Bipolar check-in #64

I had severe anxiety and pain this morning. I stayed in bed a lot later then normal. I took a hot shower and then took 2 extra strength tylenol wnd a pepcid and they worked better then my valium. They are still working and are keeping my anxiety and pain away. I haven't even had my second valium. The blood doctor went ok. They kept calling other people back and my mom had to remind them I was there. It was annoying but I didn't take it personally. The doctor was nice. She was annoyed that my other doctor had me stop my injections in the first place since shes taking care of the issue. But thats their problem not mine. She told me to repeat the blood test at the end of this month and then I'd get another call to see if I'll see another procedure. I set up another ppointment with her for July. So pretty much today I feel ok after the tylenol but I haven't eaten anything besides some M&Ms and some saltine crackers and I know when I eat something thats what normally sets off my pain and my nausea. And I'm getting kinda hungry. So we'll see what happens.

My blood doctor did tell me today that the high blood level was probably why I wasn't feeling good before the procedure. So its good that a medical doctor is confirming that my symptoms are legit and I have a medical reason for feeling like this and its not just my mental health getting worse. So I wonder if the blood level is already high again. But I'll go in for bloodwork on the 29th and my primary may want some tommorow too.

I’m so happy that you had time with your sister ! What a wonderful surprise

Hope your feeling better !

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I'm kinda freaked out a bit but I don't know if I'm overeacting again. I have the pain again and I touched it and it feels like theres some kinda protuding like bulge thing. Then I weighed myself and my weight spooked me because it was super low. I'm trying not to panic because my doctors appointment is at 9:30 tommorow morning. So I am hoping to just wait because I hate the ER especially at night. If he wants to send me at 11 on a Tuesday morning thats different. But not on a Monday night. So I'm trying just to hang on until then. I have the heating pad going on high and I've taken some more tylenol and I don't have a fever.I ate a hot dog a couple hours ago. I'm pretty tired and its early but I may just try to go to bed earIy. I know I slept decently last night. I'm trying to get back on track with my meds so I can get the anxiety part under control. So far I've been succesful with taking my geodon at the correct times. Well I mean I havent taken the full 160 at one time. I've taken 100 at night and then an 80 around 2 and gotten back to sleep until 6 so I'm not up for hours like I had been.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear I know what you mean about the creepy crawly feeling. I hadn't thought of describing it that way, good description. I feel similar a lot especially in the evenings and mornings and I do not like it at all... I slept ok eventually last night (took ages to drop off)

Yes, I know that "ages to drop off" - a very good way to phrase it. I'm glad that you did eventually sleep fairly well, though

Yes, the "creepy-crawly" feeling is like a dark fog that hangs over one's head.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear I was in the chat room here yesterday for about an hour. I shared some of my personal (trauma) history. Yikes! (only to one person). Afterwards I felt more anxious and kind of drained... a bit like after a therapy session sometimes. We had a good supper last night (Easter Sunday). Rack of lamb and trifle

How lovely that you had a good Easter supper. Do you enjoy cooking, Fuzzy? Trifle sounds like something quite special...what is it?

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Things arent going too good once again. I have this pain in the middle of my stomach that came on last night along with the nausea I've had for awhile. I figured it would go away in the morning but its still there. Then I have all my normal anxiety and stuff. I see my blood doctor in a couple hours.

How was your appointment, Md?

Just got home from seeing My NP she’s back from maternity leave. The fill in one was a shyt provider.

Asked her for Ambien and she was fine about it since I only take it if I’m up for days and days. So it’s a relief knowing I’ll have it if need be.

Steve saw the Doctor today for Diabetic follow up and his A1c it’s 5.7 so excellent control.

Hope everyone’s week is off to a good start.

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Oh, I really blew it last night. I did take the ZzzQuil, I don't know if it helped or not. But I was shutting down my computer when I saw there was a video about the part Anne Boleyn had in the British Reformation. Who can resist a late-night story about Anne Boleyn? So my intended 11 o'clock bedtime turned into a 12:20 a.m. bedtime and today I feel not great. Once again, I have hope for an even earlier bedtime tonight - 10:30 would be fabulous.

I'm going to take a nice shower, wash my hair, and hopefully feel more refreshed and lively.

My son and DIL will be visiting on Monday, in 1 week. I'll be so, so happy to see them. It's been a while. After that, they're doing more traveling back to Europe. They live in San Francisco, but travel a lot.

