Bipolar check-in #65

I’m so glad that worked out. Most Ts would get upset. I see why you don’t want to switch.

I have my ultrasound on Tuesday. And I will then really stick up for myself then. I just don't want to go back to the ER again.

Last night was ok after I got some firmer pillows and had more support. Then I was able to breathe better and I got a pretty good nights sleep. Today its just the same swallowing thing and slight breathing thing but still not an ER issue. I don't feel too much anxiety today and my moods are stable. I have to return a shirt to Old Navy because its too big. People complain about sizes not being exclusive enough and not going up to 5XL. I just wish more stores made mens XS. Hopefully I can find the same shirt at Walmart since I liked it. Today I plan on just watching Top Model and doing laundry and crap.

I have super low energy right now and my throat is really bugging me and I ate a salad and a piece of lettuce got stuck in it. I'm super ornery about it. My valiums keep passing right through me and don't make the throat thing better one bit. I could use a nap but I want to sleep tonight. My blood pressure was like 114 over something which my mom said was normal.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 My anxiety is eating me alive. I was due to get a vaccine today and I’m totally incapacitated. I don’t know what in the world is going on with me. Ever since I STARTED and stopped that Wellbutrin, I’ve had a problem with serious anxiety. Klonopin does not help. Neither does Xanax. These med providers just don’t listen sometimes. It’s like them telling me that the Lithium was such a low dose that it wouldn’t hurt me and I have permanent kidney damage now. Give me a break. Tomorrow is our family celebration. I’m looking forward to seeing M as I said. She’s only coming for the meal then leaving so I won’t be able to visit with her much but we had a nice hour long conversation yesterday. Also Florida is coming up just me and her so there is that. I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

Seems to me that getting med providers to truly hear what we have to tell them is usually very difficult - and while I understand that psych meds are not at all easy to deal with, I don't understand why providers don't just LISTEN.

If the anxiety continues Gabapentin may be helpful. Sure helped my severe anxiety, with no noticeable side effects.

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Originally Posted by Nammu ... Oh so sweet. I just ordered bamboo PJs last night! They’ll be here Tuesday!

Oooh, let us know how you like them!

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Originally Posted by Nammu I’m so glad that worked out. Most Ts would get upset. I see why you don’t want to switch.

Exactly. She's an angel of a person. She understand, really understands, aspects of my life that no family member or therapist ever has. Of course, that's also why I spin out when she's away.

Hey, hi Sapien

How are you today? I'm feeling very concerned about you.

Ohhh today is so beautiful. The trees and flowers have budded and are growing new leaves. If it was about ten degrees cooler it would be perfect but the humidity is low so it’s quite alright. I’m watching a sad movie What Mazie Knew. About two selfish people in a custody battle between a child that gets passed around a lot. Or I should say I watch it between times of going outside to do chores. I go put the hoses out, give my back a break then wash the chairs, break, then walk the chairs around the house to the deck. As I was washing the chairs off a family of adopted kids came cycling by. They were talking to me and I said my standard, I can’t hear I’ve got to read your lips. And one of the girls started signing! How cool. It was a mum and 7 adopted kids. All preteen aged. What a nice family activity. Neither of my parents ever rode a bike.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Ohhh today is so beautiful. The trees and flowers have budded and are growing new leaves. If it was about ten degrees cooler it would be perfect but the humidity is low so it’s quite alright. I’m watching a sad movie What Mazie Knew. About two selfish people in a custody battle between a child that gets passed around a lot. Or I should say I watch it between times of going outside to do chores. I go put the hoses out, give my back a break then wash the chairs, break, then walk the chairs around the house to the deck. As I was washing the chairs off a family of adopted kids came cycling by. They were talking to me and I said my standard, I can’t hear I’ve got to read your lips. And one of the girls started signing! How cool. It was a mum and 7 adopted kids. All preteen aged. What a nice family activity. Neither of my parents ever rode a bike.

Oh, that all sounds so lovely. Well, except for the sad movie. I'm hoping David doesn't come by tonight, I want to watch a couple of "Midwife" episodes.

