Bipolar check-in #64

I hope Wellbutrin works for you! I’m on it too and I think it’s really helped me!
Lots of hugs

I think things are going well. There have been a few things I’ve been avoiding so I need to try and get them done.
I think I’m coming out of my depressive episode and I’m feeling a lot better. I’m still very anxious and worried but I think that’s normal for me.
I have an appt with my pdoc next month. I’m soo glad I didn’t have to go into hospital!
I hope you’re all doing as well as possible!!

I hope anyone in the line of the storms we got tonight in Kentucky are ok!

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I'm tired of being so scared all the time. Thats how to best describe how I've been feeling lately. I'm just scared and tired all the time. I'm scared to leave my house. I'm scared the worlds going to end. And I'm just so tired and not feeling good all the time. I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm actually really crying for the first time in a couple months because I'm just so terrified of everything these days. I rescheduled my therapy appointment for tommorow evening. I'm going to see if my pdoc can see me sooner.

A lot of people are scared these days. I do hope you can see your pdoc sooner.

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Originally Posted by Pinny I think things are going well. There have been a few things I’ve been avoiding so I need to try and get them done. I think I’m coming out of my depressive episode and I’m feeling a lot better. I’m still very anxious and worried but I think that’s normal for me. I have an appt with my pdoc next month. I’m soo glad I didn’t have to go into hospital! I hope you’re all doing as well as possible!!

I truly hope you are emerging from the depressive episode. Is physio helping your leg?

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Originally Posted by tentoedsloth Hi Old Pals! I've got to tell you--this social rhythm therapy seems like the real thing. It's getting better and better. Now when I get a down mood it's just a mood, gone in an hour or two. And I'm sleeping every night. Now that I've been at it a while it takes almost no time to fall asleep. I have a schedule for all the important things: getting up, meaning getting out of bed and getting busy with something; meals and snacks; going outside; exercise; talking to people (a little hard to schedule sometimes, but I've told a few people and they are supportive). I did have a schedule for *everything* but I'm easing up on some of that and it's still good. Here's a link to Jane Pauley talking to a doctor about it. WebMD Video Interpersonal Social Rhythm Therapy I don't think the doctor says anything about blue light blocker glasses. They're a part of my routine; I put them on 2 hours before bedtime. If you're interested in this you can find more details on my separate thread about Social Rhythm Therapy.

I'm looking forward to watching the video. Won't do it tonight, but will tomorrow.

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour If we decide to drive the whole way, which I'm leaning against, we would definitely stop for a night somewhere in between. I hate to say it, but I'm not that eager to see more of Germany than what quickly passes by, likely on a high-speed autobahn. We've been throughout Germany a number of times. It does have many lovely places, but I'm hyperfocused on France. My original idea was to just explore parts of Normandy and Bretagne. Then Hubby wanted to also head down the western coast a bit as far as Bordeaux. Then he suddenly got both of us interested in maybe Alsace. We've been to Alsace and it's wonderful. We've never been to Normandy, Bretagne or Bordeaux areas. The problem is that the latter three regions are in very different parts of France. Alsace is on the eastern border, not even that far from Basel, Switzerland. So that's the conundrum. Rather than do an extreme amount of driving, I want to explore flying to maybe Basel, Switzerland, round trip, and rent a car there. For both of us, with luggage fees, that would be about $250 total (combined), plus maybe some tax and other fees. That non-stop flight only takes 90 mins from Prague.

I'm with you on the flying. I think it's a wiser and better way to travel in this case. Ha, the autobahn. I hated that thing.

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Originally Posted by Sapien So I mentioned I want to be evaluated for ADHD and my therapist told me there is one person doing all the neuropsych evaluations and she's averaging ONE PATIENT A MONTH! There's like 50 people on the waiting list too. My therapy session today was basically her asking a bunch of questions for me to get into ACT and everything's done I just am waiting to be approved for Medicaid to start it, and I haven't been denied yet so that's a good sign. This CMHC is on top of dx's more than my old one too. Last one I was just dx'd with schizophrenia but here I've got everything in my signature which I think is good because hopefully they'll be more apt to help me out with the PTSD and substance use than my old team. I'm due for an appointment with my NP soon and I'm not sure if they're going to call me or if they're waiting for me to call them. I know at my old place they would tell you a "call back day" where you could set up an appointment but I wasn't given a day to call back.

ONE person a month!!!! That's insane! Wait...what's a CMHC?

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Originally Posted by Nammu Ahh. I only had 3 hours of sleep so was awake long before my alarm. And for some reason thought I needed to get to the Y at 8. Aqua fitness doesn’t start until 9! So I sat in the hot tub waiting. I was in the small pool today as I was number 6 on the waiting list. I actually like the small pool better. The two pools are separated by glass walls and a door. The class was always overbooked so they opened the second pool for the extras. There was about 7 of us. Plus the small pool is warmer. You can see the instructor just fine though the glass. I leave about ten minutes before class is over so I can nab one of the individual dressing rooms. I’m out just as the class is over and the next person can use it. Works out great. I keep telling myself that my next class isn’t until 11:30, I don’t want to be an hour early again! 😂

Ahhhh...hot tub, small swimming pool, aqua fitness...it all sounds divine

Sorry you were an hour early, though! That would be something I'd do

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Originally Posted by Moose72 My asthma appointment went well. I got there more than an hour before I was supposed to even counting that I was supposed to be 15 minutes early anyway. The appointment itself was ok. I had to breathe in and out either quickly or for an extended amount of time into this machine with a clip on my nose to keep it uninvolved! I talked with Caleb the whole time - from the time I got to the office until I had to go in. Then I retraced my steps to my car and went home. Only thing was, I saw the exit right to my left and turned that way only to catch a sign that said no left turn! So much for logic! Seemed logical to me to head straight for the booths where you pay! Now I've been cleaning my apartment- dusting and vacuuming and mopping the kitchen and bathroom, took out the trash. I guess I'll have to throw out garbage that isn't very full on Friday- the rule is, no garbage! And I'll have to get up early to do these last-minute things because she could show up at 10 a.m.! I did take a nap today. That was nice. Tomorrow is the dentist! It's only a 10 minute drive with traffic 🚦 - 5 if I don't have to wait at that long light but I know I will. I think I will take a shower sometime before bed. I'm sticky from cleaning

I hope the dentist goes smoothly. The asthma appt. doesn't sound exactly fun, but I'm glad it went well!

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Originally Posted by rwwff Thanks all for the reassurance. Chatted with my pdoc today, no hospital talk, just adjusted my meds. Gonna give Wellbutrin a try as an addon for a couple months see if things improve. First time taking an AD other than previous use of trazadone to sleep...

Great! Let us know how it's working for you.

So tonight I am going to do my best to get into bed by 11:30. I'm going to test Sid's glucose then brush my teeth and if all goes as planned, get into bed. And I'm taking something to help sleep tonight. Not doing that "I can sleep on my own" again & stay awake all night. My legs ache so I guess I'll take Tylenol PM.

I've been redecorating my bedroom. I love nice sheets, pretty blankets, and a long dust ruffle for my bed is arriving tomorrow. Somehow the colors are coming out to be pastels, some wildflower colors (not too bright, somewhat subdued), and neutral-warm beige. Mint green frame on a nice little mirror and pastel teal fuzzy cat beds.

Nammu, have you received your bamboo blanket?

Yup, got my bamboo blanket almost immediately. There must be a supply center near me. It’s beautiful, a lavender. Silver bamboo sheets, lavender blanket and a thick white with dark blue bohemian comforter that my daughter gave me. I love it. 🥰

Oooo dreams last night. Very vivid. Had a psychiatrist teacher who collected us in a van. We studied popes. By going back in time. There was a baby female pope that the others worshiped. Was very creepy and scary. The way the old men pandered to a baby. There was creepy horror music too. Once when I was collected in the van I wasn’t ready I had no teeth. I was hiding in the back and hoping to slip home to get my teeth and at the same time trying to put notes and hand out in order. Oddly they were on cearal bags. As I was trying not to be noticed and doing this we were traveling among the popes in a large bathroom were they were going number 2.
Boy talk about a mixed bag dream! During one of my manias I studied popes and the de Medici and of course I went to college but to have it all mixed up! And no teeth!!

I'm glad things are going well for you! And I'm so glad too you did not have to go to the hospital.

I'm getting a little stressed. Too much to write about right now. We leave for the first stage of our trip early tomorrow.

I hope you get some good sleep soupe. Sleep can help the trip.

I just saw a video on Facebook that talked about the damages to the brain that people who are mentally abused have.

I'm doing better mental health wise today. If its even anything mental health related. I slept over 10 hours on my normal amount of melatonin. I woke up once at 1AM feeling uneasy but when I got up at 4:40 I felt fine. I've been getting nauseated througout the morning but saltine crackers have been helping a lot. I took a tylenol for some pain that seemed more internal then just a stomach ache type pain. That got rid of some anxiety I had. Then I took a pepcid for some heartburn I had from the coffee I drank. At this exact moment I feel fine. The only thing I ate today was 20 saltine crackers. I had a soda and an iced latte too. I'm trying to figure out if I can handle eating eggs for lunch or if that will set my stomach over the edge. I still have my therapy appointment tonight at 6 and I'm glad I slept good last night but I'm normally asleep right at 6. It was all she had though and I didn't want to get charged for cancelling. Plus 6PM therapy sounds kinda interesting. As long as I able to function and I don't fall asleep in the middle of it. At least its Zoom and I don't have to go into the office. But I don't want her making a fuss at what I have and haven't eaten today. Thats the one good thing about doing therapy at 9AM. She can't grill me on what I've eaten. Even though she still does grill me on what I've eaten for breakfast. But overall I feel ok today mental health wise but still not 100% physically.

