[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Remember that you come first. You can’t care for them if your not take care of you. Can you get some kind of nursing aid help that could do things like help him in the bath and with exercise, feed him and other things for part of the day? I worry he will be totally dependent on you.

Thank you for your kind advice.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

A nurse came out and did an assessment and saw that I was totally overwhelmed. He is totally dependent on me. As a result, we have a social worker coming out to discuss options Monday as far as group homes and assisted living. I’ve cried buckets of tears. I feel like I’ve failed my brother in the most basic way. He has so many needs and I’m just not capable of caring for him as he needs. He’s hurt and angry and doesn’t understand which only makes it worse. It’s a sad day.

That's a very difficult position to be in but don't blame yourself or allow guilt to creep in as you look at your options. If you're maxed out, assisted living may be the best thing for him.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Happy Birthday Jane!

[Blue_Bird]

My apartment inspection was moved to Monday. Nervous about that. I hope if my apartment is chosen for it that it goes well.

I’m back on the perphenazine, I’m glad because I’ve been really struggling with some stuff like feeling like I’ve been poisoned, there’s chemicals in my veins killing me, burning me

I did laundry today, I’m just listening to music now and am about to read my book.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

My apartment inspection was moved to Monday. Nervous about that. I hope if my apartment is chosen for it that it goes well.

I’m back on the perphenazine, I’m glad because I’ve been really struggling with some stuff like feeling like I’ve been poisoned, there’s chemicals in my veins killing me, burning me

I did laundry today, I’m just listening to music now and am about to read my book.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sounds great!

[Moose72]

I'm so excited! I just entered my first ever photo contest! There are four categories: one of which is people! I love the pix of my kids I've taken over the years. In a bit, I will attach the four photos that I entered. One is N3 and N2 in front of a color glass photograph from space looking at each other. Another is an old friend of N1 - friend was about 11. It's a close up of his face with him looking at me. Another is a very close up of N3 - I used an ultra wide angle lens. The result is his face is very close up of his face while he's pouting that I wouldn't buy him something.

I'm not pretending I'll win but it would be nice to get some publicity.

EDIT: I've attached the photos. I am worried about the space one because the kids were standing in front of a glass photograph of space- there were several there- in a museum. I might get in trouble for copy right.

[Moose72]

I just FaceTimed with my sister. She spent 10 or more minutes singing her made up show Zoloft the Musical to me with choruses about Haldol and Seroquel! It was hilarious! I needed that laugh! She is 47 and has no diagnoses although one of her twin sons, 20, Was diagnosed as bipolar 1 last year although the drs went back and forth between that and marijuana induced psychosis. Anyway, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

A nurse came out and did an assessment and saw that I was totally overwhelmed. He is totally dependent on me. As a result, we have a social worker coming out to discuss options Monday as far as group homes and assisted living. I’ve cried buckets of tears. I feel like I’ve failed my brother in the most basic way. He has so many needs and I’m just not capable of caring for him as he needs. He’s hurt and angry and doesn’t understand which only makes it worse. It’s a sad day.

Jennifer

I am so sorry that you have been going though such hell for a long time taking care of your Mom and Brother. You can not be a 24/7 care giver. Hes needing more help that can be done at home. He might do better in a rehab/nursing home setting you can still go see him often but you can leave and go home and find some peace..

You have to take care of yourself no matter what

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Hi @Innerzone. I'm sorry to read you're struggling right now. I've been in a very very similar position as you, in the past. Basically threatened after six of my colleagues went to HR about me. I was screaming, punching things, roaring, scaring people. You name it. Take my advice that if you feel you will worsen, consider asking your psychiatrist to write you a note for a brief medical leave/short-term disability. Or if you "do it again", so to speak, perhaps say that you need one. At the very least, some sick days and/or vacation, but ideally the other, so you don't exhaust that time off. They are supposed to be understanding in such cases. At least supposed to be.

Stepping away briefly is better than building up so much frustration and agony that you become a harm to yourself, as well. Rubber bands on the wrist can't always fight the bipolar beast! You know how it can leave you in the dust and take over.

You know, I'm going to confidently assume that your boss values your work, despite other issues. If they didn't, you probably wouldn't have even been given such a warning.

