Bipolar check-in #59

You're so welcome and I think all of us are beyond grateful to have found PC and friends of a feather flock together.

When I first found PC ( always will be that for me lol) I was a few days out of IP I was scared, weepy, clueless and desperately in need of finding answers and some kind of support.

So happy that we have you

Thanks for that suggestion, Christina! I will try it. I definitely do need to do some kind of physical therapy, of sorts for that foot and heel. Luckily the pain mostly went away, after a rough night and morning with it.

You're right that the hike was a big culprit. Normally I mostly have the pain only immediately in the morning or after lounging. There seems to be a link between being in a horizontal position for a while (even on the couch) and then it hurting for a bit as I stand and walk. Then the pain goes away with just normal activity. It's worse walking barefooted than when in shoes. Only the heavier walking/hiking makes it hurt. I shouldn't diagnose myself, but heel (plantar) fasciitis seems to have a 100% exact description of my issue.

I didn't really take any photos this weekend, except a selfie with my husband's friend's wife. She looks good in it, but I didn't photograph well.

I agree with your mom, you should try to get an MRI to take with you to your neurologist appointment. Everything you describe points to a spine nerve problem. You are all ready waiting so long that having a image to help move things along can only be. Good!

I'm glad to be home. Hubby and I had a nice visit with his old friend and his wife about 130 km further north in CZ. I was happy to head home, though. As for my fury at Hubby the other day, that's mostly in the past. We had a serious talk the night before last, and all is now well.

What I want more than anything else right now is for our Subaru (shipped from the US) to finally be ready for pickup. It is already in Prague, but just needs to pass some "tests" so to speak, and get remaining paperwork done, and license plates. The receipt of our car has symbolic value beyond the practical.

It’s a pretty nice Halloween day here. It’s nice and fall like. I have my black and red flannel hoodie on and jeans and my black boots. I actually wanted to leave my house today. On a Sunday. On Halloween. I think the topamax is actually improving my moods and anxiety as well as helping with my appetite and weight. I never wanted to go out on Sundays even before the pandemic. None of the stores I went to were busy. I went to Krispie Kreme and got a couple Halloween donuts. One for me and one for my brother. I was worried they’d all be sold out since I wasn’t able to order ahead. I went to a couple grocery stores looking for specific types of Coke that 2 years ago would have been all over the place. The stores online inventory said they had them. And they didn’t. Most grocery stores online inventory’s have been really whacked lately and not accurate. So then I went to my local one and I found the new gingerbread Mountain Dew. I got the second to last case and it was way in the back of the bottom shelf. I really had to get down and reach for it. So I don’t know if anyone was paying attention but if anyone noticed me walking around with the new Mountain Dew they are probably out of luck lol unless they were able to really look and snag that last case since there were none others in the store and no 20oz bottles in the cooler. The soda was decent. A good holiday drink. Soda still tastes pretty crappy to me so I probably won’t be buying any more cases of that new MD but I’ll probably buy a couple of the 20oz bottles when they come out. But yeah I feel good today.

I see my new doctor in the morning and my mom says she needs to come in with me because she needs to show him the injections I’m on. But I’m just gonna be like F it I’ll show it to him myself. I’ll be nervous as it is and she just makes it even worse. This doctor has good reviews though. I don’t really know exactly what he’ll do. He works with trans people but it’s like I guess all he needs to do is check my T levels and continue to prescribe it for me since I’ve had the surgeries already. I don’t know. I hope he doesn’t do blood work although he probably will. I honestly cannot remember how many times I’ve had blood work done this year. I’d have think about how many times I’ve had IV’s even. I think it’s been 6 with the IV’s. But every time I get a needle in me which is at least once a week I get super anxious. I’m not sure why I’m not used to them by now.

I feel like I’m working myself up so I should go put on Project Runway or something.

I had it really rough last night. Insomnia hit and so I was awake a lot later than I wished to be. It only becomes an issue because one of my meds makes me very “uneasy” about three hours after taking it. “Uneasy” isn’t the best term to describe it, because it’s awful.. but it’s not a physical sickness and I cannot explain it. I had to suffer through that. Again though, offsetting it with sleep really has been a life saver since it’s helped so much with my moods. I plan to take my meds rather early tonight. I am tired so I can make sure I sleep though the rough patch – but I may be up most the night. It’ll be alright. I have an appointment at 8:15am so I just have to be up for that, and I crash the rest of the day as needed. It’ll work out, hopefully.

