Bipolar check-in #64

Pinny · Mar 30, 2022 at 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapien

My drug use really needs to stop but I feel like I can't.

Hugs for you @Sapien

Pinny · Mar 30, 2022 at 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hi all, I'm in a rush to go file stupid taxes, so I will be back later to read over all of your posts. I'm just quickly dropping by to vent. Before I vent the GREAT news is that Sidney's glucose numbers have been stable for 2 days!!!! Stable and in a good range. I have my fingers crossed and prayers said.

Now my vent. I spoke with my pdoc's very sweet nurse. I had left a message last Thursday telling her that I was having extreme anxiety and asked that she speak with the pdoc to approve a 300mg increase in Gabapentin. So 1,200 to 1,500. I finally heard back from the nurse this morning. She gave me the message from my pdoc, that b****. The pdoc said "Life has its ups and downs. I won't authorize an increase in Gabapentin."

I hate that woman. Hate her. I have to plead for her understanding. It's not right. It is sooo stressful.

I told the nurse that I increased the Gaba by 300mg. on Saturday and by Sunday the anxiety had become manageable. A "normal" anxiety. I was furious. I told the nurse that either that b**** approve the increase or I'm going to another clinic. At the age of 59 I'm fully aware that "life has its ups and downs." And at this age I have learned not to take shite sitting down. I will fight and scratch to get what I know I need. First off, if the appointment with that b**** doesn't go as I want it to I will make a LOUD complaint to her supervisor. Beyond that I will make it clear that I am dissatisfied with the clinic (they are very much in need of patients right now) and will be seeking healthcare somewhere else.

I am furious. Absolutely beside myself. I am trying to be smart about my complaints and not go crazy on someone. So, breathe. Breathe.

Thanks for listening dear ones. I would appreciate some good vibes. And if anyone has any suggestions on how to communicate with a stubborn psychiatrist, please let me know. See you after awhile.

Oh @BethRags Im so sorry, what a f****** pain in the ***** your pdoc is! Did they even listen before totally patronising and invalidating how you feel!!!??? URGH!

Im just catching up with everything that's happened for you, Im so sorry. And Im so sorry about Sid's glucose numbers too! What a shame, you've had such a rough day. Im sending you loads of hugs and positive thoughts.
And all you do in your time of need is think about others, you're such a kind hearted, lovely person!

((Covid hasn't got me down too much thank you, I think Im over the worst of the dreaded lurgy! But I have spread it to my fiancé and my sister prior to knowing about having it as they tested positive today and yesterday!

))

Anyway, I just want to say I hope things get better for you as soon as possible and that you manage to find a new pdoc!

Pinny · Mar 30, 2022 at 02:28 PM

So Ive spread my covid germs to my fiancé and to my sister. Eeek! But they're both well and have little symptoms at the moment. My sister is a heavy smoker /vaper though so I'm a little worried.

My mood is still alright, getting there but Im back to feeling very tired. Im hoping that is just the covid and not the hypersomnia.
Im having problems with my mum and dad, they're in this totally dysfunctional relationship and only see each other two or three times a year and when they do they fight and fight and fight. Its so toxic and its not good for me to be around either. My dad is home for this week and its just been awful.
Im only staying here until we find a new house as we sold our house earlier this year. But its so hard! I really appreciate the fact that they have let me stay with my dog, but they manage to make every moment some complaint about the dog ((he's not that bad, I promise)).

Anyway, you are all in my thoughts, especially if you are having a rough time just now. I hope things will get better for you! Thank you so much to you all for all of your support

Mountaindewed · Mar 30, 2022 at 02:41 PM

I took a nap for the first time since November. I tried a Coke and then realized I just wanted to take a nap. I was actually succesful and slept for about an hour. When I woke up my first thought was "I am confused" because the sun was coming in and my mom was making a lot of noise. It was not a depression nap. The only times I take naps where I am actually succesful is when something is off physically. I'll go for my blood test early in the morning.

gary290 · Mar 30, 2022 at 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

How did it go, gary?

Hi BethRags, Sorry for delay. It’s been a weird few days and I tend to isolate. Thank you for asking. There was only one aggressive driver that tailgated me on the way home. It was a good learning experience.