Hugs all around~

Just need to vent Tired of this medication game and trying to find the right cocktail
I’m on Gabapentin 2x a day , Lamotrigine and Zyprexa
I feel so numb and depressed
I’m depressed and I feel drugged
I don’t have anxiety attacks which is good but I’m numb anyone else feel this way

BP1

It went fine besides the whole calling other people back before me. I didn't take it personally though. The doctor seems to have an issue with my endocrongolist but thats not my problem. I just do what I am told when I'm told by the correct doctor. I wish I could have gotten the blood work done today but they have their system.

I finally got around to getting an eye exam and picking out a new pair of glasses today. I'm near sighted and my glasses broke awhile back plus my prescription was outdated anyway. The doctor said my eyes look very healthy in the pictures from the retinal imaging they did, he didn't see any signs of anything like glaucoma or cataracts or anything which was expected because I'm just 27 years old so not really in the age range risk for any of that. These are the frames I picked out, I should be able to pick up my glasses in a week or so

I got the brown ones not the black version, because that's what they had available. Honestly there were so many nice frames I had a hard time deciding, I'm very indecisive when choosing glasses because there's so many I like

https://www.visionworks.com/og-20211...e=Black-Silver

Anyway, tomorrow I have an appointment with my therapist over video, I've been doing well so that should be an easy appointment.

Hope everyone is having a good start to the week

I had the electricians here today. For the first 90 minutes it was just me and this one guy and i made a joke and could tell he really liked it. It was sort of intimate, just he and i in my home together. When his partner showed up he started in with all these corny "dad jokes" -- like he was trying to impress me.

He's probably way younger than i and i am silly to be excited about him but i can't help it. He was really likeable and skilled and affable. I guess having a little flirtation goes a long way with me now that i am pretty much an invalid.

Anyways, it was very pleasant and i am glad to have had such a nice experience in these dark days.

I figured out my depression got so intense over the weekend because of the Easter holiday and feeling tremendously lonely and left-out. Now that it's passed i feel much better and have decided not to pursue the Wellbutrin after all and have emailed my doctor same. I just feel like being quiet and comfortably numb. I don't want any chemical joy. And neither does my wallet.

This Friday is my boyfriends birthday. I am surprising him with a pretty big gift! A Fender telecaster squire guitar! He wants an electric SO bad. I saw a mutual friend selling it for $175 which is incredibly cheap and he added in a practice amp, cable, strap and a even a stand. I hope he will love it. It is red and white. Soooooo pretty! I am also making him dinner. On our first dates we used to meet for pancakes. So I am making pancakes, sausage and fruit salad (strawberries, blueberries and grapes)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina Just got home from seeing My NP she’s back from maternity leave. The fill in one was a shyt provider. Asked her for Ambien and she was fine about it since I only take it if I’m up for days and days. So it’s a relief knowing I’ll have it if need be. Steve saw the Doctor today for Diabetic follow up and his A1c it’s 5.7 so excellent control. Hope everyone’s week is off to a good start. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

All good news! Yay!! I'm so glad your regular NP is back. Having a shyte provider is so very difficult. Now that I've found a new med provider I have feelers out for a new GP. The one I've had for 5 years, I have never clicked with her, and she's out on maternity leave...her fill-in is crappy...all-in-all, time for a new GP.

Steve's A1C is terrific!

I'm glad you have the Ambien when you need it. Not sleeping at all is BS.

Surgery is getting closer and you'd think after all the waiting I would be relatively calm about it but I'm really anxious. 6 more days. I have a feeling I'll be taking a lot of PRNs over the next week.

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013 I had the electricians here today. For the first 90 minutes it was just me and this one guy and i made a joke and could tell he really liked it. It was sort of intimate, just he and i in my home together. When his partner showed up he started in with all these corny "dad jokes" -- like he was trying to impress me. He's probably way younger than i and i am silly to be excited about him but i can't help it. He was really likeable and skilled and affable. I guess having a little flirtation goes a long way with me now that i am pretty much an invalid. Anyways, it was very pleasant and i am glad to have had such a nice experience in these dark days. I figured out my depression got so intense over the weekend because of the Easter holiday and feeling tremendously lonely and left-out. Now that it's passed i feel much better and have decided not to pursue the Wellbutrin after all and have emailed my doctor same. I just feel like being quiet and comfortably numb. I don't want any chemical joy. And neither does my wallet.

I'm so glad you had the good cheer today What a good feeling that is! The guy who does maintenance for my apartment is really nice. We're exactly the same age, so when he's in my apt. we can chat about a lot of similar memories...music and such.

I'll be honest, though. I'm not thrilled about your decision. I believe you would benefit from the Wellbutrin. I don't agree regarding "chemical joy." Treating a mental illness is just like treating a physical illness, you know that. From what I've seen over the entire winter and on into spring, you're frequently overcome with depression. Just my observation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Surgery is getting closer and you'd think after all the waiting I would be relatively calm about it but I'm really anxious. 6 more days. I have a feeling I'll be taking a lot of PRNs over the next week.