No plans for the day, already ate lunch/dinner, just trying to get through until 5pm or so to pass out. It won’t be so bad. I broke out the (musical) keyboard today to tinker with. I am awful at it but always wanted to learn. Let’s see what I can get accomplished.



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I’m at the ER and shaking like crazy.

Edit: well that was a huge waste of time and money. Nurse was super rude. Doc just said "foot drop, gotta go to neurology to figure out the cause." They gave no shits about the tiredness, headaches, shaking, hazy left eye, etc and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to bring it up. They just wanted one neat little problem to "solve" so I said my biggest complaint was my foot since that's the problem that's lasted the longest and is most consistent so they did exactly what the podiatrist did and said the same exact thing he said.

...and now my fking hand is tingling and my leg is about an 8 on the pain scale but tylenol doesn't do **** and I'm... tempted.

I had Project Runway on for a bit. I ate an english muffin with a tablespoon of apple butter. I had no idea that stuff existed until I read about it in American Psycho. The main character forget his name, likes it on bran muffins. It does taste good on bran muffins but also on English muffins as well. That book was nasty as hell but at least my discovery of apple butter came out of it. Then my nephews came over to show us their Halloween costumes before going trick or treating. I guess now the 8 year old is sick. I guess it must just be mild stuff if they are both well enough to go out tonight. Although I am worried about myself. His Covid test came back negative as well. But with them being in school and being around us inside so much it’s pretty likely I’m going to break my streak of not having a cold or anything but allergies since New Year’s Eve 2019. Which I am 98% sure was Covid. At the time I thought I just had the worst cold of my life. But I have both my flu and Covid shot. No booster yet. But it hopefully shouldn’t be either. Before Covid and masks I’d usually get 3 bad colds a year.

It’s just when I was overweight as a teenager I was always talked about how much I was eating and how poorly I was eating and fast and how much I needed to lose weight and lay off the food. Yet my family continued to buy unhealthy foods like chips and candy and we didn’t learn about healthy eating at all. Then when I gained back my weight in 2013 after losing it in 2012 my mom and therapist and doctor gave me a really hard time about it. My mom said I didn’t look as good as I used to when I gained 10 pounds back. And then I just kept getting more and more crap from all 3 of them. Then in like early 2015 my mom said it was my fault I gained the weight back because I stopped excercisng. I started losing weight again in 2015 and then during Covid my mom started losing weight in April 2020 and she’s lost like I don’t know. 40 pounds. But now she’s gaining it back and she’s complaining and it just seems very hypocritical because I don’t comment on what she’s eating or say that she doesn’t look as good as she used to. I try to give out helpful suggestions like “you can walk in the afternoon.” And she’ll say “oh I won’t have the motivation then.” Or she’ll talk about getting slim Fast and I’ll offer her one of my Atkins shakes which I think are better so she can try it out before spending $22 on a box and she she’ll turn me down. I honestly don’t even notice a difference in her weight. But I just feel like I got nagged on for years for no reason back then and it’s causing issues now. Now when I inhale a chili cheese dog she doesn’t say anything because it was never about how fast I was eating it was always about my weight.

Does anyone know how to talk to her about this without getting her all sensitive and upset?

Got our first treat or treater. A tiny tot with her mother even though it’s not quite dark yet. I’m expecting most of them to come between 7-7:30pm

Probably wasn’t the best to take another melatonin after already taken other medication. I’ll probably just wake up at midnight either super hungry or hungover and confused. Sometimes I sleep through the night and wake up feeling good. If the doorbell doesn’t wake me up. It just rang for the second time in a row. No clue who they are dressed as. Don’t give a **** either.

@Sapien

I went to the ER once for similar reasons. I sat down and all of a sudden my back seized and I couldn’t get back up. I had to crawl/drag myself over to my phone to call for help. I couldn’t walk in the ER and I had food drop, tingling, and extreme pain shooting down my left leg.

Dr was super rude. He told me “I have back pain too but I’m not getting surgery”. Ok a$$hole. I was able to finally stand up and kind of slowly shuffle to the bathroom and back and then the nurse said “the pain must not be too bad, you can walk now”. Ok, other a$$hole. They gave me opioid and sent me on my way.

I went immediately to see my back dr I had been working with and he got me into the surgeon right away. I had surgery 2 weeks later.

