[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Well I got the job. I got the call about 1.5 hours ago. He told me what my pay would be. A little bit less then what I had asked for. But not a huge difference. He doesn’t know when I’ll start. He just said to check my phone and email for the paperwork that he said probably won’t come until Thursday.

So I don’t know. I’m not anxious about it. Not totally excited about it either. I mean it’s just work. He stressed again they were ok with me taking the time off for the surgery. I’ve been feeling numb all day and I don’t really know why. But I’ve been reading all day as a distraction. I think I used it a bit too much. I ate but only because I had to and I wanted to stay ahead of my hunger anyways. I’ve been quite and keeping to myself with my noise cancelling head phones on most of the day. I guess I feel a little bit sad that my transference T never responded to my email. I don’t know why. My Pdoc can be so confusing sometimes.

But I’m hoping going back to work will help me with these feelings. And maybe my next therapist will erase transference T completely. At this point I just need to let her go.

I’m not S. Currently. Just numb and slightly down at the same time. I’m reading a Stephen King book for the first time in 5 years. I finished my 4th non fiction book after starting up again on my reading a couple weeks ago. So I figured I’d read a fiction book this time. The SK book is actually really interesting and it’s a short small one. I read 50 pages in one sitting. I kinda have an idea about what’s going on. But I’m often wrong on books.

My PMDD could just really suck too. But I’m not very nervous about returning to work. I really liked working for this company for 2.5 years. My self esteem has also really boosted after losing 21 pounds.

Congratulations! I hope you stop and give yourself a hug for doing a successful interview

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I really feel for you, B_B. Seems especially stressful that you didn't know which day they're coming. I don't know if it's reassuring at all, but someone I knew who inspected apartments told me that what they're looking for is routine maintenance stuff...such as the furnace filter needing changing. He told me they are not looking at anyone's housekeeping and stuff like that that most people worry about.

Thank you, that's helpful to know. I keep my apartment clean and organized but I'm still super self-conscious about it, I always get paranoid that they'll come up with some random reason to suddenly kick me out. It's just paranoia I guess .
It might stem from growing up homeless with my mom. I guess I have some fear from childhood about not having a place to live and the all the anxiety it caused me

[*Beth*]

I fell sound asleep around noon and slept hard until after 3. I needed it. I've been so stressed lately, I think I was exhausted.

Hot and hazy (smoke from wildfires). The electric company is "browning out" in the evenings, which means they're causing electrical whatever (a/c, lights, computer) to go dim to supposedly save electricity and remind people to keep their electricity consumption low. The past 2 nights the brown-out has caused my computer to shut off. It happened twice last night and screwed up a bunch of stuff online. I finally shut it down. The fault of many of our wildfires lies with our rotten electric company that we pay a fortune for. They haven't properly maintained their archaic equipment. They make me so angry.

[Brentus]

I’m so disillusioned and upset today. My sister has had such a rough time lately with things no one should have to deal with, and on top of it there's mental health struggles, including psychosis. She’s living in a state of fear and is terrified and no one around her seems to care. The situation is awful as is, but with her mental state it makes it so much worse. There were no beds to admit her, they wouldn’t give her medicine at the ER because they “can’t give medicine for chronic conditions”. I’ve personally spent the whole weekend with her and she’s struggling. I don’t want to get into all of it, but it’s family drama and it ends with her being without basic necessities out of spite of family. It’s hurtful, but in the end – everyone is done with it because it doesn’t affect them. It’s affecting her. It’s causing her to have breaks from reality and live in fear. Not all her fears are rational, but the scenarios cannot be waved away. Regardless, perceived or real – she IS terrified and that emotion is constant and debilitating and it’s heartbreaking family is doing this to her, and they couldn’t care less.

Please keep her in your thoughts. She doesn’t deserve to suffer like this or to feel so alone. For the record, she’s not suicidal or homicidal, she is being watched and has an appointment Thursday to hopefully get some meds to help with the voices. She’s got antidepressants and the like she’s taking to hopefully even out her mood.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm not feeling at all well, both physically and mentally. I hope the physical unwellness is comparatively innocent. If it proves concerning, I will have to go to the doctor. My husband will be going to his sister's house for a couple days, with me at home. Initially I was looking forward to that, but being unwell and home alone is not ideal. At least he'll only be around two hours drive away.

Hubby and I agree that the current place (city/area of CZ) we're living in is not ideal for us. We know we will not settle here, long-term. The idea of France is still very much alive. However, we're also not mentally up for a new big change right now. Plus, who knows when the pandemic will be more certainly "in the past". I'm a bit worried about this new Lambda covid variant that is being described in the news. What a B***CH if it takes off and is not sufficiently kept at bay by the current vaccines.

