Bipolar check-in #62

Feb 22, 2022, 09:53 PM

@BeyondtheRainbow:

You are very strong and conscientious to be tackling all the steps to your operation with such care and attention. I'll keep you in my thoughts for good weather and a smooth procedure on Thursday. I wish i had your resolve. Am overdue for some medical tests myself. Waiting for my mood to turn.

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 22, 2022, 10:07 PM

Thanks Jane.

One thing I've learned from all this is to keep up with those tests. As soon as your depression lifts try to get them done. If this is cancer it was caught very early because of a benign tumor on the other side of my breast that was being monitored. When I had the monitoring they found the other thing that can't stay in because it has a risk. It was a total surprise because all my monitoring of the benign mass had been so good and stable the NP had told me she expected me to be discharged from monitoring and then my mammogram showed this thing instead.

I'll be so glad when this is over but also so glad that I know I caught it before it grew too big (it's big enough to increase my risks but not huge).

It makes me a lot more willing to put up with mammograms and colonoscopies for sure.

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 22, 2022, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@BeyondtheRainbow:

You are very strong and conscientious to be tackling all the steps to your operation with such care and attention. I'll keep you in my thoughts for good weather and a smooth procedure on Thursday. I wish i had your resolve. Am overdue for some medical tests myself. Waiting for my mood to turn.

Also I really appreciate good thoughts for the procedure Thursday. Not only that I get to have it but that it goes better. This is done the same way as my mammogram guided biopsy and that was hard on me. I felt sick for a few days. They think I probably had a coincidental virus but I'm not looking forward to this at all. I dread it much more than surgery.

Feb 22, 2022, 10:34 PM

@BeyondtheRainbow:

Yes, i will for sure get the tests done once i have the energy. It's all routine stuff. One of the tests is only done every three years so if it's three years plus a few months it's not a big deal. One obstacle is that i don't have a car. Another is that it's a really ugly Winter here in Ontario. Also my inertia due to depression, putting everything on hold. I ordered groceries today TWICE to illustrate how bad it is.

But i'll get to the tests, if not next month, then April for sure.

*Beth* · Feb 22, 2022, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

Im feeling less upset than I was earlier. I think things got to me a little too much. Ive spoken to my fiance about being off work and hes very supportive. And on reflection, Im probably not ready to go back yet seeing as Im sleeping ridiculous amounts.

I attended a virtual induction for my dog training class Im starting next week. I didnt speak or ask any questions but I attended, despite my anxiety. Im going to feel very anxious going but I think it will be good for both the dog, and me.

I hope everyone is having as good a day/night as possible! Sending loads of hugs!

The dog training sounds like such fun I hope it will be, for both of you.

*Beth* · Feb 22, 2022, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tentoedsloth

My check-in for today (Tuesday):

It wasn't as good a day and that may be because I took a day off from following my schedule so closely. I had more anxiety and old familiar worried thoughts, a lot like OCD thoughts, but they don't trouble me when my mood goes up, another reason to believe the bipolar diagnosis, which surprised me greatly when I first heard it. (I was called just depressed for about 10 years, and I thought it was mostly anxiety.) Anyway, when I'm in happier mode, the same things about the world that I was thinking about with dread are just part of the adventure.

But today... it was also dark and cloudy this morning. I'm quite sensitive to weather. And the whole day was discouraging; I was dropping things, like a bag of popcorn that spilled half of it on the floor, and a bowl of cookie dough that flipped over upside down on the floor, but only a little spilled out. And I got lost out driving and was of course annoyed with myself, but all this is little stuff. It was those thoughts, and/or the anxiety (I don't know which comes first), that had me thinking that I haven't really made much progress.

I'm okay now.

I'm following the schedule tomorrow.

I'm thinking about getting THE DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY SKILLS WORKBOOK on Kindle, the one with Matthew McKay as the first author listed. It's #1 in its category on Amazon and gives a good long free sample, and I like it so far--some helpful ideas and it doesn't seem to talk down to the reader too much.

I have broken my schedule this month and have regretted it all along.

I'm sorry about your old familiar worried thoughts. I certainly know what that feels like - and how it's kind-of an OCD thing. Gabapentin and Zoloft have helped quite a bit with that type of (miserable) anxiety.

I've been dropping and spilling things since last week. Grrr. So many people are feeling on edge, I wonder if there's something going on with the placement of Mars, astrologically speaking.

I'll be curious to know what you think of DBT.

*Beth* · Feb 22, 2022, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I have to have a procedure to place a marker in my breast so they know they got the whole lesion during my surgery next week. The procedure is scheduled for Thursday. We're supposed to have bad weather coming Thursday. I just need it to hold off until afternoon.

