, yes) set aside for the two of us JUST for healthcare expenses alone, in the USA. It's a gross abuse of the American people. Abuse! And so often as abuse is, people/victims accept it and/or don't challenge it. Become almost like Stockholm Syndrome victims.

All of the above, and my eventual disability were major reasons for my husband and I moving abroad. We just couldn't afford to live where we did, anymore. I mean, our property taxes alone were over $10,000 per year! You surely know NJ has the highest ones. You also know the high costs of real estate, food, various insurances, etc. We knew that there would be ZERO way for us to continue to stay there, and/or definitely not to retire. It's so sad, really. My family has deep roots in NJ. Both my husband and I love New Jersey, even despite some of its negatives. But the system didn't want us anymore.

When we first moved to Czech Republic, before getting public health insurance here, I had to initially pay 100% for meds and doctors visits. My psychiatrist charged me 500 czk ($23) as 100% pay for my appointments with him. Often he apologized and felt bad for me that I had to pay "so much". But frankly, $23 was a steal. I used to pay $40 as only co-pays (definitely not 100%) for such visits in the US, with major insurance. That's after we met our well over $1,000 annual deductible, etc, etc. Now with public insurance in CZ I pay nothing in co-pays. There are even some people in the US who travel to Europe to have surgeries because the 100% pay can sometimes cost less than co-pays and deductibles for the same thing in the US. With insurance Yes, we (most all people in CZ) do pay into the system for the health coverage, but even that money amount is jaw droppingly low here. Everyone pays, so everyone can get...inexpensive universal health coverage. Most Europeans pay much less for medications than Americans. Only foreigners pay towards private coverage in CZ, and that's also quite low, compared to in the US. Any citizen that elects for supplementary private coverage, it's mostly for extra cushy benefits. I was able to get public sooner, partially because my husband is a citizen.

I could go on and on with this, but will stop here. All these things affect Americans, regardless of political or religious affiliation. Unless, of course, you're quite wealthy.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Seriously had some incredibly scary **** go down an hour ago! We got a weather alert that a tornado was ON THE GROUND 10 miles away from us headed straight toward my town. It was in. Sane. I live in NJ, this **** doesn’t happen very often here.

I’ve been terrified of storms since third grade when we read a story about the death and destruction tornadoes can do. Yes, I can pinpoint the exact time in my life haha! So needless to say I was freaking the hell out. Me and my son were in the basement and RS was watching the sky until he saw what looked like swirling cloud formation then he hit the deck with us in the basement. I was also even more worried because my cat, who has never shown a shred of fear in even the most severe thunderstorms, hightailed is butt downstairs all puffed out and hid behind a box. They say animals can sense things so that added to my freak out.

But thankfully even though the storm ripped through pretty hard we didn’t get any damage that we know of. We’ll have to check the roof tomorrow just to be sure there was no wind damage but it seems like everything is copacetic. I don’t know how those of you who live in common tornado areas do it!!!

My husband and I read about this, since we still get news notifications from the area we used to live in in central NJ. Many roads in our old town are closed due to flooding.I contacted my sister who said they were spared, but that the town just across the river had a tornado, and that a little further south (Titusville, Trenton), too.

[Mountaindewed]

I’ve been up since 11:30. I got about 6 hours of sleep. So maybe I just legit felt rested. I just didn’t really feel like going back to sleep though. I made a mug of tea and I stayed up and read all night using the flashlight on my phone. I finished a book I started in June, and then I went back to reading the book I started yesterday afternoon. I did try going back to sleep for an hour or so around 4 but I didn’t have any luck and I just got super anxious. I drank a zero sugar soda to help me stay awake and I finished the book right around the time I’d normally get up. Now I feel like cleaning my room before starting another book. This is kinda unusual behavior for me. I’m never legit manic like this. At least I haven’t been in years. I usually just get hypomanic. My anxiety was bad for awhile when I was trying to get to sleep but I used my weighted vest and my oral sensory thing and they helped a lot and now my anxiety is ok. The not feeling the need to sleep thing is very unusual though. But I went to bed at 6:30. So isn’t 6:30-11:30 technically a lot of sleep?

