Bipolar check-in # 66

Good morning, I got zero sleep last night, was up the whole night. It's going on 6am now. I have to go grocery shopping, exercise, and clean today. It's gonna be a long day. I'm not sure if I'm gonna do all that or just focus on cleaning today, and do the other stuff later in the week. Oddly I'm not feeling too tired.

My aunts were here at the house yesterday and between the two and my sister - they got mom packed for Florida. That was the exhausting thought for me in regards to Florida. I can pack myself. I had decided yesterday morning not to go. Sister said you’re going! So going I am. I need to do several things this morning to prepare. Hold the mail, board the dog, etc. before the internment for brother at 2.

I appreciate everybody’s kind words and support through an especially difficult time. I’m very grateful.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

It should have been a cool night last night, conductive to sleep. Instead it was muggy and quite warm. Blah 😑. This house is quite warm if there’s no strong wind. It’s mild out, maybe, 40’s - lower 50’s. I had to cancel swimming as no car. I’m nervous about my car. I hope I do hear something today. Hope they call me. I hate phone and hate having to call people. It makes me so anxious. There’s the authors talk today at the library, I’d really like to try going to that even though there’s no interpreter. It’s a good author though I’ve forgotten his name at the moment. He’s a Minnesota author. But I need a car to go.

I slept pretty good for having taken a 3 hour nap yesterday afternoon. I slept from 7-midnight and then from 2:30-6. I woke up feeling pretty good and I didn't have any kooky dreams. I found out though my sister needs a stomach biopsy unrelated to her pregnancy. They arent sure if its endometriosis or scar tissue left over from another stomach surgery she had. But it showed up in an ultrasound and they are just concerned with it as the baby is growing. My mom says nothing will happen to the baby they just have to figure out what to do. So she has a consultation with her doctor tommorow. It may just end up being nothing. So two of us need biopsies and my brother is a mess mental health wise and my 70 year old mom is trying to hold everyone together. What a mess.

We have tropical climates in the far north on the east coast and we have pretty much everything else all over the country. Usually we are a very hot country in summer but we’ve had the opposite of what you guys have been having the past 2 summers (el Nina / nino?) so we’ve had more rain and flooding than heat waves and fires but still heat in some areas. We’ve just started winter on 1st June but some areas like the far north are still reasonably hot all year around. We have frequent cyclones in 2 states and 1 territory. Occasional earthquakes. A lot of drought but the past 2yrs have helped with that. I think I see one thing that you guys seem to have a lot of that’s very rare here and would scare the crap out of me if we had them - tornados! Ah I’m talking too much again sorry. Basically when you think Australia you associate it with good weather unless you’ve been here in the past 2 years That’s climate change for ya.

Man do I never want to eat again. Nothing is helping my stomach pain. I've tried zofran and tylenol along with my valiums in case it was just anxiety. The only thing that makes a difference is Advil and I can't take that or I'll nuke my kidneys even more then they are already nuked. At this point I don't care though I just want some relief.

I got an appointment set up to see the gastro doctor next Monday. They literally had a cancellation minutes before I called. Now even water is making me nauseated. Normally I drink 3-4 bottles a day today I just drank one and it took me all day. I'm trying to let myself drink more soda so I don't get 100% dehydrated but I'm not having much luck either with that either at the moment. I just opened a can of caffeine free Coke. I think I'll skip dinner. I ate cheese and a couple little chocolate bars today, but everything just really sets my stomach off. Its worse when I'm lying on my back. I can't even comprehend Friday and the biopsy at the moment.

I had my T session a little while ago. It wasn't that helpful. Her advice was to keep doing what I'm doing and tell my NP what's been going on. I've been struggling a lot with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, SH thoughts along with thoughts of using harder drugs (no action on either though, and it slipped my mind to mention the urges to my T since our session was only 25 minutes today).
Also for some reason Microsoft Teams wasn't working right so my camera was off so my T couldn't see me. It'll be interesting to see if my NP will see my body language (or face language at least) and have a different take.