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Moose72 · Mar 30, 2022 at 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hi all, I'm in a rush to go file stupid taxes, so I will be back later to read over all of your posts. I'm just quickly dropping by to vent. Before I vent the GREAT news is that Sidney's glucose numbers have been stable for 2 days!!!! Stable and in a good range. I have my fingers crossed and prayers said.

Now my vent. I spoke with my pdoc's very sweet nurse. I had left a message last Thursday telling her that I was having extreme anxiety and asked that she speak with the pdoc to approve a 300mg increase in Gabapentin. So 1,200 to 1,500. I finally heard back from the nurse this morning. She gave me the message from my pdoc, that b****. The pdoc said "Life has its ups and downs. I won't authorize an increase in Gabapentin."

I hate that woman. Hate her. I have to plead for her understanding. It's not right. It is sooo stressful.

I told the nurse that I increased the Gaba by 300mg. on Saturday and by Sunday the anxiety had become manageable. A "normal" anxiety. I was furious. I told the nurse that either that b**** approve the increase or I'm going to another clinic. At the age of 59 I'm fully aware that "life has its ups and downs." And at this age I have learned not to take shite sitting down. I will fight and scratch to get what I know I need. First off, if the appointment with that b**** doesn't go as I want it to I will make a LOUD complaint to her supervisor. Beyond that I will make it clear that I am dissatisfied with the clinic (they are very much in need of patients right now) and will be seeking healthcare somewhere else.

I am furious. Absolutely beside myself. I am trying to be smart about my complaints and not go crazy on someone. So, breathe. Breathe.

Thanks for listening dear ones. I would appreciate some good vibes. And if anyone has any suggestions on how to communicate with a stubborn psychiatrist, please let me know. See you after awhile.

That's great about Sidney!

That's so frustrating about your pdoc. I have the opposite problem with mine: I ask to go off a med- like Zyprexa- and she says no. Ugh. It takes a big problem on my end to get her to take me off a med. She had upped my Seroquel to 300 last September which dried my eyes and mouth out and gave me 7 cavities at once- I couldn't wear my contacts. It took being IP to get me off the Seroquel. Now I'm on Haldol and it's working just fine.

Nammu · Mar 30, 2022 at 03:22 PM

Holy cow! I just picked up the tablets and instructions for my ambien. He actually increased it a bit but I’m supposed to cut these tiny little pills in half! They are tiny! I’ve already on my own gone down to 15 mg when he has me on 22.5 mg. Tiny doses changes. This is going to take a long time to get off of!

BeyondtheRainbow · Mar 30, 2022 at 04:38 PM

Tomorrow is my next biopsy. I'm anxious because the last time I had this type of biopsy I felt awful for days. Both doctors think I was coincidentally sick and that what I described isn't normal but it's hard to not be anxious about a repeat. Of course I'm also worried about the results. I do think that is a very normal thing of course.

I just can't wait for my surgery to be done and to move past all of this. 3 biopsies is 3 too many.

Nammu · Mar 30, 2022 at 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Tomorrow is my next biopsy. I'm anxious because the last time I had this type of biopsy I felt awful for days. Both doctors think I was coincidentally sick and that what I described isn't normal but it's hard to not be anxious about a repeat. Of course I'm also worried about the results. I do think that is a very normal thing of course.

I just can't wait for my surgery to be done and to move past all of this. 3 biopsies is 3 too many.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow. Sending healing purple sparkle ✨ rays that tomorrow goes smoothly

Sunflower123 · Mar 30, 2022 at 04:51 PM

Checking in. I’ve just come in from out in the sun. Very pleasant with a nice breeze.

I went out with friends last night for Italian. We enjoyed the pomegranate martinis so much that we retired to the bar for a few drinks and some good camaraderie. A good time was had by all. We had a designated driver and no one was three sheets to the wind. A very relaxing evening.

I went to bible study this morning. Good stuff then out to lunch with friends. I was supposed to take brother to the endocrinologist (3rd time trying) but he refused. I’ve tried for another appointment in April. I’m taking him to pain management tomorrow. That he’ll go to.

