[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Thanks, Moose. Good advice. I don't know why I didn't call today. I guess I don't even know who to call, since the new med prescriber is somewhere in New Mexico and I don't even have her number. This whole situation is screwed up. But you're right on...I have to start somewhere, call somebody at the clinic and get the ball rolling.

I'm sorry that your new med prescriber is in New Mexico! That's crazy. How can you be expected to take care of yourself if you can't reach your pdoc/RN/Med prescriber? Do you have a treatment team? Where I go, I have to go through them first and then they send an email to my nurse practitioner (pdoc) who gets back to them and then they call me with an answer. There are also people that work over night for emergency calls. I hope you find some people like I just mentioned so you can- as you say- get the ball rolling!

[Blue_Bird]

Hope you feel better soon @BethRags!

[Blue_Bird]

I ended up getting my other favorite pizza combo instead of ham and pineapple (the Domino's by me was out of ham at the moment): Italian sausage, pepperoni, and jalapenos, so good

I'm enjoying this rainy evening

[wildflowerchild25]

I’ve about had it with the weather. The remnants of ida are coming through and there have been at least 4 confirmed tornadoes across the river in PA and also one in a town ten minutes away from me. The videos from people on 6abc are insane. We just don’t get tornadoes in NJ! There’s places in one of the towns across the river that are destroyed. Some towns in south Jersey didn’t fair well either. And about 5 inches of rain have fallen! I’m not worried about our house flooding, there’s no sources of water near us and we are on the top of a small hill. But getting to work might be a mess tomorrow. Probably not since it’s all supposed to clear out around 2am but still!

We’re just not used to this junk here. I’ve always liked living here even with the astronomical taxes because we miss most of the severe weather other parts of the country seem to have regularly, but things are going topsy turvy these past few years

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

[MENTION=239907]

@Mountaindewed I'm sorry that your therapist cheated you out of the last 15 minutes of your session. That's not cool at all. And to complain in front of a patient? Totally uncalled for.

I emailed her about it since it bugged me so much. She sent a short email full of typos. Then a second email full of typos apologizing for the first email with typos. But anyways she emailed me back and said a therapeutic hour is usually 50 minutes. But we have always gone an hour. And my portal says my sessions are an hour. I don’t know. I feel like she gaslighted me a bit. I often think people overuse the phrase gaslight. But this therapist seems like she does that.

My mom told her she seems like a step down from my last therapist who freaked me out because she ate in front of me and was forgetful and did other dumb annoying stuff. I didn’t like that therapist but I don’t disagree with my mom either.

My therapist today called my top surgery “breast reduction top surgery” oh lord.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I emailed her about it since it bugged me so much. She sent a short email full of typos. Then a second email full of typos apologizing for the first email with typos. But anyways she emailed me back and said a therapeutic hour is usually 50 minutes. But we have always gone an hour. And my portal says my sessions are an hour. I don’t know. I feel like she gaslighted me a bit. I often think people overuse the phrase gaslight. But this therapist seems like she does that.

My mom told her she seems like a step down from my last therapist who freaked me out because she ate in front of me and was forgetful and did other dumb annoying stuff. I didn’t like that therapist but I don’t disagree with my mom either.

My therapist today called my top surgery “breast reduction top surgery” oh lord.

My therapy has always been 50 minutes actually. So is seeing my case manager if we have lots to do. Pdoc is just short- half an hour tops.

Eating in front of a patient isn't cool. Even those without eating disorders might be hungry at the time- you don't know! Or maybe the food they're eating brings back bad memories.

Breast reduction top surgery? That's what I had in 2003. But what you had removed your breasts, not just reduced them- is that correct?

[bizi]

If I can get my self together like take a shower and

get ready wash hair etc. if I can get up at 8am I might
be able to get to the funeral home by9;30pm stay
just for a minute and go to my first client of the day,
thursday at 10;30, it is a 20 minute trip with out any
traffic I think I can make it there.

