Bipolar check-in #60

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I was so wired today. My student misinterpreted my joking and she started crying thinking I was mad at her. It’s no one’s fault, she has autism so sometimes she doesn’t understand jokes and she also has a lot of trouble with her family. She probably thought I was going to hate her or tell her she was evil or something. I felt really bad though. I think I reassured her enough that she felt ok by the time she left. By the time I got home I was calm, which is what usually happens. The indicator will be if I fall asleep at a reasonable hour. The vet said nothing showed up on my kitty’s bloodwork so basically at this point I’m going to just monitor his weight and bring him back if he keeps losing. Personally I think there may be something wrong with his teeth or gums. His breath is HORRIBLE, I just noticed it the other day. That usually means there’s some decay or gum disease. I want to try to get him to eat canned food but he won’t. They both used to eat it every day and now neither one will even taste it no matter what brand, flavor, or style I get. I just gave up, I mean cheaper for me, right? But if eating hard kibble is hurting him then I want to at least get him to eat something. Maybe I’ll start moistening the dry food a bit to see if he’ll eat it that way. I’m going to leave a message for the vet as well and hopefully bring Cheeto back during winter break to see if that could be the issue. I really don’t know what I would do if it was something serious. I just don’t have any money for expensive medical bills for a cat, I don’t even have enough money for my own current medical debt. In other news a coworker in my classroom tested positive for Covid even though she’s fully vaccinated now I’m worried, I’ve slacked on getting my booster. I don’t know if we’re all going to be quarantined but I’m guessing no because they don’t want to lose a whole classroom. I don’t know what to do, I was going to send my son to a friend’s house next week but I’m not sure if I should unless I test negative. He was tested on Wednesday and tested negative but I just don’t know. I already got brought up on my attendance.

It sounds like Cheeto's tooth/teeth. I know well the fear of vet expense. I have no savings and constantly fear vet bills for one of my cats (I have 5 rescues). If you need to, be honest with your vet and try to work a payment out


btw, my cats LOVE their fountain! I bought it on Amazon for less than $30.

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Originally Posted by Sapien Way behind here, just saying hi (at 4am!)

Hi!

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Hey everyone ! Life is just stressing me out! Screening Mammo then turned into a diagnostic Mammo and ultra sound and GP now wants a Breast Specialist eval.. I wouldn't be as worried if both grandmothers hadn't died of breast cancer... Steve is leaving the 16th for Florida. His middle son is having a true wedding since they had a court house wedding during Covid and to see the Grandchild. I am staying home so I do worry about him making such a long drive. He assures me he will take as many breaks as he needs. Of course I will be a nervous wreck until he gets to Amandas place.. Who am I kidding??? I will be a nervous wreck until he gets back home. Did I mention he has some lung funk brewing?? Saw the Doctor yesterday so he's on antibiotics and prednisone. I'm sitting here hearing the winds pick up we have some potential nasty storms coming that caused a tornado in Ak that hit a nursing home I believe with fatalities Sorry I have been MIA and not here to support anyone... I hope to remedy this and be more present.. Hugs to anyone in need

I'm praying for you and sending love vibes. Keep us posted on the breast stuff

I live near where the deadly tornadoes hit in kentucky. please remember the people of bowling green and mayfield as well as every other town hit in your thoughts and prayers. guys..its really bad.

N3 scared me tonight. He hasn't been answering my mom's phone calls. So I asked him what was up and he would only grunt in response- except when I asked if he's mad at my mom and her husband and he said no. I don't know what his deal is but something seems up.

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Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 I live near where the deadly tornadoes hit in kentucky. please remember the people of bowling green and mayfield as well as every other town hit in your thoughts and prayers. guys..its really bad.

You got it, Halliebeth.

@BethRags

It is DEFINITELY his teeth/gums. I was able to wrestle him for a minute and checked - his gums around his molars are terribly red and inflamed! No wonder!!! I wouldn’t want to eat hard food with gums that look that painful. I feel terrible that I didn’t notice sooner. I will definitely be bringing him back. At least for that it’s hopefully a one time expensive fix and then just basic home maintenance like daily teeth brushing after. Which will not be fun since I didn’t introduce it as a kitten so he’s not going to be pleased.