Thanks, Soupe. Taking time off isn't really an option at the moment. We are at skeleton crew with a trainee coming on (training never sped anything up, right?). Micro company. Fortunately, my "issues" have been non-volcanic. More in the annoying realm (verbal about difficulties and lots of swearing -- not with customers in though). So far the rubber band has been helping a lot. Then again, it's only been a day and half...

I'm trying to not say as much either. Back in the day, my grandpa used to say, "think before you speak". I don't always do that....

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Things are going downhill. Had a big cry last night. Have been on the verge of tears a lot. Usually when depressed I just go numb and can't seem to cry, even when it feels like I should. It's getting particularly hard not to take things personally, like the universe is against me (even more than usual). I've been stable for so long (like a couple years). On top of that, I was told something at work that let me know I (and my frustrations) contributed to coworkers quitting. So yeah, that I suck is confirmed.

I have put a rubber band around my wrist to snap every time I express frustration. I mean... I hate myself for it too. I just can't believe how many stupid things go wrong for me. It just never stops. It's exhausting.

But I've been informed that I 100% can't do it, so I don't know what else to do. It will be especially hard while depressed. The fact I talk to myself all the time very much does not help.

I just need to be someone else. If only...

Oh IZ

You cant fully blame yourself for someone leaving. There is always multiply reasons a person moves on. The rubber band might be a good thing short term, but please dont keep it going for long, You do not need to suffer.

I think its common that we wish we could be someone else just part of this Monster illness that rear its ugly head when we least need it.

Do you have something coming up to look forward to?? I think we are need that..

Please take good care of yourself

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I am finally realizing how unwell I'm becoming. I go through periods of that realization, and then periods of denial, the latter of which I'm prone to. I just wrote a somewhat long email to my old psychiatrist in the US. It was in the guise of one of the "updates" he told me to send. I had not sent him one for a while, because 1) I thought it best to try to distance myself from him, 2) the intermittent denial of struggle, 3) my desire to be "tough", and 4) that perhaps he wants me to break away. But truth is, I'm absolutely experiencing a bit of what Mountaindewed seems to feel for his old therapist. Also because I'm sad that no one seems to know me well enough here, except Hubby. And I don't want to worry him too much. He's struggling, too. Only my old psychiatrist truly knows me almost as well as him. Even my siblings don't know me as well. Plus, some times you just need a secondary person to talk freely with. No fear of judgement or fear that you will hurt them.

It's not easy for me to open up fully with people. I tend to put a glass wall between myself and others. It's a protective mechanism that slowly developed in my teenage years, and has persisted. Yes, I hurt, too. Even if I generally seem well-put-together, at times. I suppose it's like how sick birds will not show illness as a protective mechanism to avoid being killed and eaten by predators. But the danger is keeping up that front too long...until it's too late.

I think it was a very wise decision to send that email. It is true we all need to reach out to a professional that we don't have to pick and choose our words.

[~Christina]

and

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I had the procedure to remove the blockage today. They did it using an endoscope. I don't remember anything from it: one moment I was on my stomach on the table, the next I was in recovery. This was done at another hospital.

The surgery for removing my gallbladder is tomorrow. It'll be in the same hospital where I am now.

They do the procedures 24h apart to ensure things are stable.

I have talked to a close friend that hasnt been able to be online, I'll not mention her name for her safety But she's sending her love that you will be up and running asap.

I had my Gall bladder removed in 1999. I must say it was by far the easiest surgery I have ever had. I was down off work for 5 days and right back to work, it was an office job.

You will feel like a million bucks and able to get back to enjoying life.

[~Christina]

Soupe Thank you for such kind words

Happy Birthday Jane !!! Hope you have had a lovely day

[~Christina]

My Uncle is now at home and has Hospice. I am so relieved that now he can be surrounded by all his family at once. Hospital was only letting 2 people up to see him at a time.

