Bipolar check-in #64

@WindsThatBlow, you were courageous giving that job a try. I wish I had that courage. In any case, you tested it out and made a decision on your current needs.

@otroo, it's horrible how much we must be tested and hurt by losses. You've sadly been hurt too much during your only 40 something years. Hugs!

@BethRags, let's both do a rain dance! Czech Republic needs a lot, too. Our forecast calls for some, finally, but we've had our hopes disappointed many times over. My sister said she bought a rain cape for my visit to New Jersey because NJ does seem to get oodles more, and sometimes too much. I thought that purchase funny, but I'll be hoping to use it.

@Sapien, I had issues with heavy bleeding the whole time I had an IUD, to the point of needing a prescription iron supplement for anemia. It continued a bit after the removal, but did eventually calm.

@~Christina, those dental bills are a b****! One year I spent $3,000 for two root canals in my two front teeth. My husband has been procrastinating getting a crown. In the US, they quoted almost $5,000. It will be much cheaper in Czech Republic if he stops putting it off. I'm sorry that pituitary tumor is still an issue for you. Remember I used to have a small one? Mine miraculously disappeared about six months after stopping Invega, but I read that that was a rare luck. My endocrinologist said that if it grew large it would need removal. I hope it doesn't come to that for you, but the surgery he described didn't sound overly scary. Only a little.

@Miguel'smom, please stay safe.

Despite doing notably well this past year, I seem to have writer's block when it comes to my two blogs. I used to have only one blog, but recently split off the mental health posts from the travel/culinary/other ones. I haven't even been inspired to do cooking projects. What?!?!? One could think this might indicate a level of depression, but it's not. Even though I'm in a bit of a "waiting period", it's not unpleasant anymore. It's like I'm waiting for the gunshot bang at the start of a race. I wait in that starting position with some feeling of anticipation. Actually, a slightly excited one.

Ready....................Set....................[Breathing slowly starts picking up speed].................

I really wish my husband would quit buying foods that tempt me (i.e. soft pretzels). He claims to be trying to lose weight, as well. He calls me "Director of Nutrition" yet I'm not, fully. A whole soft pretzel is only marginally better for a diet than a small slice of chocolate cake. It's one of those foods people assume innocent, when it's not.

Checking in from my doctor’s waiting room. I have this appointment, errands and dinner and a movie with friends today so I’ll be on the move. The rest of the week is busy as well. Something every day. According to my plan to build my tribe, support system and social life.

I went to bed at 5:30 pm yesterday after putting out fires for brother and Mom all day. I woke up at 11:00 pm so I could work undisturbed. I got a lot done. I was pleasantly surprised when my best friend texted at 4:40 am to chat. How lovely.

I think I’m doing alright. I’m in a good mood and positive spirits today. I found out my med provider visits are being covered at 100% right now. Sweet. Too bad therapy isn’t. I also found a qualified person to give me a second opinion on my diagnosis. It will be a late April appointment.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

So my new doctor decided to add effexor to the mix, let's hope it helps. I didn't talk to her about my concerns with anything... so all meds are the same. I'll try to just accept things for what they are.

I got high (on oxy)

Today is a so-so day both mentally and weather wise. A bit warmer( finally) and partly sunny. I’m dragging cause I went down on my sleep meds. But I’m not yet going up on the latuda or taking the prn. I’m holding those in reserve for when the physical symptoms start.

Thinking of going to the $5 movies 🍿 today. There’s one that sounds fun, the lost city I think it was called. A comedy mostly. If I go to the 4pm show it should still be light out for the drive back. We’ve no movie theater here any more and have to drive east or west to go see a movie.

I slept for 12 hours last night. I wasn't feeling too good. I fell asleep at 5 and except to check the time twice I didnt wake up until 5:15AM. I never sleep 12 hours unless I'm post op or post procedure. No matter how crappy the night before was. So I'm not totally sure what was going on. Today I am still just kinda worn out but I've had coffee. I did get some essentional shopping done. Water and body wash and stuff. I got an iced coffee and now I'm doing laundry and just hanging out. I've been drinking a ton, mostly water, and using the bathroom a lot but not eating much of anything. Its just been typical of whats been happening lately. I just feel washed up and I'm hoping to get some answers later this week but I'm not 100% counting on it since my blood test is on Thursday morning and they may not get the results until Friday and then the doctor has to review it and etc etc etc.

Ready to cry, just keep me in your thoughts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom Bizi- I'm not impulsive, or psychotic ( I don't think). Maybe, I'm just a horrible person. I flipped out yesterday because I was home alone ( always a trigger for me) and kept thinking I needed to sh to calm down, because I could, and it was necessary because of my anxiety. Tonight however I recognize I'm far from stable but honestly this is the closest I've been.

Sweetie. You are NOT a horrible person. You have a mental illness. An illness. That does not make you a horrible person.

Hi all, I'm in a rush to go file stupid taxes, so I will be back later to read over all of your posts. I'm just quickly dropping by to vent. Before I vent the GREAT news is that Sidney's glucose numbers have been stable for 2 days!!!! Stable and in a good range. I have my fingers crossed and prayers said.

Now my vent. I spoke with my pdoc's very sweet nurse. I had left a message last Thursday telling her that I was having extreme anxiety and asked that she speak with the pdoc to approve a 300mg increase in Gabapentin. So 1,200 to 1,500. I finally heard back from the nurse this morning. She gave me the message from my pdoc, that b****. The pdoc said "Life has its ups and downs. I won't authorize an increase in Gabapentin."

I hate that woman. Hate her. I have to plead for her understanding. It's not right. It is sooo stressful.

I told the nurse that I increased the Gaba by 300mg. on Saturday and by Sunday the anxiety had become manageable. A "normal" anxiety. I was furious. I told the nurse that either that b**** approve the increase or I'm going to another clinic. At the age of 59 I'm fully aware that "life has its ups and downs." And at this age I have learned not to take shite sitting down. I will fight and scratch to get what I know I need. First off, if the appointment with that b**** doesn't go as I want it to I will make a LOUD complaint to her supervisor. Beyond that I will make it clear that I am dissatisfied with the clinic (they are very much in need of patients right now) and will be seeking healthcare somewhere else.

I am furious. Absolutely beside myself. I am trying to be smart about my complaints and not go crazy on someone. So, breathe. Breathe.

Thanks for listening dear ones. I would appreciate some good vibes. And if anyone has any suggestions on how to communicate with a stubborn psychiatrist, please let me know. See you after awhile.

Yeah I figured this would happen. My primary won't call in my zofran to the pharamacy because he says its been 2 months and having nausea for 2 months is not normal. So in order for him to refill it I'll need to see him. **** I just don't want to go back to the doctors again. I swear its just my anxiety or the melatonin I'm taking or something. I just get nauseated a lot I don't think it warrants a doctors visit but he won't budge. Some peoples doctors don't take them seriously because of their mental illness.. My doctors see past my mental Illness but take me a bit too seriously about my physical health and see stuff that I don't think is there. I'll have to see what I can do. Maybe I'll try going without the zofran and see how bad things really get. Or just wait until after I get my lab work from Thursday and see if theres anything to worry about from that.

Edit: I feel like if theres a legit issue going on its still with the hematricrit. But I ate 2 pieces of pizza and I feel really sick right now. So my mom is wondering if its food related. So I guess I'll go see the doctor and see if he can do a full allergy test or something. I know I have mentioned before seeming to have an issue with dairy.

Edit again: so I have an appointment for tommorow afternoon. I'm gonna look at my food log tonight to see what I eat a lot of that could be causing an issue. Overall I eat pretty healthy and I eat basically the same things. I do wish he would just give me the zofran without an appointment. Its not even a controlled substance but he said I need an appointment.

Hey BethRags, I do not have suggestions on how to communicate with a stubborn psychiatrist, I wish I did

Thanks for sharing the great news about Sidney's glucose numbers.

''life has its ups and downs''... Yeah, that's similar to what they said to me. Dismissive, invalidating, ''tantalisingly'' brief

I'm sorry that nurse is such a *****. It's hard not to hate those who are supposed to ''help'' us who are only ever harmful, I can relate.

I hate, hate, hate having to plead and beg them for some, a crumb, of understanding

Good for you for fighting and scratching to get what you know you need. I hate it that anyone has to do this!

Yes, its necessary to be smart about any complaints we make re these people. They make it so freakin hard for any of us to be ''making the best of ourselves'' in the face of their lack of respect and regard for our humanity.