That is if I stay focused and not get distracted or

sleep longer than 8am.
yes I think I can make it.
bizi

Some hysteria today. Worried about climate change and the world coming to an end. Grieving for all the animals and animal by-products i have eaten since failing at veganism. Guess all i can do is try again. Going to vote Green in the upcoming federal election here in Canada. I guess all i can do is try and change myself and my own impact on the planet. Thanks for the kind words @Soupe du jour. Tried attending a ZOOM support group. Was stunned to hear that climate change is on top of my old friend's mind too. We haven't spoken in 25 years. In chat i asked him to call me but he hasn't. Feel that it's probably too late for the planet. We're probably just not capable of changing to save ourselves from climate change. "An Inconvenient Truth" has been out for 15 years and yet people still drive cars. I failed at veganism twice now. It's probably futile. The support group was poorly managed. It was 90 minutes long. It took 45 minutes to check everyone in and then 45 minutes to get to the first two issues. Mine was third and it was not gotten to at all. So that was a big waste of time. What do these other issues matter at all if we're extinct? If climate change doesn't matter, soon nothing will matter.

[Sunflower123]

Hello all! I’ve been doing lots of floating as the pool will close soon. I really don’t know what I’ll do without it. I’m sticking real close to home because of Covid so I think I’ll feel stuck. The National Guard is here to help our hospitals due to the surge. For today though it’s supposed to be full sun so I’ll take it one day at a time.

Taking care of my brother is one day at a time as well. Yesterday was challenging. I’m doing the best that I can but he really belongs in a nursing home. He has assets that need to be spent on his care before that happens and mom is not willing to do that. It’s a tough situation. I ask the good Lord for strength from day to day. My mental health is holding for now.

I’m going to meet up with my daughter after the pool closes. I’m really looking forward to that.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My therapy has always been 50 minutes actually. So is seeing my case manager if we have lots to do. Pdoc is just short- half an hour tops.

Eating in front of a patient isn't cool. Even those without eating disorders might be hungry at the time- you don't know! Or maybe the food they're eating brings back bad memories.

Breast reduction top surgery? That's what I had in 2003. But what you had removed your breasts, not just reduced them- is that correct?

Yeah I had them completely removed. There’s nothing there now but scars.

It was her lack of knowledge about trans people that bugged me with that comment. Although maybe she truly didn’t know.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m pretty crabby today. I’m not really sure why. My weight dropped some more. Usually that’s enough to put me in a good mood all day. But I haven’t even been feeling anxious. Just moody. I slept good last night too. I slept all night with that oral sensory thing my therapist told me we need to work on. I’m not sure why I need to work on it. I need to ask her what her problem is with it. I mean if it helps with my anxiety and helps me sleep and it’s not hurting anyone, then I don’t see a problem? My old therapist not the last one, but the one before, was super accepting of it and was so excited when I found a new coping skill that wasn’t meds. She said I should use it whenever I get anxious. Not just at night. Like why do I need to work on it?

But anyways I’m starting to feel a bit better. I was out with my mom this morning and I was hungry for real food so I got a small plain cheese cauliflower crust pizza. Tomorrow I plan on doing a lot of grocery shopping. I’m out of a lot of stuff I get from the Asian market and I’m out of turkey burgers and zero sugar soda. I for sure don’t need rice cakes or cereal.

But I mean, maybe it’s understandable that I’m moody with everything I have going on and all the unknowns surrounding it plus dealing with a kinda useless therapist who really doesn’t know how to work with me on this stuff.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm sorry that your new med prescriber is in New Mexico! That's crazy. How can you be expected to take care of yourself if you can't reach your pdoc/RN/Med prescriber? Do you have a treatment team? Where I go, I have to go through them first and then they send an email to my nurse practitioner (pdoc) who gets back to them and then they call me with an answer. There are also people that work over night for emergency calls. I hope you find some people like I just mentioned so you can- as you say- get the ball rolling!

I know...New Mexico. Ridiculous. The one person who is really on the ball and cares about the psych patients is my therapist's receptionist/nurse. She is awesome and gets things done. I called in a refill last night and it was ready today, so I know she's on it.

I'm taking extra AD for a few nights, see if I feel any better by Tuesday. If I do I'll rock some boats about getting a revised AD script.

[Moose72]

My friend called and asked if I wanted to go to the dog park with her and her dog. I said yes. That was fun talking and watching the dog rip-roaring around the smaller dog enclosure with other small dogs.

It's bill day. Well yesterday was but the phone bill is due today 💸💵 so I went and paid it at the store.

Trying to get N3 to take moving seriously. *Sigh*. He always waits until the last second!

