Bipolar check-in #60

The maid is invading my space today. The stairs to the attic where the Christmas decorations are is in my room (a converted garage). Mom is having her drag down Christmas ornaments from the past 50+ years. Annoying. Mom can be stubborn. She gets an idea in her head and is like a dog with a bone. What we are going to do with 50+ years of ornaments is beyond me. I have things to do and I can’t do them right now.

Yesterday was slow and quiet. I got my labs done. I watched Elf with mom while eating taco soup and sipping hot chocolate. I don’t usually like Will Ferrell but Elf was good. I talked to my daughter for 45 minutes. It was a nice day.

There’s a route listed in the paper to see the best Christmas lights in our town. I’m going to take mom in the next few days. I’m looking forward to that. I’ve got the Christmas spirit.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

Jennifer, Will Ferrell is very good in Stranger Than Fiction too.

I’m in pain and have been since last Friday. My dr has me in an antibiotic and I’ve seen him twice this week. If next when I finish it I don’t feel better I may have to have surgery

Oh no Halliebeth, I hope you feel better and don’t need the surgery. Although every time I’ve had surgery it worked.

Today is weird. They’ve been going on and on about a big winter storm coming. They started yesterday running the crawls across the TV. They canceled schools and everything else for today,….so far no snow, no wind, no storm. I ran to Culver’s and got lunch. Both of us only ate half so we have supper too. It’s going on 2 and nothing. No reason to cancel school.

It was pointed out to me that my cat is a good support animal. I was having a horrible dream, I had a very bad headache and was suicidal and he woke me up. And licked my face. He normally doesn’t do things like that. He’s very much a cats cat. He doesn’t cuddle. But he sat with me until the dream receded and I realized I was fine. No headache and no despair. Things were normal. He’s 16-17 years old though.

I just got back from seeing my trans doctor. My blood pressure was very high. I admitted to her about the pitcher of matcha. The nurse had to take it twice once on each arm and then she took it manually and then it was still high but not alarminly high like before. So I've just had water since. The doctor and I talked about the anxiety I was having. He said I could try a gel instead of the shots but the gel was very hard to get covered by insurance. We talked about maybe going down a bit more on my dose. Finally we agreed to stay at the same dose but go to every other week. He was letting me make the decisons and I was getting a bit confused. But he said my levels are ok now. I asked him if I could get some zofran because of my nausea and he agreed to give me a 30 day supply but he says the zofran is more of a primary issue. He was super nice though. I asked him about surgery and he was talking about people in Pittsburg and Oregon but my pdoc knows a surgeon personally from my old state who does the surgery. So I think I'll bring it up again with him when I see him. Because Pittsburg and Oregon are way too far and my mom is even hesitant about going where my pdoc is suggesting I go. But the problem is theres just not too many doctors who do this type of surgery in the states.

But I'm hoping my zofran makes me feel better and going to every other week is better. My doctor wants to talk to my mom. Everybody wants to talk to her despite the fact I'm almost 29. But I see him again in March and he wants bloodwork before that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 ... There’s a route listed in the paper to see the best Christmas lights in our town. I’m going to take mom in the next few days. I’m looking forward to that. I’ve got the Christmas spirit. I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

Enjoy that! I'm planning to do the same. The holiday decorations are such fun.

I got my meds with just one phone call! I had them delivered and everything! Boy is the service at Walmart better than at Loblaws. So glad i switched.

Otherwise, i have a bad case of the Christmas blues. I keep reminding myself to be grateful for what i DO have, many things to be grateful for. There are people happier than me and people more unhappy than me. Things could be a lot worse.

I think my dog is sick. She's been attached to o me laying on me all day. And then growled when my nephew was stepping over her. That's not like her.

I was so wired today. My student misinterpreted my joking and she started crying thinking I was mad at her. It’s no one’s fault, she has autism so sometimes she doesn’t understand jokes and she also has a lot of trouble with her family. She probably thought I was going to hate her or tell her she was evil or something. I felt really bad though. I think I reassured her enough that she felt ok by the time she left.

By the time I got home I was calm, which is what usually happens. The indicator will be if I fall asleep at a reasonable hour.

The vet said nothing showed up on my kitty’s bloodwork so basically at this point I’m going to just monitor his weight and bring him back if he keeps losing. Personally I think there may be something wrong with his teeth or gums. His breath is HORRIBLE, I just noticed it the other day. That usually means there’s some decay or gum disease. I want to try to get him to eat canned food but he won’t. They both used to eat it every day and now neither one will even taste it no matter what brand, flavor, or style I get. I just gave up, I mean cheaper for me, right? But if eating hard kibble is hurting him then I want to at least get him to eat something. Maybe I’ll start moistening the dry food a bit to see if he’ll eat it that way. I’m going to leave a message for the vet as well and hopefully bring Cheeto back during winter break to see if that could be the issue. I really don’t know what I would do if it was something serious. I just don’t have any money for expensive medical bills for a cat, I don’t even have enough money for my own current medical debt.

