Bipolar check-in #59

My doctor increased my mood stabilizer due to the ridiculous amount of money I've been spending, and also my sleep problems. I have sleep problems even on the thorazine, sometimes I can sleep good on it, sometimes I stay up for days even while I'm on it, so it's not just stopping it that causes the problem

I’ve been in a deep depression all day. I just felt like once I got everything removed I’d feel better since my issues started when I began my transition and started on the hormones. So I kinda felt like I was going to go back to pre March 2020 me. But I honestly still miss my transference therapist a lot and I still have my other anxious thoughts. My mom said this is just post op stuff I’m feeling and that things will get better. But I just expected to see results immediately and now I feel like everything is just blowing up in my face.

Edit: amazing and very dangerous how a pain pill and Valium combo can change my moods completely around.

My doctor said I wouldn’t be off the pain meds until Tomorrow anyways.

But my bean burrito didn’t go over so well. Which is why I took the pain med. my incisions hurt but my mom claims they look ok.

My husband and I spent the day with his sister. We met her near the Austrian border where she was staying with her beau (he's at a business conference there). We drove first to lunch, then on to an archeological site, then to a lovely town with a museum dedicated to a famous Czech politician, named Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk. I learned that it is believed that that Czech politician was actually Emperor Franz Joseph's (of the Austro-Hungarian empire) illegitimate son. Apparently his mother got pregnant from a night with the Emperor. He was raised by his mother's husband and her. They were relatively poor, but the emperor funded this son's education, without him knowing. The middle name "Garrigue" was actually his wife's family name. The wife was an American woman named Charlotte. He loved her so much that he took her family name as his middle name. Nice and modern gesture. Right? My husband didn't take my family name as his middle name. Humph! In any case, Charlotte, a feminist of her time, did a lot for women's rights initiatives in then Czechoslovakia.

Masaryk was the very first president of Czechoslovakia. Before that, it was part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Coincidentally, Masaryk broke Czechoslovakia away from the empire, which would have angered his biological father, greatly, if he had still been alive then. It remained as Czechoslovakia until the peaceful split of Czech and Slovak lands. Now it is just Czech Republic. Slovak Republic is a separate country.

My ex husband and I both changed our last name when we got married. We both picked his grandfather’s last name. We liked the name and he really hated his last name which was his adopted father’s name.

Thanks for sharing that, Nammu! That's a lovely story.

My married name has a little story, too. I was married to my hubby in Prague, Czech Republic. For that reason, I took his family name, but because I am a female, my new last name had the letters "ova" added. All women in most all Slavik countries have such a similar ending to their names. [Think of tennis great Martina Navratilova whose father's last name was Navratil.] When we returned to the US, I dropped the "ova" so that my last name would be the same as my husband's. We never had children, but if we had, the name difference would have caused confusion. However, now back in Czech Republic, I have to use the "ova" ending for various things. When I applied for the health insurance, they used this version from when I was married here. My US passport doesn't include the "ova", but my insurance card and my Czech ID, do. It's sort of just as well because if I didn't have the "ova" version here, most people who didn't see or hear me, face-to-face, just saw my name, would assume I was a man. They wouldn't necessarily know my first name was a woman's since my name is not used in Czech Republic.

Oh, how complicated. My brother-in-law went by a nick name since elementary school then when he enlisted in the marines they insisted his school record be changed to his birth name. He had to go change all his school records. He wasn’t going to but if he didn’t he was in danger of being drafted to the army.

Not feeling well today. There are so many hours left until bedtime, too! I called the dentist about my tooth that hurts when I eat or drink something cold or sweet, and I read that this can happen after a filling and it's the tooth that they had to give me extra novacaine because it was hurting when he was drilling. Or at least I THOUGHT that was the tooth, but when I called the dentist to report this pain, they said you didn't have that tooth filled! That it was the one behind it! I don't remember it that way. HRUMPH! BUT, they made me an appointment for Monday so we shall see what is going on. Meanwhile, I can't get N3 to make a dentist appointment AND N1 needs desperately to see a dentist, but won't either! I need to call her. It's all I can do to keep reminding these children that they need to take care of their teeth!

