[Soupe du jour]

@Scooter9 and @Blue_Bird, I hope you both find relief for your physical ailments, soon. It is good that you at least have an idea what the issues are.
@Nammu, I hope your stomach improvement continues. I can relate to that. I wonder if it was just a stomach bug, of some sort. With so much emphasis on covid-19, other types of ailments have become almost surprising. No?

My cinnamon rolls turned out great. I put a maple glaze on them instead of a cream cheese icing. I did have cream cheese, but only stuff with herbs in it. That wouldn't fly! My beef and broccoli stir fry was also yummy. I used garlic in it since Hubby wasn't home (he has an allergy to it). Since I never use that ingredient, and rarely eat it, I find myself extra sensitized to it. I don't dislike it, but I surely smell and taste it more than regular garlic users do. It's almost 7 pm now and I'm tired. I cleaned up the house quite well, earlier, but then made a new mess in the kitchen. Most of that is also cleaned up.

[Blue_Bird]

@soup du jour

Thank you! And that food looks amazing!

I’m planning on trying to make banana bread for the first time soon.

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[Nammu]

Soupe your cooking sounds sooooo goood .

[Moose72]

Soupe Those rolls look so delish!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

@soup du jour

Thank you! And that food looks amazing!

I’m planning on trying to make banana bread for the first time soon.

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I hope you do make the banana bread. It's definitely one of the most beloved homemade baked goods. Coincidentally, I still have a chunk left of one I made about five days ago from over ripe bananas. It's not that well-known in Czech Republic, but every Czech who has tried mine has really liked it. Who wouldn't love banana bread or muffins?

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing decently today. My anxiety was ok early this morning even though I had a Mountain Dew. I went to get some work clothes. Some sweaters and non flannel buttoned shirts. Man did those mirrors make me look fat. It was kinda discouraging because I felt like I looked pretty good after my weight loss. My mom told me the mirrors were just distorted. Then at H&M I tried on a hoodie and then a sweater and my mom was fussing over me and trying to get it to fit right. Right in front of 2 dudes one who had his phone out. It made me a bit paranoid and it was annoying that my mom was being so fussy with making sure my shirt fit right. I’m 28 not a teenager. The fitting rooms were closed. I left kinda annoyed at both her and that guy. I don’t know. Maybe he was loss prevention. They wear regular clothes so you can’t tell they are security. He was just standing around near me and it was making me self conscious. But I found 3 sweaters and 2 buttoned shirts from Platos Closet for $46 and then a sweater from H&M.

Just the guy with his phone at H&M was making me self conscious. But they actually talked to me for once at Platos Closet. Usually they are just arrogant and ignore you if you are not “their” type of clientele. The lady asked if I was finding everything and said she liked my hat.

So it wasn’t totally bad today. I also went to the gas station to get a few more bottles of that new Mountain Dew and I got a bottle of Body Armor since it was past my morning snack. Then when I got home I took a Valium and ate a rice cake. I think the Valium is truly causing me to lose my appetite.

I also ordered a vest this morning from Amazon for $14 marked down from $40. I didn’t know what size to get so I got 2 different sizes and I’ll just return the one that doesn’t fit.

I’m at home now just waiting around for more work stuff.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

My apartment complex is having a BBQ grab-and-go thing today. So you can just go down and get a takeout container filled with BBQ food they made to take home. so I’m gonna go down and get some in a few minutes.

My doctor still never called me back. I’m sleeping 2-4 hours a night. I’m getting really sick of it and it’s making my paranoia about my neighbors worse, I’m having panic attacks every night. I hope they call me back soon. Maybe nobody ever told her to call me even though they said they would. Idk. It’s frustrating because I have the med that would help me, I just want to go back to my old higher dose, but I don’t want to do that without her saying I can/giving me permission to do it even though I know she would. All I’d have to do is just take a second chlorpromazine pill like I was on recently. I should probably just do it at this point. It’s been a over a week of this now.

Maybe I need to take the perphenazine again? I asked to go off it and stopped it like a week ago but she did say she’d still prescribe it in case I still need it. Maybe I should just start that again since the problems started after I stopped that?

Call again! It's the old 'squeaky wheel.' I've found perphenazine to be an excellent med.

