Bipolar check-in #59

Called the other neurologist, they can get me in... in May... if I have my PCP refer me... yesterday the ER doc did say I should be seen sooner than January (when my current appointment is).

I've come to the conclusion doctors/hospitals give zero shits about their patients, they just want their check.
I don't really have anyone to go to my appointments with me. My mom is gone 6am-6pm during the week and she's really the only one I'd want with me.

That sucks. I’m sorry. I do have that same issue but with mental health professionals instead. I’ve always dealt with unprofessional people in the mental health field since I was 12. I hope you get some relief soon.

Would you believe my psychiatrist didn’t show up again? This is the second time in a row she’s just simply missed the appointment (it’s telehealth). The clinic said I was her only patient today, so I don’t know what is going on. I hope nothing is wrong. Before, she confessed she simply forgot – I don’t know what is wrong now. The clinic said they will get in touch with her and let me know. I think my next move is insist on seeing her today, so I can at least get refills on my meds and then call and schedule with a new psychiatrist. I am frustrated that I kept my end of the deal, why can’t the professional do the same?

My anxiety has been very high due to life stressors and in general it runs high. The chronic nature and neurotic nature I have makes this 10000x worse than it really should be. I’m just ready to give up and say it is all not worth the effort. It’s issue after issue. It really does make me wonder what am I doing wrong?

Other than that, my day WOULD be over if my appointment happened as it should. Instead I’ll be waiting by my phone all day for a call. I have anticipated this appointment all last week, and I couldn’t even talk to someone about her not showing up until an hour later when the clinic was officially open. It’s so frustrating.

Tomorrow is therapy, then the next day is PCP. Let’s hope I have a better experience with those.



EDIT: She'll see me at 5:15PM tonight. I'm rather peeved about it, but at least I will be seen today, I guess. I will call tomorrow and switch to another provider. This is just unacceptable. If it weren't for my anxiety and the need for refills I'd switch now.

Putting me on ignore is also an option. It goes both ways.

I saw my new doctor today. He’s considered an endocrinologist but I am seeing him for trans confirming reasons. I didn’t really know what to expect. But he was great. He came in and introduced himself. He said what pronouns he used and asked what I used. But man am I glad my mom wasn’t with me. It was a very personal one on one session that was unlike any other appointment I’ve had before. We talked a lot about my history, when I started identifying. We talked about the injections I take. The surgeries I’ve had. The future surgeries I may want. He asked about my sexuality and some other similar questions. We got into some strange stuff that I haven’t discussed before like using the appropriate size sex toys since because of my hysterectomy things are different now and using too big or too small could cause problems. Basically he was just really personable and I liked him and he was super easy to talk to. Back at my last state my primary was the one prescribing my shots to me and we never discussed any of this stuff. I see him in 3 months and he wants to do blood work but he doesn’t want it done right away. He asked if I had any concerns and I told him I was bit worried my chest still looked a bit screwy. He said he can’t really look at it since that’s not what he does. But there’s a plastic surgeon he can refer me to who they work with. I just told him I didn’t know if I was just being paranoid or not. I asked him if insurance would pay for it for the 3rd time and he was like “I dunno” I didn’t ask for the referral this time since I’m still trying to deal with the hysterectomy but when I see him in February I’ll ask him then. My mom was all like “it will be good to get a second opinion.” She just doesn’t like it when I get concerned by things and if I can get reassurance or maybe just get some suggestions or even a bit inexpensive tweaking done I’d be good.

Oh and now my mom is sick. Because of my 5 year old nephew who got dropped off for the afternoon on Friday who then got my 8 year old nephew sick. So now it’s going to be my turn next since I get sick easily. I wonder if it’s socially acceptable to go to therapy on Wednesday. I guess I’ll just wait and see how I feel.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I saw my new doctor today. He’s considered an endocrinologist but I am seeing him for trans confirming reasons. I didn’t really know what to expect. But he was great. He came in and introduced himself. He said what pronouns he used and asked what I used. But man am I glad my mom wasn’t with me. It was a very personal one on one session that was unlike any other appointment I’ve had before. We talked a lot about my history, when I started identifying. We talked about the injections I take. The surgeries I’ve had. The future surgeries I may want. He asked about my sexuality and some other similar questions. We got into some strange stuff that I haven’t discussed before like using the appropriate size sex toys since because of my hysterectomy things are different now and using too big or too small could cause problems. Basically he was just really personable and I liked him and he was super easy to talk to. Back at my last state my primary was the one prescribing my shots to me and we never discussed any of this stuff. I see him in 3 months and he wants to do blood work but he doesn’t want it done right away. He asked if I had any concerns and I told him I was bit worried my chest still looked a bit screwy. He said he can’t really look at it since that’s not what he does. But there’s a plastic surgeon he can refer me to who they work with. I just told him I didn’t know if I was just being paranoid or not. I asked him if insurance would pay for it for the 3rd time and he was like “I dunno” I didn’t ask for the referral this time since I’m still trying to deal with the hysterectomy but when I see him in February I’ll ask him then. My mom was all like “it will be good to get a second opinion.” She just doesn’t like it when I get concerned by things and if I can get reassurance or maybe just get some suggestions or even a bit inexpensive tweaking done I’d be good. Oh and now my mom is sick. Because of my 5 year old nephew who got dropped off for the afternoon on Friday who then got my 8 year old nephew sick. So now it’s going to be my turn next since I get sick easily. I wonder if it’s socially acceptable to go to therapy on Wednesday. I guess I’ll just wait and see how I feel.