We submitted such a large grocery order (for delivery), including some wine purchases, that the outfit gave us a free bottle of Irish whisky. Only in CZ! I assume the gift takes past orders in mind, too. As the house cook, I sort of wish the gift was something for me and not just hubby. [I don't drink much, and never hard stuff.]

[Blue_Bird]

Maintenance came by, they changed the furnace filter and that was it, asked if everything was working okay and that's all. Only 8 random apartments out of like 50 something get chosen for the inspection on Friday, so I might not even be chosen for that, we'll see. But either way it should go well

[Nammu]

I didn’t go to aqua class this morning. I was up half the night coughing and now have stomach problems.

[Scooter9]

I had the stomach pain twice yesterday for a total of 10 hours.

I'm going to the hospital today to see if they can find the cause. There's no pain now so I'll likely be there for a long time, but at least they'll be able to do all the tests while I'm there.

TMI warning...

I'm kind of worried, I think I have blood in my urine. I have been taking Tylenol 1 though and I read that is a rare side effect. Hopefully that's it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Maintenance came by, they changed the furnace filter and that was it, asked if everything was working okay and that's all. Only 8 random apartments out of like 50 something get chosen for the inspection on Friday, so I might not even be chosen for that, we'll see. But either way it should go well

Yay!!!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow

I’m so disillusioned and upset today. My sister has had such a rough time lately with things no one should have to deal with, and on top of it there's mental health struggles, including psychosis. She’s living in a state of fear and is terrified and no one around her seems to care. The situation is awful as is, but with her mental state it makes it so much worse. There were no beds to admit her, they wouldn’t give her medicine at the ER because they “can’t give medicine for chronic conditions”. I’ve personally spent the whole weekend with her and she’s struggling. I don’t want to get into all of it, but it’s family drama and it ends with her being without basic necessities out of spite of family. It’s hurtful, but in the end – everyone is done with it because it doesn’t affect them. It’s affecting her. It’s causing her to have breaks from reality and live in fear. Not all her fears are rational, but the scenarios cannot be waved away. Regardless, perceived or real – she IS terrified and that emotion is constant and debilitating and it’s heartbreaking family is doing this to her, and they couldn’t care less.

Please keep her in your thoughts. She doesn’t deserve to suffer like this or to feel so alone. For the record, she’s not suicidal or homicidal, she is being watched and has an appointment Thursday to hopefully get some meds to help with the voices. She’s got antidepressants and the like she’s taking to hopefully even out her mood.

That sounds painful for your sis and for you. I send both of you good vibes...

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I had the stomach pain twice yesterday for a total of 10 hours.

I'm going to the hospital today to see if they can find the cause. There's no pain now so I'll likely be there for a long time, but at least they'll be able to do all the tests while I'm there.

TMI warning...

I'm kind of worried, I think I have blood in my urine. I have been taking Tylenol 1 though and I read that is a rare side effect. Hopefully that's it.

Sending healing vibes to you, Scooter...

[*Beth*]

I was awakened by the stench of smoke this morning. Yet another wildfire, this one about 60 miles east, but the smoke is being blown to right here. More gorgeous mountain land destroyed.

So I have mentioned that my pdoc of 3-plus years suddenly left her job. Yesterday I was set up with a D.O. (doctor of osteopathy??) for a med check-in. I sure hope the person has good knowledge of psych meds. It seems odd that the clinic didn't hire another pdoc. Maybe they will - hopefully.

[Blue_Bird]

I went to my appointment for my Covid test at CVS today but when I got there they said they couldn’t do it because their testing system is down at all CVS’s in the area. I wish they would have told me before I bothered going there. They kept sending reminder texts about my appointment right up till the time I got there.

My coughing seems to be getting a little better. And my other symptoms have stopped. Now I just have to wait and see what my care manager says I should do. She’s the one who said I should get tested just to be sure it isn’t Covid.

I’m still waiting for my pdoc to call me back. The nurse was supposed to email her when I called Monday morning and she said she’d get back to me within 48 hours so hopefully sometime soon

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mountaindewed]

I woke up at 2. I wasn’t upset because I wanted to get up early anyways and watch the AGT from last night. And the best time that I can focus on it is at 3AM. Since it’s 2 hours long minus whatever for the commercials. So I finished it right around the time I get up. I took a shower and I went to Sams Club. I finally got to try the new zero sugar Mountain Dew after a failed attempt last week. All I got was some strange tasting water. No flavoring or carbonation. But this time I got it. I mainly only drink zero sugar soda so this was pretty good. But I had a 20oz bottle of regular zero sugar Mountain Dew this morning so my anxiety is a bit iffy. I’ve eaten today but just my usual rice cakes and cereal. People keep bugging me because I don’t eat that much meat. And like why is it any of their concern what I do or don’t eat? I’m not even bringing it up. They are. It’s like from My Big Fat Greek Wedding when the aunt says “what you mean he don’t eat no meat?” I’m not a vegetarian it’s just sometimes there’s no desire to eat meat for several days in a row. But both my therapist and my mom are being tough on me about it.

