I'm sorry I can't go back and respond to ppl right now. I basically had a complete breakdown yesterday. I lowered my zyprexa so I can lose weight. That was 3 months ago. I've been trying to deal with insurance issues for 4 business days! I was up for 28 hours. I've probably spent 12 hours trying to get it figured out. I couldn't take it anymore and finally took a 5 mgs to try and get more sleep.

Well I saw my therapist today. I was telling him how I was just a bundle of nerves and I absolutely couldn't calm down yesterday. It's a long story but when I was 19 I joined an organization. I was sexually, emotionally, spiritually extremely abused there. I'm not the only one. Anyway in 2011 I had a complete psychotic break. I have no memory for about 10 days. It was over me being abused in this organization and a website that was trying to expose them. I ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with BP 1 and severe PTSD. Ppl didn't believe me about this abuse that goes on there. I have been dismissed by everyone! Ppl just can't believe that this would go on in this organization. Anyway my therapist believes me and just 2 days ago they hired a new therapist. Well she was telling my therapist how sick this organization is. He wanted to know about it bc I've told him a little about it. I can't believe that just 2 days ago they hired this woman!

Today I just couldn't stop crying when he got really calm and said I believe you.

It was such a relief! I couldn't stop crying.

I'm not going to do trauma work right now. I'm trying to lose weight and I think I will get off track. He said when I'm ready he will do it with me.

I'm so completely overwhelmed with my son, my mental illness, my sisters death. Just completely overwhelmed. I am going to see about going on perphenazine. I can't increase the zyprexa again. I absolutely can't lose weight at a higher dose.

I just feel like a huge weight has been lifted. It's funny but I didn't really want to work with him bc we have different political views. But hes one of the best therapists I've ever had. I hadn't cried in like 2 years. He even did a grounding exercise to get me back in the present. Tonight I'm going watch titanic, it always makes me cry and have a nutritious meal.

I hope everyone is having a good day.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I’m so sorry about the pain that absolutely sucks. I wish I could make it better. I also wish there was a pool near you, you would love the small pool it’s warmer than the large pool and only 4-5 feet deep.

I so wish you didn’t have to go to Florida it takes so much out of you.

I waved my unicorn horn and wand around and sent purple healing rays your way.

Thanks Nammu

There use to be a pool at one of the parks not to far away, but it was half water and half chlorine I just couldnt breath but they closed it and put in a " splash pad" there for kids instead.

I'm holding out hope that this damn trip is going to be easier altho still a challenge.

Yes your wand and purple rays always seem to help

[Nammu]

My daughter just called. My granddaughter is sick 😷. Hope it’s just something insignificant, she’s 4 and too young for the vaccine. My daughter is a social worker and just got the news today to work from home. My town is one of the worse hot spots in the tri-county region. According to the paper today their were 54 breakthrough deaths state wide. This has me worrying for my mum again. I hate this covid pandemic and all the selfish people who won’t take precautions.

Originally Posted by Nammu

My daughter just called. My granddaughter is sick 😷. Hope it’s just something insignificant, she’s 4 and too young for the vaccine. My daughter is a social worker and just got the news today to work from home. My town is one of the worse hot spots in the tri-county region. According to the paper today their were 54 breakthrough deaths state wide. This has me worrying for my mum again. I hate this covid pandemic and all the selfish people who won’t take precautions.

I'm sorry, they are just complete IDIOTS that wont get vaccinated. It really makes me mad. My sons group home might go on lockdown again. That means they cant leave. So we can only do visits there. There's no where to visit so my son just sits in my car.

I hope its nothing serious and your granddaughter is ok.

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm so sorry about your sister. Losing a sibling seemed like a very specific, aching type of grief to me.

My cat, Sidney, was recently diagnosed with diabetes. She's 10 or 11 years old. She was initially put on 2 units of insulin, but during her "glucose curve" at the vet her sugar level dropped way too low. So now she's on 1 unit, but it doesn't seem to be doing anything. I called the vet this morning and am waiting for her to return my call.

Do you use any coupon cards to pay for Tiger's insulin? I've found a couple online, but don't know if they're legit. I'm very worried about the $300+ a month for insulin. I'm glad Tiger is doing better

I have a lot of experience with cats and diabetes my cat midnight developed it when he was 15. We tried everything to get him stabilized on insulin. In the end he kept having **** gland ruptures and other complications. I had to put him to sleep. He was my cat and he only liked me. He was a tuxedo cat that fit him perfectly. He was a huge gentleman lol. He was pretty wild too. I miss him so much.