[Mountaindewed]

I’m getting a personal package from Amazon and Amazon always delivers late. I checked when I came home from getting coffee and it’s saying it will be here in about an hour! My mom hasn’t left yet but she will in a few minutes. So hopefully she leaves before it gets here. That’s some straight up Murphy’s law **** though. The one time I need a package to come later it comes early in the morning.

Well she’s gone and it hasn’t arrived yet. I am so exhausted I’m not even really thinking of the doctor hopefully calling today. Although I’m sure that’s the main reason I’ve been so off these past 9 days. I’ve had caffeine today but zero food. I’m doing laundry now and then I’ll take a long hot shower since it’s been about 3 days since I properly showered or put on clean clothes. I feel so physically dirty. I sprayed air freshener while cleaning my room and now my feet and my plastic Birkenstock’s are all sticky. And I’m super sweaty. I’m wearing sweat pants in 100 degree heat

I haven’t had anything to eat since 4PM yesterday but food is not on my mind right now

And all the people who are giving Simone Biles a hard time and calling her a quitter can go shove it.

I took a hot shower while the washer was still going and put shorts and a t shirt on. My feet are still sticky but now all the floors are sticky because of my shoes. I’ll probably put on socks. I made instant oatmeal but I screwed it up. I’m always screwing up instant oatmeal and I’m not even sure what I’m doing wrong. How can someone mess up instant oatmeal.

I kind of feel like passing out right now. I just feel super winded. I’m Not sure if it’s sleep, food or med related. Or just anxiety. I’m getting my shot tomorrow night instead of tonight. I don’t know if I’m feeling crappy because of that. I have no idea how to give it to myself though. And if you give yourself a shot the wrong way is that bad? My brother is here though. In case I do pass out. I keep getting these hot flashes and then I get cold. I’ve had 2 Valium today. No Geodon though. Maybe I should go take my 20mil.

I took the 20mil. I’m just waiting for it to kick in. My package still hasn’t come yet. Good job giving me even more anxiety Amazon for saying it was gonna be here an hour ago.

Now it’s saying 10 stops away. Which could mean another hour. My 20mil Geodon seems to be slowing down my anxiety and racing thoughts but it’s just making me feel more exhausted physically. I don’t think I’ll be able to take a nap though.

[Scooter9]

Traveling in times of covid is really strange. The border controls are so strict but when we're in the province, people are really laid back.

One of the hotels we stayed in was really cool. They put a seal on the room door indicating it had been sanitized and it was really clean.

Lots of long drives, late nights and early starts. I'm only getting 4 - 6 hours of sleep each night and I'm starting to get tired.

But overall it's a really good trip. Seeing lots of iconic and unique Canadian places.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

And all the people who are giving Simone Biles a hard time and calling her a quitter can go shove it.

I agree!

[Nammu]

I did it! Monday-Friday I went to one aqua class a day! This morning though I really didn’t want too. I didn’t sleep well even tho I took the full dose of my sleeping pills. Woke up an hour before my alarm. Cleaned the cat box took out the garbage and I was spent. But I dragged myself to the class. It was a different inductor and she’s in the water walking around so impossible to read her lips. She’s not as outgoing as the other one who stands on the side and really watches and can correct people. But I did it! Now to keep it up!

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I did it! Monday-Friday I went to one aqua class a day! This morning though I really didn’t want too. I didn’t sleep well even tho I took the full dose of my sleeping pills. Woke up an hour before my alarm. Cleaned the cat box took out the garbage and I was spent. But I dragged myself to the class. It was a different inductor and she’s in the water walking around so impossible to read her lips. She’s not as outgoing as the other one who stands on the side and really watches and can correct people. But I did it! Now to keep it up!

That’s awesome! Great job!

[wildflowerchild25]

I was not going to go to the gym today but sciatica was acting up so I knew I had to work it out otherwise I’d be suffering more as the day went on. I’m going to do some core exercises later as well. I really need a stronger core to help my back.