But now I’m sitting in my clean room with a pile of books. My room was a complete mess this morning. I had my weighted blankets and burrito blanket all over the bed and the floor and a huge pile of water glasses and cereal bowls. But now everything is spotless. I think I have a bit of OCD since I try to make everything perfect. Even the blankets on my bed I try to align perfectly. And I like my pumpkin Glade plug in.

So I turned on the TV at 3 and there was this informercial on and this lady was advertising adult products and really going into detail. I mean, I get that it’s 3AM but I thought you had to pay to see that stuff on TV. This was on the Paramount channel in case anyone’s wondering.

I haven’t heard back from my therapist and I honestly should just give it up. I wanted the email from her more then the job and my tax refund combined. But if I had a choice between getting to my goal weight or getting the email, I’d choose the weight honestly. My weight comes before everything.

Today I’m just waiting around for work related stuff. They are texting me and emailing me stuff either today or Tomorrow. My UTI test came back normal. So I assume the pain is just hysterectomy related stuff. I’m hoping if the urine test came back normal then nothing is wrong with my kidneys and my levels have stayed the same or improved. I’m very worried about my cholesterol but I’ve lost weight since that blood test so hopefully it’s better. I guess that’s why I sometimes feel guilty eating meat. Because I’m worried it will clog my arteries. Also I eat a lot of Cheerios because the commercials and the box says it can help lower your cholesterol.

My Pdoc called in a 3 month supply of Valium. I already had about 2-3 weeks left. I was short a few days which was concerning. But now I don’t have to worry. I have plenty and now I have extras in case I need them. Although I still try to work through my anxiety with just the 3 a day that I’m prescribed. Yesterday I only took the 3. I feel kinda more stable since switching all my Geodon to at night. I’m not sure why. But I don’t feel like I’m missing out on it during the day. I start to feel slightly goofy around 3:30. So I take the 20mil then. But honestly the majority of these days I’ve been ok with taking everything at night and then a Valium at 8:30AM 11AM and 2PM. I think I’m finally in a good med routine now and that’s why I’ve felt more stable lately.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I went to my appointment for my Covid test at CVS today but when I got there they said they couldn’t do it because their testing system is down at all CVS’s in the area. I wish they would have told me before I bothered going there. They kept sending reminder texts about my appointment right up till the time I got there.

My coughing seems to be getting a little better. And my other symptoms have stopped. Now I just have to wait and see what my care manager says I should do. She’s the one who said I should get tested just to be sure it isn’t Covid.

I’m still waiting for my pdoc to call me back. The nurse was supposed to email her when I called Monday morning and she said she’d get back to me within 48 hours so hopefully sometime soon

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I gotta say I have a severe hatred for CVS. No matter when I go, or what for, even if there’s no problem with my prescription that time, I find something to hate them for! Last time it was because they didn’t have sponges lol. In my mind I’m like “why tf can’t CVS even keep an effing sponge in this store it’s ridiculous I hate this place blah blah blah” lol. So yeah I feel your pain with CVS.

I do hope your pdoc gets back to you soon, you need relief!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I gotta say I have a severe hatred for CVS. No matter when I go, or what for, even if there’s no problem with my prescription that time, I find something to hate them for! Last time it was because they didn’t have sponges lol. In my mind I’m like “why tf can’t CVS even keep an effing sponge in this store it’s ridiculous I hate this place blah blah blah” lol. So yeah I feel your pain with CVS.

I do hope your pdoc gets back to you soon, you need relief!

Yeah it's frustrating, thank you! They ended up calling me, AFTER my appointment when I already got back home from them telling me they couldn't do it, to tell me their system is down and sorry for the inconvenience. They could have told me before I bothered going there. It's not like I have a car and can just drive places whenever I want. I have to rely on medical transportation which you have to schedule at least 2 full days in advance.

