Bipolar check-in #61

I love Sundays. It’s my one day to mostly do nothing. I don’t usually get dressed but sit around in pjs and read until PBS shows start. The line up right now is fantastic but I wish they’d break them up a bit so there was something to watch on the other nights of the week. Tonight it was great. One more show, Vienna Blood. A cop and a pdoc in Vienna in the 1900’s

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom I brushed my hair. It took 2+ hours but it's done. My mom offered to help me get through it but I said no. Now to start coloring again. I'm still debating getting my hair done. As a mother / son thing getting our hair and nails done.

That's great, Mm!


I encourage you to get your hair and nails done. It will feel so good afterwards.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I love Sundays. It’s my one day to mostly do nothing. I don’t usually get dressed but sit around in pjs and read until PBS shows start. The line up right now is fantastic but I wish they’d break them up a bit so there was something to watch on the other nights of the week. Tonight it was great. One more show, Vienna Blood. A cop and a pdoc in Vienna in the 1900’s

I haven't seen Vienna Blood before, but I recorded it (2nd episode) tonight. The show sounds intriguing! I wish they'd re-run the first episode, though.

Beth, do you get free tv? You might have access to more than one PBS station. I’ve found that we get 5 PBS stations and some stations show the same shows a week later.for instance the 2 shows the episode first then the following week it’s on 13 or 194 I think you can go to your local PBS station online and watch reruns for free. I’ve not done that though because all I have is my iPad mini and it’s too small to read the captions. I hope you can see it, it was pretty interesting.

Same here. It’s very tempting to eat candy and afterwards you regret that you did it in first place. I switched now totally to eat snacks once or every other week. Before, I ate that and candy watching Netflix and such. But now I don’t need to eat anything when I watch tv.

If you need to pick between candy and let say snacks, go with the snacks. Sugar (who also is in alcohol) isn’t good for us with mental illness - especially not bipolar. Sugar isn’t good to anyone even if they didn’t had any disorder. So try to avoid that as much as you can. When going with coffee, pick brown sugar. And IF you need any sweets, treat yourself once in a while with a pastry instead.

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That sounds like a lovely routine.

Strawberry cheesecake pancakes. Yum!

Things are still going phenomenally well with my love. Whirlwind…check.

There are several social events I want to attend but won’t right now due to COVID. My daughter’s father caught it as have 2 close friends and they are all fully vaccinated. It’s concerning. I even put off meeting up with my daughter because she was exposed at work.

The weather here has been mild considering. We haven’t received any snow even though the rest of the state has. Darn!

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Not feeling the best today. I have a mild headache but I think it's just the weather and changes in temperature. My mom had me burning up all night and I couldn't get comfortable. You know the scenario -- tossing and turning, stopped up nose, dry heat driving you mad... and all day I've been freezing, but the sinus-like issues have resolved. I took some excedrine and I should be fine in a hour or so. I do suffer from headaches a lot, and quite easily -- but as long as it doesn't become a migraine I will be fine (but I do have meds for that if it were to happen, so I am prepared!)

I can't seem to get a hold of my therapist.. I may never get my appointment rescheduled. She typically likes to take care of her scheduling (instead of the clinic), but she was supposed to get back to me on Friday with a time but didn't. I know it's only Monday and she probably doesn't check that email on weekends, but I am just worried about getting an appointment. I'm already in a "I want to just stop doing therapy" mood anyway and if I'm indulged, I probably will. I'm trying to fight that the best I can. If I don't hear back by the end of the day. I'll call the clinic and schedule through them.

I am feeling a bit lonely today. I don't have people in my life that I talk to or hang out with, and most of the time that is perfectly fine but then days come along like today where I really did wish I had someone to just chat with. I will be OK, I'll use the tools and resources I have to fill the void -- play a game, watch TV, or if I really just get the urge-- I'll join a chatroom (perhaps here on MSF) to just talk a bit. I can always find some way for social interaction.

Throwing out a question for everyone, but I am not expecting an response. Feel free to if you want, but it's really just for yourself and to ponder as you go through your day. Everything in life is a balancing act it seems and it's hard to ever have everything in balance. I don't just mean managing your life, but I mean your ability to do it on your own. Yes, autonomy and responsibility for yourself are major parts of that, but understanding you are unable to do it all alone is important. You need others and things to collaborate and help -- whether it be a doctor, a friend, a medicine, etc. It's easy to get caught up in the idea that we, despite being social creatures, are expected to deal with everything alone is almost silly when you lay it out. Again, it's a balancing act. So the question is -- have you really considered how much you allow others to help you in your life? If so, how did you decide it was the appropriate balance for you? If not -- could you use a little more help? Could you be a little more autonomous?