Today is quite beautiful, but it's getting hot. I'm giving the kitties as much time as possible relaxing on the window ledges, but once I start house work I'll need to turn the a/c on.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Last night was ok after I got some firmer pillows and had more support. Then I was able to breathe better and I got a pretty good nights sleep. Today its just the same swallowing thing and slight breathing thing but still not an ER issue. I don't feel too much anxiety today and my moods are stable. I have to return a shirt to Old Navy because its too big. People complain about sizes not being exclusive enough and not going up to 5XL. I just wish more stores made mens XS. Hopefully I can find the same shirt at Walmart since I liked it. Today I plan on just watching Top Model and doing laundry and crap.

Could the swallowing thing be GERD?

I don't know. There just feels like something is stuck right where that nodule thing is and I have all these other symptoms that arent reallt GERD related. But maybe it is. I see my gastro doctor in July.

I layed down for about half an hour this afternoon and then took some tylenol and felt a bit better so I headed over to the library and got 3 books. So hopefully reading will take my mind off things. The library is closed tommorow and I'm really tired of watching reality TV.

The tylenol helped with everything but the lump in my throat. But at least it doesn't hurt to swallow right now. I'm still just in general worn out but I think getting out of the house helped.

Does GERD give you a weird feeling in your lungs when you breathe in? I don't know. I'm wondering if its worth getting tested for covid. I don't think its likely but with all the doctors offices I've been to plus the fact that I don't wear my mask anymore, its not totally out of the question I don't think.

Thanks for the tip on Gabapentin. I’ll ask my med provider next week.

I hope you’ll get your knees evaluated. Hugs back to you. I hope your knees improve soon.

You have such a beautiful place. So peaceful. The gravel looks great!

Feeling better now - physically and anxiety wise. Had to take several Xanax but it achieved the desired results. I’m calm now. I’m about to continue getting ready for tomorrow’s celebration. I may be up all night because I am behind with everything going on but that’s okay. I am worried that I may be in deep trouble with my med provider because I quit that med without running it by her first. I just couldn’t take the insomnia, severe anxiety and bathroom trips anymore. I guess I’ll find out next week whether she dismisses me or not (yes, I’m that worried).

It’s been beautiful weather here but it gets so warm in the afternoon that I sit outside in the mornings now with my tangerine tea. Counting down the days until May 28th when the pool opens. Then I’ll really enjoy the beautiful afternoon weather. I leave for Florida on the 29th so I’ll get one float day in.

Hugs to all.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed .... Does GERD give you a weird feeling in your lungs when you breathe in? I don't know. I'm wondering if its worth getting tested for covid. I don't think its likely but with all the doctors offices I've been to plus the fact that I don't wear my mask anymore, its not totally out of the question I don't think.

Reading is a wonderful distraction. You do so much to help yourself

GERD can be incredibly miserable. I was extremely surprised to find that out. And psych meds can definitely cause GERD. Anyway, yeah...GERD can make breathing hurt, it can cause pain in your ears, chest, shoulders, back. Can make swallowing all weird. Many times someone thinks they're having a heart attack, but it's GERD.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 Feeling better now - physically and anxiety wise. Had to take several Xanax but it achieved the desired results. I’m calm now. I’m about to continue getting ready for tomorrow’s celebration. I may be up all night because I am behind with everything going on but that’s okay. I am worried that I may be in deep trouble with my med provider because I quit that med without running it by her first. I just couldn’t take the insomnia, severe anxiety and bathroom trips anymore. I guess I’ll find out next week whether she dismisses me or not (yes, I’m that worried). It’s been beautiful weather here but it gets so warm in the afternoon that I sit outside in the mornings now with my tangerine tea. Counting down the days until May 28th when the pool opens. Then I’ll really enjoy the beautiful afternoon weather. I leave for Florida on the 29th so I’ll get one float day in. Hugs to all.

I am so happy to know you're feeling better today! I totally hear you about stopping the med. I understand their need to have some control over prescribed medications, but I resent that so many med providers power trip their patients. Likely she won't dismiss you, just guilt trip you.

Ohhh, every time you mention "pool" I relax all over.

Okay! A terrific work out vacuuming, mopping, changing out the cat boxes, now I have lots of garbage and recycling to take down to the bins.