I’m very bored today so I’ve decided to try my hand at making pierogi. It’s not very complicated. I’m cooking more dishes from scratch in order to continue to eliminate processed foods as much as possible. It’s going to be more difficult when I go back to work especially if I go to the gym. I foresee Sunday prep days in my future.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel a lot better after my 20mil Geodon. I’m not tired But I’m not out of control anxious either. My Amazon box came and it was good. I made ramen for lunch. Not sure about dinner. I’m almost done with my laundry. I have my Amazon echo playing music so I’m not wearing my headphones. I’m using my 2 oral sensory items and I swear they work better then my meds do.

Basically today turned around once I took the 20 Geodon. And my other coping skills are helping me a lot. I don’t feel the need to take my 3rd Valium yet. I seem to recall my anxiety getting better yesterday around this time after starting to read a book for the first time in awhile.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I feel a lot better after my 20mil Geodon. I’m not tired But I’m not out of control anxious either. My Amazon box came and it was good. I made ramen for lunch. Not sure about dinner. I’m almost done with my laundry. I have my Amazon echo playing music so I’m not wearing my headphones. I’m using my 2 oral sensory items and I swear they work better then my meds do.

Basically today turned around once I took the 20 Geodon. And my other coping skills are helping me a lot. I don’t feel the need to take my 3rd Valium yet. I seem to recall my anxiety getting better yesterday around this time after starting to read a book for the first time in awhile.

This is great news!

What oral sensory items do you use? Can you give a link to them?

Reading really relaxes me. I hope you keep it up.

[~Christina]

OMG Ya'll

I cant catch up on here, Hugs and Love to anyone in need.

Steves Middle son and his wife got here Monday. They brought there biggggggg dog.. So my 3 and that one all checking each other out for 2 days.. But nothing but non stop playing and jumping and barking. There dog is at least 70lbs. My Gus is 8 .. My brain has melted. Then Steves youngest son decided to fly up a couple days ago.

My house is destroyed.. They all went to the Jack Daniels Distillery. Its like an hour away.. I was so thrilled to see them go. I made them crate there big dog. I have been cleaning like crazy.. My House has never smelled like " dog" like this it is so nasty.. I had covered all my furniture with blankets and they are being washed..

Its been like living on the surface of the sun with heat index's to 105 ! Oh yeah and I have been on steroids for my Asthma flare that makes me even Hotter..

BUT I am sooooooooo Thrilled that 2 of Steves sons have finally made the effort to come see him. They leave Sunday or Monday still undecided..

Steve is so happy and that is all that matters

[Moose72]

I went to Starbucks this morning, feeling guilty because I used Starbucks as an example in one of the groups yesterday! Saying how I need to cut back, which is true. But it was relaxing to be there, sitting outside in the nice breeze and warm sunshine. I talked with Caleb and Christine showed up unannounced and she and one of her daughter's sat with me for about 10 minutes before they had to go do some other stuff.

Listening to Rene Jacobs. Last track. It's in French so I can't understand much, but "O mort!" means

Possible trigger:

"O death!"

and something about "the life" - "La vie!". It's a gorgeous piece.

See below for text and translation and recording!

[Moose72]

Here is the text and translation:

O mort! O mort, affreuse mort! Quelle est ta barbarie? L'auteur des plus beaux airs Vient de perdre la vie, Que tout ressente nos douleurs, Que tout change dans ces bocages: Cessez, doux Rossignols, vos amoureux ramages; Troublez-vous, clairs ruisseaux, Sechez, aimables fleurs; O mort, o mort, affreuse mort! Quelle est ta barbarie? Lauteur des plus beaux airs Vient de perdre la vie. Que les echos, touchez de son funeste sort, Partagent l'ennuy qui nous presse; Qu'ils repetent sans cesse: O mort! O mort, affreuse mort! Quelle est ta barbarie? L'auteur des plus beaux airs Vient de perdre la vie.

