Bipolar check-in #61

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Beth, I’m sorry your therapist is so inconsiderate. If it were me I’d be screwing up the courage to quit this therapist altogether. I did that with my old pdoc when she consistently ran at least an hour behind in appointments. Once I had an appt scheduled for 9am and she didn’t even come in until 9:30! No call to say she’d be late and the receptionist didn’t even say she wasn’t there yet when I checked in. That was it for me! Really only you can decide if you’ve reached the end of your therapy journey. I think plenty of people do get to a point where it’s just not useful anymore, and why keep paying for something that’s not even helping? If I couldn’t stay with my current therapist for some reason or another I’d be done with therapy. I don’t have the patience to tell my whole sorry tale to another person!

Thank you wfc. Your post makes a lot of sense to me.

I'm so sorry you're not doing well lately. I've noticed that your posts are less and less "optimistic" than they used to be. Could it be meds?

I’m feeling like death on a stick again today but with added flu like symptoms. I hope it’s not Covid. Some of my family is not vaccinated although I am and I’ve had the booster so you’d think I wouldn’t feel so bad if I’m a break through case. I’d really like to see my daughter as much as possible before she leaves town but I’m going to have to break down and go to the doctor. Drat! I feel old, creaky and tired.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I did something kinda dumb last night. But this is the best I've felt in days so I feel like it was worth it.



So because of all that I feel a lot better today mental health wise as I often do after I have a night like that. I got a lot of shopping done. I got some grocery shopping done and I also spent my Kohls gift card.

The pharmacy wont refill my geodon 20 because its too early. So I'm hoping the 25 lamictal gets me through these next few days. I do really need to figure out the 80 mil situation though. I wonder if the entire office is out since they arent returning my calls and they are usually good about that.

It’s a twelve day January term class! Death, dying and bereavement. It’s stressful already but will help when I’m doing my practicum to have this elective finished.

Yes, I do think that has at least something to do with it. I haven’t been on the proper dose of one of them for over a week. My incompetent pharmacy said they called to authorize a refill but never did, so I got ahold of my dr, and she refilled it but they won’t have it in stock until tomorrow. I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes even longer than that to get it though, they never seem in a rush to refill my meds. I HATE this pharmacy but my insurance won’t let me go anywhere else.

I’m wondering honestly if the depakote is just no longer working. I’ve been on it, same dose, for four years. Unfortunately if I go over 1000mg my hair starts to fall out.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Yes, I do think that has at least something to do with it. I haven’t been on the proper dose of one of them for over a week. My incompetent pharmacy said they called to authorize a refill but never did, so I got ahold of my dr, and she refilled it but they won’t have it in stock until tomorrow. I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes even longer than that to get it though, they never seem in a rush to refill my meds. I HATE this pharmacy but my insurance won’t let me go anywhere else. I’m wondering honestly if the depakote is just no longer working. I’ve been on it, same dose, for four years. Unfortunately if I go over 1000mg my hair starts to fall out.

I'll bet the improper dose is having a bad effect on you. Thankfully the med will be in tomorrow! It is so stressful to work with a lousy pharmacy.

Today is my birthday. I'm 59! Haha, I don't know how that happened. Kind-of an interesting age to be. I had a really nice conversation with my son this morning. This afternoon I'm going to treat myself to 3 macarons (lovely little colorful Parisian cookies) from a nice bakery nearby.

Still struggling with anxiety, still wondering why my pdoc refuses to prescribe more effective medication. And still stressing about my therapy (or rather my therapist). I haven't even seen her for 2 weeks because she keeps calling out, and frankly, I haven't missed sessions. I feel like ghosting her, but that would be cruel. Or telling her over the phone that I "need a break" then just never go back. Grrr.

Loving hugs all around~

I’m so down today. I’m hoping it just lack of sleep. But seriously thinking of quitting all meds. Just got my insurance statement for the year. What my insurance paid for meds was more than I get from SSDI to live on in a whole year. That is so ridiculous. It is mostly my AP that racks up the price. I’m just so irritated again and finding everything just too much. I’ve taken my hearing aids off as any sound sets me off. Wish I could just sleep and disappear into one of my colorful wacky dreams.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday 🎈🎊🎂🎁🎉 Beth.