I’m doing okay. My best friend and I get closer and closer and it gets better and better. Strictly best friends but we sure do love each other. It works for us. I’m careful not to cross the line.

I made an overture to my daughter. I asked to meet half way this weekend to visit. She said she’d check her schedule. What can I say? A mother’s love.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Hugs to all

*Beth* · Mar 30, 2022 at 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Well nobody thinks I'm nuts for going after my certification, so I guess I'm doing it as soon as I get the money. I asked my boss if he'd help me prepare for it, and he said yes. He also agreed for the practice to carry the costs associated with maintaining the credentials once I get it. I don't know if this all came on because I'm been hypo, but if it is, I guess it's not a horrible idea.

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That is wonderful! Definitely go for it

*Beth* · Mar 30, 2022 at 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Well no sleep tonight this Devine night. Thought it must be near 5am, indeed it was 5:12 so got up and signed up for aqua fitness next Monday. Tried to go back to bed for an hour and a half, but no dice. Got up to watch loony tunes. Sir is very happy to have company. Filled his dishes now he’s laying at my feet. Worried about the ambien refill. I thought he said it was to be liquid to reduce it by 10%. But it was tablets and they said I couldn’t get it yet. But that it was 5mg. What I’m taking now is 10mg. That’s a 50% reduction?! Since I couldn’t get the pills , I reduced from 2 to 1.5 . He gave me 20mg to add to my 80mg latuda. I’m unsure what the hold up is but my 80mg latuda is being held up. I do so hate trying to call. It’s not like I can call him. Have to go though a switchboard. Oh this is all in a muddle.

Nammu, that all sounds like a hairball - especially on a lack of sleep. That pdocs make themselves unavailable, as if they are despots, is infuriating.

Has any of the med stuff improved today? Your Latuda, at least?

Moose72 · Mar 30, 2022 at 05:13 PM

I feel dozey. I didn't get up until 11:30 this morning and now it's only 6 and I could totally take a nap. But I'm also hungry so I think I'll eat dinner and stay up at least another couple hours.

I went out today and put my leftover cash from the trip back into my account. I also checked the mail at my mom's house: her neighbors never got the mail the whole time I was gone! The box was full! Not good. The way the box is, the lid goes up and down so when there's a significant amount of mail in there you can tell nobody's gotten the mail for days and therefore the people who live there might not be home.

Off to eat more chicken. I got one of those precooked rotisserie chickens which I rarely do. They're a tad salty but they're a decent meal.

*Beth* · Mar 30, 2022 at 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I cancelled my doctors appointment. I rescheduled it for the middle of april. I just can't emotionally deal with another doctors appointment. I'll just have to be without my zofran and I'll have to deal with it. I had therapy today. It went well but I am starting to get tired and honestly a bit hurt that she keeps being late because she goes over with her client before me yet doesn't make the time up with me. I asked her if her other clients were more important and I think she could tell by my tone I felt hurt. She said it wasn't that. She offered to let me stay later but when I got to the car it was still the regular time I get off from therapy. She also normally opens her door to her office for me but today she got up when I did then watched me walk to the door and open it and leave. It was weird. She's never done that before. I felt like she was kinda almost observing me for something. But overall it went well today I'm not sure if I'm depressed about the session or just depressed today in general. I will be making more progress today with changing my legal name. My mom has an appointment with her lawyer to go over some stuff. I have some savings bonds I got from my grandmas when I was born that I have not done anything with in 29 years. Now is the perfect time to use them since changing your name costs money.

Edit: have lost a few pounds since my last therapy session. I was wearing a T shirt and jeans today. She has never seen me without a hoodie. I talked to my mom about it just now and my mom said I looked very skinny today. Maybe my therapist is concerned I'm losing too much weight and wanted to make sure I still looked healthy?

I can certainly understand why you cancelled. Being at so many doctor appointments can be draining.

Ohhh...my therapist used to do that...she'd bring me in late and I'd have my time cut. I used to be so annoyed. One time it built up (after about a year into therapy) and I really went off on her about taking me in (15 minutes late that time) late. I screamed and cried, I was beside myself with frustration. After that, she was never more than a few minutes late.