Thankfully my coughing is getting better today and the other symptoms have stopped. My care manager just told me to stay in and monitor my symptoms

I hope so too, I need some sleep!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I woke up at 2. I wasn’t upset because I wanted to get up early anyways and watch the AGT from last night. And the best time that I can focus on it is at 3AM. Since it’s 2 hours long minus whatever for the commercials. So I finished it right around the time I get up. I took a shower and I went to Sams Club. I finally got to try the new zero sugar Mountain Dew after a failed attempt last week. All I got was some strange tasting water. No flavoring or carbonation. But this time I got it. I mainly only drink zero sugar soda so this was pretty good. But I had a 20oz bottle of regular zero sugar Mountain Dew this morning so my anxiety is a bit iffy. I’ve eaten today but just my usual rice cakes and cereal. People keep bugging me because I don’t eat that much meat. And like why is it any of their concern what I do or don’t eat? I’m not even bringing it up. They are. It’s like from My Big Fat Greek Wedding when the aunt says “what you mean he don’t eat no meat?” I’m not a vegetarian it’s just sometimes there’s no desire to eat meat for several days in a row. But both my therapist and my mom are being tough on me about it.

But now I’m sitting in my clean room with a pile of books. My room was a complete mess this morning. I had my weighted blankets and burrito blanket all over the bed and the floor and a huge pile of water glasses and cereal bowls. But now everything is spotless. I think I have a bit of OCD since I try to make everything perfect. Even the blankets on my bed I try to align perfectly. And I like my pumpkin Glade plug in.

So I turned on the TV at 3 and there was this informercial on and this lady was advertising adult products and really going into detail. I mean, I get that it’s 3AM but I thought you had to pay to see that stuff on TV. This was on the Paramount channel in case anyone’s wondering.

I haven’t heard back from my therapist and I honestly should just give it up. I wanted the email from her more then the job and my tax refund combined. But if I had a choice between getting to my goal weight or getting the email, I’d choose the weight honestly. My weight comes before everything.

Today I’m just waiting around for work related stuff. They are texting me and emailing me stuff either today or Tomorrow. My UTI test came back normal. So I assume the pain is just hysterectomy related stuff. I’m hoping if the urine test came back normal then nothing is wrong with my kidneys and my levels have stayed the same or improved. I’m very worried about my cholesterol but I’ve lost weight since that blood test so hopefully it’s better. I guess that’s why I sometimes feel guilty eating meat. Because I’m worried it will clog my arteries. Also I eat a lot of Cheerios because the commercials and the box says it can help lower your cholesterol.

My Pdoc called in a 3 month supply of Valium. I already had about 2-3 weeks left. I was short a few days which was concerning. But now I don’t have to worry. I have plenty and now I have extras in case I need them. Although I still try to work through my anxiety with just the 3 a day that I’m prescribed. Yesterday I only took the 3. I feel kinda more stable since switching all my Geodon to at night. I’m not sure why. But I don’t feel like I’m missing out on it during the day. I start to feel slightly goofy around 3:30. So I take the 20mil then. But honestly the majority of these days I’ve been ok with taking everything at night and then a Valium at 8:30AM 11AM and 2PM. I think I’m finally in a good med routine now and that’s why I’ve felt more stable lately.

I hardly ever eat meat. I have an ED but that's not why, I just don't feel like preparing meat 99% of the time. I do love burgers, buffalo wings, a good steak, etc but I rarely eat them because I either don't feel like cooking them or because I rarely go out to eat. And I have some strange food phobias too which complicates things. So I may go anywhere from a few days to a week or so without eating meat. I get protein and iron etc via other ways most of the time.

[Blue_Bird]

Hope everyone here that's not feeling well feels better soon

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I hardly ever eat meat. I have an ED but that's not why, I just don't feel like preparing meat 99% of the time. I do love burgers, buffalo wings, a good steak, etc but I rarely eat them because I either don't feel like cooking them or because I rarely go out to eat. And I have some strange food phobias too which complicates things. So I may go anywhere from a few days to a week or so without eating meat. I get protein and iron etc via other ways most of the time.

That’s kind of how I am but just with everything. I don’t feel like preparing a big dinner or even waiting for something to heat up in the microwave. I just don’t have the patience. so I just grab a bowl of cereal or a few rice cakes since it’s easy. I also have this issue with hot food. It’s a sensory issue. I was eating a lot of oatmeal but then it became too hot. I also cook udon noodles and dump the broth out or I don’t use the flavor package at all and I just cook the noodles. That’s a combination of not wanting a lot of sodium and not wanting to eat hot soup. My doctor says I don’t have an ED and I trust him. My therapists don’t get that what I’m doing is a combination of regular dieting and my autism.