O death! O death, dreadful death! What is your barbarism? The author of the most beautiful tunes Has just lost his life, May everything feel our pain, May everything change in these groves: Cease, sweet Nightingales, your lovers rambling; Confuse yourselves, clear streams, Dry, lovely flowers; O death, o death, dreadful death! What is your barbarism? The author of the most beautiful tunes Has just lost his life. May the echoes, touch of his fatal fate, Share the boredom which presses us; Let them repeat over and over again: O death! O death, dreadful death! What is your barbarism? The author of the most beautiful tunes Has just lost his life.

Start at 54:10 for the recording that I have!

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

OMG Ya'll

I cant catch up on here, Hugs and Love to anyone in need.

Steves Middle son and his wife got here Monday. They brought there biggggggg dog.. So my 3 and that one all checking each other out for 2 days.. But nothing but non stop playing and jumping and barking. There dog is at least 70lbs. My Gus is 8 .. My brain has melted. Then Steves youngest son decided to fly up a couple days ago.

My house is destroyed.. They all went to the Jack Daniels Distillery. Its like an hour away.. I was so thrilled to see them go. I made them crate there big dog. I have been cleaning like crazy.. My House has never smelled like " dog" like this it is so nasty.. I had covered all my furniture with blankets and they are being washed..

Its been like living on the surface of the sun with heat index's to 105 ! Oh yeah and I have been on steroids for my Asthma flare that makes me even Hotter..

BUT I am sooooooooo Thrilled that 2 of Steves sons have finally made the effort to come see him. They leave Sunday or Monday still undecided..

Steve is so happy and that is all that matters

Oh that’s great news, Steve’s sons visiting! At least 2 of them. Fantastic. Sending healing vibes to sooth the steroids kick.

@~Christina:

Glad you are enjoying a visit from family and good for you for coping with a house over-run by dogs. I like my home sweet-smelling too. Sorry about your asthma flare. Hopefully the remedy will kick in soon.

Glad Steve is happy to see his sons. It's about time family came to visit YOU and not always the other way around, tho houseguests are not without their challenges either.

Hopefully they will be gone at the distillery for a good long time and you can get some peace, quiet, privacy... and of course CLEANING!!!

Hugs,

Jane.

[Nammu]

Welcome back Whatever!

[wildflowerchild25]

Well I was really ambitious with my pierogi experiment and I ended up making 6 dozen. I was really, really hoping it would turn out ok because while I was confident about my potato and onion filling, I accidentally grabbed whole wheat flour at the grocery store instead of all purpose and I was afraid they would be too Chewy. But my son absolutely loved them! He ate 8 of them. He usually only eats 4-5 of the boxed ones. I have two bags in the freezer for future uses and I have leftover filling to go as a side with a pork roast I’m hoping to do on Sunday.

I’ve seriously been watching too much food network lol it’s all I watch now because I have discovery plus! It’s even on one of the TVs at the gym and I always use the equipment in front of that Tv so I can watch while I work out!

[bluescifi]

I'm new so this is me trying out a post haha.
My psychiatrist doubled my dose of lamotrigine and I'm feeling real weird today. I don't know how to explain it. Like floating, but under rain clouds. I always seem to have the same sort of reaction whenever my medications are altered a bit.
It's nice to look over all your replies and get to know you all!

[Sunflower123]

My therapist strongly recommended that I suspend all conversation with a loved one until our therapy session next Thursday. This person is my sunshine and while it breaks my heart there is some relief there as well. Entirely too much sniping and toxicity going on currently. Hopefully we’ll get it all sorted out soon.

I’ve been floating every day as weather permits. Still getting my zen on.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bluescifi

I'm new so this is me trying out a post haha.
My psychiatrist doubled my dose of lamotrigine and I'm feeling real weird today. I don't know how to explain it. Like floating, but under rain clouds. I always seem to have the same sort of reaction whenever my medications are altered a bit.
It's nice to look over all your replies and get to know you all!

Welcome @bluescifi !

I always get weird reactions to meds. I have so many that I can't take now because of that.