Bipolar check-in #60

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate.

I’m mostly ready. Just got to make the green bean casserole. I’m making two big ones cause whenever we got together there was no leftovers. Mum is worrying, that’s what she does, worries herself sick and can enjoy anything. But it only takes a few minutes prep and I want it to go straight from the oven to the cooler to the car so it stays hot. So I have it timed.

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate! Miss Mustachio was zooming around the house all morning. Now she's in my bed taking a nap. I'm listening to Christmas music. Still gotta put the turkey in the oven. I'm roasting some potatoes in there with it. Doing it a bit later than I had planned. Just had a slow start to the day and wasn't feeling motivated at first. The stuffing and mac and cheese are already done, I did those yesterday. Vegetables are canned so just have to be heated up later. And cranberry sauce is chilled and ready to go.

The 🦃 turkey is in the oven! We are set to eat about 6. I haven't put the green bean casserole in yet. We are going to make a fire soon and have snacks. Yay! N1 is here but N2 and N3 aren't getting here till closer to when we eat.

I made it here with no traffic. I am at the hotel though because I didn't want to see my family. I already had a headache before my mom, brother, and sisters family even left the hotel. All my mom had was some asprin. I shouldnt take asprin. But whatever. I thought my microwave macaroni and cheese was going to get secuirty called to my room it sounded like a bomb going off because the plate was uneven. Basically today I'm just super tired from basically being up since 11:30 last night. I'm glad I'm not at my Thanksgiving celebration though. Its probably a mess there right now. My mom is one of 8 kids and then they got married and had kids and so on and so on. People are accepting of me I just don't have the energy.

Last night I was reading up on my high blood levels and it says a common treatment is to donate blood. I'm not sure my blood is any good because of all the meds I'm on. But I go back on my injections when I get home on Saturday. I really am not sure what to expect after being off them for 2 weeks. My mom had been saying for a long time we would go shopping tomrrow but now she is BSing around the issue and kind of putting me last again as a kind of after thought. I've been here for 3 hours and I've already had it. I can't wait until the snoring starts. I brought my weighted blanket so I can sleep on the bathroom floor if I have to. I know thats gross but its not something I haven't done before when I've had to share a room with a loud snorer

Possible trigger:

ODed yesterday on some leftover Clonazepam. Took 3mg, the equivalent of 60mg of Valium.

Didn't really feel the effects yesterday but all day today i have been content to lounge on the sofa, resting on and off. It was a cold rainy day so the weather was in-tune with my mood.

Feeling alone and ignored at the same time as desiring privacy. Feeling mixed-up, i guess. I'm Canadian so it's not Thanksgiving here but it is on all my soaps, so that's bringing me down. It's not a good time of year with Christmas getting closer every single day. I know i'll feel really pressured on Christmas Day. Just endure it, i guess.

I cancelled my appointment next Tuesday with my doctor for a PAP test. I don't feel up to it and there's no urgency. Decided it would be more stressful to have an in-home groomer for my dog rather than taking her to a salon so cancelled that appointment too and now i have NO APPOINTMENTS. I don't like having commitments.

Was looking thru my email files for something and came across the file of all the emails between me and that guy i had the online Summer thing with. Deleted them. They're just a bad memory now.

My giant rubber tree plant, the only houseplant i have, needs water, a leaf is dying. I've decided to let the whole plant die, just to be perverse. My last guest admired it, it's quite lovely, but i am tired of watering in and it will give me pleasure to see it wither away. It's an heirloom plant i inherited from a neighbor, over 35 years old.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ... I thought my microwave macaroni and cheese was going to get secuirty called to my room it sounded like a bomb going off because the plate was uneven. ...

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Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013 Possible trigger: ODed yesterday on some leftover Clonazepam. Took 3mg, the equivalent of 60mg of Valium. Didn't really feel the effects yesterday but all day today i have been content to lounge on the sofa, resting on and off. It was a cold rainy day so the weather was in-tune with my mood. Feeling alone and ignored at the same time as desiring privacy. Feeling mixed-up, i guess. I'm Canadian so it's not Thanksgiving here but it is on all my soaps, so that's bringing me down. It's not a good time of year with Christmas getting closer every single day. I know i'll feel really pressured on Christmas Day. Just endure it, i guess. I cancelled my appointment next Tuesday with my doctor for a PAP test. I don't feel up to it and there's no urgency. Decided it would be more stressful to have an in-home groomer for my dog rather than taking her to a salon so cancelled that appointment too and now i have NO APPOINTMENTS. I don't like having commitments. Was looking thru my email files for something and came across the file of all the emails between me and that guy i had the online Summer thing with. Deleted them. They're just a bad memory now. My giant rubber tree plant, the only houseplant i have, needs water, a leaf is dying. I've decided to let the whole plant die, just to be perverse. My last guest admired it, it's quite lovely, but i am tired of watering in and it will give me pleasure to see it whither away. It's an heirloom plant i inherited from a neighbor, over 35 years old.

