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#776
Apr 15, 2022, 09:22 PM
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Oh, good your inspection is over. Done with that hassle. Netflix is working for me (I just checked it), but that's sure annoying especially when yeah, they just raised the price.
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 bizi
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 bizi
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#777
Apr 15, 2022, 09:24 PM
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Whoa, Jane. You are way, way depressed. Still no AD? Why not?
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| bizi
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| bizi
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#778
Apr 15, 2022, 09:29 PM
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I'm going to wash the dishes, eat dinner, change my sheets, do some needed work with the book business, finish the nighttime kitty chores, take 25mg Seroquel - and hope & pray that God gives me the Passover gift of SLEEP. I wanted to watch something, but no time. My bedtime goal is 11:30. Please, please.
Peace and love all around~
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| bizi, Nammu
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| bizi, ~Christina
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#779
Apr 15, 2022, 09:37 PM
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| *Beth*, bizi
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| *Beth*, bizi
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#780
Apr 15, 2022, 09:40 PM
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Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| *Beth*, bizi
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| *Beth*, bizi
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#781
Apr 16, 2022, 01:28 AM
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Next time I write I'll be in my native home areas. We'll be tired tonight (Eastern US time), then tomorrow is already Easter. We will stop by a friend's house for brunch then have dinner with Dad, Sis, Bro, and hopefully my eldest nephew. On Wednesday the weather looks good, so we'll take Dad and Sis to the shore, boardwalk, and a seafood restaurant.
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Dx: Bipolar type 1 Psych Medications: * Tegretol XR (carbamazepine ER) 800 mg * Lamictal (lamotrigine) 150 mg * Seroquel XR (quetiapine ER) 500 mg I also take meds for blood pressure, cholesterol, and tachycardia. |
| *Beth*, Anonymous41462, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, Brentus, Nammu, Sunflower123
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| *Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, Nammu, ~Christina
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#782
Apr 16, 2022, 04:44 AM
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schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
| *Beth*
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| *Beth*
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#783
Apr 16, 2022, 05:13 AM
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Hello! I feel human again as I slept on and off most of yesterday. I really needed that although I couldn’t afford it in terms of getting ready for Easter. I’m calm this morning though and feeling strong so it’s all good. I was too sick to see my daughter yesterday so we’ll meet next Sunday instead.
My mother and brother are both in decline. I don’t know how many Easters I have left with them. I’m not going to let some controlling, aggressive hot head (my sister) keep me from Easter. I will be civil of course but I’ll not put up with nonsense. My sister brings over a meal every once in awhile and throws fits on how things are running here or when she is asked to help out like the other night when mom’s car broke down at 10:00 pm across state lines. I’m doing well with my plan of building up my life instead of putting all my eggs in one basket. I won’t or can’t take my therapist’s rather firm advice at this time. Should the friendship go south and I get hurt, that’s on me. I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all. 
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| *Beth*, Anonymous41462, bizi, Brentus, Mountaindewed, Nammu
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| *Beth*, bizi, ~Christina
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#784
Apr 16, 2022, 07:37 AM
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My anxiety is still rough. I woke up at 1 something. I screwed around a bit on amazon music, google, and youtube trying to find the name of a song that I did once know and have on an old ipod but that I no longer have. Then I watched some TV around 4. I got up to take a shower at 6. I ate 9 saltine crackers for breakfast. If I eat saltine crackers throughout the day I can at least manage my physical symptoms even if I can't manage my anxiety. I read some stuff this morning about nuclear war and other stuff I shouldn't be reading. I'll probably just read my non anxiety provoking book again all day. I'm kind of in the mood for dumplings. I may get some for lunch. I don't know what my mom has planned.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
| *Beth*, bizi
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| bizi
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#785
Apr 16, 2022, 09:56 AM
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) |
| *Beth*, bizi, Nammu
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| *Beth*, bizi
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#787
Apr 16, 2022, 11:05 AM
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Slept so good, was mostly sleeping in my dreams too. Was at a state fair/garage sale/ carnival my daughter was young, 5 maybe, and playing with a friend. I was like 9 months pregnant and sleeping on top of a train that circled around the area. I really need more dreams where I’m sleeping because I slept very well and woke refreshed.
Beth I hope you slept well too. Moose, funny how unpluging the tv worked!! Brilliant idea to try that!
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Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| *Beth*, bizi, Brentus, wildflowerchild25
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| *Beth*, bizi, wildflowerchild25, ~Christina
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#788
Apr 16, 2022, 11:27 AM
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) |
| bizi, Nammu
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| bizi
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#789
Apr 16, 2022, 11:54 AM
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Went to a Good Friday service last night. Felt so good
To be in church. I truly felt the spirit. Hoping this week goes well for all of us!
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schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
| *Beth*, Anonymous41462, bizi, Brentus, Fuzzybear, Nammu, VerMOZZica
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| *Beth*, bizi, Brentus, Fuzzybear, rwwff, ~Christina
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#790
Apr 16, 2022, 12:02 PM
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My anxiety is still super tough. I thought I was hungry so I got some egg foo young. As soon as I started eating it I got too anxious. My sister and her family came over with about 10 minutes notice. I've had the TV on all day but even that isnt helping my anxiety much. I wanted to go IP this morning but when I used my weighted blanket the feeling went away. Basically I just can't eat much of anything and I'm not sleeping very well and my anxiety is super high. None of which really warrants an IP stay I guess. I had my mom take my melatonin and geodon 80 out of my room though so I can get my med management under control. But yeah today is just really tough mental health wise for some reason.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
| *Beth*
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#791
Apr 16, 2022, 12:31 PM
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Ugh. I’m still pretty unstable. I mean I’m not in an episode thank goodness. But on the daily I never really know how it’s gonna go. I do know I have the most trouble at php because I have to do therapy that I don’t really want to do bc it’s so painful.
I’ve been having trouble falling asleep because I can’t seem to relax my body. Today I woke up early too because my damn back hurt SO MUCH. We’re getting a new mattress ASAP, this one is hard as a rock. We had a memory foam topper but that made it too soft. I need medium firm apparently. What do others do to relax before bed? I turn off the tv and my phone at 8:30-9pm but I’ll still listen to a show, just not watch because of the light. I think maybe grounding exercises might help. Just a few to calm down.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| *Beth*, Anonymous41462, Nammu
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| ~Christina
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#792
Apr 16, 2022, 12:36 PM
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
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#793
Apr 16, 2022, 02:28 PM
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@wildflowerchild25:
Funny, i have the exact same situation with my bed. Bought a mattress online that turned out to be too firm, then topped it with a slab of memory foam that turned out to be too soft. Now got rid of the memory foam and am just putting up with the mattress. I don't find it that bad after the ordeal with the memory foam. Hope you find a solution that is comfy for you. Waking up with a sore back is lousy. |
| bizi
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| bizi
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#794
Apr 16, 2022, 02:38 PM
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I kinda know how you feel, what you're going through. I started caring for my (mentally and physically ill) mom when I was 8 years old. No joke...I'd go with her to her (many) doctor's appointments, etc., etc. I made sure she was cared for. And that continued through my teens, on through my married life and while also raising my children. MOM came first. She demanded to. My 2 much older sisters were nowhere to be seen. It wasn't that I didn't love my mom, because I definitely did (and I miss her so much). But I spent my life dragging my kids along with me to take mom to appointments, hospital stays, on and on. Grocery shopping. Changin light bulbs. You name it. All of it. We'd see my sisters on holidays - but I'd be the one to make sure Mom had a nice plate of food, was comfortably seated, had her emotional needs met. Finally, when I was 38 I came unglued. My middle sister had major substance use issues and was unable to step up. But my oldest sis had a solid marriage, no money troubles, her life was secure, more so than mine. I blew up at her and told her she MUST help me with our mother. After that, she and I worked together to take care of our mom. But 4 years later, Mom had a stroke and died. To this day I hold a degree of resentment. For one thing, I had put Mom before my husband, which caused marital problems. But my mother insisted on being first. No question about it - and I was well trained. Sheesh, I didn't mean to launch into a rant. I guess I'm just saying I'm behind you - enjoy your Easter celebration and to hell with your sister's stinkin' attitude.
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| bizi, Moose72
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| bizi
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#795
Apr 16, 2022, 02:46 PM
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Relax before bed....ha, take one or another sleep med, anything I can get my hands on? Sorry, not very helpful  Turning all the bright lights off for an hour before bed helps. So I'll watch a show online, but with all the house lights off so it's nice, dark, and quiet. That does help me to relax.I, too, have mattress issues. Drives me wild. My mattress is old and too hard. So I have a mattress topper, which I like - except that the thing slides off the bed. Some mornings I wake up edging toward the floor on the slid-off mattress topper. It's very annoying. And my back constantly aches. Oh - something I just thought of. Sometimes I do lie in bed and do the "tighten - relax" technique. I start with my toes and work my way up every part of my body. Do really tight tightening, then total relaxation of each body part. I actually sometimes fall asleep before I even finish the exercise.
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Last edited by *Beth*; Apr 16, 2022 at 06:29 PM. |
| bizi, Nammu, wildflowerchild25
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#796
Apr 16, 2022, 02:47 PM
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That is the most wonderful feeling!
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| bizi, Fuzzybear
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| bizi
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#797
Apr 16, 2022, 02:49 PM
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Thank you so much  I did get to bed by 11:30, had taken 25 mg of Seroquel  , but I did sleep really well. And I had a vivid dream that I was traveling somewhere and I liked that...I may have been thinking about Soupe 
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| bizi, Nammu
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| bizi, Nammu
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#798
Apr 16, 2022, 02:50 PM
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What a smart idea! Wow, I'll remember that trick!
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| bizi
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| bizi
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#799
Apr 16, 2022, 02:58 PM
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Hey, hi again. I'm really concerned about you. I was thinking about you in the middle of the night. Jane, 70 is NOT old. My mom died at 79 and I've always thought that she died too young. Please don't ignore my concern...it's clear that you are very depressed. Clinically depressed. I think that not getting help is your depression causing you to...not reach out for the help you need. At what point do you decide to try an AD?
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| bizi, Fuzzybear
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| bizi, Moose72, Nammu
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#800
Apr 16, 2022, 03:37 PM
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I'm wondering if I am really just having severe stress and anxiety over the war. My physical issues seemed to start around the time the war started. The loss of appeite and weight loss. Then it was a few days later when my pdoc couldn't gurantee me it wasn't the end of the world and my symptoms seemed to escalate quickly after that. Then I did have the whole high blood level scare and procedure which could have rattled me as well. I'm just getting more and more scared as the war goes on and I seem to be able to tolerate saltine crackers and soda and thats it now. I have another migraine and I'm trying to drink some more water and I have an ice pack. I do have a couple doctors appointment and my therapy session next week. I see my blood doctor on Monday and then I have blood work and I am worried the level is already high again. I think its possible though I could be mainly just very scared over the war and discouraged by the lack of reassurance I'm getting about it from my support team.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
| *Beth*, rwwff
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