If this trip works out as planned... I hope the Boarder Tina doesnt change her mind about keeping our dogs. We will drop them off the evening of the 1st, Hopefully we can get some sleep. We usually head out midnight or maybe a bit sooner. If for some reason her boarding them falls through we simple can't make the trip. I am not comfortable letting Steve go down alone. He agrees. So maybe we go maybe not.. We would arrive late Thursday at Amandas and regardless if the Birthday party for Payton is on Saturday or Sunday ( they just cant decide what day)

I want to stop and see my brother, He's about 4 hours North of my daughters, He stubbed his toe 4-5 weeks ago day 2 he went to the Doctor the pain was unbearable ( hes a super tough guy) it was a staph infection. That is clearing up slowly. If it heals he will need skin graphs. and there is still a chance he might lose it to amputation.

I am not comfortable letting Steve drive down alone and he also feels it would not be safe. We would leave like Midnight Thursday the 2nd. His Granddaughters birthday is Saturday or Sunday ( They just cant make a damn decision about it) regardless we are heading home Sunday night. So a short trip and that is a good thing for me.

Just wanted to add that if anyone could throw out a prayer or good wishes, Humphreys country which is just west of Nashville has been hit with Catastrophic flooding. 12-14+ inches on rain. Entire homes are totally underwater. So many people are sitting on there roof and first responders are trying to get everyone out. Earlier there was numerous people in there homes with 4+ feet of water and unable to get out due to debris.. This is heartbreaking.

Love you all

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing ok today. I don’t have much energy but I think it’s because I haven’t gotten my shot yet. I’ll get it in about an hour. I’ve just been reading all day and staying off the Internet and not paying attention to the news. I finished one little Stephen King book. I’m almost done with an urban legend book I started 2 weeks ago. I just have a few more pages. I finished 2 other books this week. One took me a week or 10 days to read. The other took me 3 days.

But yeah I’m just hanging in there. I’ve been eating at the correct times and eating enough so I won’t get the way I did yesterday. I didn’t have a lot of caffeine. Just one 20oz Coke and a mug of tea. I still don’t regret what I did yesterday regarding work. I made the right decision. I haven’t been thinking of either my transference therapist or my current therapist much. I am kind of concerned I’m going to get into trouble on Monday. I also wish I had kept that Friday appointment. But I’m not majorly freaking out.

I told my mom to hide my meds last night. I told her I didn’t trust myself with them. But I only took my 3 Valiums today at the correct times. I haven’t taken my 160 Geodon yet or my melatonin. But I’m about to. I have about 20 pages left in my book but I’m not sure I can finish it tonight. I just want to go to bed. I slept well last night though.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m doing ok today. I don’t have much energy but I think it’s because I haven’t gotten my shot yet. I’ll get it in about an hour. I’ve just been reading all day and staying off the Internet and not paying attention to the news. I finished one little Stephen King book. I’m almost done with an urban legend book I started 2 weeks ago. I just have a few more pages. I finished 2 other books this week. One took me 10 days to read. The other took me 3 days.

But yeah I’m just hanging in there. I’ve been eating at the correct times and eating enough so I won’t get the way I did yesterday. I didn’t have a lot of caffeine. Just one 20oz Coke. I still don’t regret what I did yesterday regarding work. I made the right decision.

I told my moms to hide my meds last night. I told her I didn’t trust myself with them. But I only took my 3 Valiums today at the correct times. I haven’t taken my 160 Geodon yet or my melatonin. But I’m about to. I have about 20 pages left in my book but I’m not sure I can finish it tonight. I just want to go to bed. I slept well last night though. I'm looking forward to med time and I'll probably go to sleep after I go to the chat here for a little bit.

I have slacked off on reading. I too want to go to sleep. Last night I remembered 3 of my dreams. In one, I was in a classroom and noticed it was 3:20 p.m. When I woke up it was still morning. In another, I was in a minivan with a family who was going on a trip and I was just an extra "thing" in their baggage. In another, I met two men on the side of the highway and I tried climbing the hills that stretched down the side of the road. We made it to a building that had an inclined hallway with walls that I couldn't see around. I guess these are Seroquel dreams. My sister made up that musical about Zoloft today. We facetimed and she just went on and on for 10-15 minutes and I just laughed and laughed! "Haldaaaahl! SeroQUEL!!"

[Scooter9]

I had the surgery this morning. Things were dicey when I woke up in recovery but the nurses helped me.