What is your medication situation? You've sounded frighteningly depressed for quite a while.

Survived! My green beans went over well. My secret is that I put a dash of cayenne pepper in them, not too much. Got home just as the sun set, that was nice. Don’t like driving in the dark. The food was scrumptious. Only ate one helping but was still to full for pie.

@BethRags:

While i appreciate your curiosity, i don't care to discuss my meds. I feel that's between me and my doctor. I welcome support in other ways, just not that one. I have a couple options if my depression gets worse so there's no need for fear, tho i am grateful for your concern.

I had a lovely Thanksgiving with my family. I provided a nice, clean house, the turkey and 2 casseroles. My sister provided the rest. Much laughter and camaraderie. A good time was had by all.

After everyone left, my daughter sat me down for a heart to heart. She says she sees the deterioration in me and is concerned. I must work harder to set firmer boundaries and get out of a situation of enmeshment. I appreciate her gifting me with more clarity. Tomorrow is a new day and I’ll up my game.

I hope everyone has a peaceful Friday. I think we’re going out for coffee and a movie. Looking forward to it.

These last few days have been very busy. Me and two of my nieces and one of my nephews and one of my cousins decorated the house for Christmas and though it was fun it was also very tiring. Needless to say, the house looks very Christmassy. After that fun busy day when I was alone at night, I found myself tearing up for no reason. Maybe it`s because I felt alone or maybe it`s that awful depression that`s always at my side.

Last night I was busy cooking and cleaning up the kitchen. Then this morning I did some more cooking then in the afternoon we had the Thanksgiving festivities at my older sister`s house. It was all very nice. Now I`m just doing laundry and waiting for it to be done so maybe I can go to bed but I don`t feel tired or sleepy yet

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013 @BethRags: While i appreciate your curiosity, i don't care to discuss my meds. I feel that's between me and my doctor. I welcome support in other ways, just not that one. I have a couple options if my depression gets worse so there's no need for fear, tho i am grateful for your concern.

I understand. I'm VERY glad to know that you do have options

Well, about 20 minutes ago (10:20 am Central European time), the very first snow of the season started to fall near my home. It is welcome and exciting. I mean, many people love snow, but the first is always special. Isn't it? I took a couple photos to share. One is of the hillside and fields across from my house. The other is our bird feeder. The birds have been gobbling up the seed from the feeder for a while, but the first FINALLY discovered the suet, which is behind the feeder. Or at least that was first I saw one there. The kind of bird is described and pictured at Sykora modřinka – Wikipedie if interested.

Covid 19 is getting quite horrible again in Europe, including Czech Republic. Stricter rules are being implemented again. Unvaccinated people are no longer permitted to eat in restaurants, so wait staff must check your vaccination card. The restaurants get heavily fined if they don't check. I think that many European countries are possibly close to another lock down. For that reason, our plan to drive to France is put on hold until this eases again. I'm hoping it will be in late January, but it could be further from then. It's also scary to read about the new variant in South Africa, Botswana, and Hong Kong. Ugh!

The president of Czech Republic has been in the hospital for several weeks because of...um...alcohol withdrawal and likely cirrhosis of the liver. It's rumored that he was even in some kind of coma at one point, or having severe DTs. He got out, against medical advice, just the other day and was then exposed to a government worker with covid. He now has that, despite three boosters, and is back in the hospital. He has no covid symptoms yet. His officially "unspecified illness" these last several weeks has long delayed the swearing in of the newly elected prime minister. Now it's yet further delayed.

The snow has accumulated a bit. It's starting too look like a winter wonderland. I pushed Hubby to join me for a nice walk in the snow. We just got back and are warming up. It's already halfway dark outside and it's only 4:18 pm.

I came up with an idea for Hubby's and my joint Christmas gift. We are hoping to go for about four days for a ski trip. I don't ski, but Hubby does and last Christmas I bought him brand new skis, ski boots, and the other necessary equipment. So, he'd better use them already. He didn't ski at all last year, as we were in the midst of selling our house, then going on a southern US road trip, then moving to Europe and setting up a home. Hopefully things won't be locked down for covid. A plan if ski resorts are open in CZ, but we're restricted to go elsewhere would be to pick a place on the Czech/Austrian border. In some places, you can start your skiing in CZ, then suddenly be on Austrian slopes.

I had a fine Thanksgiving, despite the family rift the small gathering we had was nice. It went a lot better than anticipated so I won't complain. Holidays aren't my favorite in general. I am glad it's over though haha.

