Bipolar check-in #62

Really enjoying rereading the seven basic tenets of mindfulness meditation in "Full Catastrophe Living." Don't care for most of the rest of the book, but this section is very worthwhile. Continue to be amazed that the goal of meditation is for me to be more fully myself! I got back to the book because i was thinking about how my inner voice is so very quiet that it's best i be single because if there's another person there, they drown it out. Perhaps mindfulness meditation could strengthen my inner voice?

Worried about my dog having diabetes again as she drank lots and peed lots today. She's just so erratic. I'll be glad to get her in for her annual physical exam next month. Our appointment is booked but i must call and ask if they test for diabetes automatically or if i have to make a special request and possibly special preparations like having her fast.

@~Christina:

I am so sorry to hear about your car trouble. That must be very upsetting. I would be overwhelmed too. One of the few comforts of taking public transit is that i don't have to deal with car trouble anymore, but believe me, i pay in other ways, like my fellow riders breathing Omicron on me. Have taken the bus exactly ONCE this month. Taking public transit certainly narrows my horizons. I hope it's nothing serious and that you can get it resolved with a minimum of distress.

@tentoedsloth:

Glad to hear you are feeling better and that your schedule is working for you again. Perhaps if you are ever in the grip of the unpleasantness again, remind yourself that it passes?

We have a code reader. Showing problem with #4 cylinder. He put a additive that would hopefully help but nope. He’s going to flush the motor and do another oil change and pray that helps. Ugh ugh ugh.

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Yeah we have a code reader… it’s always something isn’t it ??? (((Bizi)))

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Thank you Jane

Hope your furbaby is okay. Can you have the vet check ??

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I'm doing good today. My anxiety was a bit tough this morning until I took a pepcid. As I said before its just hard to know whats up when OTC meds work better then benzos and my other pysch meds. But I turned on the TV around noon. I finished season 1 of Celebirity Big Brother and I started season 2 about 2 hours ago. Jeeze what a group of clowns they got for season 2. I am doing very well with my diet. My secret has been vegetable trays and and sparkling water. I have my blood test and I need to leave around 7:30. I don't know whats up but today it was controlled with the pepcid and the zofran I took.

Veg trays and sparkling water, what a good idea. I saw that Le Croix now has unflavored. I want to buy it.

Yeah it could be just a bad plug or broken sensor. Best of luck with it.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 We told our son about me going IP tomorrow and he took it very well. He was so sweet, he gave me two books to read (diary of a wimpy kid lol). I told him he needs to make sure RS doesn’t just eat a huge bag of chips for dinner I fell asleep in the afternoon and had just a horrible dream about me severely SH and it just justified my decision further. I’m having nightmares of what could happen out of IP vs in IP so yeah, that’s not good. So I have to inform my job, I will call tonight. Not saying I’m in the hospital just that I’m working out a health issue. I’ll get all the documents from the hospital to file once I leave. I’m also going to let my son’s teacher know that I won’t be available and she needs to call RS for any emergencies. Wouldn’t it be ironic if I go through all this trouble and then the eval team in the ER decided I don’t need IP? They ALWAYS send me IP no matter what but it would be the one time I’m actually seeking it that they would refuse.

Dreams tell us so much. I will be checking for you tomorrow

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Originally Posted by Pinny Well I managed my busy day today, although I did go to bed at about 8pm until just now (1:20am). Im feeling ok just now but not ready to go straight back to sleep so I thought Id check to see how everyone on here is I went to the 'Conscious market' with my mum, which is this kind of sustainable living and natural product market which had over 40 stalls. I got some tree oil cleaning stuff which smells like the forest, I cant wait to use it. I also got this weird chagga tea. Its a kind of mushroom which grows around here and they mix it with cacao and it tasted really nice. Apparently its got lots of health benefits/antioxidant properties. I also got my sister some cake, nut butter and chagga tea. There were sustainable/recycled/natural clothes, crafts and jewellery too but I didnt get any. I did pick up a few business cards so I can check out some of their instagram pages as I quite like those kinds of things, especially as gifts for people. My mum didnt really like it, as predicted. But she came with me which I appreciated and she didnt ***** on it too much which was good (and surprising!). I think she is showing some of her worry about me by being very nice. I know she must be worried, she just cant say it. We went to a farm shop together afterwards which was lovely and got my granny a couple of things which we dropped off at hers. Shes still very miserable. She told me she thinks shes lived "too long" . My granny wont accept help for her mood, she blames the fact she has a sore knee on her feeling the way she does. But I think there is more to it. Well I hope everyone has had or is having a lovely day! My dog is dreaming beside me His little paws are twitching

It's so cute when cats and dogs dream The market sounds FAB!! So does chagga tea. I'll bet I can find some on etsy and give it a try.