Wow, your new doctor sounds like a winner! What a difference it makes when we have a good doctor.

I hope you don't get sick

Quote:

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04 Having a bad few days. I can't deal with the depression anymore. Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

Yes you can! It won't last forever. Are you on meds?

I feel this in my bones !

The only things Steve really wants are big things that we don't have the money for and honestly something we will never get like old Mopar cars to restore etc lol

A couple years ago I decided to make " gift certificates for things like a Backrub and certain meals he really loves, Date night home movie where he picks the movies. Specific snack food he enjoys. The cooking part requires a day or so to buy what I need. He gives me things like backrub and wash and detail my car, He can't really cook anything but he can handle a frozen pizza that we really like or wash dinner pots and pans, Just little things that we both can do for each other.

Its just something we have found that we enjoy and the best part not cost extra money..Just an Idea, but I know your Husband loves actually getting presents.

These past few months have been really difficult. Too many frightening situations. I'm working hard to keep it together. The moments when I'm able to feel objective joy are golden.

Sidney, my kitty who has been diagnosed with diabetes, is the sweetest, most intelligent little being. We're still having a hard time regulating her insulin. She's been throwing up her meals lately, and that's scary and complicated. For someone who lives on disability (me) the costs for the needed vet care is enormous. Nevertheless, I am doing everything I can possibly do to stabilize her. I give her insulin shots twice a day. This week-end I will buy a home glucose tester so I can test her at home, then give the vet a chart of her readings. Hopefully we can work out an appropriate insulin dose.

I have a therapy appointment today followed by a psychologist telling me the result of the psych test I took a few weeks ago. I assume it's used to refine a diagnosis.

What I really want to do is snuggle up in bed with my cats all day.

Oh this anxiety has me in a constant state of Nausea Something I hate !

I see the NP today. I can only see an increase in Geodon to maybe help things? Buspar didn't help me at all in the past. I am on Lyrica for my Fibro so I can't take Gabapentin. Visteral causes me urinary retention.

I'm flinging every coping skill I can at it and hoping something clicks.

Anyone working on plans to help with the looming time change? Dusting off lightboxes? Upping certain coping skills? New hobbies? anything??

Hope everyone is having a good start to the week

Yes, I'm on meds.

Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

Yeah I was concerned about this new insurance because I thought I’d only be able to see bad doctors but so far all my doctors have been better then the ones I was seeing before and my meds are way less. Hopefully the mental health side is going to work out.

My mom is very tired and worn out. I told her to get tested just in case. I very well may cancel therapy on Wednesday so I don’t get charged just in case I get sick or she can’t drive. Better safe then sorry. But I am super pissed at my jag off brother in law for starting all this in the first place.

Ewww anxiety that’s that bad is horrible to have. Ties my stomach up in knots.

I all of a sudden have a good amount of bleeding and full grown sea monkey (still pretty small but there’s a lot) size clots. At least for once this happened on a Monday when the office is still open instead of after hours or on a weekend like it happened the 2 other times. So I won’t have to go to the ER. He’ll probably just want to see me in his office. I just sent a message to him through my portal and I’ll see what he says. But I am not worked up probably because it did happen on a Monday or I just “trigger” took a Valium or maybe I have just had enough of this ******** hysterectomy stuff and I’m at this point thinking “what happens happens.” But I sent him a message.

Alright, so I finally talked with my psychiatrist. For the anxiety we have decided to try Clonidine. I hope it helps. I will meet with her next week to check in about how it's helping (or not) -- so since she is willing to schedule me out so soon, I'll keep her for now. I told her I've tried a lot of things (including controlled substances like Klonopin) and I just don't feel they were helpful. I am about ready to just give up on trying to face it with meds. Let's hope for a good response to the medicine. Has anyone here had it before? Curious to your experience seeing as it's actually a blood pressure med. Just doing a quick search online, apparently is has been used in migraine prophylaxis and that may be an added benefit if it works out for me.