Days are going OK. I'm doing OK on this medicine I think. I take it right before bed and while I wake up around 6-7 hours later , I'm not experiencing any effects. That's still better sleep than I usually get. (Although I've noticed waking up a lot and trying to fall back to sleep.) I'll take it. It really isn't something worth complaining about and another medicine to my cocktail is off the table.

Haven't done my homework for therapy the last few days. I really can't get into the habit of not doing it... it'll end poorly.

Nothing planned the rest of the day. I'll probably just take a nap.

Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday is you celebrate and live in the US.

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013 @BethRags: While i appreciate your curiosity, i don't care to discuss my meds. I feel that's between me and my doctor. I welcome support in other ways, just not that one. I have a couple options if my depression gets worse so there's no need for fear, tho i am grateful for your concern.

btw- curiosity isn't why I asked about your meds. I'm not shallow or uncaring. I'm not on this forum because I'm curious. I asked because I'm hoping that someone, whether I or someone else, could give you a suggestion or 2 regarding your meds. You have posted some alarming stuff lately.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Well, about 20 minutes ago (10:20 am Central European time), the very first snow of the season started to fall near my home. It is welcome and exciting. I mean, many people love snow, but the first is always special. Isn't it? I took a couple photos to share. One is of the hillside and fields across from my house. The other is our bird feeder. The birds have been gobbling up the seed from the feeder for a while, but the first FINALLY discovered the suet, which is behind the feeder. Or at least that was first I saw one there. The kind of bird is described and pictured at Sykora modřinka – Wikipedie if interested. Covid 19 is getting quite horrible again in Europe, including Czech Republic. Stricter rules are being implemented again. Unvaccinated people are no longer permitted to eat in restaurants, so wait staff must check your vaccination card. The restaurants get heavily fined if they don't check. I think that many European countries are possibly close to another lock down. For that reason, our plan to drive to France is put on hold until this eases again. I'm hoping it will be in late January, but it could be further from then. It's also scary to read about the new variant in South Africa, Botswana, and Hong Kong. Ugh! The president of Czech Republic has been in the hospital for several weeks because of...um...alcohol withdrawal and likely cirrhosis of the liver. It's rumored that he was even in some kind of coma at one point, or having severe DTs. He got out, against medical advice, just the other day and was then exposed to a government worker with covid. He now has that, despite three boosters, and is back in the hospital. He has no covid symptoms yet. His officially "unspecified illness" these last several weeks has long delayed the swearing in of the newly elected prime minister. Now it's yet further delayed.

The snow looks so lovely. As for the president...hmmm...

I wasn't even aware of the new covid variant until this morning. I hardly watch or read the news because it makes my anxiety so intense so I'm really out of the loop on things. I mean I have all 3 of my vaccinations, wear masks, and social distance, etc but the news gets me in an extreme panic state so I try to avoid it. but I ended up reading a little bit about that this morning on my news app. It is concerning

I like your pictures, it looks very pretty there

I'm glad you're doing okay on your new medication and sleeping better

I had an alright Thanksgiving.. I made a turkey. It's just me and my cat here so I didn't make many sides. I normally like to make a lot more but wasn't feeling very ambitious this year

I have a headache so I think I'm going to make a coffee and see if that helps. It's very cold, windy, rainy and snowy out today so I'm just relaxing inside

I'm excited because I have a pillsbury white cake mix and some funfetti green vanilla frosting, so I'm going to make a cake probably this weekend, I love cake!

Aww blue bird mrs m looks very much at home!

I'm doing very well today. I know its bad but an extra 20 mil geodon makes so much of a diffrence the next day. I am getting so much shopping done and finding all kinds of stuff. I found purple sweet potatos that are actually purple on the inside. And I found 3 big tubes of chocolate European smarties. The last time I was here the stores didn't have any. I got all my usual European candy and some christmas stuff. This time the store had peanut butter Kit Kats and they haven't had those in a couple years. At another store I found the holy grail of all sodas. Orange vanilla Coke zero. I haven't seen that since before the pandemic. I am trying to quit soda but when I find stuff I've been looking for for almost 2 years its hard to pass it up. I also found 2 new holiday types of soda and vanilla Pepsi which I've never really seen before. I mean I have but its not common. I also got baking brie and eggnog. But yeah today is going good but as I've said I don't know what tomrrow or sunday will bring when I go back on the injections. I'm just hoping for the best.

@Blue_Bird I think I meant to tell you awhile back but forgot -- Miss Mustachio is adorable and I really enjoy your pics you share! I lost my Kiki cat of 11 years recently, and Miss Mustachio reminds me a lot of her in coloring. It makes me smile

We did Thanksgiving/Christmas last night we decided to make this the new tradition so he can get anything he wants after and he won't have to run around on Christmas with his significant other.