[*Beth*]

Now I'm desperately in need of a cinnamon roll

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Now I'm desperately in need of a cinnamon roll

Ha ha, they do look sumptuous don’t that! My aunt dropped off some zucchini chocolate chip cookies. They satisfy my sweet tooth. Mm

[Mountaindewed]

So I called my doctor. I needed to reschedule my preop and ultrasound since it’s going to interfere with the hours they say I’ll be working. So I moved it to another day at 2:40. So even if I have to work I’ll be done by 1. And I asked and they said yeah plan on taking 6 weeks off. My surgery is on the 1st of October and then I did have a preplanned trip to see a musical on the 18th of November. I paid big money for those tickets. So I guess I’ll just tell them that I can go back to work on the 21st of November and hope they don’t have an issue with it.

I mean can they fire me before I even start? I plan on telling them all this on Wednesday.

Now I’m wondering why I decided to do this again instead of waiting. But I mean I haven’t paid rent in like 3 months and I have to put a lot of things I buy on my credit cards. I haven’t bought groceries in like 3 weeks but that’s because I eat the same 3 things and I stocked up a few weeks ago.

[Blue_Bird]

I went ahead and re-started the perphenazine (I have permission from my doctor to do that). I am having too many weird things going on mentally since I stopped it a little over a week ago. In addition to that I'm also having bad withdrawal effects.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

@Scooter9 and @Blue_Bird, I hope you both find relief for your physical ailments, soon. It is good that you at least have an idea what the issues are.
@Nammu, I hope your stomach improvement continues. I can relate to that. I wonder if it was just a stomach bug, of some sort. With so much emphasis on covid-19, other types of ailments have become almost surprising. No?

My cinnamon rolls turned out great. I put a maple glaze on them instead of a cream cheese icing. I did have cream cheese, but only stuff with herbs in it. That wouldn't fly! My beef and broccoli stir fry was also yummy. I used garlic in it since Hubby wasn't home (he has an allergy to it). Since I never use that ingredient, and rarely eat it, I find myself extra sensitized to it. I don't dislike it, but I surely smell and taste it more than regular garlic users do. It's almost 7 pm now and I'm tired. I cleaned up the house quite well, earlier, but then made a new mess in the kitchen. Most of that is also cleaned up.

The food you made looks delicious.

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Feeling very mixed-up today. Down. At Women's Group this morning it was said that parents won't abandon teenagers no matter how badly they behave, that parents understand the defiance is just a rite-of-passage. I took a risk and piped up about how my parents HAD abandoned my two older brothers and sisters, as soon as it was legal, not caring if it was amoral or unethical or inhumane, only that it was legal, on their 16th birthdays. Happy Birthday, get out. My brothers' lives were disastrous, but my sister survived.

Anyways, no one had anything to say about that except that my parents hadn't been suited to parenting and that they should not have had children. Certainly, my dad was not healthy emotionally or spiritually or psychologically. My mom took her cue from him. She had some compassion but was a functional alcoholic. She was traditional and believed what the man said goes.

Then i came in to see my neighbor Lynne with kidney disease who is on dialysis being carted away in a gurney. Lynne's home is in the corner before mine so i had to stand there for several minutes while the paramedics arranged Lynne on the gurney and ran a test and gathered up their gear. It was so upsetting and my PTSD was triggered and i stood there mute as a smelt.

I felt ashamed of not being able to say a few kind gentle words of comfort to Lynne but Louise said later to give myself a break, that it's better not to intervene in an emergency situation like that and indeed, it did look like Lynne was getting good care. So having Louise's support makes me feel a bit better.

But in between my interactions with Lynne and Louise i listened to several hours of national public radio and it was fascinating and everything but i heard that all the causes i am so passionate about are well-in-hand by professional people much more powerful than i. I see that i am not the only one concerned about these issues and that they are being dealt with with more elan than i could ever muster.

So i felt USELESS and went and got a 200 gram bag of chips and binged. Now that i'm logging my cals in a spreadsheet on my phone i wrote down the trigger as well so i'll have some content to get into with a therapist should the universe ever smile upon me and i get one i can get along with.

I felt so bad i phoned the crisis line and the woman suggested i try keeping a blog. I'll think it over. My opinions are so controversial i get censored if i air them here. I sort of value privacy tho and tend to regret getting so controversial and attracting attention. It would be anonymous tho. I do enjoy writing and venting so perhaps it would be GOOD FOR ***ME*** and give you all a break from "Blowhard Jane."