*Beth* · Mar 30, 2022 at 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

Oh @BethRags Im so sorry, what a f****** pain in the ***** your pdoc is! Did they even listen before totally patronising and invalidating how you feel!!!??? URGH!

Im just catching up with everything that's happened for you, Im so sorry. And Im so sorry about Sid's glucose numbers too! What a shame, you've had such a rough day. Im sending you loads of hugs and positive thoughts.
And all you do in your time of need is think about others, you're such a kind hearted, lovely person!
((Covid hasn't got me down too much thank you, I think Im over the worst of the dreaded lurgy! But I have spread it to my fiancé and my sister prior to knowing about having it as they tested positive today and yesterday! ))

Anyway, I just want to say I hope things get better for you as soon as possible and that you manage to find a new pdoc!

Hi Pinny! I'm glad you've checked in, and hurrah! that the covid hasn't gotten you down too badly. I'm so sorry about your sister and your fiancee, though. Darn covid

Starting tomorrow, it may be time to increase Sidney's insulin dose by a teeny bit. Yes, her numbers are being a bit too high, but I have to remind myself that she had 2 full days of excellent numbers. So it is possible. Thank you for mentioning Sid, and for caring

*Beth* · Mar 30, 2022 at 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Tomorrow is my next biopsy. I'm anxious because the last time I had this type of biopsy I felt awful for days. Both doctors think I was coincidentally sick and that what I described isn't normal but it's hard to not be anxious about a repeat. Of course I'm also worried about the results. I do think that is a very normal thing of course.

I just can't wait for my surgery to be done and to move past all of this. 3 biopsies is 3 too many.

You are in my thoughts many times every day, Rainbow Yes, that surgery cannot come fast enough!!

Nammu · Mar 30, 2022 at 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Nammu, that all sounds like a hairball - especially on a lack of sleep. That pdocs make themselves unavailable, as if they are despots, is infuriating.

Has any of the med stuff improved today? Your Latuda, at least?

Actually he gave me more going up to 22.5 to start then decreasing it by 2.5. It will take 5 months to get off of. But the tablets are going to be a pain to cut in half as they are tiny. I had already put myself down to 15, so I added 7.5 to the rest of the week. For once I’m going to follow instructions and wean off slowly. I usually am in a big hurry to get off but this Shyte is a hard one. We’ll sort of follow instructions. I’m not starting the extra latuda until I’m below 20 mg and saving the prn for bad days as it’s also an AP. The pdoc did good, I jumped to conclusions he actually gave me two bottles. One 10 mg and one 5 mg. Gee I hope I’m making since here? I’m so tired. I can’t wait for bed tonight when I’ll sleep on his dose.

*Beth* · Mar 30, 2022 at 05:26 PM

I was up early this morning to do the basic chores and take care of the kitties. Then I decided to take ZzzQuil and sleep. I slept for 5 hours. Much needed. Desperately needed. If I could sleep for the rest of the day and night, i would. But there are things that just have to be done.

Now it's belated shower time.

Sending love vibes to each~**~**~*

P.S. Sapien, I am very concerned about you.

Nammu · Mar 30, 2022 at 05:29 PM

P.S. Beth I hope Sidney’s numbers stabilize soon.

gary290 · Mar 30, 2022 at 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi

Be careful on the roads go slow and drive in the right lane. Use your cruise control and that way you don't have to worry about getting pulled over.
good luck this afternoon.
bizi

Hi bizi! I’m sorry for the delayed response. I’ve been in a depressive episode for 4 or 5 days now.

When my wife and I were coming back from the appointment, we had an aggressive tailgater. That was pretty intense. I try to be positive and optimistic, but I really don’t want to drive again. As it
As fate would have it, I’m my wife’s driver tomorrow because she broke her foot yesterday. We both laughed at the irony. She’s doing better today but still has pain .

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Bipolar check-in #64

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Nammu Crone Member Since May 2010 Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system. Posts: 74,003 (SuperPoster!) 14 57.4k hugs given	Mar 30, 2022 at 05:29 PM #219 P.S. Beth I hope Sidney’s numbers stabilize soon. __________________ *Nammu* …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann