Bipolar check-in #64

I think they leaned more towards calling something on pituitary gland a adnoma maybe it has to get to a certain size and they call it a tumor ?? I dunno

I am really nervous about the root canal. I’ve never had one. I love my dentist he’s never hurt me , he gives me like 2 times the amount of novacaine than my husband lol but this oral surgeon is new to me. So yeah I’m going to be a nervous wreck. I do hope it can be completed in one visit. It’s 1.5 hours away !

Much love Fuzzy

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Originally Posted by Nammu No. It was so grey and cold and windy. I just couldn’t face the 40 minutes drive and it would have been dark and raining when I came out. I didn’t go. The theater is a very nice one and have captions available, but nah. If theaters weren’t so cold I might have gone but I was cold and the thought of being cold for two hours and then driving in the dark, nope. Maybe next week if the movie is still there. Yeah not a lot of good movies playing, too many violent ones.

Yes, the violence isn't my thing, either. I completely understand. I very, very seldom drive at night anymore. I used to enjoy night driving, but I don't now. Sometimes a warm, cozy night in is just the thing.

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Beth, I've had really good luck with going to a large teaching hospital. I don't know how far you are from one but if it's an option it may be worth looking into. There are so many cliniciians that I think it's more likely to find someone that works for you. To be fair I followed my pdoc from private practice to the teaching hospital so some of what I like may have to do with her but I have lots of access to her (she's been amazing with communicating with me through patient portal during this breast cancer scare), I have 60 minute appointments that supplement my therapy, I always get called back if I even need to call, etc. It also is really good that there are so many doctors because second opinions are readily available, something you might benefit from. It's let me be on both Emsam and clozapine, neither commonly used much less used in conjunction. Etc. It just really works for me and might for you.

I didn't see you here earlier and was wondering how you're doing tonight.

Your suggestion is excellent. When I lived in my hometown, which is a city, I went to psychiatry at a huge teaching hospital. It was fantastic. I went there for years. Then they stopped taking my insurance, but I still kept going, just not as often. I paid $90 per session out of pocket. A while after that they raised the cost to $135 per session. That was beyond what I could pay, plus I moved to a town some distance away. I so wish I still had that option, though. Something I really appreciated about the teaching hospital was that there wasn't just one person basically dictating how my whole life felt. Teaching hospitals are a team. Way too many pdocs, in my experience, are wackos who shouldn't be making decisions about patients without anyone consulting with them (the pdoc).

Anyway, I'm really glad you do go to a teaching hospital, and that your psychiatrist is so supportive with everything you're having to deal with at this time.

Thank you to each of you for your support. It sure means a lot to me!

I'm sitting here crying because Sidney's glucose number went up quite a bit this evening. 2 days of wonderful, then up. The people in the feline diabetes group assured me that it happens. I don't know, I just kind-of fell apart. But I refuse to stay down. Maybe I just needed to cry a bit.

I have been checking possible medication management situations online, and I have come up with a couple. Tomorrow I will call my health insurance and find out if they can assist me. Having a pdoc I can't trust flattens me. And my therapist is no winner lately, either. Who knows. I so dislike the clinic I go to since they changed location...maybe a better place is coming my way.

I can hear the train from my apartment. It's loud. I usually like the train horn, but sometimes lately it makes me feel so sad. Sometimes it's so hard to see a future.


Geez, I need to watch a show or something and make a change in my thoughts.

I'm wondering how Pinny is doing? I hope she checks in in (her) morning. I hope the covid hasn't got her down too badly.

Anyone using Tapatalk that can tell me how to do the @ thing ?? I’m clueless lol

Soupe yes I remember you had an Adnoma after taking Invega. It’s a good chance that mine is from Invega. It’s good to know that yours went away. If have one more fall I’m going to ask to get it down sooner.

Beth !!! Argh at your damn shyt Pdoc ! Ridiculous. I agree you need someone new. Even if she finally agrees I’d starting looking for someone new and someone you can see in person. Tele health annoys the hell out of me.

Spend almost all day on the porch ! Love the weather altho my allergies are ramping up. Bradford pear trees are gorgeous but ugh one of the worst for allergies. Oh well back on Claritin I go

Gave all 3 dogs a bath today. They are so soft and smell amazing now lol

Anyway I see Richard tomorrow and have no idea what to talk about. Something will pop up.

Hugs my friends

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((((((((((((( Beth ))))))))))))

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(((((((((((( BethRags ))))))))))

(((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))


(picture of me, right now... lol)

I have no clue about the @ thing lol (and I don't use tapatalk)

((((((Christina))))))

Thank you, as always. Your weather sounds divine. Funny, I never had allergies until I was 40. Since then, yes.

I don't use Tapatalk, but some people have been here who use the @ even without Tapatalk. I've tried it, but I can't get it to work. Wish I could.

Well nobody thinks I'm nuts for going after my certification, so I guess I'm doing it as soon as I get the money. I asked my boss if he'd help me prepare for it, and he said yes. He also agreed for the practice to carry the costs associated with maintaining the credentials once I get it. I don't know if this all came on because I'm been hypo, but if it is, I guess it's not a horrible idea.