Heck, if you have 'em, take 'em. Go into surgery feeling as calm as possible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I finally got around to getting an eye exam and picking out a new pair of glasses today. I'm near sighted and my glasses broke awhile back plus my prescription was outdated anyway. The doctor said my eyes look very healthy in the pictures from the retinal imaging they did, he didn't see any signs of anything like glaucoma or cataracts or anything which was expected because I'm just 27 years old so not really in the age range risk for any of that. These are the frames I picked out, I should be able to pick up my glasses in a week or so I got the brown ones not the black version, because that's what they had available. Honestly there were so many nice frames I had a hard time deciding, I'm very indecisive when choosing glasses because there's so many I like https://www.visionworks.com/og-20211...e=Black-Silver Anyway, tomorrow I have an appointment with my therapist over video, I've been doing well so that should be an easy appointment. Hope everyone is having a good start to the week

Yay! Isn't it a good feeling to be done with a good eye exam and have new glasses on the way?! I know, there are so many frames nowadays to choose from. I wore contact lenses for most of my life. Sometimes I miss them, but my vision is horrible and got to the point at which contact lenses weren't working out anymore. Anyway, you picked a nice frame

I had an appt. scheduled with my therapist for tomorrow, but have cancelled it. I emailed my T and explained to her that I have been extremely traumatized by the psychiatrist the clinic hired. I told my T that I have been feeling fearful, self-destructive, having bad dreams, and have been having problems with rage again. I forgot to tell her that I haven't been sleeping much, some nights not at all.

Possible trigger:

I told her that I have torn the skin on my fingers so badly that there are raw places that hurt. I told her that when I received the new prescription of Gabapentin I took too many pills just to spite that bi*ch.

And so on. I miss my therapist, but I feel like since that clinic moved to a new location and expanded they just don't care about the patients like they did before.

I emailed the letter of complaint I submitted to my therapist, just so she could read it.

I miss my therapist. I'm also considering the possibility of seeing a new T at the clinic where my new PA is. It's close to my apartment and they seem to be really nice and thorough there. And the clinic is pleasant. Just some thoughts.

Well, I'm going to watch Sanditon. Kinda silly show, but easy on the mind. Not like the movie Boogie Nights that I've been watching, haha.

~**~**Love all around~**~*~

Beth

Sending well wishes to all members here.

Yesterday we visited my brother in the hospital and did various errands and took a walk. It's nice to see and hear the wildlife native to New Jersey. Though Czech Republic also has doves, they sound a bit different than the mourning doves here. Here their coo is more soothing and romantic. We also drove to my childhood home town to see the tax man who always does our US based taxes. He's an extremely lovely man, a real townie and character, who has known my family basically forever. There is a comfort in being part of a community of strong ties. Being "known".

Today we'll meet my sister and nephew for lunch, nearby. My nephew was released from the hospital (psych) yesterday. Afterwards he's doing intake at an IOP. We may also stop by my dad's assisted living facility for a brief visit and remind him about our trip to the shore tomorrow. Also, we have errands, wish to take a nature walk, then meet a good friend for dinner. The shock of all the chaos has eased and we're making the best of the situation.

I've been chowing down a lot. I need to curb it. I have also had some outbursts of mood (irritability/anger). I hope that's passed.

I’m glad things have settled a bit and are calmer. Hope the rest of your visit goes without any crisis.

My doctors appointment was kinda stupid. I got taken back immediatly which I thought was great because I was 15 minutes early. But the doctor was over an hour with one pateint and then 20 minutes with another. So I was just waiting in discomfort and annoyance for almost 1.5 hours. Finally he came in and he wasn't excatly dissmive he was just like "well your ultrasound in january was ok but I'll prescribe these 2 meds for nausea and heartburn and refer you to the gastro doctor" I've lost 10 pounds since I last saw him and he didn't really seem to think that and the pain was much of a reason to be concerned. But I still felt like sort of validated I guess. I mean he wasn't rude if thats what I'm trying to say. I just took some tylenol now and my first valium. I haven't eaten in almost 24 hours so thats why I am not out of commission and in bed. I don't feel sick until I've eaten. I had a couple iced teas and a soda though. My anxiety and also my sleep has really improved since getting back on track with my Geodon. I just have to figure out this physical stuff now.

I stopped my Klonopin last Friday (15th) to see how things are going now that I've been on 30 mg of Trintellix for a month.

Things are still the same - lots of anxiety. I'm trying to get by without the Klonopin but I don't know if I can do it longer term.