Of course there's pain but it's manageable. I was bleeding when I got back to my room so they had to change the dressing, my gown, and bed sheets. But it seems to be ok now.

I had lunch and dinner and seem to be tolerating it well.

Thanks everyone for your messages, they make me feel nice.

Happy Birthday @whatever2013!

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm so excited! I just entered my first ever photo contest! There are four categories: one of which is people! I love the pix of my kids I've taken over the years. In a bit, I will attach the four photos that I entered. One is N3 and N2 in front of a color glass photograph from space looking at each other. Another is an old friend of N1 - friend was about 11. It's a close up of his face with him looking at me. Another is a very close up of N3 - I used an ultra wide angle lens. The result is his face is very close up of his face while he's pouting that I wouldn't buy him something.


I'm not pretending I'll win but it would be nice to get some publicity.


EDIT: I've attached the photos. I am worried about the space one because the kids were standing in front of a glass photograph of space- there were several there- in a museum. I might get in trouble for copy right.

I think the galaxy behind N2 and N3 is a Hubble space telescope image of Messier 101.

It's a nice image @Moose72 of your kids and of the galaxy.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I think the galaxy behind N2 and N3 is a Hubble space telescope image of Messier 101.

It's a nice image @Moose72 of your kids and of the galaxy.

Good to know! There were several of those images at the museum- big glass, lit images. That tells you how big the image is in the photo- the size of N2 and N3 in front of it!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm so excited! I just entered my first ever photo contest! There are four categories: one of which is people! I love the pix of my kids I've taken over the years. In a bit, I will attach the four photos that I entered. One is N3 and N2 in front of a color glass photograph from space looking at each other. Another is an old friend of N1 - friend was about 11. It's a close up of his face with him looking at me. Another is a very close up of N3 - I used an ultra wide angle lens. The result is his face is very close up of his face while he's pouting that I wouldn't buy him something.

I'm not pretending I'll win but it would be nice to get some publicity.

EDIT: I've attached the photos. I am worried about the space one because the kids were standing in front of a glass photograph of space- there were several there- in a museum. I might get in trouble for copy right.

The photos are terrific, Moose. I think the first one, the black and white, is my favorite. It shows such expression.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

The photos are terrific, Moose. I think the first one, the black and white, is my favorite. It shows such expression.

That was Cody when he was about 11. All I did was frame up the shot and he looked at me and voila! Makes one wonder what he was thinking about!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

A nurse came out and did an assessment and saw that I was totally overwhelmed. He is totally dependent on me. As a result, we have a social worker coming out to discuss options Monday as far as group homes and assisted living. I’ve cried buckets of tears. I feel like I’ve failed my brother in the most basic way. He has so many needs and I’m just not capable of caring for him as he needs. He’s hurt and angry and doesn’t understand which only makes it worse. It’s a sad day.

I'm so, so sorry. Others are correct, though. You absolutely have to care for yourself...it's the only way that really makes sense. I'm guessing, too, that your brother is not as safe in a house as he would be in assisted living, where the design of the place is to keep residents as safe as possible. Your brother will probably find assisted living is much easier on him. I've seen that happen a number of times.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I had the surgery this morning. Things were dicey when I woke up in recovery but the nurses helped me.

Of course there's pain but it's manageable. I was bleeding when I got back to my room so they had to change the dressing, my gown, and bed sheets. But it seems to be ok now.

I had lunch and dinner and seem to be tolerating it well.

Thanks everyone for your messages, they make me feel nice.

Happy Birthday @whatever2013!

Thanks for checking in, Scooter. Yay, your surgery is over! I hope you're resting well

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I had the surgery this morning. Things were dicey when I woke up in recovery but the nurses helped me.

Of course there's pain but it's manageable. I was bleeding when I got back to my room so they had to change the dressing, my gown, and bed sheets. But it seems to be ok now.

I had lunch and dinner and seem to be tolerating it well.

Thanks everyone for your messages, they make me feel nice.

Happy Birthday @whatever2013!

@Scooter9 I'm glad you're not bleeding anymore and things are no longer dicey. Tolerating your meals is a great sign! Rest up and continue to feel better!

Happy Birthday, Jane!!