[Moose72]

Talked with Caleb today for quite a while, but the conversation just went in bursts- we'd talk about a whole bunch of stuff, then there'd be silence! Then he finally said he needed to get off the phone because he was falling asleep. He's still home from work from his UTI involving one of his kidneys and his back pain. One of his meds for that is a pain med and an anti-inflamatory med and it was making him feel rotten all over so he quit it.

The day we have our Disney meeting about the trip next week, I'm going to bring my camera and try to get a couple pix of the kids. I just want one of all three of them together that looks great. I want to update my photos! (You may remember that I printed and put up 15 8x10's of them as kids earlier this year!) We are having veggie lasagna for dinner that evening- the day of the meeting. There are less than 200 days left until our trip!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

First day of work went smoothly. Unfortunately I am not with the girl I was with last year and I am in the high school wing. But my new teacher told me she isn’t prone to aggression. She has a lot of trauma resulting in depression, anxiety, and hallucinations. She talks to herself a lot. But I’m sure we’ll be cool. I foresee a lot of breaks because another girl in the class is very aggressive and my girl gets nervous with yelling. So do I girl, we’ll just bounce lol.

The only problem is that three of the six of us (staff members) seem to be professional gossipers/***** talkers. I’m going to have to be careful with what I reveal about myself because I’m sure it will be spread around in a heartbeat. I don’t really mind if they talk bad about me behind my back but I don’t need anything that I share getting out.

I'm so glad that first day went well !!! I'm sure that your new Girl will be a good fit... it will help you get out of a yucky situation too if she needs a break!

Yeah best thing is avoid talking about to many about personal struggles. Maybe talk about your wedding plans??

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Hello all! I’ve been doing lots of floating as the pool will close soon. I really don’t know what I’ll do without it. I’m sticking real close to home because of Covid so I think I’ll feel stuck. The National Guard is here to help our hospitals due to the surge. For today though it’s supposed to be full sun so I’ll take it one day at a time.

Taking care of my brother is one day at a time as well. Yesterday was challenging. I’m doing the best that I can but he really belongs in a nursing home. He has assets that need to be spent on his care before that happens and mom is not willing to do that. It’s a tough situation. I ask the good Lord for strength from day to day. My mental health is holding for now.

I’m going to meet up with my daughter after the pool closes. I’m really looking forward to that.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

Oh soak up the pool all you can. Seems like Pool season has been super fat this year.. I know that you are really bogged down with taking care of your Brother. So what are you going to do instead of being able to Float?? I hate to think of your not having some place to go and get absolute time for yourself as you so so need it, its not a luxury its just as important as eating and sleeping..

I hope you have a wonderful day with M

[~Christina]

I saw Richard yesterday he was very concerned about my hallucinations as in the almost 11 years together I have never had such a long noisy bout of them.

He sent a in office message to my new NP. Anyway she offered me Abilify or Rexulti. Abilify had me climbing the walls by day 5 so NO. So Rexulti it is. None of the sideffects are okay for me and my physical health but hopefully it will knock the hallucinations out pronto so I can quit it.

Does anyone have any plans for Labor Day weekend ??

Hugs to anyone in need

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I saw Richard yesterday he was very concerned about my hallucinations as in the almost 11 years together I have never had such a long noisy bout of them.

He sent a in office message to my new NP. Anyway she offered me Abilify or Rexulti. Abilify had me climbing the walls by day 5 so NO. So Rexulti it is. None of the sideffects are okay for me and my physical health but hopefully it will knock the hallucinations out pronto so I can quit it.

Does anyone have any plans for Labor Day weekend ??

Hugs to anyone in need

I'm glad you chose Rexulti. There's often something weird about Abilify...I felt like I was crawling out of my skin when I started it.

No plans here, except grocery shopping.

A big hug for you, too, hun

[Mountaindewed]

I don’t feel good again. I was doing ok for a couple days. But I just feel strange and achy again. The colace has been working. So I don’t think it’s that. My mom and I switched beds and I got her memory foam mattress. I wanted to get my own from matress firm because of their Labor Day sales. But she thought that was a bad idea. So maybe I hurt myself moving the bed.