[Moose72]

Slept in till 9:00. (Got up at 7 but went back to sleep.) Got a coffee. Came home and did the dishes and called Caleb. Talked with him for about 2.5 hours! That's not unusual for us. I wish he could come visit me, but he's starting some new type of chemo where it goes directly to the site instead of through the blood stream. That will be once a week for 6 weeks. That puts us into the beginning of October before he can maybe come visit. It depends how he feels. That will make it one year since seeing each other.

Speaking of food and protein, I'm drinking water and eating beef jerky. Had tofu earlier but not much. And had an English muffin with PB and J on it. Plus the XL coffee. I did the dishes while talking on the phone. I'm thinking about vacuuming and mopping. Would help the whole apartment feel cleaner.

I wonder what the pharmacy will do in a week when I have to pick up my new blister packs- if they'll un-include the 150 Seroquel. I still don't know if pdoc didn't tell them to quit that dose or if the pharmacy put together my blister packs before the 300 script came in. I think the blister packs were AFTER the bottle of 300s- at least that's the order I picked them up.

Speaking of Seroquel, last night I had some chamomile tea with honey and cream- yum!- and my regular pills (300 not 150) and then was definitely slow and sleepy! Cozy and went to bed at a decent hour.

I have some Mickey Mouse goldfish crackers. There are little red Mickey heads amongst the goldfish! I think I will give them to my mom. She likes all things Disney. In fact, when she was a couple years older than I am, she worked for the Disney store as a manager.

I feel a little dozy at the moment. No reason I should be, except maybe all the beef jerky I just ate.

Edit: I just vacuumed, swept and mopped the apartment! Next- when the floors dry- I will wash the sink in the bathroom. It's got toothpaste in it!

Edit: I washed the sink and area around it and cleaned the toilet and took out the trash.

[Mountaindewed]

I got a text from my boss saying my first day is next Wednesday. I was sent some paperwork through my email and it says after I fill it out I’ll be sent a second email. I sent the paperwork in half an hour ago and it says it was updated. But I never got a second email. Is this automated? Will it take a bit to get the second email? Im freaking out because I don’t want to text my manager and ask because what if they need to review the document first? I don’t want to sound needy or stupid.

So should I just wait?

I’ve completely blown off eating today so I’m getting a flatbread pizza from panera. I feel a bit wobbly and weak. I just forgot to eat anything but rice cakes and 2 bowls of cereal.

But I’m not sure about this paperwork. If I did it or not. I have this weird sore throat too but I think it’s just anxiety.

I ate and I don’t feel as panicky. My body just needed carbs fast and a few of my night meds. I still didn’t get a second email though. All my info is right though. Maybe I’ll give it until tomorrow and then text him. But I hate texting managers who may not be on their shift yet. Emailing people is one thing. But texting is another. I’ve only had one boss who I texted with and that wasn’t even with this company. What if it’s his day off tomorrow? Should I wait for him to contact me?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I got a text from my boss saying my first day is next Wednesday. I was sent some paperwork through my email and it says after I fill it out I’ll be sent a second email. I sent the paperwork in half an hour ago and it says it was updated. But I never got a second email. Is this automated? Will it take a bit to get the second email? Im freaking out because I don’t want to text my manager and ask because what if they need to review the document first? I don’t want to sound needy or stupid.

So should I just wait?

I’ve completely blown off eating today so I’m getting a flatbread pizza from panera. I feel a bit wobbly and weak. I just forgot to eat anything but rice cakes and 2 bowls of cereal.

But I’m not sure about this paperwork. If I did it or not. I have this weird sore throat too but I think it’s just anxiety.

I ate and I don’t feel as panicky. My body just needed carbs fast and a few of my night meds. I still didn’t get a second email though. All my info is right though. Maybe I’ll give it until tomorrow and then text him. But I hate texting managers who may not be on their shift yet. Emailing people is one thing. But texting is another. I’ve only had one boss who I texted with and that wasn’t even with this company. What if it’s his day off tomorrow? Should I wait for him to contact me?

Just be patient. If your start date is a week from today, then give it a few days. They will send it.

[Blue_Bird]

My doctor never called me back. Maybe they will later in the week. The nurse was supposed to email her Monday morning.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Have not been keeping up at all (just did some catch up reading). Doing so-so. It is now after 2pm, and I still haven't gotten out of bed. Can't even remember the last time anything like that happened. But I just can't motivate. I just don't care. Tomorrow, work starts again and I will have no choice.

In good news, the weather finally cooled down.

[Mountaindewed]

I keep thinking of going back to virtual therapy sessions and where I would do my sessions and then my mind goes to the book Green Eggs And Ham and I combine the 2.

Yeah I need my meds for sure.