So embarrassed about how fractured my personality is tho, always working at cross-purposes.

@Blue_Bird and all:

I am so sorry to hear that you have an eating disorder so intense that it damaged your teeth. That is really serious. Did you or are you getting any help with it? A support organization for eating disorders just called me today. They just wanted my email and to tell me to keep an eye out for the announcement and registration for their new Fall programs in October so i look forward to getting some help with my binge-eating-disorder (BED). They have a group and also art and dance therapy. Sounds nice.

@Soupe du jour:

Your creations look yummy! You have mad skills!

[Blue_Bird]

I'm sorry for everything you're going through and I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend @whatever2013


Yes, I've been getting help with my eating disorder. I was recovering for a long time but I started struggling again recently, I don't binge/purge/restrict anymore I just restrict sometimes. so I'll have to talk to my therapist about it next time we have an appointment. I regret so much that I wrecked my teeth, they used to be so nice, I had braces and all that when I was a teenager, they could have stayed nice but then I developed the ED and ruined them. I need to go to the dentist soon because I probably have a lot more fillings/and or root canals I need done. I mean, I still have teeth, I have only had to get one pulled in the back and that was because my insurance wouldn't cover the root canal and crown for that one for some reason. But the enamel on all my teeth is really worn down. It's something I'm really self-conscious about. I wish I could go back in time and stop it from happening.

I'm glad that you're going to be getting help for your binge eating disorder, that's wonderful, and that's really cool that they have art and dance therapy. Art therapy is really helpful.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I went ahead and re-started the perphenazine (I have permission from my doctor to do that). I am having too many weird things going on mentally since I stopped it a little over a week ago. In addition to that I'm also having bad withdrawal effects.

Just curious...what dose are you on? I'm on 20mg.

[*Beth*]

Where there's smoke, there's fire, and are we ever having a lot of smoke!


I feel really tense about the situation in Afghanistan. Reminds me of the last days of the Vietnam war. Freaky and so sad.

I think I'll watch a silly sitcom and try to calm myself down. I'm way too depressed for being on as much antidepressant as I'm on.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Just curious...what dose are you on? I'm on 20mg.

I was on 16mg, but we decreased it to 8mg since I’m also on a small amount of Thorazine (200 mg ) for sleep, and am on abilify maintena monthly injections, plus a mood stabilizer, and an AD. I only took 4mg tonight because I want to build back up to 8mg. I’ll take 4mg for a few nights then go back to the 8mg.

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[Blue_Bird]

Ideally I’d like to get off the thorazine. I was on 400mg but now that I’m on the other two APs I don’t think I need it for my psychosis/manic symptoms and only use it for sleep now at the lower dose. But the thing is I can’t sleep without it. So I don’t really know what to do about that.

I might see about getting off the Thorazine next time I talk to my doctor and increasing the perphenazine a little bit. Then I’d just be on 2 APs instead of 3. My doctor wanted to prescribe ambien for sleep but my insurance wouldn’t cover it and I can’t afford to pay for it myself.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Ideally I’d like to get off the thorazine. I was on 400mg but now that I’m on the other two APs I don’t think I need it for my psychosis/manic symptoms and only use it for sleep now at the lower dose. But the thing is I can’t sleep without it. So I don’t really know what to do about that.

I might see about getting off the Thorazine next time I talk to my doctor and increasing the perphenazine a little bit. Then I’d just be on 2 APs instead of 3. My doctor wanted to prescribe ambien for sleep but my insurance wouldn’t cover it and I can’t afford to pay for it myself.

Yes, the sleep thing can be really challenging. I was completely off Seroquel (finally!), but lately I've occasionally taken 12.5mg for sleep. I don't want to be on it at all...but the sleep is sure nice.


I was on Ambien some years ago and it didn't much help me sleep. But one night I got online and gave a friend an old cell phone number of mine. I asked her to call me. The next day she said she had tried to call me, but the number wasn't correct. I said...What are you talking about? It was 100% freaky! I had zero memory of the entire communication - and why I gave her an old phone number, I have no idea.

Never touched Ambien again.


I've heard of other people having black-outs on Ambien, but it helps some people, too, I realize.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Yes, the sleep thing can be really challenging. I was completely off Seroquel (finally!), but lately I've occasionally taken 12.5mg for sleep. I don't want to be on it at all...but the sleep is sure nice.