But I just feel nauseated and in pain. Mostly in my lower right side again. I also have loss of appetite. I’ve had about 1,130 calories today. It was decent stuff though that I ate. There’s only one thing that helps me feel better so I’m guessing it could be a hysterectomy issue. I don’t do it anymore for my mental health I do it for my physical health. Honestly I’m pretty tired of it. But it’s the only thing that can calm my ovaries. My therapist doesn’t get it. But then what does she get.

My moms bed is nice although I’m just sinking into it. I read for a couple hours this afternoon. I’m reading an early book by Stephen King. It’s short stories. Some are pretty scary. Others aren’t. Some seem more like Twilight Zone episodes or episodes of Beyond Belief Fact Or Fiction. It’s ok. I’m hoping to finish it by the end of the weekend but I’m hoping to get most of it done tomorrow. I started it a few years ago and then I stopped at about page 200 something. But I remembered what story I was on. So I just picked back up on it and I’m more then halfway through now. It’s 640 pages but the print is big.

Man I just don’t know what to do about my lower stomach except wait it out until my ultrasound on the 9th. But it seems any kind of lifting or pulling or attempts at skateboarding makes it worse. But I don’t feel S. I don’t feel the need to take an extra Valium so if it’s just mental health it isn’t bad.

Auto correct wanted to change health to Hewlett-Packard. Who the **** is that and why did auto correct do that.

I am not well but it's nice to see here that life is carrying on for the rest of you. At least some of you are enjoying life and the rest are still fighting the good fight. I nailed up a black sheet over my bedroom window to match the one on my balcony doors so now my whole apartment is in darkness during the daytime as well and i can relax without having my eyes assaulted by the daylight. I read my Green Party candidate's bio and it has a funny typo. Instead of saying he "ran FOR the Green Party in 2018... " it says he "ran FROM the Green Party in 2018." Aah, the tree-huggers... !!! Guess proof-reading is not high on their list of priorities! Whatever, i'll still vote for them.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I don’t feel good again. I was doing ok for a couple days. But I just feel strange and achy again. The colace has been working. So I don’t think it’s that. My mom and I switched beds and I got her memory foam mattress. I wanted to get my own from matress firm because of their Labor Day sales. But she thought that was a bad idea. So maybe I hurt myself moving the bed.

But I just feel nauseated and in pain. Mostly in my lower right side again. I also have loss of appetite. I’ve had about 1,130 calories today. It was decent stuff though that I ate. There’s only one thing that helps me feel better so I’m guessing it could be a hysterectomy issue. I don’t do it anymore for my mental health I do it for my physical health. Honestly I’m pretty tired of it. But it’s the only thing that can calm my ovaries. My therapist doesn’t get it. But then what does she get.

My moms bed is nice although I’m just sinking into it. I read for a couple hours this afternoon. I’m reading an early book by Stephen King. It’s short stories. Some are pretty scary. Others aren’t. Some seem more like Twilight Zone episodes or episodes of Beyond Belief Fact Or Fiction. It’s ok. I’m hoping to finish it by the end of the weekend but I’m hoping to get most of it done tomorrow. I started it a few years ago and then I stopped at about page 200 something. But I remembered what story I was on. So I just picked back up on it and I’m more then halfway through now. It’s 640 pages but the print is big.

Man I just don’t know what to do about my lower stomach except wait it out until my ultrasound on the 9th. But it seems any kind of lifting or pulling or attempts at skateboarding makes it worse. But I don’t feel S. I don’t feel the need to take an extra Valium so if it’s just mental health it isn’t bad.

Auto correct wanted to change health to Hewlett-Packard. Who the **** is that and why did auto correct do that.

They made computers or printers back in the day- like late 80's early 90's.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I am not well but it's nice to see here that life is carrying on for the rest of you. At least some of you are enjoying life and the rest are still fighting the good fight. I nailed up a black sheet over my bedroom window to match the one on my balcony doors so now my whole apartment is in darkness during the daytime as well and i can relax without having my eyes assaulted by the daylight. I read my Green Party candidate's bio and it has a funny typo. Instead of saying he "ran FOR the Green Party in 2018... " it says he "ran FROM the Green Party in 2018." Aah, the tree-huggers... !!! Guess proof-reading is not high on their list of priorities! Whatever, i'll still vote for them.

