[bizi]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm glad you chose Rexulti. There's often something weird about Abilify...I felt like I was crawling out of my skin when I started it.

No plans here, except grocery shopping.

A big hug for you, too, hun

abilify made me manic!@

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

This sounds like a wonderful trip How long will your trip be???

Hi Christina. It will be five days in the mountains in Slovakia, followed by two days in Krakow, Poland. I'm thinking that I'll need both a jacket and a warmer coat, for this trip. It's my 50th birthday present from my husband. My birthday was in May, but the pandemic was still bad here back then. Not so much now, in CZ, Slovakia, and Poland.

[Soupe du jour]

@wildflowerchild25, Are you OK in terms of the horrible flooding in our home state? My husband and I were looking and the whole area we used to live in is under water. Definitely a state of emergency. Wishing you and your family well.

@Innerzone, I hope you recover from that bad fall, quickly. That sounds like a scary one!

@~Christina, perhaps the Rexulti will help end your disturbing hallucinations. If most are musical, if the new AP doesn't work, I wonder if an anticonvulsant moodstabilizer would, for you? As I wrote before, one did for me.

A portion of the area where I used to live in NJ was under water because of Ida. If we still lived there, we would have been stuck at home. Maybe still. They say 25 people have died in that area from the flooding. I just emailed my sister to ask how she and my brother are doing. Both areas have many waterways (rivers, streams, canal).

Hubby and I have been spending so much money on groceries, lately. Today we submitted another HUGE order. The biggest portion is for mineral water and alcoholic beverages. Hubby is not a problem drinker, but he drinks it regularly. Perhaps the overall price is still less than in NJ, but it doesn't seem so since alcohol here in CZ can be purchased at grocery stores. In NJ, though some grocers are beginning to sell it, it's more the exception than the rule. NJ mostly has liquor stores, so grocery expenditures are usually split from liquor.

Next Thursday I'm going for a hair color consultation at a different salon than before. The first stylist didn't know what she was doing with my curly hair. Thursday is just a consultation, at which time I'll also schedule a hair cut and the coloring itself. I want to lighten my hair a little and get rid of the auburn hue. I am not naturally auburn. My hair was light golden brown most of my life. It did darken over time, though. Now, my roots are medium brown with gray mixed in. If the new place also has no hair diffuser, I'll just ask them to leave it wet, so I can let it air dry or diffuse it at home. The last time I left looking like a "before" picture for anti-frizz hair products. The last stylist seemed to cut it like a 10 year old cuts a Barbie's hair.

[Sunflower123]

The water is getting cold. It’s getting close to time. I’ll have to pull out and dust off my fall traditions to have something to look forward to. I do love fall. I’d like to rent my usual cabin in the Smokies but I’m paying for two therapists so I don’t know if that’s doable.

We’ve decided to have groceries delivered to the house. That and my brother’s pill pack for his many medications will help tremendously. Anything we can do to simplify is being evaluated. My sister and bil are coming over today to help us clean off the screened in porch so that will be nice to have available for fall.

My brother’s blood pressure was dangerously low and we were advised to take him to the ER except the ER’s are full of Covid patients and the National Guard has been called in. We found out two different doctors prescribed three different blood pressure medications without consulting with each other although his primary knew about his cardiac doctor. Incompetence.

Thankfully, my positive attitude and mental health have held. Praise the Lord!

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

It is good to know what you can and cannot handle, I think.


It's too bad you're not out here...there are so many T's that work specifically with trans and LBTQ, etc. people.

My next one is an LGBTQ ally. Also she deal with people with autism and also specializes in eating disorders. Which my current therapist says I really need.

So I’m hoping she’s helpful. Plus she’s a younger therapist and isn’t older unlike the last T I saw who was in her 60’s. I really need a younger therapist. I work better with them.

[Mountaindewed]

I took 40 extra mil of Geodon and then 30 mil of the 3 layer melatonin. I just felt super depressed. I ate a couple candy bars thinking they would help. They helped a bit. I have an emergency supply of chocolate I keep in the cupboard. I rarely eat any although this week and last week I had 2 each. My supply is dwindling so when I go out of state I plan on going to the good grocery store I frequented to stock up on more. They have a bigger variety then gas stations do and they have some cool retro kinds.

I fell asleep pretty quickly last night and I woke up off and on until about half an hour ago. I’m still depressed but not S. I think yesterday I had too much caffeine and other stuff that messed with my meds. I also don’t think I ate enough food. I’ll do better today with my eating and do less caffeine and weird supplements in food like that smoothie.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

@wildflowerchild25, Are you OK in terms of the horrible flooding in our home state? My husband and I were looking and the whole area we used to live in is under water. Definitely a state of emergency. Wishing you and your family well.

