Bipolar check-in #64

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I'm getting a little stressed. Too much to write about right now. We leave for the first stage of our trip early tomorrow.

Have a good flight!

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 Hello! My sister threw another fit last night. My daughter is not coming into town for Easter (I’m meeting her tomorrow) so why should I even subject myself to that nastiness? I’m seriously questioning whether I even need to be there. My sister’s behavior is just toxic and abusive. My therapist advised me to skip Easter. I had therapy today. My therapist advised me to rip the bandaid off and cut ties with my best friend (ex boyfriend). She means block him and the whole nine yards. She thinks he is manipulating and controlling me and that I’m very sweet but naive. The thought of cutting ties depresses me. She wants me to start talking to other men…platonic and romantic. I just feel queasy right now. My mood has been okay although I’m not sleeping well. Hugs to all!

Oh, wow. That's a lot. I feel so bad for you, Jennifer. I'm glad you're going to see your daughter, though. What do you think...skip Easter? What is your sister throwing fits about?

Your therapist may have some worthwhile points.


Hugs to you, too

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Oooh good grief vicious storms last night. Straight line winds probably 70 mph ! Woke this morning to find Steves hunting hut flipped over 3 times ! It’s very heavy. Thankfully no damage to our home or vehicles. We are surprised our windows didn’t blow out. Our power was out for hours ! Spring storms in middle Tennessee! Hope everyone is having a pleasant day Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yikes! Needless to say, I'm glad you're okay. I've heard about the storms and was thinking of you and Halliebeth (in Kentucky).

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Originally Posted by whatever2013 I feel a flicker of hope as i made up a new way to get some exercise: hallway walking. I did ten minutes. I also stretched thoroughly and did one push-up against the counter. I felt poisoned by all the junk i ate today. It gets me off my @$$ and gives me a break from this tiny apartment. We have a fairly long hallway plus i've always loved the carpeting out there. We'll see. (Our gym is closed to COVID and as there are ventilation concerns i don't see it opening up in the foreseeable future as fixing it will be a huge project as it is in the basement surrounded by the parking garage.) I'm overdue for a shower but didn't have the energy to do a load of laundry before so i'd have clean clothes to put on after so i just washed my hair at the sink and at least it's better. I've been watching my soap with faint enjoyment, focusing more on the faces and story rather than the clothes, bodies and decor. It's working out well. It's true that it's just about problems and i have my own share of those but at least it's other people's problems which is a minor escape. And more interesting problems! Someone has come back from the dead! @~Christina: Wow, that must have been some wild wind! Glad you're okay.

Someone has come back from the dead

The hallway walking is a terrific idea! I live upstairs and often exercise by walking around the complex, up and down stairs a few times.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 So sorry I haven’t checked in. As you can imagine, I was IP. Got out yesterday. If the first trip was an exercise in excellent care, the second was the EXACT OPPOSITE. I got threatened by a paranoid schizophrenic woman my first night there so I was sleeping facing the door with it closed so I could hear if she came in. And then somehow she became my bestie while I was in that facility. The people there were very sick, mainly psychotic, and no one really seemed to care. Sedation station, I’d say. The dr put me on 350mg regular seroquel simply because “150mg is such a small dose” in his words. Not that I needed it, just because he felt like it. When he met with me he said I should do ECT and he would transfer me to another facility, one I’ve been in before and know is very professional and offers good quality of care, so of course I said yes. No intention of doing ECT but I figured if it got me out I’d go. They helped me out. At first I was afraid I wasn’t going home at all but rather to a 30 day residential treatment facility, which I didn’t even know they had for non addict adults. But I responded well to the vraylar and the whole other mess of meds I’m on now. I’m back in my program and trying my best to remain in a good space. I started journaling in the hospital and will continue once I find the damn journal I bought years ago. It’s very pretty.

It is so good to see you. If you go back pages people were asking about you and sending you love. We were concerned.

Ugh, I'm sorry you were IP again - and that place sounds yuck. My first time IP (I was 23) there was a psychotic woman who

Possible trigger:

tried to smother me with a pillow while I was asleep. I was terrified, kicked and screamed and finally a nurse came in and pulled the woman off me.