Listening to disco, wow, sure takes me right back to 1979. I was 17. Great times (as long as I wasn't at home). I wonder how many people realize that the BeeGee's are saying "What're you doing on your back, you should be dancing"? Popular music snuck some naughty lyrics in, for sure

Did I ever tell you guys that I was

Possible trigger:

raped when I was fifteen? It was a boy older than I was. The pain was so severe...I wanted to scream out, but all I could do was get tiny breaths enough to keep from completely passing out. I've never told my husband about it. David was "the first" as far as consent, and I was 18. That's all he knows. He does know about my sickening step-father's sexual abuse, though. I looked up my step-fuc"er's name online and discovered that he's dead. Thank God he can't hurt more children. I have to fight the belief that I'm just a thing to be used, a dirty ragdoll.

Okay, off to drag all the recycling down. Hugs all around.

Where's Soupe?

Oh Beth, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wish I knew what else to say. I undestand about being glad your step-father is dead; I feel the same about the world being safe from my biological father. When he died we found evidence of his desire to abuse children and women dating back to his first years teaching (yep. he was a teacher, horrifying) and continuing until the years near his death. I was glad to see that danger end and hope he hadn't successfully harmed anyone in many years.

Hugs to you.

So I found out this AM that my uncle had a “moderate” stroke LAST WEEK and nobody bothered to tell me so typical of my family to withhold information. Anyway he apparently has weakness on his left side but no speech issues. BUT he signed himself out AMA from the neuro ICU a couple of days after he was dx’ed with the stroke.

I’m wondering if alcoholism can increase risk of stroke. He’s only 64, which I’m pretty sure is on the younger side for a stroke, though I may be wrong. My grandfather had a TIA when he was in his early seventies so there’s a genetic risk factor already. My uncle is a “functional” alcoholic. Basically he’s been at his job for 30 some odd years but he’s been steadily demoted from grounds manager to his current position of custodian. I believe they are waiting for him to retire, personally. He’s been caught drinking on the job on more than one occasion in the past ten years and I think they’ve been giving him breaks because he’s worked there so long.

I also believe that now that he has to be on disability and possibly retire permanently he’ll throw caution to the wind and just drink all day every day.

I used to hate my family. I used to be furious with my mom for never bothering to get help and just neglecting us. Without my grandma we would have been removed by child services. They came to our house once because a church friend came over and our house had trash strewn literally everywhere. Garbage garbage, not just junk like there is now at her house, like food trash that was attracting bugs. My mom panicked and my grandma came down and cleaned everything up so the social worker wouldn’t see it. And I used to hate my uncle for being an asshole, and my grandpa for being so cold and uncaring toward my grandma and mom.

But now I just feel sad for them all. How miserable they must be. It’s such a sad way to live life, I know. When we went through pictures for my grandfather’s memorial service, I saw not one where he was smiling. How sad is that? And my mom has said a few times that if she ever has a potentially fatal medical emergency, don’t call EMS because she’ll be “dancing with Jesus”. She’s passively sui, my uncle is obviously miserable if he has to get drunk every day. My grandma is gripped with severe anxiety, I can hear it and see it. She’s probably down to about 100lbs, if that. Everyone is so sad and it’s so sad to watch.

I’m just glad I’m getting myself together. I’m glad I’ve made the decision not to live like that. To live for my son until I can find it within myself to live for myself as well.

That’s a fact

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Thanks so much

I agree not every improvement can be made on a home your living in. We bought this place as our last home so we are going to plug away on things here and there. I get impatient though lol

I think a lot of people are wanting to have a bit of space and your so right developers are snatching up land left and right for those McMansions. I think it’s doubtful that my area will grow much maybe way down the road.. I hope not.

Let me know how your job goes. I have to find something myself.

Hugs !

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Glad your doing better

Edit. Jennifer I just saw you other post. I’m sorry things are tough today. Is there anything I can do to help ?? Many hugs

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Glad you got your chores done. Isn’t it nice nice it’s done and you can sit back and enjoy

I’m sorry had such trauma in your life. Mine was a friend of my brothers and a Uncle. Be proud of bring strong and moving on with life. That stuff never goes away from our minds but it’s fantastic to know they are dead and burning in hell.

Do you have very far to take stuff to the bins ? I wish my town did some kind of recycling. There was one place but they closed down years ago.

How’s Sydney?

The wedding is June 1st I’m pretty excited !

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