Tiger started on cheaper insulin like 5 months ago. I can't spell the name. But yes he is a very expensive cat, lol. Hes on joint supplements, his diabetic food is 60 dollars, and his insulin. Hes my sons cat so the last thing we need is to lose him. I mean my son is completely bonded with him.

I've had tiger spend many days at the vet getting his blood sugar checked every hour. My vet gives me a discount bc he had to do that about 4 times. He has to go back next Wednesday to be monitored all day again. He does seem a lot better tho at this lower dose. Sometimes older cats develop a sensitivity to insulin. So that's why he lowered it.

I wish you luck concerning Sidney. I hope things get worked out and you have many more years with him.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Nammu

My daughter just called. My granddaughter is sick 😷. Hope it’s just something insignificant, she’s 4 and too young for the vaccine. My daughter is a social worker and just got the news today to work from home. My town is one of the worse hot spots in the tri-county region. According to the paper today their were 54 breakthrough deaths state wide. This has me worrying for my mum again. I hate this covid pandemic and all the selfish people who won’t take precautions.

I hope your little granddaughter will feel better soon. Perhaps it's something other than covid. In any case, more people in hard hit areas are getting vaccinated. I agree that the time for covid 19 to end is long overdue. Stay well!

[Soupe du jour]

I didn't sleep well last night, at the hotel where we're staying. At least I am still looking forward to the day exploring Vienna. Yesterday we first went straight to the Vienna central cemetery for a nice walk. We saw the graves of Beethoven, Brahms, Strauss, and Schubert. I hummed a bit of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy".

The area around our hotel is quite nice. Right in the thick of things.

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I didn't sleep well last night, at the hotel where we're staying. At least I am still looking forward to the day exploring Vienna. Yesterday we first went straight to the Vienna central cemetery for a nice walk. We saw the graves of Beethoven, Brahms, Strauss, and Schubert. I hummed a bit of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy".

The area around our hotel is quite nice. Right in the thick of things.

Sorry you didn't sleep well last night.

I'm glad you are having a good time though. You're very lucky to be able to travel. Enjoy it!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Sorry you didn't sleep well last night.

I'm glad you are having a good time though. You're very lucky to be able to travel. Enjoy it!

Thanks, rose1985. It's easy for my husband and me because Hubby is an EU country citizen and I'm his wife, we're both residents of that EU country, we are both fully vaccinated, and also where we're from (Czech Republic) has very very few covid cases right now. Soon to be green list covid country. [Not sure why it isn't already.] Masks are still required in public shops and grocery stores in Austria, but not outside and not in public areas of hotels, since all hotels check for either vaccination proof or negative test result within 48 hours check-in. Given all this, it does still feel freeing.

Today we will likely go to a museum and further explore the historic district.

I have been getting a lot of spam email lately (a lot more than usual)

many from services I don't even use (paypal, norton anti virus, a diffrent bank etc)

it's annoying

had to buy a new dvd player this week. the one I had finally packed up and stopped laying dvds.

new one's better though, I'm impressed with it..

have too at some point get a new debit card too- old one's about to expire

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Thanks, rose1985. It's easy for my husband and me because Hubby is an EU country citizen and I'm his wife, we're both residents of that EU country, we are both fully vaccinated, and also where we're from (Czech Republic) has very very few covid cases right now. Soon to be green list covid country. [Not sure why it isn't already.] Masks are still required in public shops and grocery stores in Austria, but not outside and not in public areas of hotels, since all hotels check for either vaccination proof or negative test result within 48 hours check-in. Given all this, it does still feel freeing.

Today we will likely go to a museum and further explore the historic district.

That's awesome! Yes I know about you and all your adventures, lol. Not to sound creepy but I lurked here sometimes and I saw your posts when you were moving.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I think it will take sometime to get use to the new place. Try not to overthink that bit. You also are dealing with the stress of your cat now on Insulin..

My Pdoc mentally had already left so our last appt which was zoom and honestly I would have preferred I just got a call saying he was gone and I was getting set up with someone else.. But I did , well still do feel abandoned.. 11 years and Poof gone..

I do hope you get some kind of letter from her. But i wouldnt hold my breath as she probably wasnt allowed to have patient info to send a letter even if it was just a form letter of some sort. Its such a shame that she up and left but if something ruptured between her and the boss for her sake it was healthy to leave... Sucks for you and her other patients though.