Sometimes being IP can be restful, but so often it's at least somewhat traumatizing.

I hope you find your pretty journal.

Welcome back sorry the first hospital wasn’t a success. Are you in iOS now?

When I got out of bed this morning at 6 to do kitty care (Sid's glucose reading, feed everybody, give Sid her insulin shot) I heard what sounded like car tires swishing. I looked outside and it was raining! Oh, the scent was amazing! I was so excited with the rain that I stayed up for 2 hours. Of course, the rain stopped, but it was a tiny bit of refreshment. I took 12.5mg of Seroquel and went back to bed (I hadn't slept much)...ended up sleeping until almost 2 p.m. I feel pretty lousy. Tired and weak.

I feel stupid to keep bringing it up, but that former psychiatrist really traumatized me. I keep seeing her and hearing her in my mind. She said, "I really wonder what you'll do when you run out of medication?" Well, no problem, because I have a super nice provider who is fine about refilling meds. Yet, I can't seem to stop her voice in my mind. When I wrote the email of complaint I signed it by stating that "I look forward to a reply so I know my complaint has been taken seriously." I'm sure the supervisor will send me a letter. I'll see my therapist on Monday; maybe that will help me get the trauma out of my mind.

Sparkling little peace & love stars around all of us!**~**~***~*****

Lol, nope. But was raised Lutheran and as a small child used to believe that there was a huge stone tablet over my head that god wrote everything down that you did wrong and that one day it would fall on me and crush me to death and I’d go to hell. Needless to say I’m now anti religious lol 😂

Oh I love tortoise s, how special to have one in a dream!

Feeling real lonely lately I woke up to a dream last night and I was thinking my wife was alive I checked the whole house. I am taking a road trip here soon and I am going to do a couple thousand miles this time out. Thinking of leaving like next week like Thursday not sure of first stop of this trip yet cause I am looking at buying a new motorcycle and taking my trip on that.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Lol, nope. But was raised Lutheran and as a small child used to believe that there was a huge stone tablet over my head that god wrote everything down that you did wrong and that one day it would fall on me and crush me to death and I’d go to hell. Needless to say I’m now anti religious lol 😂 Oh I love tortoise s, how special to have one in a dream!

Oh, no! What a frightening image for a child to have

A good friend of mine owned a tortoise. He was fascinating.

The wind got up to 72Mph here but nothing compared to 97mph winds in louisville where the tornadoes were

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Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 The wind got up to 72Mph here but nothing compared to 97mph winds in louisville where the tornadoes were

But 72 mph

We're on our way to Munich, Germany. First we need to get covid PCR tests done for the flight. We'll have them done in Czech Republic at a border town, where we'll also have lunch. It's covered by our Czech insurance that way. The tests must be done within 24 hours of a flight to the US from abroad.

I feel OK right now

Have a good safe flight. ✈️ May jet lag be mild.

It was frightening

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I cant really see therapy turning out well tonight. I don't think she'll send me IP or anything but I've restricted food all day because the second anything I eat hits my lower intestines I am in a massive amount of stomach pain and nausea and I get this stupid high anxiety along with it. But if I just don't eat then I'm fine. Then I'm on such a strict routine with all my meds she's gonna tell I've come to the session completely baked. Yeah I'm just not an evening person. Hopefully she just wont say anything and I'll somewhat be able to function.

How did therapy go?

It's almost 8 a.m. and I never was able to sleep. I had to go to the grocery store, so I went early. I hope doing that and the chilly morning air has made me tired enough to sleep. None of the otc or prescription meds seem to be working anymore. When I was driving to the store I thought a cop was following me (I always drive carefully, but I figured the cop was just looking to stop someone). Turned out it was not a cop, at all. Then I thought there was a cop car parked by the curb, but it wasn't a cop car after all. Then I realized I'm loopy from no sleep. I'm going to lie doen in a bit and hope I fall asleep.

Good morning or good afternoon to all.

Aqua fitness was tough today. I registered for next week, just 10 minutes late and I’m number 6 on the waiting list! Guess it’s the small pool for me! Sucks on Mon and Friday cause that instructor teaches from the water. So you can’t see anything from the small pool and have to make it up as you go along. Wednesday s class doesn’t matter she teaches from the floor and makes sure both sides can see her.