We are fine, it skirted us and went north. We don’t live near the Delaware. But I’m very worried about my grandma. She lives about where you used to live. I texted her to make sure she was ok when it was all going down and she was terrified, she was in her basement for awhile but it started to flood and she had to go back upstairs. I texted her the next morning and she answered so I at least know she’s alive but she seemed shell shocked. She lives right near the D&R canal so I’m sure she’s trapped on that side but I’m hoping she can get out the other side of her neighborhood. I just texted her again, I hope she texts back soon!

Edit: she got back to me. Ended up with 6 inches of water in her basement, had a couple of small pool cover pumps and pumped it out enough that the sump pump could work again. She’ll have to clean up the basement. I wish we could go up there to help but I’m honestly not sure we would make it. Not with Princeton the way it is.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

We are fine, it skirted us and went north. We don’t live near the Delaware. But I’m very worried about my grandma. She lives about where you used to live. I texted her to make sure she was ok when it was all going down and she was terrified, she was in her basement for awhile but it started to flood and she had to go back upstairs. I texted her the next morning and she answered so I at least know she’s alive but she seemed shell shocked. She lives right near the D&R canal so I’m sure she’s trapped on that side but I’m hoping she can get out the other side of her neighborhood. I just texted her again, I hope she texts back soon!

I hope you hear back from her soon, wildflowerchild. Luckily my siblings are OK. They live up on a hill. My poor brother is extraordinarily busy as he is an electrician who specializes in generator repair and installation. My dad is also fine, though my sister told me he hasn't answered his cell phone. But that might just be because he flat out doesn't answer it. Plus, he doesn't know how to check his messages. He has cognitive issues. My sister says she knows his assisted living facility is fine. I can imagine if your grandma is alone that it might be scary. I hope she has some neighbors checking in with her.

My sister told me that the public high school for her area is now acting as a Red Cross Emergency shelter, as many in the downtown had to leave their houses.

I'm glad to read that you, your son, and RS are fine.

@Jennifer 1967:

You are dealing with so much and doing such a beautiful job while maintaining your mental health you really ARE an example to me!!! Wishing you love and light and continued good health as you power thru your struggles!!!

[Gabyunbound]

So according to my pdoc I've been hypomanic for some 4-6 weeks now. But IF that's the case, I would call it hypomanic-lite. I've been super amped up, cleaning out and madly organizing my apartment for over a month now. When I had covered every square inch I could here, I moved on to my car. I've been super happy. I've been that incredibly stupid commercial. But the only important part is that I. still. cannot. sleep.

My hypomania's, which, when not caught in time, would turn into full-blown mania, used to consist of talking extremely fast, thinking I was the most brilliant person in the world, colors so stunning I could barely stand it, fabrics so sensuously soft and perfect, music so tearfully inspiring, can't sleep...until things would change, though not being able to sleep would remain.

But this, this is different. I don't think it's so obvious to other people. It's not nearly as intense. The only 'problem' actually associated with all this is not being able to sleep.

We tried more seroquel, but not only was that not working 100%, I stopped it and refused to take it again because I had finally had it with all the weight gain (I've lost 12 pounds since stopping it). Then Doxepin. No dice. Then Lunesta. No dice. Then more Lunesta. No dice. I've been in contact with my pdoc off and on throughout. Now, she says, I have to go back onto the seroquel, at least until I normalize my sleep (I actually slept well for 3 nights on the Lunesta until my work hours radically changed, and then I couldn't sleep again, even after increasing the Lunesta).

I dutifully took the seroquel last night because I'm so desperate. 50mg didn't do it, so I took another 25mg. I was finally able to sleep, but it took hours. It's Saturday and no big deal, but on a weeknight that would, again, be disastrous. I'm going to start with 75mg tonight and see how I do.

I've been taking whatever sleep med I'm on at the moment at about the same time every night. I really am trying to practice good sleep hygiene. It's just that nothing is bringing me down.

Pdoc said that since I'm on the maximum dose of Abilify we're going to have to revisit that (I'm seeing her on Tuesday). I've been on Abilify for so many years now and have been relatively stable. I'm terrified to change my AP. And if/once my sleep is normalized on the seroquel, I need her to find me another sleep med. I WON'T take it any more than emergently necessary, and I WON'T take a weight-gainer as my primary AP.

I hate this...

@Gabyunbound:

Yes, sleep is the key in bipolar management. I understand how critical it is when the next day is a workday. When i worked i developed a fear of having to work eight hours while fatigued, it was so unpleasant. I even stayed with my a$$hole ex-husband because i was convinced i couldn't sleep without him. Luckily, that's not the case at all and i am happily divorced.

I'm glad you're prioritizing weight-management so highly. I didn't and have gained 125 pounds on Seroquel and Risperdal and developed high-blood-pressure and my blood sugars have tested on the high side of normal for years now. Stay the course my friend!