Hello! My sister threw another fit last night. My daughter is not coming into town for Easter (I’m meeting her tomorrow) so why should I even subject myself to that nastiness? I’m seriously questioning whether I even need to be there. My sister’s behavior is just toxic and abusive. My therapist advised me to skip Easter.

I had therapy today. My therapist advised me to rip the bandaid off and cut ties with my best friend (ex boyfriend). She means block him and the whole nine yards. She thinks he is manipulating and controlling me and that I’m very sweet but naive. The thought of cutting ties depresses me. She wants me to start talking to other men…platonic and romantic. I just feel queasy right now.

My mood has been okay although I’m not sleeping well.

Hugs to all!

Back from dentist. Got X-rays and a cleaning. No flouride treatments or fillings! I went to the grocery store and remembered to get dish soap! I got a whole cooked chicken- it will be my lunch and dinner today. I also got some bagels and cream cheese and some squash and onion to saute. I think I'll saute them tomorrow after my inspection.

I cant really see therapy turning out well tonight. I don't think she'll send me IP or anything but I've restricted food all day because the second anything I eat hits my lower intestines I am in a massive amount of stomach pain and nausea and I get this stupid high anxiety along with it. But if I just don't eat then I'm fine. Then I'm on such a strict routine with all my meds she's gonna tell I've come to the session completely baked. Yeah I'm just not an evening person. Hopefully she just wont say anything and I'll somewhat be able to function.

Oooh good grief vicious storms last night. Straight line winds probably 70 mph !

Woke this morning to find Steves hunting hut flipped over 3 times ! It’s very heavy. Thankfully no damage to our home or vehicles. We are surprised our windows didn’t blow out. Our power was out for hours !

Spring storms in middle Tennessee!

Hope everyone is having a pleasant day

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I feel a flicker of hope as i made up a new way to get some exercise: hallway walking. I did ten minutes. I also stretched thoroughly and did one push-up against the counter. I felt poisoned by all the junk i ate today. It gets me off my @$$ and gives me a break from this tiny apartment. We have a fairly long hallway plus i've always loved the carpeting out there. We'll see. (Our gym is closed to COVID and as there are ventilation concerns i don't see it opening up in the foreseeable future as fixing it will be a huge project as it is in the basement surrounded by the parking garage.)

I'm overdue for a shower but didn't have the energy to do a load of laundry before so i'd have clean clothes to put on after so i just washed my hair at the sink and at least it's better.

I've been watching my soap with faint enjoyment, focusing more on the faces and story rather than the clothes, bodies and decor. It's working out well. It's true that it's just about problems and i have my own share of those but at least it's other people's problems which is a minor escape. And more interesting problems! Someone has come back from the dead!

@~Christina:

Wow, that must have been some wild wind! Glad you're okay.

So sorry I haven’t checked in. As you can imagine, I was IP. Got out yesterday. If the first trip was an exercise in excellent care, the second was the EXACT OPPOSITE. I got threatened by a paranoid schizophrenic woman my first night there so I was sleeping facing the door with it closed so I could hear if she came in. And then somehow she became my bestie while I was in that facility.

The people there were very sick, mainly psychotic, and no one really seemed to care. Sedation station, I’d say. The dr put me on 350mg regular seroquel simply because “150mg is such a small dose” in his words. Not that I needed it, just because he felt like it. When he met with me he said I should do ECT and he would transfer me to another facility, one I’ve been in before and know is very professional and offers good quality of care, so of course I said yes. No intention of doing ECT but I figured if it got me out I’d go.

They helped me out. At first I was afraid I wasn’t going home at all but rather to a 30 day residential treatment facility, which I didn’t even know they had for non addict adults. But I responded well to the vraylar and the whole other mess of meds I’m on now.

I’m back in my program and trying my best to remain in a good space. I started journaling in the hospital and will continue once I find the damn journal I bought years ago. It’s very pretty.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Yup, got my bamboo blanket almost immediately. There must be a supply center near me. It’s beautiful, a lavender. Silver bamboo sheets, lavender blanket and a thick white with dark blue bohemian comforter that my daughter gave me. I love it. 🥰 Oooo dreams last night. Very vivid. Had a psychiatrist teacher who collected us in a van. We studied popes. By going back in time. There was a baby female pope that the others worshiped. Was very creepy and scary. The way the old men pandered to a baby. There was creepy horror music too. Once when I was collected in the van I wasn’t ready I had no teeth. I was hiding in the back and hoping to slip home to get my teeth and at the same time trying to put notes and hand out in order. Oddly they were on cearal bags. As I was trying not to be noticed and doing this we were traveling among the popes in a large bathroom were they were going number 2. Boy talk about a mixed bag dream! During one of my manias I studied popes and the de Medici and of course I went to college but to have it all mixed up! And no teeth!!

Ooh, your bed colors sound lovely. That's a heckuva dream! Did you go to Catholic school? I had a wild dream last night, too. Packing to travel somewhere very special (don't know where). It was intense and there was a tortoise in the dream.