I'm really anxious about this. If I don't have the procedure I can't have surgery and I don't want surgery to be pushed back another month or longer. When they scheduled it was next Wednesday or a month out.

So stressed.

Big hug full of love vibes

Feb 22, 2022, 10:52 PM

@Pinny:

Hi Pinny, i'm Jane, fellow dog mom.

I took my dog thru Safety Obedience and it was hilarious but also it was pandemonium! It was so fun tho! We had eight dogs and ten adults and two kids in a medium-sized basement room. It was just a riot, all of us trying to get our dog's attention at the same time. It was really worthwhile tho as she learned her recall really well and that's so important. The other dogs were charming and delightful too and 'dog people' are good people, ipso facto. You're going to have a ball!

What kind of dog do you have? Mine is a Schnoodle, female, very gentle and snuggly and co-operative. She'll be ten this year! How time has flown!

HALLIEBETH87 · Feb 22, 2022, 11:18 PM

I finally turned in a 17 page comprehensive group interaction paper. Took me a lot of sweat and tears. My anxiety was crippling trying to get it done on time!

otroo · Feb 22, 2022, 11:43 PM

Doing pretty good today. I went to my regular doctor today and she is putting me on a new anti depressant that I start tomorrow can't remember the name though.
My daughter and started our grief share program tonight and it went pretty good.

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 23, 2022, 02:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo

Doing pretty good today. I went to my regular doctor today and she is putting me on a new anti depressant that I start tomorrow can't remember the name though.
My daughter and started our grief share program tonight and it went pretty good.

I'm glad Griefshare wen well. It gets better as people get more comfortable.

I hope the new AD helps.

Soupe du jour · Feb 23, 2022, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

Its really worrying isnt it @Soupe du jour

I hope you have a brilliant trip to France when it happens! Ive never been to Bordeaux but it does look lovely!

Im sorry to hear about your husbands struggles, that sounds really tough! I hope things are improving for him? or at least, I hope he is accepting of help!

Thanks, @Pinny!

Too much coffee (and on occasion alcohol) affects me negatively, too. It's sometimes hard not to lean on such crutches, especially the coffee when you're tired.

I think I might have made progress in encouraging a therapist for my Hubby. We'll see.

It's extremely understandable that you would have anxiety with wedding preparations added to your usual duties. I remember the mix of excitement and stress I had during my wedding prep and wedding. They always say how it's one of the more stressful things in life, despite being one of the loveliest. Do please just pace yourself with the preps.

Pinny, you are not weak! Being ill or stressed has nothing to do with weakness. I recall yesterday bringing up how strong we all are in battling a mental illness while trying to live the best life possible.

Soupe du jour · Feb 23, 2022, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoGo2

I have promised the agent to have my home ready for sale in about a month. It will be much to do, but my family will give some help. I look so forward to get out of this place, but since Putin now has given his troops permission to go outside of Russian borders (that does not mean Ukraine only), I feel a bit afraid that people will be sitting on their money. Hope it goes the other way around, that buyers think that the best is to invest in a home before the war eventually spreads to the rest of Europe (let us hope that that doesn't happen) so they have a safe place to live with their children.

Hello @GoGo2! I'm sorry that I'm a bit late in welcoming you to this forum! I've been so behind here but have noticed how you have jumped in here to give valuable support to others.

Best of luck with preparing your house. I (and at least two other members here) have prepared for and completed moves to new homes). My husband and I sold our house in the US just over 13 months ago. Here's wishing that you get a great price for your home so that you can settle nicely at your destination.

I saw that BethRags asked where in Europe you live? I'm curious now, too, if you're comfortable sharing that. I'll assume you're somewhere in my current area of Europe. Though Czech Republic seems a bit safe from Putin, it's true that one never knows. Czechs had to live under the oppression of the Soviet Union for way too long. There's virtually no one in CZ that would ever want that again! As an American, the prospect of a similar type of oppression in the US is BEYOND frightening. I suppose it was part of the reason we left, but mainly we just could no longer afford to live in the part of the US we like...or really anywhere there.

Soupe du jour · Feb 23, 2022, 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

David was drafted right out of high school. So it was the army or prison. He hated the war and, having been there during the 2 worst years - '67 & '68 (the Tet Offensive, Mi Lai, etc.) - he, and all the guys by that time, were well aware of the farce of that war. But, nothing they could do except what the government demanded.