I saw my primary doctor today. It was a six months check up after my yearly last November/December. My BP was good- I'd previously had a problem with high BP. All my vitals were good and my doctor reviewed my past maladies and said everything is good now. She wants me to lose weight. Oh surprise! Eat more veggies, walk 5 times a week and she prescribed Wegovy- a weight loss drug that includes bupropion. Unfortunately the manufacturer can't keep up with demand so it's hard to get right now. I'm not even sure if my insurance will pay for it. She also wanted me to see about getting a new CPAP mask as she said they can harbor bacteria and give you lung infections. I called my CPAP provider/company and they looked up my insurance and said "Your insurance will cover a new mask once every year.". YEAR! I got my last one on October 7th- though I didn't start using it until Halloween. So I've got to get through another third of a year before I can get a new one. I don't know who decided that masks should last a year but mine is starting to leak already! I have to sleep on my back. If I lay on my side the mask leaks big time. God! I hope insurance pays for my leep procedure! Anyway, so then my Dr suggests a couple of vaccines. One for pneumonia and, because I'm 50 now, the shingles shot. They gave me one shot in each arm. They have hurt since! OUCH! Reaching above my head is a big deal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Good morning, I got zero sleep last night, was up the whole night. It's going on 6am now. I have to go grocery shopping, exercise, and clean today. It's gonna be a long day. I'm not sure if I'm gonna do all that or just focus on cleaning today, and do the other stuff later in the week. Oddly I'm not feeling too tired.

Do you know why you couldn't sleep all night? Did you try to sleep, or did you just stay up?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu It should have been a cool night last night, conductive to sleep. Instead it was muggy and quite warm. Blah 😑. This house is quite warm if there’s no strong wind. It’s mild out, maybe, 40’s - lower 50’s. I had to cancel swimming as no car. I’m nervous about my car. I hope I do hear something today. Hope they call me. I hate phone and hate having to call people. It makes me so anxious. There’s the authors talk today at the library, I’d really like to try going to that even though there’s no interpreter. It’s a good author though I’ve forgotten his name at the moment. He’s a Minnesota author. But I need a car to go.

Ohhh, I am so sorry that you're having to miss activities because of your car. That can feel very discouraging. Have you had any news yet?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I slept pretty good for having taken a 3 hour nap yesterday afternoon. I slept from 7-midnight and then from 2:30-6. I woke up feeling pretty good and I didn't have any kooky dreams. I found out though my sister needs a stomach biopsy unrelated to her pregnancy. They arent sure if its endometriosis or scar tissue left over from another stomach surgery she had. But it showed up in an ultrasound and they are just concerned with it as the baby is growing. My mom says nothing will happen to the baby they just have to figure out what to do. So she has a consultation with her doctor tommorow. It may just end up being nothing. So two of us need biopsies and my brother is a mess mental health wise and my 70 year old mom is trying to hold everyone together. What a mess.

That's a lot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by unlived We have tropical climates in the far north on the east coast and we have pretty much everything else all over the country. Usually we are a very hot country in summer but we’ve had the opposite of what you guys have been having the past 2 summers (el Nina / nino?) so we’ve had more rain and flooding than heat waves and fires but still heat in some areas. We’ve just started winter on 1st June but some areas like the far north are still reasonably hot all year around. We have frequent cyclones in 2 states and 1 territory. Occasional earthquakes. A lot of drought but the past 2yrs have helped with that. I think I see one thing that you guys seem to have a lot of that’s very rare here and would scare the crap out of me if we had them - tornados! Ah I’m talking too much again sorry. Basically when you think Australia you associate it with good weather unless you’ve been here in the past 2 years That’s climate change for ya.

Yes, climate change is a terrible, terrible occurrence. Australia sounds lovely. I hope this isn't a ridiculous question, but have you seen a koala bear?

A tornado would terrify me! We don't have them on the west coast. California has earthquakes, but at this point almost every structure is earthquake-proof. There are small ones fairly frequently. I mean, earthquakes happen every day, almost constantly, but people can only actually feel the stronger ones. I'm not particularly afraid of quakes, although the Loma Prieta earthquake in 1989 definitely was pretty horrific. A very bizarre experience.

I couldn't sleep partly because I didn't take my thorazine last night and partly because Mustachio kept me up because of her meowing (she's getting fixed next thursday)

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I had my T session a little while ago. It wasn't that helpful. Her advice was to keep doing what I'm doing and tell my NP what's been going on. I've been struggling a lot with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, SH thoughts along with thoughts of using harder drugs (no action on either though, and it slipped my mind to mention the urges to my T since our session was only 25 minutes today). Also for some reason Microsoft Teams wasn't working right so my camera was off so my T couldn't see me. It'll be interesting to see if my NP will see my body language (or face language at least) and have a different take.

25 minutes is so short. I'm not surprised that you didn't get much out of it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 I saw my primary doctor today. It was a six months check up after my yearly last November/December. My BP was good- I'd previously had a problem with high BP. All my vitals were good and my doctor reviewed my past maladies and said everything is good now. She wants me to lose weight. Oh surprise! Eat more veggies, walk 5 times a week and she prescribed Wegovy- a weight loss drug that includes bupropion. Unfortunately the manufacturer can't keep up with demand so it's hard to get right now. I'm not even sure if my insurance will pay for it. She also wanted me to see about getting a new CPAP mask as she said they can harbor bacteria and give you lung infections. I called my CPAP provider/company and they looked up my insurance and said "Your insurance will cover a new mask once every year.". YEAR! I got my last one on October 7th- though I didn't start using it until Halloween. So I've got to get through another third of a year before I can get a new one. I don't know who decided that masks should last a year but mine is starting to leak already! I have to sleep on my back. If I lay on my side the mask leaks big time. God! I hope insurance pays for my leep procedure! Anyway, so then my Dr suggests a couple of vaccines. One for pneumonia and, because I'm 50 now, the shingles shot. They gave me one shot in each arm. They have hurt since! OUCH! Reaching above my head is a big deal.

I had the Shingrix shots and it was the only time I had side effects from a vaccine. Not terrible, but I felt flu-ish for a few hours.

I finally answered your DM.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I couldn't sleep partly because I didn't take my thorazine last night and partly because Mustachio kept me up because of her meowing (she's getting fixed next thursday)

Seems she's in heat. Female cats are actually in pain when they're in heat. It will be wonderful when she's spayed!

Was there a specific reason you didn't take your thorazine, or did you forget?

Yes she is, I feel bad for her, I'm glad she's getting spayed next week

I didn't want to take it, I'm not sure why, I decided I was gonna stop it but I am thinking that is a bad idea now

I called him at 1pm and he said they need a part for the computer. I caught him at a bad time though and he was supposed to call back, but didn’t. It’s been 5 days! and I’m supposed to go in Wednesday for my fitness evaluation and to re sign up for my fitness class. (It’s sponsored by the state free for all seniors but of course that means paperwork. So every 16 weeks we have evaluations on things like balance and standing on one leg. ) both my daughter and my nephew said to let us know if we need to get groceries and I’m about to take them up on it cause, cheese 🧀 and yogurt.

I have two mangoes in the fridge, thinking of cutting one up so I can have some. Mango is one of my favorite fruits but I hardly ever have it

Mango is good, it’s one of the few fruits I like.

Yeah I have to get one of them again but not until the Fall?? Or maybe December? Is the shingles shot a 2 dose one? Right now I feel hot but maybe that's just a hot flash. edit: just took my temp. The thermometer made the fast fever beep but it was only 99.5.

I got your DM and wrote you back! I tried changing the color but it didn't work.

I am bone deep weary and my eyes burn but it’s done. It was beautiful weather and a beautiful internment service. We did right by my brother. I don’t know yet whether I can go to Florida or not. I’m too exhausted tonight to pack. I may decide to stay home. We’ll see in the morning.

I hope everyone has a peaceful night. Hugs to all.

Get some deep, healing rest!

Take care and get some rest Jennifer