I'm sorry about your Daughter.. Maybe one day a relationship can be reformed

Thank you for everything, Christina. To lose a pdoc of 11 years...that's really rotten. Sure enough, my therapist told me that a security person stood there while my (former) pdoc cleared out her desk, etc. - to be sure she didn't take any patient information. There are things that are odd about the mental health system, that's for sure.

And thank you about the encouragement regarding my apartment. It's unlike me...I keep questioning my decision to move. UGH I'm tired of myself.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I am really struggling.

My Fibro is just awful.. yesterday woke up in tears as my hands are just raging pain. Couldnt even hold my phone. As the day progressed I was able to do a small amount of typing.. Its also getting hard to take a deep breath due to the pain in my ribs.. Fibro effects the entire body.. This kind of hand and difficulty breathing due to pain ??? Ugh so not good, it leads me to a very dark place.

Steve has been not feeling well since his middle and youngest son left.. He did alot of running around with them, but hes still sleeping 12+ hours a day, Yesterday around 18 hours straight. He said he really doesnt have an specific feelings of illness. He says " he doesnt feel good" So I am on high alert.

Sleep ? Meh its not worth complaining about, its just my normal garbage.

This heat wave.. temps of 98+ and heat index 109+ is sucking the life out of me. I am going to burst into flames and will soon be just a pile of ash..

Is anyone else dealing with stores just plain being out of some item lately? My just grocery store the other days was sold out of so many meat items and canned goods. which typically has never been an issue. Today at Hellmart I needed to pick up a few items and they were out of both there brand Peanut butter and a cereal we like, No brand or store brand and lots of empty shelves. Even the TP aisle is looking slim.. Are people out buying stuff up in fear of another lock down?????

We have our trip to Florida mostly planned out.. We totally forgot that it will be Labor day weekend .. UGH !!!!!!!!!!! The traffic is going to be awful. I really wish we didn't have to go. But Steve will not miss another birthday of his granddaughter.

Anyway enough of my complaints, Never helps me to yak about them. It just is what it is... I hope everyone is doing well and hugs to anyone in need

(continuing...)
Oh, Christina. I am so, so sorry about your fibro pain. My sister has fibro and it can be a thief of life. Hang in there. Remember that flare-ups do pass.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by rose1985

...
. I am going to see about going on perphenazine. I can't increase the zyprexa again. I absolutely can't lose weight at a higher dose.

...

I wish you good luck with the perphenazine. I've found it to be very helpful. For me, the newer AP's are weight gainers, whereas the older ones tend not to be.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by rose1985

I have a lot of experience with cats and diabetes my cat midnight developed it when he was 15. We tried everything to get him stabilized on insulin. In the end he kept having **** gland ruptures and other complications. I had to put him to sleep. He was my cat and he only liked me. He was a tuxedo cat that fit him perfectly. He was a huge gentleman lol. He was pretty wild too. I miss him so much.

Tiger started on cheaper insulin like 5 months ago. I can't spell the name. But yes he is a very expensive cat, lol. Hes on joint supplements, his diabetic food is 60 dollars, and his insulin. Hes my sons cat so the last thing we need is to lose him. I mean my son is completely bonded with him.

I've had tiger spend many days at the vet getting his blood sugar checked every hour. My vet gives me a discount bc he had to do that about 4 times. He has to go back next Wednesday to be monitored all day again. He does seem a lot better tho at this lower dose. Sometimes older cats develop a sensitivity to insulin. So that's why he lowered it.

I wish you luck concerning Sidney. I hope things get worked out and you have many more years with him.

Thank you so much, Rose. So many people encourage home glucose testing rather than the vet doing glucose testing. Did you ever do that (home testing)?

I hope and pray Tiger does well next Wednesday. Again, best of luck with the perphenazine.

[Moose72]

I woke up with a stomach ache. Ouch.

[Nammu]

I was tired last night. What with getting up early and exercising and various other stuff I was tired enough to sleep on a reduced amount of sleep meds. But boy what a dream. I was in a huge Victorian house crowded with couches ( some of them huge and elaborate with canopies) everywhere just randomly pushed everywhere. There were people living on the couches. Someone had died off stage ( yes I realized this was all on a stage) and a very pushy lady and myself were to figure out how he died. I had to dress up in a 1890’s ladies swim outfit with long stockings and cap. Then I was going to be wrapped mummy style to reproduce the death. I woke up then so I never found out what happened but the chaos of life was representative on stage. Weird!