Yuck, I would avoid humidity at almost any cost. I remember taking a shower in a motel in Memphis and literally sweating while in the shower, it was so hot and humid (August). The humidity is not for me.

Go where the Macron voters abide

I'm thinking of you during this stressful time with Putin. I didn't know that Belarus was a dictatorship now. My grandmother, great aunts, great uncles, great grandparents- escaped horrible persecution in Belarus to the States way back in 1910.

Soupe, only the Great Creator can help all of us if Trump, or anyone similar, is elected in 2024. My mantra is "wisdom."

It's such a shame that human beings never ever learn when it comes to war. I'm sorry our husband was pushed into such a thing...and so young!

Soupe du jour · Feb 23, 2022, 04:32 AM

Last night I went ballistic trying to talk to my husband. It was bad! I'll just say that, but as has always been during such rare occurrences, it ended in peace. I got my monthly this morning, so assume that contributed.

We're having a severe mouse infestation in our attic. Severe. Hubby has already caught many mice, but there's damage from them and feces. It apparently smells rank, probably some mouse/mice have died, plus the feces. Part of the problem is that there's so extremely much stuffed up there that's it almost looks like a mini-hoard. Yes, some of the stuff is mine, and some is stored furniture, but I'll guess that 80% could be labeled "my husband's crap that is totally unnecessary". As I wrote, he has finally stated he's ready to get rid of stuff. I'd jump right in, but he thinks we should wear "a hazmat suit". It might be that bad, but I haven't been "allowed" to go up there. Plus, he's a bit...OCD-like...so a hazmat suit is his sort of thing to suggest. He has similar habits for many things, including bringing his own salt and pepper grinders to restaurants, because theirs are "unsanitary". Just one example.

Pinny · Feb 23, 2022, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Last night I went ballistic trying to talk to my husband. It was bad! I'll just say that, but as has always been during such rare occurrences, it ended in peace. I got my monthly this morning, so assume that contributed.

We're having a severe mouse infestation in our attic. Severe. Hubby has already caught many mice, but there's damage from them and feces. It apparently smells rank, probably some mouse/mice have died, plus the feces. Part of the problem is that there's so extremely much stuffed up there that's it almost looks like a mini-hoard. Yes, some of the stuff is mine, and some is stored furniture, but I'll guess that 80% could be labeled "my husband's crap that is totally unnecessary". As I wrote, he has finally stated he's ready to get rid of stuff. I'd jump right in, but he thinks we should wear "a hazmat suit". It might be that bad, but I haven't been "allowed" to go up there. Plus, he's a bit...OCD-like...so a hazmat suit is his sort of thing to suggest. He has similar habits for many things, including bringing his own salt and pepper grinders to restaurants, because theirs are "unsanitary". Just one example.

Aww @Soupe du jour Im so sorry that you have an infestation. My fiance's mum has one too but it doesnt sound half as bad. But even that is hard to deal with, catching them, disposing of them. I couldnt handle it. Plus the faeces, yuck! Its so difficult! If its as bad as your husband is saying, maybe not a suit, but rubber gloves, a covid visor and overshoes might help appease him? Or is it the suit or nothing? I can understand his suggestion based on what youve said before about his OCD. Maybe exploring other suggestions a little more could help?
So he feels validated and that youre taking it seriously, but maybe being a little more.... realistic? (dont use that word though, it sounds invalidating doesnt it?)

Im sorry you had an argument, but glad that you made peace!

Sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs

Pinny · Feb 23, 2022, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Thanks, @Pinny!

Too much coffee (and on occasion alcohol) affects me negatively, too. It's sometimes hard not to lean on such crutches, especially the coffee when you're tired.

I think I might have made progress in encouraging a therapist for my Hubby. We'll see.

It's extremely understandable that you would have anxiety with wedding preparations added to your usual duties. I remember the mix of excitement and stress I had during my wedding prep and wedding. They always say how it's one of the more stressful things in life, despite being one of the loveliest. Do please just pace yourself with the preps.

Pinny, you are not weak! Being ill or stressed has nothing to do with weakness. I recall yesterday bringing up how strong we all are in battling a mental illness while trying to live the best life possible.

Thanks so much @soup du jour !

Youre so kind and thoughtful!
I was feeling very upset after the phone call with work and occupational health. I know its an illness but I so often dont apply that to myself even though I say it (and believe it) when speaking to others. I just feel like, maybe theyve got my diagnosis wrong and Im actually just lazy and weak

But I know that isnt the case, I just doubt it sometimes in my bad moments.

Thats excellent that you might have made progress about the therapist for your husband, how did you manage?