And now it looks like all 3 of us are sick. My brother says he feels like he’s getting a cold. He’s coughing. I have a sore throat which is how it always begins for me I have the start of some nasal stuff. My mom is the worst off and is on the couch feeling completely worn out and tired and stuffed up. She said we may have gotten sick anyways although I’m not sure where since we wash our hands and wear masks everywhere. It has to be from my nephew. I doubt it’s Covid and I have my flu shot so I’m not very worried about either. Although I am worried about having a possible compromised immune system in general because of my surgery complications and because I had surgery a month ago anyways. I’m wearing old spice which I can smell and I could taste better then I could yesterday so I seriously doubt it’s Covid. I don’t even think I should get tested.

I tried it for about a very short while since it's supposed to help ADHD without risk of mania/psychosis. I don't remember having any side effects but I don't think it helped with what the doc said it would help with so I stopped it. I hope it helps you

This morning I was anxious and pissy. Work is usually good for me though, since I can get out of my head and concentrate on other things rather than curling up in a ball and ruminating alone.

Work was annoying though. Near the end of the day the student who I was filling in for sort of eloped (I say sort of because he stopped at the property line), and then ran back to the building and slipped in and proceeded to play “hide and seek” with me, in which I was an unwilling participant. I walked all over the halls, in opposite directions, and no sign until I caught him darting down a corridor that is closed of. He thought it was hilarious but I was so pissed, if he had decided to go back outside and hide there and I missed it, I could have been fired on the spot.

So I came home and did a full body workout and now my legs feel like jelly so I imagine I’ll be sore tomorrow. I notice my right thigh is more tired than my left, which tells me I’m still not using my left leg like I’m supposed to. I believe it has to do with my back injury when my left leg was weak for a long time. I guess I should concentrate on rectifying that.

At least I feel better now that I’ve gotten a workout in.

Anyone catch the end of the world news? Sounds like the queen is going to die any time now. She put a message out there. Sounded kinda cryptic. My mom says she didn’t think it sounded that way but she knows I get these sorts of vibes. I mean why put out a message like that if it wasn’t imminent? I heard awhile ago things will be a mess before it gets sorted out with Charles taking over.

I took a cepacol. Pharmacist said they were ok. It helped my sore throat my sides feel like they are being squeezed together. My head hurts. I probably need Tylenol. I still doubt its Covid. My mom is still feeling pretty awful. My brother hasn’t said much. He hasn’t gotten sick since 2015 maybe? It’s because we wear masks all the time now and then with school age kids who can’t get vaccinated your immune system is now compromised from the 20 months of mask wearing and not being exposed to germs. So massless unless vaccinated school kids is just a disaster.

There isn't anything on Cnn.com about the queen so I wouldn't worry too much. I did see the other day that her doctors have asked her to rest for a couple weeks. At her age that's reasonable. I think anything worse would leak.

Sorry you're sick. I hope it's better in the morning.

I agree about CNN and the queen. Of course you can say she'll die soon and be right- she's old!

Maybe I heard the wrong thing on the news about the queen. I also looked it up on CNN. I was in the other room when the news was on. I feel worse then I did even 2 hours ago. I’m getting bad New Year’s Eve 2019 vibes. I just took some Tylenol with a bottle of Gatorade. I have plenty of Gatorade, body armor, and soup. I’m hoping to get some rest. I will most likely have to cancel therapy on Wednesday do you think I should?

Here’s a hot one though. My sister just texted my mom and asked if my mom would be willing to watch my nephews all day who are now even sicker than they were before because now my brother in law is very sick and my sister has to work. So my mom is like “uh, no we can’t watch them because all 3 of us have it too.” So my sister is going to have to take a day off from work. It’s kinda concerning though how very sick they now all are though. And it basically just started like it’s starting with me. My 5 year old nephew got it first and he had mild symptoms. A sore throat, some nasal stuff and breathing stuff, fatigue, but still not a big deal at first. I’m still not 100% concerned yet about Covid. My mom says we shouldn’t rush off to get tested. At least not yet but wait to see how we feel in the morning.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina Oh this anxiety has me in a constant state of Nausea Something I hate ! I see the NP today. I can only see an increase in Geodon to maybe help things? Buspar didn't help me at all in the past. I am on Lyrica for my Fibro so I can't take Gabapentin. Visteral causes me urinary retention. I'm flinging every coping skill I can at it and hoping something clicks. Anyone working on plans to help with the looming time change? Dusting off lightboxes? Upping certain coping skills? New hobbies? anything?? Hope everyone is having a good start to the week

I am sooo sorry about the anxiety and nausea.


The time change. Ugh. I have a lightbox. I've not noticed it does anything. But I know they're really helpful for a lot of people. I will give upping coping skills a try.