In other news a coworker in my classroom tested positive for Covid even though she’s fully vaccinated now I’m worried, I’ve slacked on getting my booster. I don’t know if we’re all going to be quarantined but I’m guessing no because they don’t want to lose a whole classroom. I don’t know what to do, I was going to send my son to a friend’s house next week but I’m not sure if I should unless I test negative. He was tested on Wednesday and tested negative but I just don’t know. I already got brought up on my attendance.

Have you tried baby food meats on the cat food? You have to get some cat food in because they need a supplement but when I had a 21 year old cat in renal failure and with very few teeth that would tempt her to eat when nothing else did (she did eat canned through the end of her life but sometimes would stop taking much and I would think things were bad and then the baby food would get her going again).

Also, from experience, yes the bad breath and not eating can definitely be teeth. It was for my Anna. She had to have most of her teeth pulled because they were decayed and/or broken when she was quite old (18?). Her health improved drastically and she even gained a pound after the surgery.

As it turns out the pain is not as bad as it has been. Perhaps it will just stop hurting altogether before next week!? I have a big decision to make on whether I want the surgery. My Dr told me if it doesnt hurt I do not have have the mass removed but it scares me to leave it....

im scared!

Hey everyone !

Life is just stressing me out! Screening Mammo then turned into a diagnostic Mammo and ultra sound and GP now wants a Breast Specialist eval.. I wouldn't be as worried if both grandmothers hadn't died of breast cancer...

Steve is leaving the 16th for Florida. His middle son is having a true wedding since they had a court house wedding during Covid and to see the Grandchild. I am staying home so I do worry about him making such a long drive. He assures me he will take as many breaks as he needs. Of course I will be a nervous wreck until he gets to Amandas place.. Who am I kidding??? I will be a nervous wreck until he gets back home.

Did I mention he has some lung funk brewing?? Saw the Doctor yesterday so he's on antibiotics and prednisone.

I'm sitting here hearing the winds pick up we have some potential nasty storms coming that caused a tornado in Ak that hit a nursing home I believe with fatalities

Sorry I have been MIA and not here to support anyone... I hope to remedy this and be more present..

Hugs to anyone in need

Way behind here, just saying hi (at 4am!)

I barely slept a wink with the awful storms all night. Two of my friends survived a tornado in two separate towns/states! I was a nervous wreck all night

You can always talk to me on messenger! I’ll be praying for Steve!!

@~Christina, that's nice that your son will have a bone fide traditional wedding. I'm sure Steve will be fine with the drive. I hope his lung issues ease soon. They have even after that particularly hard time, a while back. As for your breast examination, I imagine you keep on top of those things. No matter what is found, if anything of concern, I imagine it can be dealt with well. So many women with breast cancer, nowadays, survive it. In fact, it's been a while that I heard of anyone who hasn't. At least no one I know personally. Hugs and strength to you in getting through that stressor. Do you have any plans during Steve's time in Florida to treat yourself in a pleasant way? On the very rare occasions my husband is away, I watch and listen to whatever I want. All the stuff my husband doesn't like. Then I have a food marathon eating everything he can't or won't.

Yes, I think the psychosis presentation of covid is getting more attention. My husband and I actually read about it for the first time shortly before his friend got covid. It was in the NY Times.

I find with my bipolar disorder that I MUST have plenty of breaks between heavy activity and stressors. If I go on too long without, it catches up to me. I have built up a bit more endurance for such things, but unfortunately I can't and may never again be able to handle what people without such challenges can. It's OK. I don't shed any tears about it. Such self-care is so important.

The good thing about nice salons is that they usually offer ice water. Often ice water is necessary for me in order to not sweat from anxiety/stress. I tend to sweat in such cases, which only exacerbates the situation. I did even in the US, but here the language barrier makes it worse. I do give myself some credit for managing, though. But again, I have my limit. Us curly haired gals do understand about that. It's a blessing in one way, and a hassle.

How are you doing today, @BethRags?

I'm really tired. Last night I went to bed at 7:30 pm. I did wake up around 5:00 am, but then fell asleep soon after until after 8:00 am. Marathon. I'm tired right now. I feel like I do most all of the physical tasks for the household. I try not to complain because Hubby does other things. Also, some of my labor is self-induced with projects I could choose not to start. As mentioned, this coming week will be busy. All my stuff, rather than Hubby's. He will drive me to most or all, so he should get some credit, as well. But the true stressful parts he won't deal with. He'll either go to a cafe and enjoy coffee/tea or walk around town, or return home and let me find my own way back. Last time I went to the salon, it was a challenge for me, but I managed. Didn't like to have to do so, though.

@BeyondtheRainbow
Thanks for the advice! I will definitely try that. I have to get him to eat something. He’s also acting weird about the water, he won’t drink from the bowl! However he will drink from the bathtub faucet so I’ve been leaving that dripping. I might buy a cat water fountain. Im going crazy here! I did leave a message for the vet to float my theory. He’ll be back on Monday.

Sleep was a no go. I took seroquel at midnight, didn’t want to lay awake all night. I woke up with a start at 7:30am thinking it was already 10am. I had a bad dream too, SH dream.