Point is ERs are a waste of time in my opinion. If I were you I would check every neuro in your insurance network and see if any of them have a sooner appt, and call the one you have an appt with. Tell them the new symptoms and get on the cancellation list to hopefully be seen sooner.

Good luck, I hope everything works out eventually!

I am extremely tense. I very nearly yelled at my son earlier because he put his food on top of my new cast iron griddle (I haven’t seasoned it yet) instead of moving it first. I was outraged because he is always so inconsiderate and unaware of his environment. I really had to hold myself back. Earlier I got so agitated waiting in line at the grocery store. I only had four items but it’s a small store with no express so I was basically trying not to burn a hole in the guy in front of me’s head. I was gripping my wallet so tightly. I felt like I was going to cry. It was just a quick in and out ffs!

I made a turkey meatloaf for dinner and nearly lost it then too. So many things going wrong. Somehow there was plastic in our brand new oven that I did not see, but it doesn’t make sense because I did what the manual said and ran the oven at 375 for a half hour in the morning before starting on dinner in the afternoon. Nothing melted or smoked then but as the oven was heating for dinner smoke started pouring out with fumes.

RS fixed it all so I could complete dinner, I tried to wash silverware but I kept dropping it, I guess because I was so tense I was moving too fast.

We took my son out for trick or treating. We were out for a little over an hour and the weather is perfect so it was nice to get a walk in to help me calm down. I need to take a shower and hopefully that will further relax me.

There was a dearth of young kids we’d only had 4-5 little tikes everyone else was older, even broken voiced boys. Surprisingly the kids who live on this bloke didn’t come around. Only 25 all together. I think most parents are keeping their kids close to home still.

If you’re going to consistently abuse and over serve your meds the least you could do is add a trigger icon bc it is triggering to others.

I live in a small rural town. Farms everywhere. They threw a festival this year called boo bash. Games for kiddos, live music, food trucks and trunk of treat! It was fun! And a huge success. I love living in small town America.

I broke out my new CPAP mask. Other one wasn't as bad as my last one but it still leaked. Plus I didn't notice until tonight that they gave me an extra cushion- the part that actually touches your face! So now I can go twice as long! I'm feeling good tonight except that my tummy's having a lot of borborygmi.

@Mountaindewed
As someone who I agree.

My husband's birthday is coming up at a point this month. He's becoming more and more difficult to buy gifts for. He has, in my view, absolutely everything he needs. Our house has so much "stuff" already, and most all of it could be classified as "his" other than shared household furniture (and the like), a few stray things (like my jewelry and clothes) and my culinary-related stuff, which he also benefits from. There's no room for any new art. Though he loves tech gizmos, I have no idea what to buy and he'd far prefer buying that stuff, himself. I'm at a stage in my life when I'd like to follow my parents' past custom by just letting each other buy what we want for our own birthdays and Christmas. But Hubby is like a little boy in his excitement for wrapped surprise gifts. Ugh! Call me Scrooge, but this is how I feel. We may be traveling to France in the near future, but I can't get away with calling that a birthday gift for him. MAYBE a Christmas gift to each other???? Of course I could write him some poem, or the like, but that wouldn't be quite enough. Even France is less a vacation than a mission, of sorts. It's like pulling teeth to ever get him to give me a wish list.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 If you’re going to consistently abuse and over serve your meds the least you could do is add a trigger icon bc it is triggering to others.

With respect I think it's fair to PM the person(s) you're posting about instead of shaming them on this thread.

Can you tell me how? I can never remember. I’ll take a screenshot of it then so I’ll know.

Having a bad few days. I can't deal with the depression anymore.

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Under where it says "Post Icons" on the reply to thread page, you can choose the red circle with the X in it and/or put [ trigger ] (insert triggering info here) [ /trigger ] but without the spaces.

Why aren’t people being taken seriously at hospitals? I’ve been to multiple immediate cares and doctors and ERs and specialists and have had 3 surgeries done and been to appointments out of 4 different healthcare networks and 2 different states and I’ve been basically taken seriously. I was not taken seriously by a gastro doctor who told me it was just my anxiety. And the gynecologist I originally went to for a hysterectomy said it would be basically impossible for someone my age to get get one because I might want kids. She was a complete jag off. So I left her. Then the doctor who did the surgery said I should have it done. All I had to do was sign a paper saying I didn’t want kids and it was no issue.

I’ve never had a doctor be a complete asshole to me even when nothing ended up being wrong except the gastro guy. Sapien do you have someone who can go with you to appointments? My mom is always with me.