For me -- I'm bad about not giving myself slack for not being able to "fix me" without outside help. Without medicine or a doctor, without therapy etc. To answer my own question -- I need to be a little more open to receiving support and help from others. I know the profound relief one can receive from a community (like a support forum) which is why I am here.. but as you all know i don't use it to its advantage all the time. Just food for thought -- quality of life is subjective but we sometimes become stagnant even if we are unhappy. It's always good to re-evaluate the situation and see if improvement can be made. I think all of us, by culture and nature, tend to have some aversion to asking for help or involving others. I 'd say my issue there is a bit more extreme than average -- but I'm working on it. Just thought I'd share my thoughts there.

Another day where I feel generally OK -- and to recap, OK is a good term for me. It's not unnaturally high, and it's not low. It's where I probably should be generally on any given day and I am grateful for that.

Winds that blow, I just donated to the local no kill shelter in Betty Whites name. Then I was reading your post and it occurred to me the you need to treat yourself as Betty would treat you, with kindness. She treated everyone with kindness, you too, if she had met you. Be kind to yourself today.

@WindsThatBlow

I am glad you came and shared with us.
I am glad that you are having an ok day. hoping that your headache goes a way and that it doesn't turn into a migraine.
bizi

I went out shopping this morning. I got a lot of soup and some N95 masks. Then I went to the doctor. I was in the waiting room and then in the room waiting for him about 1.5 hours. When they called my name they dead mispronuced named me in front of an old guy and then some guy a few years younger then me. She made a big deal about trying to get the name "correctly" . Luckily I was sitting by the door so I just jumped up and told them the name I go by now. Then the nurse asked all the basic questions. When the doctor finally came in my mom and I told him everything. He thinks I just have some general viral infection. He wants to check my thyroid levels so he did a bunch of bloodwork. I always thought your thyroid being out of whack meant you were insanely hungry and gaining weight. Not the other way. He also wants an ultrasound done on my stomach to check for gallstones. We did the bloodwork today. The ultrasound will have to be scheduled. Even after telling the office people the name I go by the lab lady still dead named me. I didn't even bother telling her the name I go by or care if she was confused by my deep voice. Medical people are trained to notice and handle trans people correctly (unless you live in Arkansa) so I am sure she figured it out eveuntually.

Now I am at home freezing under a blanket and the only thing I ate today was a candy bar so I have to get up the energy to make soup or something.

Edit: I just ate a pop tart and my stomach is killing me. I took some tylenol and my meds and hopefully the pain lets up. My mom says it does sound like gallbladder. I know I drink a lot of soda but how does soda **** with your stomach but not your teeth? Because my dentist said my teeth were fine.

They played the Golden Girls theme song on the radio today in the doctors parking lot. I wish I hadnt been feeling so sick or I would have taken a picture of the song title on the dashboard.

The double valium double extra strength tylenol is slowly starting to help. Plus my mom cranked up the heat and I'm under a blanket. I still have a bit of the chills though. And still in no mood for food but I did have 2 Gatorades that my doctor told me I should be drinking.

I've had people on facebook stop communicating with me after I annouced I was trans. But I know this one girl who STARTED communicating with me after I came out. And based on her profile and who she is I'm pretty sure she just thinks its cool to know a trans dude. I have heard other trans people say the same thing happens to them. I know who the people on my facebook who are legit though.

sorry for your frustration @Mountaindewed


I feel better today!
did a little house stuff like picking up all of the trash cans

and putting the trash into a bigger trash can that will

eventually be put into the great big one that goes to the curb.

I scooped out the kitty litter boxes.

thinking about cleaning out the pet fountain.
it is over due

and jeff has cleaned it out 2 times already

so it is only fair that i clean it.

It just takes time to do it, it is not hard

just a chore that needs to be done.
bizi

I made an appointment for Cheeto with a highly recommended veterinary hospital near where I work. I will have to take off work but I’m hoping only for half a day. It’s at 9:30 and should last no more than an hour. If I get him back to my house by 11:30 I can be back at work by 12 and at least not miss the afternoon. Assuming he comes home with me.

I tried to dye my hair blue over my natural medium brown but the dye simply washed out and didn’t stick. It’s a recommended brand (arctic fox) but without at least opening up my hair shaft a bit I suppose it doesn’t work for darker hair.

I used a brand last time that definitely worked (splat midnight series) but it was SO messy and stained EVERYTHING. I had to scrub my skin with toothpaste and baking soda to get the dye off and the bathtub was stained every time I showered for a couple of weeks. It showed up though and never washed completely out, actually. It’s been cut by now so it’s no longer there.

I don’t want to do anything that will damage my hair, it hasn’t been processed in 2.5 years and is very healthy right now. Plus I don’t want vibrant color while I’m still working.

I was going to go out today to some stores but it’s nasty from that winter storm. We only got rain thank goodness but the wind is still gusting and it’s cold and gray. So I cleaned out the refrigerator, cleaned the stove, and cleaned up my things in the animal room. There’s a lot of stuff to bring to the basement but I’m kind of afraid to carry boxes down the steps since I slipped a month ago. I fell down half the stairs and was super lucky I didn’t get anything more than a horrible bruise. I’m terrified to hurt my back again or worse.

I hate asking for help for anything but I’m going to have to ask RS to get the boxes, I think.

You bring up something that needs to be thought of. How we manage things and to what degree do loved ones and providers help us find as much stability as possible.

I just typed out a lonnnng response but back spaced it away. I need time to think about this as it’s a very important part of our lives. This very topic.

Thank you for this topic

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I’m glad you have an appt for Cheeto, you need to know what’s going hopefully something can help him

Ok your hair. Splat is actually a fabric dye and other than initial wash out it will over time mess up hair. I don’t know if you know who Brad Mondo is.. he’s on YouTube under “ ask a hair dresser” Love him and he’s funny. Anyway he came out with his own line of colors. Most every color will work on darker hair. Everyone reports that it’s non damaging and smells delicious. Just a thought. Maybe check out a few videos.

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Ha! I was going to suggest Brad Mondo too! I don't have personal experience with his dyes but they seem to work well in reviews and when he shows people using them. They are nice, vibrant colors.

I really hope you get good news about Cheeto. Waiting sucks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Beth, do you get free tv? You might have access to more than one PBS station. I’ve found that we get 5 PBS stations and some stations show the same shows a week later.for instance the 2 shows the episode first then the following week it’s on 13 or 194 I think you can go to your local PBS station online and watch reruns for free. I’ve not done that though because all I have is my iPad mini and it’s too small to read the captions. I hope you can see it, it was pretty interesting.

No, I have AT&T U-Verse, for which I pay too much. They hook customers in by claiming they charge for internet, but the landline and TV are "only $20." I will definitely check my PBS stations! Thank you so much.

Well hell…

I legit woke up in a truly Shyt mood. Everything is annoying me! I know my pain is really bad but still.

One of our older dogs starts grumbling in the afternoon wanting his dinner. Most days it annoys me a bit but today ??! I’d love to throw him outside in the snow. Of course I would not do that. But It’s on my last bloody frayed nerve.

I walked down to our mailbox it’s a long way away. Some of the snow melted and the grounds so soggy my foot splashed down in the mud almost to my ankle. So I went on a rant from hell !

Tactile hallucinations are still pretty strong I was hoping that they would go away since I’m back on my Geodon… not yet !

I really just wish I could go to bed and stay there. I’m biting my tongue like crazy trying not to get snappy with Steve. This is a time when I truly wish I was still on Xanax.

I just “hate me” when I get like this.

Hugs my friends !

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LOL !! He’s a lot of fun isnt he ??!

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I went out shopping this morning. I got a lot of soup and some N95 masks. Then I went to the doctor. I was in the waiting room and then in the room waiting for him about 1.5 hours. When they called my name they dead mispronuced named me in front of an old guy and then some guy a few years younger then me. She made a big deal about trying to get the name "correctly" . Luckily I was sitting by the door so I just jumped up and told them the name I go by now. Then the nurse asked all the basic questions. When the doctor finally came in my mom and I told him everything. He thinks I just have some general viral infection. He wants to check my thyroid levels so he did a bunch of bloodwork. I always thought your thyroid being out of whack meant you were insanely hungry and gaining weight. Not the other way. He also wants an ultrasound done on my stomach to check for gallstones. We did the bloodwork today. The ultrasound will have to be scheduled. Even after telling the office people the name I go by the lab lady still dead named me. I didn't even bother telling her the name I go by or care if she was confused by my deep voice. Medical people are trained to notice and handle trans people correctly (unless you live in Arkansa) so I am sure she figured it out eveuntually. Now I am at home freezing under a blanket and the only thing I ate today was a candy bar so I have to get up the energy to make soup or something. Edit: I just ate a pop tart and my stomach is killing me. I took some tylenol and my meds and hopefully the pain lets up. My mom says it does sound like gallbladder. I know I drink a lot of soda but how does soda **** with your stomach but not your teeth? Because my dentist said my teeth were fine. They played the Golden Girls theme song on the radio today in the doctors parking lot. I wish I hadnt been feeling so sick or I would have taken a picture of the song title on the dashboard. The double valium double extra strength tylenol is slowly starting to help. Plus my mom cranked up the heat and I'm under a blanket. I still have a bit of the chills though. And still in no mood for food but I did have 2 Gatorades that my doctor told me I should be drinking. I've had people on facebook stop communicating with me after I annouced I was trans. But I know this one girl who STARTED communicating with me after I came out. And based on her profile and who she is I'm pretty sure she just thinks its cool to know a trans dude. I have heard other trans people say the same thing happens to them. I know who the people on my facebook who are legit though.

It's true that thyroid problems can go the other way - lack of appetite, losing weight, extremely cold all the time.

I think it's amusing that some people want to know a trans person because they think it's cool. The first trans person I met was about 20 years ago, then I've known many since then. So I feel comfortable with you.

Stop eating so much sugar and eat some soup! This winter I've been practically living on this soup I found in the gourmet market. It's in a jar, imported from Italy, no crappy ingredients. It's delicious and healthy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I made an appointment for Cheeto with a highly recommended veterinary hospital near where I work. I will have to take off work but I’m hoping only for half a day. It’s at 9:30 and should last no more than an hour. If I get him back to my house by 11:30 I can be back at work by 12 and at least not miss the afternoon. Assuming he comes home with me. I tried to dye my hair blue over my natural medium brown but the dye simply washed out and didn’t stick. It’s a recommended brand (arctic fox) but without at least opening up my hair shaft a bit I suppose it doesn’t work for darker hair. I used a brand last time that definitely worked (splat midnight series) but it was SO messy and stained EVERYTHING. I had to scrub my skin with toothpaste and baking soda to get the dye off and the bathtub was stained every time I showered for a couple of weeks. It showed up though and never washed completely out, actually. It’s been cut by now so it’s no longer there. I don’t want to do anything that will damage my hair, it hasn’t been processed in 2.5 years and is very healthy right now. Plus I don’t want vibrant color while I’m still working. I was going to go out today to some stores but it’s nasty from that winter storm. We only got rain thank goodness but the wind is still gusting and it’s cold and gray. So I cleaned out the refrigerator, cleaned the stove, and cleaned up my things in the animal room. There’s a lot of stuff to bring to the basement but I’m kind of afraid to carry boxes down the steps since I slipped a month ago. I fell down half the stairs and was super lucky I didn’t get anything more than a horrible bruise. I’m terrified to hurt my back again or worse. I hate asking for help for anything but I’m going to have to ask RS to get the boxes, I think.

You might try Iroiro for hair color. It seems to stick like anything. Amazon has some colors.

I hope and pray that the appointment goes well for Cheeto.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina Well hell… I legit woke up in a truly Shyt mood. Everything is annoying me! I know my pain is really bad but still. One of our older dogs starts grumbling in the afternoon wanting his dinner. Most days it annoys me a bit but today ??! I’d love to throw him outside in the snow. Of course I would not do that. But It’s on my last bloody frayed nerve. I walked down to our mailbox it’s a long way away. Some of the snow melted and the grounds so soggy my foot splashed down in the mud almost to my ankle. So I went on a rant from hell ! Tactile hallucinations are still pretty strong I was hoping that they would go away since I’m back on my Geodon… not yet ! I really just wish I could go to bed and stay there. I’m biting my tongue like crazy trying not to get snappy with Steve. This is a time when I truly wish I was still on Xanax. I just “hate me” when I get like this. Hugs my friends ! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hugs to you, too, sweetie

I don't really get it. Then theres the people who pretend to be trans because they think its cool and a trend not realzing or caring its triggering and annoying to legit trans people. I've been wondering whats been up with Angelina Jolies daughter for awhile. Why the sudden change in things. She presented as a boy for many years and then suddenly changed drastically. I know people change and stuff but it just seemed kinda drastic and sudden. I wonder if there was a reason for it. I also hope Elliot Page didn't have an abusive agent or something like that who threatened his career would be rueined if he decided to transtion before he did in 2021. He was 34 when he began to transtion and I read he said he felt like a boy since he was 9. I'd love to have those abs but I do feel bad for him in some ways. He seems happy though which is all that matters.

Kinda strange but the doctor today was checking my chest to see if it was ok and in my head I was like "haha theres nothing there so he can check wherever he feels like it. I still feel a wave of happiness every time I see that my chest is gone.

hi christina,
just want to inform you if you already know about geodon. In order for it to work you have to eat a full meal then take it. the food is critical. not just a snack, You need like 350 calories.
bizi