I don’t feel very good today. More depressed than the last three days. I wonder if the vraylar is indeed helping but wears off since I only take it twice a week. If I feel better on Sunday for a couple of days then that’s probably true. I have another appointment with my pdoc on so if it is the case she’ll probably bump up the frequency.

I’m gonna schedule a Covid test to put my mind at ease.

Didn't sleep well at all last night. A tornado entered my area last night. It was a much more "real" scenario than ever experienced before. I know it sounds crazy, especially seeing as I've never experienced a tornado, but it got real quiet and it sounded like a train in the background (which there are no trains near me). About 3.5 miles from where I live, a tornado hit. It was a horrid situation. Multiple home collapses, people trapped and injured and emergency personnel couldn't reach them due to trees and power lines down. I got really upset hearing the calls come in about it. (My mom keeps the scanner on always, and she was the one listening to them). I had to just come back to my room when things calmed down and try to rest, but it didn't come easily. TV was talking as if this may go down in history as one of the worst area natural disasters we've ever had. (In December no less!) The pictures are unbelievable, literal homes completely leveled. They haven't assessed yet but it's clear it was more than just straight-line winds. I'm just curious what category the tornado was.

Other than that, I'm ok. I can't really complain. Let's hope for a calmer day and evening tonight.

I'm kind of anxious today. But my zofran is in and I'm picking it up now so hopefully it helps with my physical symptoms. I ate a couple pacakges of Indian flavors of Lays chips last night. They were spicy but not unbearable. But around 2AM I woke up coughing because I had thrown up in my mouth. I tried just coughing things out but it was pretty painful. So I got some water and my throat was still hurting so I took a cepcaol. But then I was able to get back to sleep for a couple more hours.

I went to get something from my storage rack in the garage and I saw a mouse scurrying along the middle shelf. I said "nope" and closed the door. So I'll be moving the entire storage rack to my room because I will not go into the garage if there are mice in there. My mom saw it and said it wasnt that big but she kept jumping back because it kept getting closer to her and she didn't want it to jump at her.

But today my anxiety is slightly crappy but I think my stomach is upset from the chips.

Edit: I took a zofran with a valium and it was like magic. I always remembred zofran working really well for physical symptoms that then also made anxiety really bad. I actually feel a bit euphroic right now because I havent felt this great in a long time. But my trans doctor wants me to talk to my primary because he says nausea is not normal and Zofran is not something he typically prescribes. But he gave me 30 with no refill so I can get through Christmas.

I got my storage rack moved and I have a lot less food then I thought. Which is good because I was worried I was hoarding a bit. But my food just seems like a normal amount for the type of stuff I eat. I have a lot of rice cakes but I can sometimes go through 2 bags a week.

I drank 2 sodas I got from the indian market. One had no date but was totally flat. The other expired in May but still tasted ok. I like this place, they have cool stuff but I think its agasint the law to be selling expired products. I hope the stuff I ordred online from canada and england is ok.

During the summer my moms friend gave me this 3 layer melatoinin which worked great. The first layer is calming. The second layer is fast acting and the 3rd layer helps you stay asleep longer. It worked pretty good but I ran out of it. I've been using benadryl which has been a mess on my weight. So my mom found the melatoinin at Walgreens. $22 for 60 tablets. No wonder it works so well.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Yes, I think the psychosis presentation of covid is getting more attention. My husband and I actually read about it for the first time shortly before his friend got covid. It was in the NY Times. Scary stuff. I find with my bipolar disorder that I MUST have plenty of breaks between heavy activity and stressors. If I go on too long without, it catches up to me. I have built up a bit more endurance for such things, but unfortunately I can't and may never again be able to handle what people without such challenges can. It's OK. I don't shed any tears about it. Such self-care is so important. Yes. Over-doing it can be deleterious. At the same time, "under-doing" can cause problems, too. Let's face it...we're tightrope walkers! The good thing about nice salons is that they usually offer ice water. Often ice water is necessary for me in order to not sweat from anxiety/stress. I tend to sweat in such cases, which only exacerbates the situation. I did even in the US, but here the language barrier makes it worse. I do give myself some credit for managing, though. But again, I have my limit. Us curly haired gals do understand about that. It's a blessing in one way, and a hassle. Ahhh...the ice water is a blessing - one of the reasons I do choose more upscale salons. I find water to be essential to my well-being. How are you doing today, @BethRags?

Thank you so much for asking. I had an epiphany last night. I absolutely love the (original) West Side Story...I've seen it at least twenty times. SO, I was quite excited when the remake came out. I took myself to see the new one last night (I really enjoy movie theaters). The film was spectacular! Voila - today I have not had any panic! I am concluding that I need to get myself out more. Since covid/my achilles surgery I seldom leave my apartment. When I do, it's to medical/therapy appointments or to the grocery store. Traditionally, I've been a more social person. I think the isolation is wearing on my high-strung nerves. Henceforth, I'm going to make sure I do something...going to a movie is excellent...once a month. Something to look forward to, to get dressed for. To be happy - and to be annoyed! (For example, the woman next to me who had a comment for every event in the movie. I did change seats!) Human interaction.

How do you like your hair? How'd the experience go?