What kind of fountain did you get? There are so many different ones! I am really getting annoyed about how snobby my cats are neither will eat canned food, they MUST have separate bowls and have the kibble replaced with fresh twice a day, and now Cheeto won’t even deign to drink still water? Ugh! Too bad I love them so much right??? I’ll do whatever they want, I’m their slave and they know it lol.

So horribly depressed today. I mean awful. I felt I couldn’t even get up off the couch. I picked up the living room enough to make it look like I did something useful while RS was out at a job but that’s about it. The anxiety was awful, just twisting my heart and stomach into knots. I took Xanax. I thought I was going to cry, which means bad, I never cry. Even when RS got home, I snuggled a bit but I had to get up, it was making things worse, I just kept thinking I need to SH, he needs to see I’m not worthy, he needs to leave and take my son away from me so I can’t hurt them anymore.

I haven’t showered in three days and that was the only place I felt I could go. Double bonus because I got clean. I just stood with the hot water running on me. I felt calmer after, and watched one of my fav stupid-yet-entertaining movies (mystery men) with RS for distraction. Then we had fun going through all the horror titles in the Amazon prime section. There was one about an evil llama sent from space that “terrifies college partiers” LOL. It was literally some sort of muppety like llama with glowing red eyes and one of the taglines was “there’s something wrong with that f’ing llama!” FOR REAL I LOVE IT. I don’t like horror but I think I’m going to start watching these obviously terrible ones just for fun.

I’m in bed now and took seroquel. Waiting for it to kick in. I gotta escape to sleep.

Oh no beth.
(((((HUGS))))))
sorry to read this . anything we can do to help?
bizi

Beth, I hope your panic has been erased by now.

I got up and took a shower and made a protein shake but just as I was finishing making it, N3 called and asked if I wanted to go to our favorite diner for brunch. Yay! He's not mad at me anymoreHe didn't say as much but his tone was warm. That was my thought when I woke up: "Oh no! N3 is mad at me". Anyway we are leaving soon.

I heard about the remake of West Side Story. I'm so glad you enjoyed the theater and were able to ease your anxiety with that nice outing. Now you have some of the music in my head. Great music!

My hair appointment is actually on Thursday, so I'll report about it after then. Tomorrow is a gynecologist appointment. Ugh! I hate them. But at least I did the necessary self-care all today. I'll just take a quick shower tomorrow before I go.

You're so right that we must walk that "tight rope". Sometimes it feels I'm on a seesaw unable to balance it right in the middle. One end to the other, and back and forth. Our efforts to keep that balance are big ones. We deserve lots of credit for the work.

@wildflowerchild25, that sounds fun the movies you're planning to watch. Do please get your mind off of the incorrect thinking (that SH does any good). I've been wanting to watch some things I like.


My husband is getting on my nerves. Perhaps he can say the same about me. I think it'll be good that we're visiting his sister and nephews. At least we'll have others to focus on and have focus on us.

I need my husband to simply go somewhere else (out or upstairs, etc.) so I can choose the entertainment. I find that with him home, it's way too often his choice. He complains about his sister being domineering, but really he is way more than he realizes. When he was at work, I had 100% rule of the house. When he came home, some of the time he was in another room in his office. Now, he spends all of the time in the living room, which is right outside our bedroom. I can't even go to the kitchen for a late night snack without him seeing it and a) being upset I didn't offer him any, and/or b) judging that I'm eating too much. As if he doesn't! He's more overweight than I am. I have even asked him if he is sick of ME a little, and wants me to be out of the house more. He said "No", and then looked upset knowing I feel differently.

I accidently sent a pacakage to the wrong address. Its a few blocks away but I've been spending yesterday afternoon and this morning trying to fix it. The company couldnt really help me since its supposed to be delivered either today or tomrrow. They said they could try contacting UPS. But I haven't heard back from them. So I set up a UPS account and I had it set so that all my packages would go to a UPS delivery spot. Kinda like how Amazon has those lockers. So I hope that works. I cant excatly tell if I did it correctly. It doesnt give me any details. Because I'm not sure what other options I have besides going to the address it was sent to and getting it from there. But its a $47 package.

So thats been a bit stressful but my new melatoinin worked great last night and I only needed one 10mil. So I can ditch the Benadryl. Which has caused me to gain about 10 pounds since Thanksgiving.