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Originally Posted by Nammu I’m so down today. I’m hoping it just lack of sleep. But seriously thinking of quitting all meds. Just got my insurance statement for the year. What my insurance paid for meds was more than I get from SSDI to live on in a whole year. That is so ridiculous. It is mostly my AP that racks up the price. I’m just so irritated again and finding everything just too much. I’ve taken my hearing aids off as any sound sets me off. Wish I could just sleep and disappear into one of my colorful wacky dreams.

I know that feeling well...but honey...quitting your meds isn't the answer. Maybe a nap would help?

I just hate depending on meds. Oh I wish, I’ve never been able to nap, not Evan as a toddler, mum was happy if I’d just be quiet for an hour and look at books.

[QUOTE=BethRags;7161408][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][B] Today is my birthday. I'm 59! Haha, I don't know how that happened. Kind-of an interesting age to be. I had a really nice conversation with my son this morning. This afternoon I'm going to treat myself to 3 macarons (lovely little colorful Parisian cookies) from a nice bakery nearby.

Happy Birthday!

@BethRags:

Happy Birthday! I hope your new year brings good things!

Does anyone know what I mean to when I say I have a food hangover? I ate so much over Christmas that I am disgusted with myself. I have a food hangover. I am very self destructive when it comes to food. I eat when I get depressed and I get depressed when I eat.
2022 is going to be a year of changes for me.

Happy Birthday @BethRags Hope you had a wonderful day

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Yes. I have an eating disorder that involves alternate phases of restricting, bingeing, and purging. And when I binge or even just overeat I feel disgusted with myself. I'm also working on learning healthier coping skills than food. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you have a wonderful new year and accomplish your goals

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Hello friends! I had a good Christmas. My sister and niece came over on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts. They got to meet Miss Mustachio for the first time. She was super friendly with them. I'm glad she felt comfortable around them enough to come out and play.

I'm looking forward to the new year. I have a lot of goals I'm hoping to accomplish. The past few days I've been sleeping nearly around the clock. Idk why.

I got Chinese takeout on Christmas day and it was super good.

Today my friend came over and I gave him his Christmas gift since I didn't get a chance to see him on Christmas day. He liked it so I'm glad. It was a star wars funko pop bobblehead figure.

I'm just enjoying the evening. Reading, drinking some coffee. And miss mustachio is laying next to me. We hope you all have a wonderful holiday season!


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Happy Birthday, Beth!!!

Stayed in bed until 3pm today, got up, binged/purged, got back in bed until 5. Very productive day, impressive, I know...

Happy, happy birthday!

@BethRags
Happy birthday! Enjoy your macaroons (macarons?)

@Nammu
I feel you! I’m so tired of taking meds that right now don’t seem to be helping. I’ve been unstable since mid October for no discernible reason. The new med I tried might have worked but it made me so hungry I definitely would have gained weight, possibly quite a lot, and I would hate that. I don’t have the money for another, bigger new wardrobe either!

I think we all get frustrated at times for sure, and I hope your frustrations wane as time passes. I definitely go through phases of dreaming of throwing my meds out the window…but I know that would be terribly worse than what’s happening now. I wish it wouldn’t, though, for any of us

I'm trying to get my session figured out for the morning I want to cancel or reschedle because I don't feel good but I didnt do anything but she thinks I did and its too triggering for you guys to handle so I wont go into any more detail.

She hasn't replied back to my second email and I am tired so I dont know if I'll have a session tomorrow or later in the week or what.

Glad my insurance paid 100% for a $31 thousand surgery. I don't owe a penny. I just found out yesterday.

I think I had sticker price shock. Seeing how much my insurance doled out for the whole year, was alarming. More spent on one drug than I get in a year to live on. And then to think of how many people are taking it besides me. Man big pharma is a big con game. I hate that I contribute to their bottom line. But yeah I’m stable, just sleep deprived. I’ve been stable ever since I started taking it and for the most mart it’s mono therapy, all my other psych meds are to try and get me to sleep. They are the ones that are failing. My bipolar is stable. But I do have side effects and need meds for those side effects not to mention if I go off I automatically lose weight with no effort and can quit all the rest of the meds except my thyroid med. of course my sleep would become much worse and I’d swing wildly. And at my age I can’t handle the swings physically. So yeah. I’ll stay on my meds.

Happy Birthday @BethRags!