Bipolar check-in #59

I started my increased dose of my mood stabilizer the other day. I slept all last night, and most of today. I know the excessive tiredness will wear off eventually but for now it feels good to finally be getting some actual sleep.

I might be going to the park with my friend tomorrow.

My new necklace arrived, and I love it

Hope everyone's doing okay

Oh my god. My cats have fleas. My INDOOR cats have fleas. I know this shouldn’t be a big deal but it’s just one more thing. I know it’s stupid.

They could have only come from my work. The building hadn’t been used in three or four years so it was unkempt and overgrown. It’s been mowed but no other effort has been put in.

It’s ok. Im binge watching what we do in the shadows. It’s all I can do. Just relax. Day to day.

@Mountaindewed Sorry to hear about your sister.

I need to go to my mom's place today still.

I started Downton Abbey. I'm on the first episode. My mom says she likes it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rebecca1 Does anyone have mornings where they stand there and talk to themselves a million miles and hour in their room or kitchen?

No, I've never done that. I do talk to myself and to my cats, but not a mile a minute.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I started my increased dose of my mood stabilizer the other day. I slept all last night, and most of today. I know the excessive tiredness will wear off eventually but for now it feels good to finally be getting some actual sleep. I might be going to the park with my friend tomorrow. My new necklace arrived, and I love it Hope everyone's doing okay

Thank you, and your necklace is so lovely!

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Oh my god. My cats have fleas. My INDOOR cats have fleas. I know this shouldn’t be a big deal but it’s just one more thing. I know it’s stupid. They could have only come from my work. The building hadn’t been used in three or four years so it was unkempt and overgrown. It’s been mowed but no other effort has been put in. It’s ok. Im binge watching what we do in the shadows. It’s all I can do. Just relax. Day to day.

A couple of times while owning many cats over the years - all indoors - they got fleas. I used Advantage and the fleas went away. I don't know if Advantage still exists.

I'm watching Downton Abbey.

I went to sleep last night at 5:30 p.m. and got up at 1 p.m.! OMG. I think I am just depressed. I dreamed about my eldest living in his new apartment and the building was blue and yellow and with nice murals on the walls of the buildings.

I talked with my mom about it. She said my sister should have asked how I’m feeling and she said my sister acts like she’s almost intimidated by me. But I don’t know what I’m doing and no one else acts like that towards me even my aunt and uncles who rarely see anymore. My mom also said my sister is acting like something isn’t right with herself.

I hope that popcorn is better then that awful Christmas popcorn that comes in those big tin cans with holiday images on them.

That sucks about your sister.

The popcorn is microwave kettle corn and yes it's better than the stale popcorn that comes in those holiday cans.

I had an art class today. A jewelry making class. First you pick out a shape, then cut it out of copper, then put multiple layers of powdered glass on it and melt each layer with a torch. On the backside it’s a gray color on my front side I used a turquoise color for the background and a red for the design that you add with a silk screen. So cool. I burned my thumb but I have a cool pair of earrings to show for it. Tuesday I have a ceramics class then nothing until December when they have a class on how to paint your pet. Ha ha that will be a challenge as my guy is solid blue.

That sounds really nice!

We got Dennys tonight. I got the sirloin steak but I was mainly looking forward to the bread. But it didn’t come with bread. That Dennys sucks. They are always getting stuff wrong. But I did eat the vegetables but now I am super low on calories but too full to eat anything else because of all the protein I had.

I just now took a Tylenol. My incisions are bothering me. The internal pain is fine.

I am going to have to take all my Geodon at one time. I really shouldn’t be doing that. I should at least take the 20 a couple hours before the 160. I often do that. Today I was just distracted by what was going on. But the 20 a couple hours ago could have helped me a lot. I also took a melatonin and a 4th Valium. So my med management and food situation was not good today. But things didn’t start getting bad until after 1. Most of the day was ok.

I did listen to a super disturbing podcast that I’m trying not think about. I’ve had 2 nightmares this week and what I listened to could really do me in. I had a night terror in 2019 and it was almost like I fell and hit my head or something because I was not right mental health wise for a few weeks immediately after that incident. I had just gotten over ceullitis and my sad was starting so my Pdoc had to bring my mom in and explain to her that things could get really tough for me because of the infection and the night terror and the seasonal stuff and he wasn’t wrong.

My mom just said everything I’m feeling is probably post op stuff. I asked her if post op scared was a thing and she said that the surgery just probably made my moods iffy. Which could explain why I felt so rejected by my sister when I usually just brush her behavior off.

I don’t know. I feel kinda paranoid now about that podcast right now. And I’m antsy and unable to sit still. I may legit need a 5th Valium or I’ll end up IP. I did take my Geodons.

Edit: I took a 5th Valium and I used some of my sleep lotion. I feel slightly better anxiety wise because the lotion works fast. But I’m still twitchy and fidgety. I need to do some breathing or something. Or listen to my self help podcast. My pain is still there and I can’t get my sweatpants to stay below the incisions unless I actually pull them down a lot.

I decided to get my weekly shot tonight. I just thought it would make me feel better. I get it at night because I can sometimes get really hungry if I get it in the morning. The Tylenol is making me nauseated again. Although the Tylenol isn’t doing too much for my pain. I just got out of bed and got a type of pain I haven’t gotten in a couple days and I had a slight spasm while using the bathroom. I probably should have taken 2 Tylenol but it just screws with my stomach too much. But I basically black out with opiates. Most of this week is blank for me. I can’t remember much of anything that went on.

@Mountaindewed Paranoia sucks! I have been having it for 3 weeks now.

I'm wishing I could go to bed soon but with how much I've slept in the last 24 hours, that's not a good idea. I want to go to sleep to avoid life, I think.