I hate when I get paranoid like that. I think you're right- it's lack of sleep. I hope you are sleeping soundly by now!

Soup, I hope you have a good flight!

It didn't go the greatest. It just wasn't productive. I took a nap before the session started. She was on time and she could tell I was tired. I told her I'm normally asleep at this time. I kept nodding off and then jolting awake which she mostly ignored. I don't know if she knew I took my meds before the session or not. She had to do a lot of pushing which isn't normal. It wasn't helpful that my earbuds werent working so I could barely hear her.

The only time where I really was animated during the session was when we were talking about people giving me weird looks in public and not to jump to conclusions and I asked her if she had seen that coffee commercial where those snobbish hipsters gave that lady a weird look and then she shoved the whole shelf of coffee into her cart. My therapist just said "and she shoved the whole shelf of coffee into her cart..." and I said "yeah and they were steroterotypical hipsters" no one seems to have seen that one but me.

But anyways PM sessions just don't work. After I logged out I immediatly passed out until my mom banged on my door and asked if I was ok.

I don't get why my therapist can't reassure me this isn't the end of the world though? Like whats the big deal about reasssuring your client this isnt the end?

@BethRags, I also agree that no sleep can do wacky stuff to the brain. Take care until you get another good sleep in.

@Nammu, I'm sure you'll get in the aqua classes soon. There's always people who soon after stop going. You've seemed quite regular in attendance.

Thanks to all who've sent me good travel wishes! We're currently at our hotel in Munich. We fly out in the morning. We've already experienced stress. Actually Hubby even more than me. His combination of anxiety and slowness mixed with ADD stuff and likely a touch of OCD spectrum. Me, frustration and impatience dealing with his stuff and the overstimulation of crowds and travel chaos. I hope the airport isn't too crazy. I have a history of being triggered by them. Arriving at a NYC area airport doesn't help. The American TSA procedures for incoming international flight passengers are brutal since 9-11. Even towards American citizens. There's no "Welcoming Committee" at NYC area airports, by a longshot. I always feel like they treat us all like potential criminals, invaders or terrorists. With all of the covid stuff, it's harder yet. And a fear I have is that I'll run into problems relating to my last name. In the US it's "Lastname". In Czech Republic it's "Lastnameová". My covid test results and vaccine certificate say "Firstname Lastnamová". My passport is just "Firstname Lastname". Since I'm likely the only person in the world with these two names, and the photos, birthdays, and places of birth match, hopefully there won't be a problem. Hopefully! I have a picture of my marriage certificate, just in case, but unfortunately only the page in Czech. Not the translated version. As we're in Germany, wish I had the translated one.

Despite being more then halfway asleep during therapy I didn't sleep the greatest last night. I fell asleep but woke up at 7:30 because my mom was banging on my door asking if I was ok and stuff because I wasn't answering her texts. Then I didn't get back to sleep until 10. I took melatonin but spread out throughout a number of hours. I woke up throughout the night but finally woke up for good at 4:15. I feel kinda anxious today. I was reading a book from 6:30-9:30 that was discussing a lot of mental health and IP and other related stuff and some parts were pretty heavy and intense. It was a young adult book too. Those books can often be more intense then the ones they write for adults. But anyways today I just plan on doing more reading and I don't plan on going anywhere since schools are out and places are always crowded when school is out. My sister is coming over for Easter and I'm looking forward to having them over but I'm not looking forward to eating Easter dinner.

Just check'in in about the Wellbutrin. Definitely hit the spot. I'm getting things done now, actual progress. I don't know if it'll be enough to make up for past unproductiveness, but I'm definitely in the game again. Didn't expect to feel so different, so quickly. Hopefully it won't take me too far, but I've not caught myself being stupid yet, so an honestly decent mood and motivation it is for now.

That's great news, rwwff! It's good to "check in with yourself" regarding possible mood elevation, but at the same time enjoy your new stability.

Thanks. When I started there were less people. Then I took a break due to omicron and I think that’s when everyone came back.but yeah, I’m a regular.

Sorry TSA treats are own citizens like that. I’m sure that doesn’t help anything.