I was on Ambien some years ago and it didn't much help me sleep. But one night I got online and gave a friend an old cell phone number of mine. I asked her to call me. The next day she said she had tried to call me, but the number wasn't correct. I said...What are you talking about? It was 100% freaky! I had zero memory of the entire communication - and why I gave her an old phone number, I have no idea.

Never touched Ambien again.


I've heard of other people having black-outs on Ambien, but it helps some people, too, I realize.

Wow, yeah that’s scary! I am afraid of that too. I took it for a short period of time one time when I was inpatient in the hospital because they were concerned since I wasn’t sleeping at all. I don’t recall it helping me sleep too much, I would be in bed laying awake for many hours before I’d finally fall asleep then I’d wake up early. I never felt well rested on it. But I didn’t take it for long, because as soon as I was out of the hospital I stopped it. I’m too scared to try it again even if I could afford it, too scared I’d sleep cook or something and burn my apartment down accidentally. I’ve heard too many horror stories about it

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[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Where there's smoke, there's fire, and are we ever having a lot of smoke!


I feel really tense about the situation in Afghanistan. Reminds me of the last days of the Vietnam war. Freaky and so sad.

I think I'll watch a silly sitcom and try to calm myself down. I'm way too depressed for being on as much antidepressant as I'm on.

I’ve been watching Big Bang reruns. I really liked that show. Really does lighten my mood.

I got my birch trees framed. They really look nice. They didn’t fit in a 12x16 frame so I had to go bigger and use a mat. I went with a blue wash frame and light grey mat. I really hope artworks has another joy of painting class. They have an abstract painting class next month and I plan to do that. There’s a pottery class in November I want to take too.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I got a most outstanding night's sleep last night, so feel notably better today. I'm glad because Hubby will be heading out soon to visit his family for a couple days. I'm staying home alone.

As a treat, I plan to make some homemade cinnamon rolls. I'll also be making myself some foods that Hubby can't or won't eat. For example, stuff with broccoli (he hates it) and garlic (he's allergic to it). I'm also going to watch on TV whatever I want.

So happy to read that you are feeling better

Ohhhhh His allergy to garlic has to tough at times. I love Garlic, I use it in most all of my dinners.

How are TV shows ? Im going to guess they have many in English?

Enjoy some much needed time to just take care of you

[~Christina]

Hey everyone

I tried to respond to many posts but my brain just cant manage it right now.

Between my struggle with Bipolar right now my pain is hellish.

My Husband hasn't felt good for 3 weeks now. No specific things he just is tired. Some days he struggles to go to sleep but then he will sleep 12 14-16+ hours.. All his vital signs are good. I don't know watching him like a hawk.

I got terrible news.. My favorite Uncle is in the hospital they live in Ohio. He isn't going to make it. He's had serious heart problems for years. He had to get a defibrillator 4-5 years ago, so he had to stop driving as there is no heads up when it will shock him, each time he's knocked out. He is not going to last much longer day to day. He is alert and just wants to go home. So my Aunt is getting with Hospice to get him home but first the Defib needs to be turned off as it will go off if his heart rate drops... The are both in there 80's but I dont care, but I dont want to see him suffer.

I am just so overwhelmed right now.. I saw Richard on Wednesday.. It helped I am trying to find ways to stay upright...

We are leaving for the Florida trip on Sept 2nd but there are numerous things that might cause us to cancel it..

Anyway .. Hugs to everyone

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I’ve been watching Big Bang reruns. I really liked that show. Really does lighten my mood.

I got my birch trees framed. They really look nice. They didn’t fit in a 12x16 frame so I had to go bigger and use a mat. I went with a blue wash frame and light grey mat. I really hope artworks has another joy of painting class. They have an abstract painting class next month and I plan to do that. There’s a pottery class in November I want to take too.

That sounds lovely! Birch trees are so special.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

So they know what's wrong now. I spoke with the specialist.

I have a blockage in my liver that's caused by a gallstone. They say they will remove the blockage and that my gallbladder will eventually have to be removed.

I'll be in the hospital for a few days.

I say take the gall bladder out when you are under anyways and if it is going to be an eventual operation. I would ask if I were you.
bizi