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Well no sleep tonight this Devine night. Thought it must be near 5am, indeed it was 5:12 so got up and signed up for aqua fitness next Monday. Tried to go back to bed for an hour and a half, but no dice. Got up to watch loony tunes. Sir is very happy to have company. Filled his dishes now he’s laying at my feet. Worried about the ambien refill. I thought he said it was to be liquid to reduce it by 10%. But it was tablets and they said I couldn’t get it yet. But that it was 5mg. What I’m taking now is 10mg. That’s a 50% reduction?! Since I couldn’t get the pills , I reduced from 2 to 1.5 . He gave me 20mg to add to my 80mg latuda. I’m unsure what the hold up is but my 80mg latuda is being held up. I do so hate trying to call. It’s not like I can call him. Have to go though a switchboard. Oh this is all in a muddle.

My drug use really needs to stop but I feel like I can't.

@Sapien, I'm sad to read that you have used again. Am I mistaken, or didn't you say you had a good amount of time without, a while back? If so, I can say that "anniversaries" clean/sober can be triggers, though I don't know if it was for you.

It was one heck of a hard time for me to stop abusing alcohol. What ended up helping in the end was a decent amount of stability clocked and finally reaping the benefits of effective therapy. However, I know that it can be a Catch-22 of sorts. Instability causes relapses. Relapses cause instability. Triggers that are too strong cause both relapses and instability. Not quite ready (therapeutically) to fight the beasts well enough. But don't let these things discourage you. You can triumph. Sometimes you've got to just keep fighting and working at it. Relapses may become less frequent with time and lesser. Those improvements make stability easier. Then, you start to break the pattern. It's not too unlike the whole "kindling effect" with bipolar disorder and other conditions, like migraines or seizure disorders.

I don't like the @ feature... it feels more impersonal to me. Also I'm not tech savvy.

ETA

But it can be useful sometimes, I sometimes miss posts.

Thanks for this post Soupe, it's helpful to me. I have found that anniversaries clean/sober can be triggers for me.

Sapien, I don't have any advice. I think relapses might become less frequent or severe with time (I've sort of found this for me)

''Not quite ready (therapeutically) to fight the beasts'' - well put. Without effective therapy it is harder to become ready to fight them as effectively. (and ''bad'' therapy can be worse than ''no'' therapy, for me anyway.

I cancelled my doctors appointment. I rescheduled it for the middle of april. I just can't emotionally deal with another doctors appointment. I'll just have to be without my zofran and I'll have to deal with it. I had therapy today. It went well but I am starting to get tired and honestly a bit hurt that she keeps being late because she goes over with her client before me yet doesn't make the time up with me. I asked her if her other clients were more important and I think she could tell by my tone I felt hurt. She said it wasn't that. She offered to let me stay later but when I got to the car it was still the regular time I get off from therapy. She also normally opens her door to her office for me but today she got up when I did then watched me walk to the door and open it and leave. It was weird. She's never done that before. I felt like she was kinda almost observing me for something. But overall it went well today I'm not sure if I'm depressed about the session or just depressed today in general. I will be making more progress today with changing my legal name. My mom has an appointment with her lawyer to go over some stuff. I have some savings bonds I got from my grandmas when I was born that I have not done anything with in 29 years. Now is the perfect time to use them since changing your name costs money.

Edit: have lost a few pounds since my last therapy session. I was wearing a T shirt and jeans today. She has never seen me without a hoodie. I talked to my mom about it just now and my mom said I looked very skinny today. Maybe my therapist is concerned I'm losing too much weight and wanted to make sure I still looked healthy?

I need to take my antianxiety meds but I don't want to take more pills. I'm numb but my chest feels like it's being ripped apart. I talked to my husband last night he asked if my meds were changed. Asked me to give it time. Not lay in bed the whole day. My nephew keeps asking me if I'm okay. I keep lying. I don't have words to put to this feeling. I feel like I'm drowning and It hurts so bad I want to cry but can't. I'm trying to distract myself. I told my husband it's been weeks that I've kinda sorta believed that people can read my thoughts.

Thanks for checking in. Nah people can't read our thoughts.

I think I'm going to ask to increase my invega/decrease my zyprexa at my next appointment. It'd be nice to eventually come completely off the zyprexa and just be on invega sustenna (which hopefully by then I'll have insurance that'll cover the injection).

papa bear just said something about ''teddy bears''.....

I am trying to respond to multiple people on different sites...

I do not censor every word I say. It is NON therapeutic for ME to have to do so.

Hey Fuzzy bear! I hope you are doing as well as possible!
I completely agree, it is totally non therapeutic to have to censor yourself! Sending lots of hugs your way

I hope you find a medication regime that works for you @Sapien !

Im so sorry you're struggling @Miguel'smom , I hope things get better for you

Its totally understandable that you can't cope with another doc appointment so soon, so please don't be too hard on yourself @Mountaindewed
I hope things with your therapist go a bit better next time, Im sorry you felt that her other client was more important.
I just want to say I hope you're doing as well as possible!