And yes, wedding plans, so far are going well, but becuase I have pretty bad anxiety at the moment, I dont want to talk to people... which is impossible while planning a wedding. Im feeling much more proactive today as I made a lot of progress yesterday interacting with the venue, a photographer and a band

.

Pinny · Feb 23, 2022, 06:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo

Doing pretty good today. I went to my regular doctor today and she is putting me on a new anti depressant that I start tomorrow can't remember the name though.
My daughter and started our grief share program tonight and it went pretty good.

Aww Im so glad that you were doing pretty good @otroo , I hope the new antidepressant helps and Im so glad that youre still reaching out for support in all directions to help yourself. Thats really positive!
Sending lots of hugs your way

Pinny · Feb 23, 2022, 06:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I finally turned in a 17 page comprehensive group interaction paper. Took me a lot of sweat and tears. My anxiety was crippling trying to get it done on time!

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Thats amazing work, well done!!! It can be so tough meeting deadlines when you have such bad anxiety so thats a huge step!

Pinny · Feb 23, 2022, 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@Pinny:

Hi Pinny, i'm Jane, fellow dog mom.

I took my dog thru Safety Obedience and it was hilarious but also it was pandemonium! It was so fun tho! We had eight dogs and ten adults and two kids in a medium-sized basement room. It was just a riot, all of us trying to get our dog's attention at the same time. It was really worthwhile tho as she learned her recall really well and that's so important. The other dogs were charming and delightful too and 'dog people' are good people, ipso facto. You're going to have a ball!

What kind of dog do you have? Mine is a Schnoodle, female, very gentle and snuggly and co-operative. She'll be ten this year! How time has flown!

@whatever2013
Hi Jane, thanks so much for your lovely reply. I hope thats what its like, my partner keeps reminding me that not everyone elses dogs are going to be brilliantly trained, thats why theyre in a "teenage" dog class! But I still have the fear that we will be the worst!
And thank you for reminding me, I do love 'dog people'

Aww schnoodles are so cute!!! My last dog was a mini schnauzer, he passed away last year and was 16!
I have a PBGV now, he's a rescue so is a little wild

But he's just young! Hes very loveable, playful and independent but still has this fear that grips him when there are loud noises or when people come up to speak to him too quickly.
Hes improved so much and is so much more confident now, he was terrified of everything when we first got him, I think he'd had a very difficult start to life.

Pinny · Feb 23, 2022, 06:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Thanks Jane.

One thing I've learned from all this is to keep up with those tests. As soon as your depression lifts try to get them done. If this is cancer it was caught very early because of a benign tumor on the other side of my breast that was being monitored. When I had the monitoring they found the other thing that can't stay in because it has a risk. It was a total surprise because all my monitoring of the benign mass had been so good and stable the NP had told me she expected me to be discharged from monitoring and then my mammogram showed this thing instead.

I'll be so glad when this is over but also so glad that I know I caught it before it grew too big (it's big enough to increase my risks but not huge).

It makes me a lot more willing to put up with mammograms and colonoscopies for sure.

Aww @BeyondtheRainbow I really hope the procedure goes as well as possible on thursday!! And I hope the weather stays calm enough for you to go!! What a worry that must be!

Im sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts your way!!

Pinny · Feb 23, 2022, 06:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tentoedsloth

@Pinny

I'm glad to see that you're feeling better about things but I'm still going to say it--So you're not doing everything; look at all the things you ARE doing! And that includes keeping up with posting on here.

Thanks so much @tentoedsloth , I really appreciate your kind words

Pinny · Feb 23, 2022, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

The dog training sounds like such fun I hope it will be, for both of you.

Thank you @BethRags

I hope it will too!

Im sorry to read that youve been feeling on edge and dropping things

I hope this feeling passes quickly for you!

Pinny · Feb 23, 2022, 06:37 AM

Well Im feeling better about things than I was yesterday, Ive had time to think and reflect.
Im going to try and take my dog out to be fitted for a new harness today or tomorrow. I just need to build up to it.
My anxiety is still getting the best of me at times, but Im trying not to avoid things (as this is what I tend to do, which makes things worse).

Im looking forward to seeing my pdoc next week. I think the medication addition has definitely helped. I might even see one of my friends in a couple of days, Ive been avoiding seeing anyone/cancelling plans a lot.

I hope everyone is having a lovely day/night and I hope things are going well for you all! Sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs your way!

Feb 23, 2022, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Are you in Europe, GoGo?

Oh yes, but I will not disclose where. Am a bit paranoid of being recognized. Cannot help it, but so it is!

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Bipolar check-in #62

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