Hugs and respect to you dear BethRags. I'm sending good, calm and peaceful vibes

So I'm not feeling much better. I did 3 of my activity sheets. I started my mood calendar again. Because at a least it's a way to get my feelings out. I'm hoping thing will get better but it looks grim. I've been here before though. hopefully it'll get better. I don't see pdoc for 3 months now. I have to just deal. Miguel graduates in a couple of weeks. This sucks but whatever.

I'm sorry you're not feeling much better (( hugs )) Thanks for sharing. Are the activity sheets helpful? Or the mood calender?

I think the mood calendar sounds like a good idea as a way to get feelings out.

I'm not sure it would help me much though... unless at least I had someone to share it with who wanted to know (a pdoc who listened might work I suppose).... Maybe it could though, I'd rather share it with me than with someone who didn't get me...

I can imagine that Miguel graduating in a couple of weeks must be stressful (and must suck). I'm hoping that things get better for you soon! Keep sharing, I enjoy your posts (and I know others do also)

Three months is a long time to wait for the next appointment (I won't share what the pdoc said when I asked if I could see him more often .....)

I'm sending calm and positive thoughts

The mood calendar is on my phone called Emoods. My activity sheets are from this FB group that is doing a study on mom's with "brain fog". I think it's helping I don't know. I tend to feel I have clarity when depressed which is dangerous.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear Hey BethRags, I do not have suggestions on how to communicate with a stubborn psychiatrist, I wish I did Thanks for sharing the great news about Sidney's glucose numbers. ''life has its ups and downs''... Yeah, that's similar to what they said to me. Dismissive, invalidating, ''tantalisingly'' brief I'm sorry that nurse is such a *****. It's hard not to hate those who are supposed to ''help'' us who are only ever harmful, I can relate. I hate, hate, hate having to plead and beg them for some, a crumb, of understanding Good for you for fighting and scratching to get what you know you need. I hate it that anyone has to do this! Yes, its necessary to be smart about any complaints we make re these people. They make it so freakin hard for any of us to be ''making the best of ourselves'' in the face of their lack of respect and regard for our humanity. Hugs and respect to you dear BethRags. I'm sending good, calm and peaceful vibes

Thank you, Fuzzy dear. Your post is very understanding and validating. It gives me courage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapien I got high (on oxy)

How are you feeling?


I felt high on the extra Gabapentin I took on Sunday (never felt that from Gabapentin before or since) and it felt good. I needed the mental break desperately. But I don't have addiction issues.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Today is a so-so day both mentally and weather wise. A bit warmer( finally) and partly sunny. I’m dragging cause I went down on my sleep meds. But I’m not yet going up on the latuda or taking the prn. I’m holding those in reserve for when the physical symptoms start. Thinking of going to the $5 movies 🍿 today. There’s one that sounds fun, the lost city I think it was called. A comedy mostly. If I go to the 4pm show it should still be light out for the drive back. We’ve no movie theater here any more and have to drive east or west to go see a movie.

Did you go to the movie? I love movie theatres. There's such a nice one, it's so close I can see the lights from my bedroom window, and I'd go more often if they'd show better movies

No. It was so grey and cold and windy. I just couldn’t face the 40 minutes drive and it would have been dark and raining when I came out. I didn’t go. The theater is a very nice one and have captions available, but nah. If theaters weren’t so cold I might have gone but I was cold and the thought of being cold for two hours and then driving in the dark, nope. Maybe next week if the movie is still there. Yeah not a lot of good movies playing, too many violent ones.

Tax stuff is done. Yay. I'm completely exhausted. I feel I have barely any stamina any more.

I'm burning about the situation with my psychiatrist. I have tried and tried with her and it's always the same brick wall. For one thing, we've never met in person, only by telehealth. I think that created a negative situation from the word go. I'm going to search around online this evening for psych services and see what I come up with.

Good luck Beth hope you find something good.

Good luck with finding a new pdoc BethRags

Beth, I've had really good luck with going to a large teaching hospital. I don't know how far you are from one but if it's an option it may be worth looking into. There are so many cliniciians that I think it's more likely to find someone that works for you. To be fair I followed my pdoc from private practice to the teaching hospital so some of what I like may have to do with her but I have lots of access to her (she's been amazing with communicating with me through patient portal during this breast cancer scare), I have 60 minute appointments that supplement my therapy, I always get called back if I even need to call, etc. It also is really good that there are so many doctors because second opinions are readily available, something you might benefit from. It's let me be on both Emsam and clozapine, neither commonly used much less used in conjunction. Etc. It just really works for me and might for you.