Your poor gran. I feel so sorry that she said those words

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Originally Posted by otroo You can take it to a auto parts store and they will either scam it for you or they will tell you how to scan it. After you scan it you can clear the code and that might help it run better. After you get the code they can usually tell you what is wrong. It might be something real simple like a bad sensor or something else. After you get the code youtube how to fix it. Now if you don't have the tools some autoparts stores have tools you could rent or they borrow for free. If you were near Boise I would help you out. Good luck Sent from my SM-N970U using Tapatalk

Excellent idea!

Been ruminating for a couple days now about what sent me to the hospital almost 6 months ago. It's back haunting me although I feel anxious it's not the crazy pacing non-stop heart pounding raised blood pressure type that I felt 6 months ago.

In addition to that, my sleep is messed up again. Friday night I stayed up all night until about 6 am. Saturday, I never got up- just kept sleeping until 10:00 this morning. Then, I finally got up but both Friday and today I binge watched YouTube for most of the day. And now, it's almost 3:30 a.m. and I'm still up. Not really tired plus when I try to fall asleep the ruminating begins again. I don't have any prns that would make me sleepy. I do take trazodone at bedtime but my body is used to it and I'm not sure it does much anymore. So I set my alarm for 10 and 11 a.m. but now that I'm still up that would be less than 8 hours sleep. Part of my problem is that I wasn't tired and was still up at 1 and started an hour-long video. Now it's been an hour and a half past when that ended and I don't know where the time went.

PS. Sorry no personals. I haven't been good about coming here to as of late. I'm sorry for that.

P.P.S.

Now it's 4 am. Maybe I should just go back to YouTube and stay up all day until tomorrow night.

Wishing everyone well. @wildflowerchild25, I hope your IP stay makes a positive difference. You just must find a way to stop hurting yourself. Please be kind to yourself. Hugs

Not much going on on my end. The Ukraine crisis is on all of the minds of Czechs. It's extra on my mind as an American because this is mostly about Russia and the US and Russia and democracy. Not to minimize Ukrainians current plight and suffering. Ukraine wants to preserve their deepening democracy. Many here are too young to remember the Cold War and/or are inadequately educated about it. I know many here are currently battling with their own challenges and misery. It's surely hard to look at something like this too much. However, it is significant and CAN affect us all and exacerbate these challenges. This is a totally new era in the world. Serious stuff! Definitely not the ridiculous insignificance of Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson or the latest TikTok boloney!

Do we have to be worried about the end of the world? No joke I've been freaked out by this for days and limiting my news.

Youre so right, it is serious and thankfully our news channels are showing it everyday which is unusual because there is always other celebrity gossip that is usually obsessed over!
I just think its absolutely awful!

Im so sorry to read that your sleep has been disrupted and you were in hospital almost 6 months ago.
Do you practice any sleep hygiene techniques or a routine that could help?
Its hard to get your sleeping pattern back when its been disrupted. I also notice that my sleep goes off when I start to become unwell, is that the case for you? Do you need to check in with your pdoc?
Sending lots of positive vibes and hugs

I slept pretty well but had more nightmares about Ukraine. I think its appropriate though because it is a very dangerous and upsetting time for so many people.

Ive also noticed that I am particularly clammy and sweat more, especially through the night. Like I wake up absolutely soaking, I have to change my pyjamas.
I looked up my meds and sweating, of course they can cause it. I think its the bupropion thats really caused a shift though as its only been happening recently since Ive been on the increased dose. I might post about it to see if anyone else has had that and what they did.

Im getting blood work done soon to check that there is nothing else going on anyway.

Well I hope everyone has as lovely a day as possible!

No, no need to catastrophize to that degree, Mountaindewed. I do think we need to step up in realizing we are a whole in this world and that our actions or inaction counts and affects the whole. Fight division. Understand better what is causing certain dangerous attitudes and harm. Perhaps this seems vague, but I'm not sure how to better write it now.

Thank you for your kind reply. I usually go to bed around 9 or 10. Yes I stop sleeping when I'm manic but this is sleeping not at all then sleeping too much then not at all. Like now- I have been up all night with no sleep at all after sleeping Saturday away but why couldn't I sleep Friday night. I guess that sort of makes sense except I should've only slept until 2 not into 10 p.m. I'm not sure if I need to call pdoc at this point. I kind of wish I could take Ambien or something like it if it would even me out.

The way I see it is if Putin nukes Ukraine he’s also nuking himself so I’m hoping he’s not that stupid and this will just remain an isolated conflict. As terrible as that in itself is it’s better than a nuclear war.

I’m wishing you well IP. I hope it helps you tremendously.

I am so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t even know what to say but I’m thinking of you with love and prayers.

I strongly doubt that Putin would ever nuke Ukraine. He wouldn't need to as he may very likely take over that country by simple military force. His threats of "nuking" are directed elsewhere. His beef with Ukraine is that the current Ukrainian president is far more democratic than the previous Ukrainian administration that was friendly to Putin and corrupt. The current Ukraine wishes they could join NATO and maybe the EU, in the future. That's a threat to Putin as it represents diminishing influence for him, and more democracy at his side door. If Putin "nuked" Ukraine (which again surely wouldn't happen), it would not be ignored as an "isolated incident". I very strongly disagree with you on that. I'm not sure where you derive that impression from. If Putin overtook Ukraine with an "Oh, well!" as the reaction by the US and/or Western and Central Europe, he would be emboldened to move further west and south. Hitler decided to invade countries in Europe, prior to and during WWII. He wanted to rule more and more places. Initially, little was really done to stop him. Some countries (like the US) were isolationists and "didn't really care so much". I'm sure most here remember that from high school World History class. Nazi Germany allied with Italy and eventually Japan. Putin has potential allies like China P.R.C. and other countries strongly leaning towards, on the possible verge of, or fully autocratic...and hungry for expansion. It's true we must be careful with people like Putin. It's a tough game, this international relations!

I now live in Czech Republic with my Czech husband. It sure would be rough having an American say that they didn't care if Putin invaded Czech Republic some day, because it was an "isolated conflict". Czechs are very concerned, despite being in the EU and a NATO country now. During WWII, they suffered like many in countries invaded by and controlled by Nazis. They also hated having the Russians force communism on them for so many decades. Dissent was roughly punished, propaganda was rampant, freedom and democracy gone. When there were major uprisings against the Soviets, tanks came in killing many, shooting buildings, and arresting many (and more). This was especially horrible in Hungary and Czechoslovakia. And there were worse atrocities. It's easy for people to deny and forget, unfortunately.

Still crying but thinking I may pull through. I have gone through a bottle of Klonopin in 2 days and that’s not safe but I have handed over the rest of my meds to my family.

I appreciate the kind words and support I’ve received here. It’s been of great comfort.

I have therapy today at 12:15 and tomorrow I was going to the movies and Wednesday to bible study and out to eat at a Country Club and Thursday take my brother to the doctor twice and this weekend my daughter will come down. It’s between that and IP. Right now I think IP. I’ll see what my therapist says and how much she helps. I need help.

Thanks again.

Jennifer, I'm so relieved that you have handed over your Klonopin to family. A whole bottle in two days? That's extremely dangerous! Please do seek support from your therapist and psychiatrist on this! It is indeed sounding like you are in crisis right now. Rather than you be in pain or a danger to yourself, I'd be far more relieved reading that you are going IP. Inpatient or outpatient, I hope that you will be able to process what's brought you to this scary point and get support to prevent it from stressing you further.

We all care about you here. I want you to be safe and well, my friend.

Do you mean that you still have the Klonopin in your possession or did you give ALL of your meds to your mom? I agree that a whole bottle in two days is technically an overdose. I would get rid of that bottle as soon as possible. Give it to your mom like the others. I hope your therapist will help. Just tell her what's been going on- honestly- especially about the Klonopin. Keep us updated if you can. They may ask you if you have any intention of hurting yourself - I think the answer to that is yes since you've already technically overdosed. We are rooting for you! You can do this! Talk with your therapist today about this for sure.