I'm getting out of my chemical-straight-jacket now because the sedation and extreme weight gain are ruining my life while i still have mood swings, so why not be awake in the daytime and at a healthy weight while i cope with the mood swings?

The more of us that refuse to take the weight-gainer meds, the more pressure will be put on the pharmaceutical companies to develop weight-neutral options. Good for you Gabyunbound!!!

Yeah, hypomania is so fun except for the insomnia. I LOVE cleaning while high too! My apartment had never BEEN cleaner during my first hypomania during lockdown. My sleep hours get chaotic in the weeks before the Summer Solstice. It's just something i need to cope with tho, not take incredibly harmful meds that don't work purposefully anyways, just have vicious side-effects like with the weight-gain no man will look at me.

Wishing you love and light and good zzzs as you power thru your struggles!!!

[Brentus]

Been a rough start today. I'm trying to make the most I can out of today though. It's a minor thing that's really shaken me up. These last few months have been full of chatoic scenarios with high emotions and I think maybe this is just run over, I dunno. I don't wanna get into it. Feeling uneasy and generally badly about myself. Normalcy comes yet again to me lol.

@Gabyunbound -- I hope you are able to get good, solid sleep soon!!

[Moose72]

As weird as this sounds, I've lost 5 pounds since the new dose of Seroquel. Maybe it's all the popcorn I eat? (That reminds me- I need to go to the grocery store.)

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing well today. My anxiety is low despite the caffeine I’ve had. I haven’t had any weird supplements though. Which I think was my issue yesterday. I’ve just had Mountain Dew, black tea, and water. And I’ve been staying on top of my anxiety by taking my Valium at the correct times.

It seems like after a night of depression I feel pretty good the next day. I wonder if the extra 20-40mil actually does make a difference in my moods the next day. Although I know it’s really dangerous to do it.

I’ve just been reading and doing laundry all day. I’ll be finished with my book by tomorrow. I’m not sure what I’ll read next. I have more Stephen King books but I also have The Exorcist. I put some Shirley Jackson books on hold at the library today. I probably won’t get those until the middle of next week.

But I feel ok today. Both physically and mentally. I’m not very hungry though. I had some cereal for breakfast and then I have some shredded wheat and some goldfish crackers in a bowl next to me. But I’ve just been picking at them. I bought frozen seasoned onion turkey burgers yesterday from the store. I plan on having one for dinner.

[Mountaindewed]

I always got yelled at or talked to a lot for the way I dressed when I was a young adult. Like 18-22. My sister had a problem with the way I dressed. She said hoodies were bad and took me shopping to try to change my personality. My therapist at the time had issues too. Now I am 71 pounds less and no one cares how I dress or what I wear.

So did they really have a problem with what I wore, or did they have a problem that I was overweight and dressing that way?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@Jennifer 1967:

You are dealing with so much and doing such a beautiful job while maintaining your mental health you really ARE an example to me!!! Wishing you love and light and continued good health as you power thru your struggles!!!

Thank you whatever! That means a lot to me!

[MickeyCheeky]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

My Uncle passed away late Saturday night. My Aunt said he looked peaceful and didn't think he was in any pain. I am grateful that he was able to get home so the kids and grandkids could be there.

Today is my Fathers Birthday he would have been 91. I lost him to Leukemia in December of 1997 so this is always a hard day for me, Now my much loved Uncle I've lost.

The devastating flood that hit a small town here in Tennessee just west of Nashville. The video and pictures are so brutal to see. Thus far 22 dead , 2 of those were 7 month old twins.. 20+ people are still missing. I hope that more people are found alive. It is beyond heartbreaking.

I'm just so incredibly sad

So Sorry For Your Losses! Please Do not Give Up!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I always got yelled at or talked to a lot for the way I dressed when I was a young adult. Like 18-22. My sister had a problem with the way I dressed. She said hoodies were bad and took me shopping to try to change my personality. My therapist at the time had issues too. Now I am 71 pounds less and no one cares how I dress or what I wear.

So did they really have a problem with what I wore, or did they have a problem that I was overweight and dressing that way?

I think you are on to something with your last question.

Well, i backslid. I couldn't tolerate the fear anymore. Fear that humanity is ending and fear that i am ending as i struggle out of the chemical-straight-jacket i've been in for 26 years. I can tolerate the insomnia, hysteria, sadness, anxiety, depression, but not fear. It's intolerable. I think getting off benzos 100% may not be possible. My mom used a small amount of Valium. I felt okay at 2mg but not at 1mg. I just couldn't take the fear anymore and took a 10mg Valium pill. I've tried to withdraw from benzos once before and stalled at 2mg Valium. I just may be on a 2mg maintenance dose for life. That's okay. I can still have feelings: pleasure, compassion, love, excitement, passion. I realize it's not ideal, but fear is intolerable. Two milligrams of Valium it is.

A wonderful new female friend i made this year just emailed me that i am a poet! I'd sent her a particularly creative email. She obviously liked it! She's really healthy and stable and supportive and fun and an even better friend than Louise, my best friend of nine years who is French and that's an obstacle. The new friend's name is Pat. I sure picked me a winner when i gave her an exquisite birthday gift a few years ago. I did it casually as i did not know her well at that point, not expecting anything in return and here she is turning out to be one of the best friends i've ever had! I feel so much better for having her love. And i know Louise loves me too. So that's two people. It's made all the difference!!! Louise went first tho, so she'll always have a special place in my heart.

Only love kills the demon!!!

[Mountaindewed]

I told my mom to plan our trip back to my hometown for this weekend since my aunt invited my uncle over for dinner. But she didn’t listen to me. Because she rarely ever does. And now she’s all depressed and crabby and taking it out on me because more family members are now going to be there including my cousin with the new baby.

I wish people would listen to me a bit more. And trust me because I often know what I’m doing. Now we are going late September and I don’t know who we will see. We’re staying at the same hotel where I had my second surgery. So I know I’ll see my aunt at least.

Plus Covid isn’t a wreck in my state yet. But they said it could get pretty bad in a couple weeks.

My Stephen King book was freaking me out too much. It was causing bad intrusive thoughts so I had to put it down. I hope I can finish it but I’m struggling with it because some (most) of the stories are pretty scary. I have about 200 pages left so I’m hoping I’ll get it done soon and then maybe I’ll just take a break from reading until after my surgery when I plan on reading all my books by the folklorist Alan Dundes.

I needed more tea. I mean I technically didn’t since I ordered 6 boxes from eBay. But it could be another month before I get those. And all I have in my house is more black tea and I wanted stuff without caffeine. So I placed an order for Walmart. I got delivery since some stuff my store didn’t have. I’m kind of confused at the delivery. I guess it was free but the stuff isn’t coming all at one time. It’s coming all throughout next week. I guess it isn’t any different then Amazon. But I’ve never had a grocery delivery like that.

[Moose72]

N3 was almost late to work today. He didn't get in the car until 15 minutes after he normally would! I had to slightly knock on the door which woke up N3's gf's mom and she yelled up to him to get up. I had tried calling him and texting him but he didn't respond. And of course, he got there 5 minutes before he was late. We took the freeway there just in case. Man there are a lot of people driving 75 mph+ on the freeway at not even 6 a.m. N3 is just lucky that he got there on time today.

FWB came by today. That was so fun!

I did my laundry this morning about 6:30 then did the dishes and have been watching Star Trek The Next Generation. Gotta help with my mom's dog tonight again. Poor dog has a bad rash on her rump and back legs. I think the treatment must make it feel better because she stands pretty still when it's applied.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I think you are on to something with your last question.

Also if you have autism people don’t really care what you do. Like what coping skills you use. As long as they are not harmful. And medical professionals are super nice too. But my therapist is weird the way she’s saying my coping skills aren’t good.

She has an issue with my oral fixation and I plan on asking her on Thursday what her problem with it is exactly. She says some stuff is good to use. But other stuff she says we need to work on. So I don’t know if she’s just simply worried about my teeth or if it’s something else she has a problem with. But I’ll ask her when I see her on the 13th.

I’m glad I cancelled my appointment on the 9th. I don’t need that kind of stress that day.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Also if you have autism people don’t really care what you do. Like what coping skills you use. As long as they are not harmful. And medical professionals are super nice too. But my therapist is weird the way she’s saying my coping skills aren’t good.

She has an issue with my oral fixation and I plan on asking her on Thursday what her problem with it is exactly. She says some stuff is good to use. But other stuff she says we need to work on. So I don’t know if she’s just simply worried about my teeth or if it’s something else she has a problem with. But I’ll ask her when I see her on the 13th.

I’m glad I cancelled my appointment on the 9th. I don’t need that kind of stress that day.

What stuff do you need to work on? Your teeth is a concern, but I don't know what type of things you are using as soothers.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

What stuff do you need to work on? Your teeth is a concern, but I don't know what type of things you are using as soothers.

I was using a bottle. Then she had me switch to a regular water bottle that you suck on. Like instead of one with a straw. A sports one. Mine is a Gatorade brand. I’ve mostly been using that now but I used the other one a couple days ago. She suggested silicone straws too. I was using a pacifier and that’s what she is having issues with now. She said “we need to work on it.” And she seems all super concerned about it and is asking strange questions like does it stay in my mouth the whole night. I only use it when I crave it which is about once a week or every other week. So it’s not a constant thing. She did suggest this chew thing I bought that’s meant for people with autism or for people with other sensory issues.

She doesn’t care about my headphones or my weighted vest. She did say to not use so many weighted blankets at night. To only use my 12 pound one. Mainly though It’s just the oral things she doesn’t like.