That's funny!

a friend of mine is turning 28 today

I saw him yesterday and he's like oh me and a group of friends are getting chinese. not you, your having mcdonalds- didn't even asked me, chinese would have been nice too

oh well: I'm being the bigger person, and I actually wished him a happy birthday this morning. he's looking forward to the day and I don't waqnt to spoil it for him

[unlived]

Originally Posted by Moose72

They made computers or printers back in the day- like late 80's early 90's.

They’re still around… at least they are here in Australia.

[Brentus]

Seven days into these new meds and I can honestly say it’s doing something for me. Oddly enough, I have a hard time really pinpointing where the difference lies, but I did make out a list of symptoms that have really been affecting me. Going down the list of symptoms it’s helped at least some with most of them and I feel remarkably better than I did one week ago. Of course, I’m still taking initial dose-level and so while I’ve not experienced overwhelming side effects, I’m a bit worried higher doses, if needed, will be a bit problematic. I’ll explain more on that later. I guess to put it short it’s like this – it’s given me reason to believe medicine can help. I forgot how different life can be when you are in a constant state of negative/distressing emotion. You really can see the world from another point of view. My therapist will be happy to hear “hope” in my words, I bet. She has made multiple comments about how hopeless I always sound when I speak.

It’s 6:06AM. I’ve not actually slept, but it’s nothing to worry about! My sleep schedule has been wonky for a long time, and basically, I sleep during the day and stay up most of the night. Recently it’s been going to bed around 7AM and waking up around 12PM. My meds I take around dinner time (5pm) and within 3-4 hours I feel tired, but I don’t ever sleep longer than an hour or two, and up the rest of the night. I feel particularly awake right now, so we’ll see how long I feel awake before I crash. Time will tell I guess.

So, the important part I wanted to chronicle here is the fact I have a bit more energy, and have desires to do things – I’m playing around with activities I used to really enjoy. That’s a big change in me as I’ve lost interest in most things I used to like and it’s been that way for a long while, with only minor bouts of interest coming back. I’m pretty excited about that. Hopefully, it all works out in my favor and I can enjoy life a little more each day.

Again, I don’t have much to report, other than generally feeling better. Life still sucks. Life still has its problems but right now they don’t seem as insurmountable as before. These last few days I have felt a world of difference and I’ve not had to go through my days with the same awful feelings I have most of my life. I kind of understand things from a different point of view now.

Possible trigger:

I’ve never been suicidal, but I definitely have always harbored very strong opinions on the topic, which may not be so well received. My biggest “controversial” feeling is while suicide doesn’t have to be the answer, chronic suffering changes things a lot for a person. Suicide prevention highlights the fact the emotions change, emotional states change… “season of life” happen, but it’s not permanent. I wholeheartedly agree with that and I believe interventions are well intentioned…. However….
I will say this—people need to re-evaluate the way they see suicide. I get especially frustrated with people who say they are selfish or how horrible it is or the easy way out etc. You sit and suffer day in and day out and decide for yourself how “selfish” it is to not want to burden others and not be in constant pain. It’s almost disgusting how someone who committed suicide is demonized by those around them or thought of in the poorest of regards. I understand we are all connected to another person in some way, and it’s painful for all involved (which is why somehow we talk about how selfish someone was to leave us, for example), and I’m not condoning suicide – but I do understand these people are in pain and sometimes, in the case of chronic, long term hardships and illness, it makes sense why it’s thought about or chosen. It’s sad, but I get very angry with people who demean those who have attempted or have committed suicide.
I got on a bit of a tirade there and off track – but my point was to say, I often say to myself “If this is all life has to offer me, I’m sorry – I don’t see the reason to continue it”. That said, I am not and have not ever been suicidal. I know it can get better – I just haven’t lucked out to see it happen yet haha. I guess I have special sympathy for people who struggle that way. Right now, I don’t quite have such a strong affinity to the aforementioned statement.

I have therapy today and I’m not sure how I want to approach it. I may talk a bit about the DBT workbook I’ve supposed to be working with. I’ve put it on the back burner (and forgot to turn the backburner on LOL) with all the other stuff going on, but I want to start doing something that seems more productive than wildly jumping around. I think I’ll start with discussing the chapters I have read with my therapist and maybe work into some issues that have been weighing on me. It seems fair enough. It’s my therapy and she doesn’t mind if I rant for an hour to her. If I find benefit, it’s worth the hour. I’ll take that for what it is.

I guess I’ve finished my update now. lol