I’m on mood stabilisers, I stopped taking my medication properly for a few weeks and that precipitated a hypomanic episode, but I’ve been back on them properly and I feel like I can concentrate

Hello and

I was up out of bed for a good chunk of the day. Just doing light house work. I can now make tea by myself and fill up my water bottle. I’m still going to need my mom to do laundry for me. My pain right now kinda just feels like my pants are too tight. But it’s nothing bad. My mom asked me today if I had a heart murmur. I do have something but it only showed up on my sleep study test that one time. So I don’t know what she’s talking about.

I’m getting annoyed with my sleep lotion and Benadryl. They both just make me feel weird. I may go back to my melatonin.

Welcome!

My day has been ok. I decided to break out an old calculus textbook and work some problems. I impressed myself for remembering a few things after reviewing a bit. Felt good to get solutions right.

I drank some hot chocolate but I'm ready for the day to end. It's gross outside and I have no want to do anything else today. I think I'll go to bed early today. Again, I feel pretty good, just a little apathetic. Tomorrow may be a bit better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rebecca1 I’m on mood stabilisers, I stopped taking my medication properly for a few weeks and that precipitated a hypomanic episode, but I’ve been back on them properly and I feel like I can concentrate

Welcome, Rebecca

I don't mean to bore anyone with the weather, but it's a fascinating subject for me. That said, we've finally dropped down into the 80's (degrees), with 70's predicted later in the week. That will feel like coastal (Pacific coast) weather, which is divine.

I've been feeling a little better. Maybe the Wellbutrin has kicked in - along with returning to my normal Klonopin dose. My therapist said (with regard to decreasing my K-pin), "Why torture yourself?" It occurred to me that she's correct. My pdoc was neutral; said I could decrease the K-pin if I wanted to - or not. I'm going with "not" at this point.

The weather here was very fall like today only being in the 60’s and on and off rain.

A bit of cheer today. I ran to Arby’s to get gyros 🥙 for mum and I and the guy in front paid for us so I paid for the guy behind me. The girl working there said it was a long line of cars that paid it forward. That was nice 👍

Ooooooo nothing wrong with earrings !!! 1920 had some great looks

I think when your stabilty isn't steady and strong enough the mood can bounce all over. I hate that your going through it

I can't say I feel much better mentally. I've only been on the meds about 2 weeks. I have alot to "recover" from. So hurry up and wait. I am sleeping which for me is shocking.

Hope everyone is having a nice night

I am so glad that you are sleeping!!!!!!!!!
love bizi

I’m glad to hear you’re sleeping too, it was getting ridiculous how little sleep you were getting.

So in about two weeks we're going to visit family. I'm not to happy about it. We're nowhere near stable enough to do this. I don't know how we're going to pull this off. We'll see.

Yeah my pdoc knows how bad things are for me. That's why I got the referral to the ketamine clinic, to find out if it might help me.

Things are really slow here in Canada. While healthcare is free, you can't pick and choose your doctor and have to wait for specialists and pdocs.

I'm also waiting for a special clinic to reopen. They specialize in bipolar and do my med adjustments. But I can't go there now because I'm in the ketamine clinic.

Thanks bizi.

Today was a good day.

I managed to capture a really cool image of a galaxy. It's a well known galaxy but my image brings another perspective. I made a desktop background out of the image so now I see it on my computer all the time.

I also did some research and came up with some ideas for articles for my website. It'll be a series of related articles.

We went out for dinner at a friend's place. I was so anxious. There wasn't a reason for it - the anxiety was just there. But it was still a nice visit. We're having guests at our house tomorrow and my mother is coming to visit on Sunday.

Hey mountaindewed I keep meaning to ask this - why do you go to bed so early?

To avoid being hungry. I can take all my meds and just go to bed and sleep through my hunger. Basically everything I do and all the med issues I have are traced back to my eating habits and obsession with my weight. Which is why therapists won’t work with me unless they specialize in EDs.

I mean I’ve lost 20 pounds since Thanksgiving. So it’s been working and my blood work and blood pressure and other stuff is always fine despite my eating, caffeine, and med issues. My health in general is in really good condition.