[Mountaindewed]

I feel guilty about what happened yesterday afternoon. I never heard back from the place. So I guess they just don’t want to deal with me at all. I was just in a lot of discomfort and pain from whatever gynecological issue I was having. Today it’s ok. But yesterday it really hurt and I was wondering how I was supposed to handle a job if I kept getting these types of infections every couple weeks. Also the guys sudden change in attitude towards me freaked me out. But I feel bad that I freaked out so badly and sent crisis emails to my therapist. I hope she doesn’t hold that against me when I see her again. Although I know we will discuss it. At our last session she was really pushing me to go back to work now and she was saying it would be ok to be hired and then leave a month later for 6 weeks. I know my food restriction and frequent infections have been a big part of things. But I feel like I really overreacted yesterday.

Today I feel ok physically. Just down and depressed. I think I have about 10 more days until I get my supposed period. Hopefully I only have a few more months of feeling like crap in general.

[Mountaindewed]

One of my therapists told me one time that sometimes you have to sacifrice your physical health for your mental health. She was talking about gaining weight from psych meds.

I find that to be a bunch of BS. Being physically unhealthy is just as bad if not worse then being mentally unhealthy.

Although I am noticing my moods have dipped quite a bit again and all I’ve had is a couple bowls of cereal today. But the whole mental health vs physical debate she was talking about seemed like a bunch of crock.

[Mountaindewed]

It’s practically pitch black where I am. we’re headed for a big storm I think.

[*Beth*]

I have a therapy appointment and I am exhausted. Discouraged. Wish I could just lie in bed, asleep.

[Moose72]

I got up around 130 then pdoc called then I fell back asleep and now it's 6:30 and I just ate two bowls of cereal. 🥣 I'm back on the couch. Not sure what to do as I won't sleep through the night if I go back to sleep but I don't feel like staying up either. I slept so much because I had woken up with a stomach ache that was pretty painful though nowhere near the level of when I used to get ileitis.

[Mountaindewed]

So I felt better this afternoon after I took my lamictal, propalanol, 20mil Geodon, and my 3rd Valium at 2PM. I also had a couple beef jerky/cheese combo sticks and a Gatorade. I’m in bed now and I’m wearing my moms giant pink striped pajamas. I look like Ralphie from a Christmas Story when he’s wearing the bunny suit. I need to get some of my own mens pajamas especially before the 1st of October. But I think those ones that come packaged with the shirts are only out at Christmas time. But I’m not sure.

I organized my food rack this afternoon and yeah I basically eat the same things. I have a lot of ramen, a couple boxes of cereal, 11 bags of rice cakes, oatmeal, and Goldfish crackers. I have a few other small things and some Pepsi Blue and my zero sugar soda on the 2 bottom shelf’s. I have a stash of candy bars in the pantry in the house that I don’t eat unless it’s a hormone emergency.

I’m thinking of going to the store tomorrow morning to get some pumpkin spice Cheerios and either Special K pumpkin spice or very berry Cheerios. The news has me freaking a bit so I feel like having a couple extra boxes of the things I eat the most isn’t a bad idea. I don’t feel like it’s hoarding or panic buying when I go through 2 boxes of cereal a week and a bag of rice cakes in 2.5 days.

My mom said to me today “for someone who doesn’t eat you sure use a lot of dishes.” So I guess she is noticing about my restricting but just isn’t saying anything.

[wildflowerchild25]

Did not leave the house yesterday and only left once today. It’s just so hot. We have plans on Saturday and it’s still supposed to be close to 90 but these past few days have been 95+ with real feel temps of 105+.

I am anxious about our plans. It’s a pool party one of RS’s cousins is throwing. There are going to be around 30 people there and I only comfortably know about 10. I really hate parties where I don’t know a lot of people. We went to this same cousin’s housewarming two years ago and I didn’t like it at all. I do know more of his family now but it’s still nerve wracking. I said I would put in a solid two hours and if I’m still not feeling it he agreed we could go home. I most likely won’t swim, it takes an awful lot to get me in the water anywhere. I need to be excessively hot and will usually only go in for a few minutes. I’m more likely to go in a (private) pool than a natural body of water though.

I’m jamming out to Backstreet Boys right now just because.

[Mountaindewed]

So we got outback for dinner finally. And I ordered prime rib. Mine was really rare. It almost looked raw. And it was cold. So I’m wondering if I actually ate raw meat. Being the risk taker I am I finished it. My stomach feels a bit queasy right now. But I rarely eat meat let alone beef so maybe my body is just not used to it.