Besides the pacakage headache I feel fine today. My zofran worked well yesterday so I don't feel anxious or physically sick.

Happy Sunday everyone. I think I've mentioned it before, but I really dislike Sundays. I never have enjoyed them and there really isn't a reason why. It's just another day.


I'm doing alright today. To be fair to myself, I am doing better than OK but because I tend to fluctuate a lot I find being modest about where I am makes my mood seem more stable by playing a more neutral ground. I feel fine, would be more appropriate, for today. I haven't any plans and I feel like I'm just trying to burn the day away. It's only early afternoon and I am ready to go to bed lol. I've already taken a bath and had lunch and well, I'm not sure what else to do today. I may study something (as you guys know -- that's my go-to fun activity as weird as that is) or place some games. I'll figure out something to be sure, it's just a matter of settling on something.

Just a little catch-up, my appointments are gonna be slowing down some. My mood is much more stable and I've been on mood med for long enough to say it is effectively working. Unless something changes, there really isn't much need for the week/two week appointments. Beyond that, anxiety/ADHD meds are currently in trial but are promising. I feel like this may be the thing that finally works, but I won't get my hopes up to be let down. Unless it just stops seeming to work, I think we may have finally found something to cover all symptoms I experience. I have to commend my psychiatrist for not giving up, because I had. Therapy on the other hand will continue weekly. We are still in a get-to-know-you phase, but she does leave me with strategies and tips to help me every session. It's nice that I can focus on the pressing things in the moment rather than have a strict -- "today we do this" -- type of deal. Structured but flexible is a nice touch in my opinion.

I'm really not looking forward to Christmas this year. I am having to go to my brother's house in another state. We're flying there. First and foremost I want to let it be known I wasn't invited, my mom was. My mom insisted I had to go as well and went in on half for my ticket with my brother. [My living situation is a little complicated -- but my mom is independent, despite her claims I have to be here "to help her" , which is her excuse for me having to go with her to my brothers]. My brother and I don't tend to see eye-to-eye on a lot. Conversations don't have to get deep and they are usually fine, but we have some history that still affects me. He thinks poorly of me, and if he knew anything about me (we didn't grow up together and he was too busy raising a family and being a dad/husband in another state to really put too much into our relationship -- which was fine by me. I know that statement sounds as if I'm being judgemental but I'm not. Part of the problem is my brother blames me for not wanting to try to force a relationship and bond that I feel should have, or would have happened, growing up. It's just a little too late and I have no want to try to make it happen. He has some religious views that are concerning to me plus and he has used my nieces and nephews against me in the past because he was angry with me. I don't like the idea of 10 days with him. I just don't. Or going to a church that has had three (count them, three) sermons [my mom watches them on youtube] on how transgendered people are trying to convert and control the youth on tiktok, or how Joe Biden is the antichrist, or [insert other outrageous claim that is well beyond any scope of the teaching of Christianity in my personal, humble opinion and extorted for personal reasons]. I leave in 9 days. I'll try to make the best of it.


I hope everyone is doing well. I read something the other day and really stuck with me and I thought I might share it as I think it's rather appropriate for a mental health forum. Basically it was about being kinder to ourselves. We struggle, we all struggle -- and no one wants to suffer. Anyone who can look on in judgement and pretend there's a simple solution either doesn't see the whole picture, is oblivious to reality, or just a jerk. Finding a remedy for our suffering isn't easy, but it's worth working toward. Don't get discouraged by those who don't understand. I say that from personal experience - there are still days I feel I can't be "fixed" and I hide away in my room away from the world. I'm trying to be a bit kinder to myself today, and recognize that while I do suffer, and I hurt -- I am trying to find my path forward to a quality of life and that's the only thing that should matter, and the only person who it should matter to, is me and those I love. Just something to help keep the negativity in check. I need it sometimes.

Thanks I do hope that if it is anything that early detection will help.

I dont plan to go anywhere while he is gone I don't want to risk driving the Deer are stupid right now and I dont need a wreck while he is gone lol funny but true.. Dumb deer.

Thats good that you get some " me time" Steve is way laid back and I watch what I want to anytime, he just gets on his phone if its too annoying Haha

I will struggle to not over eat for sure...

Hugs ~

The Tornados here were closer around Nashville.... loss of life again. Here at my home we had once again brutal straight line winds and rain so hard impossible to see 2 feet out the window but other than losing a couple trees we are okay.