I never get paranoid like this. I mean I have intrusive thoughts sometimes about FBI watch lists and people spying on me through my phone but not this kinda scary paranoid just because I listened to some dumb podcast. I’ve been listening to disturbing podcasts for 1.5 months now.

Last night I deleted my browsing history. Which was all just when places open or SpongeBob stuff. I also logged out of every app I wasn’t currently using because I was worried about hackers. I logged out of Facebook too and I temporarily logged out of my emails.

Yes I remember that from when I fostered kittens. Most of them came in all covered in fleas and ringworm. Advantage was always the best one to use. I bought that at the store so hopefully they will be dead soon. My cats are scratching less already.

We went out onto the school grounds to scout out a place for the students to put their geocaches (project at school) and went allllll over the huge field. I’m sure the jumping little jerks were all over. Plus the school has a notable pest problem, also due to being unoccupied for a few years.

I don’t think the powers that be really prepared for this move properly, but whatever.

Why not quit listening to the scary podcasts?

I don't feel that great mentally tonight. I slept 20 hours "last night". I just can't bear these thoughts! I'm also feeling depressed. I could call pdoc but I'm already on Wellbutrin and Haldol.

Oh man! Some friends came over to my place tonight. They left at 12:30am. Another late night.

My mother is coming for lunch tomorrow/today. It's Thanksgiving here in Canada this weekend so we have Monday off.

Looking forward to Monday when we don't have any plans.

Please call. You don't want to wind up in serious trouble again. Your meds can still be adjusted or something can be added to boost.

Do you get SAD? It's time for that to start along with everything else. That always makes me sleep a lot.

Happy Thanksgiving to our Canadian members here!

Hubby and I will head out for our week away, soon. I just need to do some final household chores before we leave.

I didn't quite have enough of my regular Seroquel XR supplies for the upcoming week and my psychiatrist is away on vacation until tomorrow. I suppose I could go to a pharmacy in the town we are staying in, but I sort of wish I could first ask for my dose to be lowered before getting my current one filled again. My 600 mg is actually less weight neutral than even 550 mg. I've gained more than 10 lbs this past winter, plus I think I would do better on a little less now. I normally take 600 mg at night (two 300 mg pills), but I'd love to get down to 500 mg. Or at least 550 mg. I confess last night I only took 500 mg, in order to save the 300 mg pills for the trip. I also took all 50 mg pills (my only other Seroquel XR pills), which obviously required 10 pills of 50s to reach 500 mg. Way too big of a pile, indeed, with my other evening meds! Anyway, I slept only six hours last night, down from my recent 9 or 9.5. I didn't want to wake up late. I had some trouble falling asleep with the 100 mg less than usual. I will take 600 mg/night for the rest of the week. I see my pdoc face to face on October 19.

In Czech Republic, they don't give multiple medication refills like in the US. Only enough for a month to a month and a half. This is a negative, among mostly positives, though the docs can/will send a new script electronically based on a phone call request. My old pdoc in the USA could give me 5 refills per prescription (for regular pharmacies) or two 90-day supplies (for mail order). A good thing about Czech prescriptions is that you need not be affiliated with any one pharmacy. When prescriptions are submitted electronically, all pharmacies in the country have instant access to it. No need for prescription transfers between them, or paper scripts. You can even get a prescription in a scannable QR code form via text message.

I can't sleep tonight. I have no idea why. I did take my meds this time . I took klonopin about 2 minutes ago so hopefully that helps.

Ha everyone tells me the same thing. “Why do you listen to them then?” “Why do you drink Mountain Dew if it gives you so much anxiety?”

I don’t know why I do anything except that I legit enjoy doing these things. Yesterday was the only time I had an issue and it didn’t even end up affecting me the way I thought it would.

Honestly I just Google imaged the video that the podcast was talking about and looking at the Picture wasn’t a big deal like it would have been for me last night. So I guess I was having some freaky post op **** like my mom was telling me I was having.

The video is called Blank Room Soup for anyone who cares.

This morning I had a bit of an outburst though. Nothing too bad, just got pissed at refilling my med box and needing so many and having them in bubble packs so I threw the bottles and knocked some stuff over. I've been feeling like a wild horse in a trailer since I got up at 11pm last night (went to bed at 9). And I hate when I have to move because people sit down right next to me chewing like a fking cow. I'm trying to not take the thorazine because I want to know if this invega stuff is working.

But my foot seems to be doing better. I've been working out strengthening my core and maybe all I needed was some PT and a few weeks of sleep off of the hospital beds.

Today I feel basically fully recovered from my surgery. I’m not even taking Tylenol. My mom is telling me I’m not recovered though and I still need to take it easy. I know I haven’t really left my house much so I haven’t done much to be worn out. Today I feel fine though. Both physically and mentally. I know it comes and goes though and last night wasn’t the greatest physically or mental health wise and my mom had to help me with some stuff.

It’s funny that my mom is taking this so much more seriously then I am. Usually she just thinks I’m over exaggerating my pain and symptoms. But it’s kinda the opposite now and she’s being really serious and strict over this while I’m kind of not.

But today I’m doing well. I’m waiting on a package and I don’t have any real plans except to listen to my podcast called Race Chasers or maybe watch some TV.

Edit: And I spoke too soon. I had to get the package inside the house which wasn’t heavy but it was awkward especially with trying to keep the screen door open. So I had the box pressed to my stomach for a few seconds. So I probably should have asked for help.

Also I’ve been getting in and out of bed a lot and moving around

But I have noticed a difference overall in my mental health in a good way since the surgery.

So glad your finally sleeping well ! The necklace is beautiful !