I can't even wrap my head around what has happened in Kentucky. So many people losing Family and friends, just gone.. I have a friend that I couldn't get a hold of that finally let me know she is okay. I can't bear to turn on the news for update on lives lost.

Hugs to anyone in need

My husband and I were watching US news all the way in Europe. It's just horrible what happened! Hugs to you and all the best to the many folks affected by the tornado. These have been a couple nasty years, for sure!

Thank you ! It really has been horrible with severe weather the last few years. Steve sister will be up in January, they sold there home in Florida very fast. She was in a bit of a panic yesterday over the weather. These storms come screaming from the West and it is scary.

I hope it’s just a blip and you’re fine. You know I’m sending purple vibes your way.

The tornadoes were freaky. So late in the year. I did watch the news Saturday to see coverage, it’s so shocking and sad. The damage horrendous.

I’m not doing much today, took a shower and going to the store in a bit.

You're purple vibes always help me! Thank you Thank you

The weather guy on CNN infuriated me yesterday He kept reporting about how uncommon Tornadoes are at night in this whole area.. Almost every single one in years have hit at night ! That's what causes so much loss of life because no one sees them coming and the majority of people are home sleeping. Yes its not a typical time of year but still it happens. There was a couple tornados that hit right before Covid stopped everything in its track as far as helping people displaced by one.

Spring is the worst time for Tornados here. Often line after line of severe weather hits us over and over.. I am a nervous wreck in winter in fear pipes will freeze, Spring hellish storms and Summer way to hot LOL I truly only like Fall and we never seem to get a long enough season !

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 @BethRags It is DEFINITELY his teeth/gums. I was able to wrestle him for a minute and checked - his gums around his molars are terribly red and inflamed! No wonder!!! I wouldn’t want to eat hard food with gums that look that painful. I feel terrible that I didn’t notice sooner. I will definitely be bringing him back. At least for that it’s hopefully a one time expensive fix and then just basic home maintenance like daily teeth brushing after. Which will not be fun since I didn’t introduce it as a kitten so he’s not going to be pleased. What kind of fountain did you get? There are so many different ones! I am really getting annoyed about how snobby my cats are neither will eat canned food, they MUST have separate bowls and have the kibble replaced with fresh twice a day, and now Cheeto won’t even deign to drink still water? Ugh! Too bad I love them so much right??? I’ll do whatever they want, I’m their slave and they know it lol.

Poor guy. No wonder he's not eating. I buy Catit fountains. They're less than $30. You have to buy replacement filters every now and then, but they're not expensive. I keep it full (pour water into it) every day and I take the fountain apart and clean it once/week. So go to Amazon, go to "Pets" and enter Catit Fountain. I bet they'll love it

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour ...Our efforts to keep that balance are big ones. We deserve lots of credit for the work.

By God, we do!!

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Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow Didn't sleep well at all last night. A tornado entered my area last night. It was a much more "real" scenario than ever experienced before. I know it sounds crazy, especially seeing as I've never experienced a tornado, but it got real quiet and it sounded like a train in the background (which there are no trains near me). About 3.5 miles from where I live, a tornado hit. It was a horrid situation. Multiple home collapses, people trapped and injured and emergency personnel couldn't reach them due to trees and power lines down. I got really upset hearing the calls come in about it. (My mom keeps the scanner on always, and she was the one listening to them). I had to just come back to my room when things calmed down and try to rest, but it didn't come easily. TV was talking as if this may go down in history as one of the worst area natural disasters we've ever had. (In December no less!) The pictures are unbelievable, literal homes completely leveled. They haven't assessed yet but it's clear it was more than just straight-line winds. I'm just curious what category the tornado was. Other than that, I'm ok. I can't really complain. Let's hope for a calmer day and evening tonight.

I'm terribly sorry about the tornados. Horrific.

Winds, I am able to read and reply to your posts on the check-in thread. I'm really confused about what's going on. I wish you'd give me a chance. I have absolutely no idea who you "were." With very much hard work I am a vastly different person than I was even a year ago. I'm referring specifically to anger.

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Originally Posted by Sapien Possible trigger: I just want to die.

There's not much I can do, but I am sending you love vibes~**~*~**